Chapter She Sparked Hope
She Sparked Hope
Keaton | The Past
Tonight, as I zoned out in front of the TV, the absolute last thing I imagined was a text lighting up my phone with a video of my ex-girlfriend fucking someone else.
You’d think after the millionth time Rianna refused to leave me alone, I’d have learned to ignore unknown numbers. But tonight, caught off guard, I opened the message anyway.
Curiosity won out. I opened the video and hit play before I realized what it was. If I’d known, I never would have touched that little sideways triangle.
UNKNOWN
Just in case u thought she was w8ting around 4 u.
{video}
The video shakes, blurry at first, until a sliver of light slips through the blinds. In that dim glow, Alek and Charlie come into focus—two silhouettes tangled up, lost in each other.
With each passing minute, my chest feels like it’s splitting open and my pain laid bare, exposed for anyone who might care to look.
Is this what it was like for her? This feeling of your heart being torn viciously from your body and squeezed so tightly that you can see each struggling beat as it fights to stay alive.
The hardest part is seeing Charlie lose herself in pleasure and finding it beautiful. I hate that it’s him, not me, but I can’t look away from her claiming something that used to be ours alone.
Their intimacy runs deeper than just sex, and that’s what cuts the most. But this is my fault. I’m the one who pushed her away, tore us apart, and left the door open for him.
My jaw aches from clenching my teeth as I see her on the edge. I want to close my eyes, pretend this isn’t real, pretend she’s still mine. But I don’t.
I should shut it off. Turn away from something she never intended for me to see, but I can’t, and shame floods me.
My muscles twitch, and I shiver when her voice breaks out in pleasure, shattering as she gives in to him. That bastard doesn’t stop, pushing her for more.
I grip my phone so hard I nearly hurl it at the wall, a roar building in my throat. At the last second, reason wins, and I fling it onto the couch instead.
Yanking at my hair, I pace as hot tears stream down my face. My emotions crash and tear at me, threatening to rip me into a million pieces.
Charlie’s cries echo in my ears, relentless, while images of Alek moving between her thighs replay in my mind like a cruel film I can’t turn off.
I roar and hurl a lamp at the wall, then another. My fists slam into the drywall, leaving bloody holes. Furniture flips, dishes shatter, and a weight smashes my TV. My rage leaves nothing untouched.
Just as quickly as it came, my anger drains away. I clutch the last photo I have of Charlie and collapse to my knees in the wreckage.
Karma comes for everyone eventually. Mine was always waiting. I just never knew when it would strike.
I’m trying to be better—for her, for me. A truly good man would be happy she’s moving on after all I put her through. But I’m not there yet. Not even close.
I fucking hate every second of it.
I fucking hate him for it.
Alek has everything I want. Everything I once had and was too goddamn stupid to hold onto.
I should thank him for helping her move on, and maybe deep down I do. But right now, all I want is to feel his skin under my fists for taking what was mine.
But she isn’t mine. Not anymore.
I’ve known it since the pool house, but seeing them together now, their bond leaves no room for doubt.
Charlie’s finally piecing herself together without me, and I’d be an even bigger bastard if I tried to ruin that.
So even if it guts me every day, even if it steals pieces of my soul, I’ll let her live her life with him.
At least for now.
There’s still so much I need to fix before I’m worthy of her. Until I can love her right, I have no business interrupting my Charlie girl as she learns to fly.
I swipe away tears, staring at her smiling face in the photo. “Enjoy him while you can, my pretty butterfly. I’m coming for you someday,” I whisper.
I stand and set the photo gently on the counter, taking in the chaos around me.
There’s no way I’m getting my deposit back. The damage is only cosmetic, but it’s everywhere. I didn’t realize how far gone I was until now. The anger came fast and left me hollow.
This mess just shows how empty my life feels without her.
Watching Charlie and Alek gave me a taste of what she must have felt when she walked in on me and Rianna.
God, I’d give anything to rewind the last year and undo the damage I caused.
Thinking of Rianna and the video, a new feeling breaks through. Maybe this is what finally gets her locked up. Revenge porn is a crime, but I need proof that it’s her behind the messages.
I dig through the chaos, searching for my phone—the one I tossed in my rage.
“Come on. Come on. I know you’re around here,”I mutter anxiously. “Ah, fuck.”
My phone’s screen is a spiderweb of cracks, but it lights up when I press the button. The message app still works. Now let’s see if I can get her to slip up, too.
ME
Rianna? Are you the one who is sending me this video?
She doesn’t answer right away, and I brace myself for a twisted game of cat and mouse. But she’s not as clever as she thinks because her reply comes soon enough.
