Chapter 8 I Love You, But Right Now I Hate You More
I Love You, But Right Now I Hate You More
Charlie | The Past
I never intended to sit out here with him while he faced our parents. But when I caught the storm of panic, terror, and pain flicker across his face, leaving him to face it alone was never an option.
I didn't make him tell our parents out of spite or cruelty. There was only one reason I pushed for it.
Keaton holds our fathers in such high regard, and I know he’ll need an ally. I’m not naive. He and Rianna will be outnumbered, especially with David firmly on my side.
It’s the last thing I want. Keaton broke me in ways I may never mend, but we’ve shared a lifetime of memories since childhood. No matter how desperately I wish I could erase them, they cling to me. Memories and feelings don’t vanish with a snap.
Or obviously at the sight of your boyfriend shoving his bare dick into someone else's nasty snatch.
I clamp my eyes shut, forcing myself to breathe through the ache. Once I’ve locked that vision away in the deepest vault of my mind, I open my eyes and stare into the fire.
The bright orange flames twist and writhe in a wild, chaotic dance. Beautiful, but deadly—a force that can erase everything in its path in mere seconds.
A lot like love, really.
"Dad," Keaton whispers.
His agony slices through me, and I curl tighter into myself, hugging my knees as if my arms could shield me from the misery swirling between us.
Tears streak down my face as I rest my cheek on my knees, watching Keaton wrestle with the words he owes his father.
If he’s in so much pain now, why did he do it? Is it regret, or just regret at being caught? Did he ever love her, or was it just a reckless gamble? Something must have pulled him in—why else risk everything?
"What's going on, son?" Chester's voice is gruff and full of sadness, like he already knows what we have lost tonight. "Where's Charlie? Can I talk to her since you're having trouble?"
Keaton glances at me and flinches at the sight of my tears. I stay silent, offering neither answers nor demands. I hold his gaze, making it clear the next move is his.
I chose to call the parents. I refused to shoulder the burden of explaining his actions when the questions inevitably came. This was one decision I wouldn’t let him take from me. Maybe it wasn’t right, but I’d do it again. With so little in my control, this was something I could claim.
Right now, I needed to hold on to any scrap of control I could find.
But this choice is his. Will he hand me the phone and force me to relive the pain, or will he finally own up to the choice that shattered us?
Keaton sinks down beside me, searching for comfort I no longer have to give.
I dig my nails into my legs, anchoring myself. I refuse to let him drive me away.
I turn back to the fire, listening as he finally chooses which path to take.
"Can you get Mom? I've only got it in me to tell you this story once, because I still have to call Claudia and Martin."
There are a few minutes of shuffling and some muffled words before the line clears and his dad lets us know that they're both on the line.
"I fucked up," Keaton whispers.
Chester sighs. "Tell me you didn't do what I think you did, Keaton."
"I cheated on her with Rianna."
His dad grunts, as if Keaton’s confession punched the air from his lungs, while his mom lets out a soft, broken cry. Silence falls, broken only by the fire’s crackle and Keaton’s muffled sniffles as we wait for his parents to absorb the blow.
"What were you thinking, Keaton James?" Norma cries.
Keaton’s shoulders tremble, and despite everything in me screaming not to, I reach out and let my fingers barely graze his shoulder. It’s the gentlest touch, all I can manage without getting sick again. I can’t just watch someone suffer, even if he’s the one who tore me apart.
He didn't seem to have an issue doing it to you, Charlie.
When he turns those hopeful eyes on me, I snatch my hand away and hug my leg, fixing my gaze on the fire once more.
"I wasn't, mama."
No shit.
"I'm not going to tell you this is okay.
You screwed up catastrophically, but something tells me you already know that.
" Chester lets out an angry growl. "Fuck, son. I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” This time, his growl is full of disgust. “I won't berate you because that won't teach you anything.
You're not a little child anymore. You're twenty-two now, which means you're an adult and know right from wrong.
What I am going to say is that we raised you better than this.
I thought we taught you the correct way to love and how to respect the sanctity of your relationship and, eventually, your marriage. "
"You d—"
"Do not interrupt me," Chester snaps before softening his voice. "I don't know what happened, and I don't need the full story right this second, but you're going to have to go over it with me, Keaton. I can't be part of your conversation if I don't know where to start."
