Chapter 9 Why Did You Do It?
Why Did You Do It?
Charlie | The Past
I push myself upright, hugging my own shoulders as I drift closer to the fire’s glow, desperate for warmth to anchor me and keep my mind from wandering back to the pool house.
A restless urge to escape builds inside me. I just want to crawl into bed, block out the world, and grieve for the future that slipped away tonight.
Amelia's hand rubs against my back. "He's taken care of."
"Thank you," I murmur.
"I saw the way you were struggling with his injuries. There was no way I was going to make you get that close to him, Char. Not tonight. Not after what he did. Your stuff is in my car and ready to go. David, um, he brought it to me."
I attempt a smile, sensing there’s a story behind her words, but my face refuses to cooperate, and shame floods in. All I can muster is a feeble nod.
"We've got to call my parents and then I'll be ready."
Amelia gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before heading off. I catch her muttered insult—"dickhead"—as she brushes past Keaton.
Drawing in a shaky breath, I square my shoulders and stride toward him, determined to end this night once and for all.
"Call them."
Every ring of the phone winds my muscles tighter, until I feel like I might shatter from the strain.
"Hey, baby girl. Everything okay?" my mom, Claudia, answers.
"Is daddy around, mama?" I ask quietly.
"Right here, kiddo. What's going on?" my dad says.
Keaton takes over the conversation after clearing his throat. "I messed up tonight."
"Boy."
With just that single word, my dad says everything.
He glances my way, and for once, I hold his gaze. I want him to witness every raw piece of me.
"I cheated on Charlie with Rianna."
My dad lets out a string of broken curse words that make Keaton flinch, and my mama cries quietly in the background.
I let my pain show, and I see his own regret twisting inside him. He’s wound so tight, desperate to pull me close and fix what he broke. But how can you heal a wound you inflicted? I wouldn’t let him hold me, not after those same hands gripped her ass as he pounded inside her.
Their voices blur as I retreat inside myself.
The fragile strength I’ve clung to since the pool house is slipping away.
If I don’t escape soon, the tidal wave of emotion will smash through my defenses and leave me shattered, a patchwork of broken love stitched together like some tragic Frankenstein.
I need to hold myself together until I’m somewhere safe.
“You’re lucky you’re not standing in front of me, Keaton.
As much as I love you, you hurt my baby girl, and right now, I don’t like you very much.
The anger I feel at you for falling that low and destroying something precious to Charlie is big, and there’s no guarantee I wouldn’t put you on your ass.
” My dad blows out a heavy breath, fighting his way through the anger that’s evident in his voice.
"I'm disappointed in you, Keaton. I gave my daughter to you for safekeeping, trusting that you'd love and protect her. "
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
"I know you are, son, but I'm not the one who needs to hear it."
"Yeah," Keaton mumbles.
"Charlie? Baby girl?" Dad calls for me.
"Right here, daddy."
"I love you, kiddo. We're right here if you need us. Your room is ready if you need to take some time."
"I'm okay. Graduation is only a few weeks away. I can make it until then."
"My strong girl," he murmurs. "Here's your mama."
"I love you, my sweet girl."
"Mama," I cry.
"I know, baby. I know," she croons. "Everything will be okay. Your mama is right here if you need me."
"I love you. I'll see you all at graduation."
"We can't wait. Keaton?" Mama calls for him.
"Ma'am?"
"I am so, so angry at you. The boy I watched grow up loved my daughter too much to ever do something so reprehensible. I don’t know what happened to you or when that love fell away, but I’ve never been more disappointed in my life.
You need to figure it out, kid, because you’re not the man your mama and daddy raised you to be right now. ”
Tears course down his cheeks. "I’m so sorry. I really do love her, Mama C," he chokes out.
“That’s really hard to believe right now, Keaton,” she says, his body flinching with each quiet word she speaks. “I love you, Charlie. Call us when you need us, beautiful girl.”
He passes me the phone, and as I turn to go, his hand brushes my arm. Instantly, I’m hurled back into the nightmare of the pool house.
His hands gripping her ass as he thrusts inside her. Her moans and taunting eyes. His bare dick, shiny with her all over it.
"Charlie? Come on, butterfly. Come back. I'm sorry, baby. Please, come back," Keaton begs in anguish.
I blink hard, confusion creasing my brow as I scan my surroundings.
Keaton crouches in front of me. I’m curled up, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking gently as I fight the tremors wracking my body.
What the hell happened?
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched you. I wasn't thinking," he says, taking a seat and nearly mirroring my pose by pulling his knees up and resting his forearms on them.
"Why did you do it?"
"I just wanted to get your attention and ask you to talk to me."
I shake my head. "Not that. Why did you cheat on me? Why did you sleep with her after swearing it was just friendship? And why—" My voice cracks. "Why did you do it without a fucking condom?"
He shakes his head with an agonized expression. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" I repeat, laughing harshly as I climb to my feet. "You don't fucking know. Do you love her?"
"What? No! I love you, Charlie. You're the only person I love."
