27. Cassie
27
CASSIE
B ridget sashayed into the restaurant like she was walking down a runway. She’d been like this all week, her energy blossoming as we got closer to the engagement party the next evening. I was folding linens and making small talk with Fatima, who was helping set up for the day ahead.
“Cassie, can I please see you in my office?” Bridget asked, getting right to the point. She turned quickly, heading down the hallway without waiting for a response.
My shoulders slumped, thinking the old Bridget was back, and I stalked behind my boss, shutting the door to the office after I was inside.
Once we were both seated, Bridget pursed her lips and gave me a smirk. “You know you don’t have to be nervous. We are friends now, right? You don’t have to be afraid of me. I don’t bite.” Bridget corrected herself, “I wouldn’t bite you.” She winked, leaning back in her chair.
I laughed, uncomfortably. I wouldn’t go so far as to call Bridget my friend, but over the last few days, she definitely had been a lot nicer to me than she had been initially. I liked the idea of having a friend outside of Audrey, someone to have in my corner, so I had been making an effort to get to know Bridget, to try to push away doubts about whether she was being genuine. No matter if we were starting to be friendly or not, I didn’t want to hear about her escapades with Holden or whoever the hell she was biting.
“Can I ask you something?” I implored. I didn’t want to poke the bear, but I had to know, my curiosity not allowing me not to ask.
Bridget nodded, motioning for me to continue.
“Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong, but I really don’t understand what changed. I actually thought you hated me, to be honest,” I blurted, deciding it was better to speak candidly.
Bridget stood up from her chair and walked around the desk to sit next to me, laughing as she settled into her seat. I looked at her questioningly, prompting her to answer.
“I never hated you, Cassie.” Bridget paused. “I was scared of you if I’m being honest.”
“Me?” I squeaked out, making a face, not believing what Bridget was saying.
“Yes, you,” she confirmed, adjusting her body in the chair. “You scared me because aside from Audrey, you were the only other person who wasn’t petrified of me. And that scared me. I’ve worked my whole life to get to where I am. I never really relished in the company of others. Not that I didn’t want to. I just didn’t have time. In school, I wasn’t popular. I baked and tested recipes while my friends were partying. My exes were bleak, colorless. They were basically male versions of me. Unable to let loose or separate personal life from professional life. When I met Holden, he turned my whole world upside down.” Bridget stood up, massaging her back with her palm.
She looked at me as I listened intently, and Bridget smiled. “Holden brought me to life. I didn’t think I could love someone so much and so quickly. But when it hits you, it hits you, you know?”
I had tears in my eyes because I did know. I had found that kind of love once.
“Oh fuck! I’m so sorry. Matthew. You clearly do know.” Bridget grimaced.
I waved her off. “It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m fine.”
Bridget gave me a pointed look. “Bullshit.”
I shook my head, looking around the room, feeling the walls start to close in on me. My hands shook more than usual, anxiety welling up in my chest, my breathing becoming thready. Fuck, I didn’t want to have a panic attack. Not here.
“Can I have some water?” I croaked, attempting to regulate myself.
Bridget walked over to her mini fridge, grabbed a bottle of Evian, opened the cap, and passed it to me.
I gulped and gulped, and Bridget looked at me wide-eyed as I downed the whole bottle in one shot.
“Thanks,” I whispered, warding the panic away.
“Cassie, I’m going to ask you something, and you don’t have to say yes, but I’d really like you to consider it. Would you come to my engagement party?”
I bit down on my lip, contemplating what Bridget had requested. I knew Audrey was going to the party. Bridget had asked her at the bar after my art show. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew full well that Matthew was attending—he was best friends with Holden, so of course he would be there. “Bridget, I don’t?—"
I was about to decline, but Bridget cut me off. “Don’t say no just yet.” She looked down at her watch. “How about I leave a chair open for you just in case?”
I opened my mouth to protest.
“Away from Matthew and next to Audrey and Fatima,” Bridget reassured, waking over to her office door, grabbing the handle to turn it. “Now get back to work.”
I widened my eyes at Bridget’s brashness.
“Don’t think I’m going soft just because we’re friends!” she called after me.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come? I ironed that pretty jumpsuit I bought for you last year at Macy’s,” Audrey insisted, finishing applying her lipstick in the bathroom mirror before walking out to the living room.
I stood by the doorway to the apartment, Audrey’s shawl draped over my arm, ready to send her off.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t considered going to Bridget and Holden’s engagement party—I had—but it was not my time to change my story. I had the chance, and I’d fucked it up.
“Have a good time. Give the lovebirds my best.” I wrapped Audrey in the shawl, gave her a tight squeeze, and opened the front door. After a quick goodbye, I closed the apartment door and headed to the kitchen to grab some of the chips I usually had to hide from Audrey.
The night droned on, and I sat on the couch channel surfing, shifting ever so often since I couldn’t seem to get comfortable. Every time I thought I could relax, I felt a knot in my stomach. It was like my body knew I wasn’t meant to be sitting in the apartment right now. No, I was supposed to be at the restaurant.
I wanted to attend, just let it all go and be free with how I wanted to continue my life. I yearned to stop pretending. To just stop all this madness. Everything was so out of hand I couldn't distinguish what was real from what was fake. Couldn’t decide if I had been trying to protect myself or Matthew more. If that was why the lie fell so easily from my lips. How long could I go on lying—to myself, to others? It was all just so messed up. One big mess.
The only way I could fix this was to finally get out in front of it. Matthew was the only person who would ever truly know me. Our childhood wounds wrapped around us so tightly that you couldn’t figure where I began and he ended. Healthy, probably not? But love? It was always love. It just had gotten convoluted along the way. People and forces got in our way and pushed us off the only path we were meant to be on.
I looked over at Oreo, who came over tail in hand, so to speak, and sat on my lap, calmly purring. It was as though he was approving of my sudden bravery.
Now the question was whether I was courageous enough to finally stop running and face myself. I grabbed Oreo and moved him so that I could stand and put my shoes on, not even bothering changing out of my jeans and long-sleeved t-shirt.
Hopefully I wasn’t too late.