UNKNOWN
Ofc. I’m the only 1 that luvs u like that baby. Someone had to show u the truth so u can come back 2 me.
I almost block her, but common sense wins. Better to leave the line open for the police. She’ll probably incriminate herself if I wait. So I set the phone down and start cleaning up the mess I made.
By the time I’m done, I’m sweaty and exhausted. I hoped staying busy would help, but the video loops in my mind, following me into the shower and haunting my sleep.
After hours of tossing and turning, I sit up with a growl and grab my phone. Even through the cracked screen, I hit play again, torturing myself with what I can’t have.
For now, at least.
After the tenth viewing, I set the phone down and stare at the wall, letting my mind go blank and my body go numb.
Sometimes, like now, the self-loathing is too much. I’m drowning in it, desperate for air.
My phone rings, Charlie’s ringtone echoing through the room and jolting me out of my stupor.
I don’t even let it get past the second ring. "Charlie?"
"I hate you," she sobs.
Her voice is raw with pain. A pain I put there. Not on purpose. Never on purpose. I never wanted this to be our ending.
Not wanting to add to her distress, I weep silently. "I know, butterfly."
"I had sex with Alek."
I grab the ridiculous candle my mom left and hurl it at the wall, watching it explode into glittering shards. "I know, butterfly."
"And I enjoyed it."
Tears fall as I hear the tangled happiness and anguish in her voice. "I know that too. It's okay, Charlie."
"The condom broke," she says quietly.
My lungs seize and my heart stutters, vision swimming with spots.
"You're on the shot, so you're okay," I say numbly.
She stays silent. Nausea rolls through me, my throat tight and impossible to swallow.
"Charlie, please tell me you're still on birth control," I plead brokenly.
Her silence lingers, and something inside me dies. This is what it feels like to have nothing left. To watch everything you fought for turn to ash. To finally understand.
I broke the most precious thing I had. I took Charlie for granted, got complacent, and lost the only person who ever loved me for no reason at all.
I was Charlie’s person, and she was mine.
Now we’re just old lovers, full of bittersweet love and broken dreams, and I have no one to blame but myself.
Pulling in a deep breath, I do my best to get my heart beating again and let out a harsh exhale.
"It's okay. It'll be okay. You'll be okay, butterfly.
If something happens, you won't be alone.
Alek's a good guy, and you're so fucking strong, Char.
If you find out something comes of that broken condom, you're gonna be an amazing mom. "
I lean my head against the wall and let out a hollow laugh as tears keep falling. Have they stopped since she called? I don’t know, and I don’t care. No one’s here to see my heartbreak anyway.
"I always thought it'd be us having a kid together, ya know?
It's what we'd always talked about. I'm sorry I stole that dream from you, Charlie.
I just...I don't know. Somehow, I lost sight of who I was, who you were, and who we were together.
And I let someone else in without really understanding what I was doing.
Not until it was too late, and I lost you.
And I'm sorry for that too. I know my words mean nothing to you right now.
I don't even know if you want them, but if they can make this even the smallest bit easier on you, then I want you to have them. "
We sit in silence, just listening to each other breathe. It’s the most peace I’ve felt in ages.
Then she whispers the words that break me open and spark the first hope I’ve felt in half a year.
“I love you, Keaton.”
I can’t hold back. The words rip from my chest, finally free after months in captivity.
Why do I deserve them? This is all my fault.
Every ounce of pain, I could have stopped if I’d just listened.
I was so sure nothing was wrong that I’d never betray her.
It took Lionel, Charlie, David, and others to make me see what I’d done with Rianna.
I hate the person I became. No one, especially Rianna, should have taken Charlie’s place.
But I let it happen, and by the time I saw it, it was too late.
Over a year. I’m still wrestling with it, but for more than a year, I was cheating on Charlie. Lionel called it an emotional affair. I wanted to deny it. I never had feelings for Rianna, just a passing attraction. But everything I gave her, everything that should have been Charlie’s, made it real.
Limerence.
That’s another thing he called it. Well, mutual limerence.
I just call it being a fucking idiot.
Whatever the fuck it is, I’ve got a shit ton of work to do.
My butterfly deserves me at my best. She deserves me on my motherfucking knees as I grovel and plead my case.
She deserves someone who is not me, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to fight for her anyway.
Especially since she said those three words that I’ve been longing to hear for so long now.
“I love you too, Charlie,” I whisper before ending the call.
She lit hope inside me, and now I’m going to fan those motherfucking embers until they burn bright.