"Yeah, well, pardon me if I don't believe you. You have to have some feelings for her, Keaton, because you wouldn't have fucked her without a condom otherwise."
I pace in front of him, my bare feet smacking the ground.
"How could you do this? How could you throw us away? How could you throw me away?" I halt, glaring down at him. "Not once did I ever consider betraying you with any of my guy friends. Never. You started disrespecting me the moment she entered your life. The very first day you met her, you were late meeting me for lunch. Why didn’t I see the signs? Can’t you see you’ve basically had a whole relationship with her? "
He jumps to his feet, his lying eyes pleading with me. "No, I didn't. I swear. It was only ever friendship, Char."
"Open your fucking eyes, Keaton! You two were together constantly.
You confided in her, and you all had lunch together.
You were giving her everything I get. You didn't respect me when I had an issue with her the first time.
When I told you I thought she had feelings for you, you told me I was fucking imagining things!
God. Did you ever stop hanging out and talking with her when you said you did, or was that just another damn ruse to pull over me? "
"It was the truth, baby. I wasn't hanging out or talking to her anymore."
For once, I hear the damn truth in his voice.
"Then why did you go back to being friends with her?
You knew how I felt about her. Why the fuck didn't I matter then, Keaton?
I should have been put first. I was in your life for sixteen goddamn years.
She was only in it for a little over a year. So, why didn't you put me first?"
Fucking useless tears.
I slash them away with the back of my hand. "Why did you start your friendship back with her?"
Keaton closes his eyes and rubs the middle of his forehead before looking back at me. "She said she didn't have feelings for me that day she came to the apartment and was crying."
"And of course, you fell for a shitty sob story," I bite out.
"God. Just fucking admit already, Keaton.
You found her attractive, she had feelings for you, you ended up having feelings for her, and I was shoved out of the picture.
Why did you keep having sex with me? Why did you keep telling me you love me?
Kissing me good morning and good night? Why do it all if you wanted to be with her? "
"Because I love you, Charlie. You. Not her. I've never loved her."
I notice how he conveniently skips the rest of what I said. "Then why did you do it?" I shout.
"I don't fucking know!" he screams, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and pulling. His shoulders drop, and so does his tone. "I don't know."
"Then your issues are a lot bigger than you having sex with her, Keaton.
" My voice is weary, and I yank my fingers through my hair.
"You've got a lot of soul-searching to do because, until you figure that question out, this will never heal.
It'll just leave a scar as a bitter reminder that what we had wasn't enough for you.
You made me question if something was wrong with me, Kea.
You made me doubt myself for a few minutes.
I was trying to figure out where I went wrong.
Trying to figure out what she had that I didn't. You've never made me do that until now. "
"You did nothing wrong, butterfly."
"I know that, Keaton, but your betrayal still made me doubt myself. Every day, I try to be the kind of person Joely would be proud of. I smile, I laugh, I make friends with everyone. I work hard to stay humble. And I love—so deeply it’s woven into who I am.
When you shattered that love, you wrecked the very heart of me.
Now I have to figure out who I am without you.
I have to learn how to exist on my own." The smile I offer is broken and empty.
"I need to find out what my life looks like without you in it. "
I watch, numb, as he collapses to his knees, sobbing and hanging his head.
He peers up at me through bloodshot eyes. "I don't know how to do this without you."
My shoulders rise and fall. "You should have thought of that before you fucked her. Without a condom."
"I can't lose you, Charlie," he murmurs.
"You already lost me, Keaton. You knew the risks and took them anyway. Figure out what you want from your life. Figure out why you cheated, and learn from it so you never do this to someone else."
"There is no one else. You're the only one I want, Char," he says, the sincerity in his voice squeezing my heart.
I doubt I’ll ever believe that again.
"I'm not an option anymore."
"I'll fix us, Charlie."
"You can't."
Keaton gets that stubborn look on his face, and I close my eyes against it. "Watch me."
"I’m moving forward, Keaton. I can’t do this anymore. There’s just too much damage."
"You do what you need to do to heal, Charlie, and I'll be working on repairing what I've broken.
" He takes a step toward me but stops when he catches my flinch and sighs.
"I'm sorry, butterfly. I am so sorry that I made a stupid choice that has hurt you and taken you away from me.
If we were allowed do-overs in life, I'd never become friends with her.
Meeting her was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. "
"Meeting her wasn't the problem, Keaton. It's all the steps you took after that. She may have been the catalyst, but the issue is somewhere inside you. Face what you did and accept your role in it."
I have nothing left to say. I’m empty, wrung out. Just being near him is tearing me apart, and I can’t take it any longer.
"Don’t forget to get checked and make an appointment with a therapist. That’s a good first step. Goodbye, Keaton."
"I love you, Charlie Renea Henderson. That ain't ever changing, and I'm going to prove it to you."
"Yeah, and I just wish I could believe you," I whisper, too softly for him to hear.
Who am I without Keaton Carr?
I have no damn clue, and I’m not sure I’m ready to find out. But now, I don’t have a choice.