28. Matthew
28
MATTHEW
“ B ourbon, neat,” I ordered, smirking a hello to Audrey, who was leaning against the bar, making a face as she sipped the drink in her hand.
“Matthew.” Audrey smiled at me. “She told me about the tattoos, you know.” She took another sip of her drink before placing it on the bar.
I cupped the back of my neck with my hand. “She did?” I asked, sheepishly.
Audrey squeezed my arm. “What a beautiful gesture.” She smiled sympathetically.
“Thanks,” I said, looking around the crowded room. I moved to go say hello to Holden, suddenly uncomfortable.
“Wait!” she said as I turned back around. “Do you still have the cemetery's number?”
I nodded, pulled out my phone, and began rattling off the phone number. Audrey keyed in the digits into her phone. “Thank you, Matthew.” Audrey looked at me with tears in her eyes, opening her mouth to say something but instead she shook her head.
“Sure.” I nodded, sincerely wanting her to get the closure I wasn’t afforded.
“You’re a good man,” Audrey whispered and moved toward the door. “If anybody asks, I went to get some air.”
The guests laughed and drank, celebrating Holden and Bridget’s whirlwind romance. I sat next to Silas, across from Holden and Bridget who stopped to make out every five minutes.
I looked around the restaurant for Audrey, hoping she was okay after asking for the cemetery’s number. I’d contemplated many avenues in order to reunite her with her daughter’s final resting place, but ultimately, I knew redemption was a solo mission. Even if you failed, as I felt I did.
After a second scan of the room, I spotted Audrey heading to the women’s restroom. I wished for her story to end more positively than my own.
“Speech, speech,” Holden chanted at me. I looked over at my best friend, puzzled.
“You’re my best man. You need to give a speech,” Holden demanded, taking a piece of bread and shoving it into his mouth. Etiquette was never Holden’s forte.
“I’m your best man?” I asked. I wasn’t surprised, but I had thought Holden would have at least asked me instead of telling me.
Who was I kidding? This was classic Holden.
I looked over Holden incredulously but stood up. I grabbed a champagne flute from a passing waiter and gathered my thoughts. I took a deep breath.
Here goes nothing .
I gently tapped my glass with a knife off the table and waited until the room quieted down. All eyes were on me. I felt the pressure mount so I looked down at Bridget and Holden. Bridget narrowed her eyes at me, giving a warning of sorts, while Holden patiently waited on what I was going to say. We’d all be surprised because I had no clue.
“Good evening, I’m Matthew Adams. I’ve been Holden’s best friend since childhood, and apparently, I’m also his best man.” That honest candor earned me a few chuckles.
“All jokes aside. When I first met Bridget, if I’m being honest, I was skeptical of her relationship with Holden and questioned if they were meant to be. Bridget’s a respected businesswoman, and Holden’s … Holden. Kidding, sort of.” I tilted my head, biting back a snort. I needed to do this for my friend—Holden was always there for me. He deserved this. Even Bridget was growing on me.
“But after spending time with the pair, I realized that sure it’s soon and they both probably have a ton of obstacles ahead of them, but in love, you need to be fearless and completely and utterly real. The fears, the noise—it all doesn’t matter at the end of the day. What matters is that two people were brave enough to be true to themselves, and each other, and surrender to their fears in order to come together fully. To support one another unconditionally, through the good times and the bad ones. To stand beside each other until they are no longer afraid anymore. Bridget and Holden, I wish you a lifetime of being real. To Bridget and Holden.” I raised my glass, looking up from a crying Holden to come eye to eye with the lone figure standing by the front door. There stood my real. My Cassie. Wide-eyed and stunned by my impromptu speech about everlasting love.
She watched as Bridget and Holden embraced me, but my eyes didn’t move from hers. Cassie shuffled as though she was uncomfortable under my unrelenting gaze. I knew her well enough to know she was going to bolt.
Cassie lingered for one moment before she turned and ducked out the door behind her.
I was used to her running. She was like a skittish cat, always taking off. Sure, she could just be here to celebrate her boss, but something told me to follow her. I exited the restaurant, taking a deep breath. I crept closely behind her retreating form, mainly wanting to make sure she was okay. She shouldn't be alone on this dark and gloomy night. I peered up at the dark clouds filling the sky, taking in the way the air felt heavy. A storm was coming.
Wordlessly, I observed Cassie as her body blanched, taking in how she pressed her palm on the side wall of the restaurant, stumbling as she walked along the sidewalk. She leaned against the facade of the building, facing the taxis and cars passing by. Cassie threw her hands up to cover her face.
“Cassie?” I called out to her, holding the door to the restaurant open, unsure if she wanted company.
“What, Matthew? Just leave,” Cassie begged. “You should leave.”
I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me since her face was still in her hands. The sky darkened even more, the clouds growing in number, and thunder rumbled a little ways away.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seem pretty upset.” I shut the door behind me, stepping forward but maintaining a healthy distance, not wanting to cross her obvious boundaries.
A couple holding hands passed by us hurriedly, trying to beat the impending storm. Their fingers threaded together tightly as they sped along, and I couldn’t help but wish I could do the same with the beautiful woman in front of me.
“I can’t do this anymore, Matthew,” Cassie expressed as the couple passed, her voice cracking as she spoke my name.
“Do what?” I implored, moving a little closer but still not close enough to touch her.
“Pretend,” she said, simply, her voice hoarse from crying.
“Pretend?” I broached hesitantly. I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment yet again. After all, I’d been rejected by her at every turn since we were reunited a few weeks ago.
“I’m exhausted. So fucking tired of all of this pretending.”
“What are you pretending about?” I asked, searching her face for answers.
“I can’t stand here and pretend we don’t have history. I can’t pretend it doesn’t kill me to see you and not talk to you. I can’t pretend I don’t love you when I do—I always have. I can’t pretend anymore.” Cassie sobbed, slowly peeking her head up as she blurted out her confession. She wiped her nose and finally looked into my eyes once more.
I hoped she recognized the look in my eyes. It was the same look I’d given her since I could comprehend what it meant—love.