This is what happens when you love someone you’ve known forever, whose parents are woven into your own life. The pain doesn’t just stop with your partner.
Right now, I’d give anything for one of my mom’s hugs.
"I don't even know where to start, Dad," Keaton admits in a quiet, broken voice.
"We'll get you there, Kea, but you've got a lot of work ahead of you."
"I know."
"No, son, I don't think you do," Norma chimes in softly. "This is big, baby boy, and you have to accept that even if you work on it, you might not get the outcome you desire. And I'm telling you now, we will not take sides because we love you both."
"You should. You should take her side because I don't deserve you to have mine."
My chest tightens, and I squeeze my legs tighter, hoping to stop the pain.
"Keaton James Carr, never let me hear you say you don't deserve for your parents to be at your back.
You are our son. Charlie is our daughter.
That isn't ever going to change, no matter how disappointed and angry we are with you.
We're here for both of you, but let me be perfectly clear. We are on her side."
"I love you, Mom," he whispers.
There's a mixture of anger and sadness that's clear in Norma's sigh. "I love you too, my boy. Charlie?"
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and lift my head. "Ma'am?"
"Love you, beautiful girl," she says so softly that it pierces my heart, and tendrils of warmth slip through my cold body.
"I love you too."
For a while, I lose myself in the flames, which now feel like the ashes of my life with Keaton. I’d sit here forever if the fire could tell me where it all unraveled.
How did I miss the moment Keaton slipped out of our relationship and into hers? Was I so buried in work and school that I went blind to the truth? Did I pull away when she reappeared in our lives?
"There's one last thing I want to say before we get off here," Chester says.
"Nothing you do in this life is ever going to change the fact that you're our son.
We may not like the choices you make, but it's our job to gently steer you in the right direction.
This is a decision I never thought we'd be having to help guide you through.
Keaton, son, it breaks my heart to say this, but I am so damn disappointed in you. "
Chester’s quiet words slice into Keaton like a fresh blade, leaving him raw and exposed. He’s never heard disappointment from someone he loves so much, and it finally dawns on him just how deep his betrayal runs.
"My Charlie girl?"
"Yeah, pops?"
"I love you. Grab a hold of that strength you have inside of you and hold the hell on. The days will get a lot darker before the sun finally lights the way again."
We sit in silence on the cool ground, the orange firelight flickering across our skin as we brace ourselves for the next call.
"Char?"
I keep my gaze locked on the fire, unwilling to look at him a second longer than I have to.
His hips thrust against hers.
I drop my eyes to my hands, staring at my left one. There should have been a ring there someday.
His voice telling her to shut up.
What did I do wrong? Did I not love him enough, give him enough of my time? Was our sex life not enough?
His eyes filled with horror when he hears my voice.
Why didn't he listen when I warned him about her? When we all tried warning him about her?
His bare dick shining with her arousal when he pulls it out.
I flinch as the memory slices through me. My stomach knots and my throat burns, nausea rising fast.
"Char, please look at me."
"No."
"Why did you make me call them, Char?"
"If anyone is going to get you to see the destruction you left in your wake, it will be the people you respect the most."
I hate that I can’t hide how much I still love his cheating ass, and I hate even more that he never saw the damage written all over me.
"Because you still love me," he says in a hopeful voice.
My head snaps around, and I shoot him the harshest glare I've ever aimed at him.
"Of course, I do! I'm not you, Keaton. There's sixteen years' worth of fucking love inside this damn heart of mine.
It doesn't disappear as easily as yours did, no matter how much I wish it would!
But each time I look at you, all I see is your hips slamming between her legs, and a piece of that love breaks off.
Eventually, there'll be nothing left of it but a space you used to reside in. "
Before he can say anything, Amelia stomps down the steps with her arms full of first-aid supplies and slams them at Keaton's feet.
When she glances over at me, I mouth, "Thank you."
Her eyes soften as she gives a sharp nod, turning her attention back to him.
"I don't like you, but you need to get that mess cleaned up.
I'm not going to have Charlie touching you after you've been with that nasty crotch rot.
Especially when you still stink like her.
So, you get me." She bares her teeth at him. "Dr. Fucking Jekyll. Lucky you.”