Chapter It’s In Our Eyes
It's In Our Eyes
Keaton | The Past
My leg jitters beneath the booth, fingers drumming a restless staccato on the tabletop while my gaze ricochets between the clock above the counter and the door.
I break the rhythm just long enough to tug my t-shirt collar from my sticky neck.
Fuck, it’s hot in here.
My fingers tap out a frantic tempo, matching the wild thump of my heart. Sweat slips down my temple, a fleeting chill as the air thickens, pressing in on me.
What if she turned back? What if facing me is still too much? What if something happened on the way? Disaster can strike anyone, anywhere, without warning.
My breaths grow short and sharp.
What if th—
The bell above the door shatters my spiraling thoughts. The moment Charlie enters, I’m electrified, every nerve sparking as her glacial eyes lock onto mine. Each glance is a jolt—once thrilling, now searing, burning me for the pain I caused the goddess before me.
For a heartbeat, I glimpse past the fortress she’s built, and the emotions in her eyes cut straight through me.
Pain.
Sorrow.
Nostalgia.
Anger.
Hate.
And, shockingly, love.
They dig into my soul, making sure I never forget what I shattered so carelessly.
As if I could.
As if I would.
If I forget I’m the cause of her pain, I let myself off the hook, and I won’t do that. Charlie deserves better, even if she walks away for good.
I let my guard down, offering her a glimpse of my own turmoil in return.
Remorse.
Sorrow.
Regret.
Pain.
Love.
I bare it all, even the feelings I think I don’t deserve. Lionel calls it guilt, says I’m allowed to ache for the damage I caused. I mourn the loss of a future I once imagined with her.
When I asked him why I should be allowed to feel those emotions for those reasons, he said, "Because I’m human, and humans are known to be fallible."
I know the choices I made, and I know the destruction they left in their wake. If I shut those emotions out, if I shut out any of my emotions going through this, then how am I supposed to ensure that I’m giving my all into being a better man in the future?
Even from a distance, I observe the convulsing of Charlie’s throat as she swallows before she looks away.
I sink back into the booth, finally still, watching as Charlie and Alek weave their way toward me.
It takes ages—everyone wants a piece of her, customers and staff alike—but she never shows a hint of frustration.
Not that I expected her to. Charlie’s never shown frustration in these situations.
Her dad always said she had the patience of a saint, and he was right.
Once, after we spent twenty minutes talking with an elderly man about everything and nothing, Charlie told me, "You never know someone’s story.
" Sometimes, people just want to be seen, and for her, showing them that costs nothing but a few moments of her time.
Alek leans down to whisper something in her ear, and she tilts her head back with a smile.
The rough cotton of my shirt scrapes my skin as I try to rub away the ache that’s settled, rent-free, in my chest.
I see it—the way they fit together. She lets her guard down with him, safe in his presence. Even the cool chemistry between them is unmistakable.
Even if jealousy gnaws at me, those flashes of joy when she’s with him tell me she’s healing, and nothing is more beautiful than that.
Maybe this isn’t a good idea.
I can’t risk setting her back. She’s finally on a good path, and her healing matters more than anything. There had to be another way besides forcing her to face me.
As they approach, I stand and cross my arms over my chest.
Fuck. Too aggressive.
I drop them and shove my hands into my pockets, but…no, that won’t work either. Seems too casual.
Dammit.
But then arm placement doesn’t matter, because they’re right in front of me, and her signature mint and chocolate scent drifts over, flooding my senses.
My hands start to reach for her in reflex before I realize what I’m doing, and I drop them, squeezing them into a fist. “Sorry,” I mumble, lifting the other to the back of my neck.
Then something incredible happens, and I forget to breathe.
She smiles at me.
It’s small.
It’s barely there, but I've been watching her every second and I catch it, and I burn it into memory.
“You might want to breathe, man,” Alek says, the laughter loud inside his tone.
I exhale and glance at him, catching the mischief sparkling in his eyes.
Motherfucker is getting a kick out of me being so nervous.
My lips twitch, and I let him see the silent, playful ‘fuck you’ written there.
Still, I kind of want to punch him in the dick.
He must sense it, because his eyes light up even more as we all slide into the booth.
I raise my coffee, stalling, searching for the right place to begin.
Do I just jump straight in with the video?
“Hey, boss. Do you want your usual brought over?”
The quiet feminine voice comes from beside our table, and I realize she’s talking to Charlie.
Did she finally get that promotion?
“That’d be great, Carole, thanks. Can you also bring Alek his usual?” She peers over at me and away, then finishes softly, “and another Colombian Roast for him?”
“Boss?” I ask quietly when Carole walks away. “Did they finally promote you?”
“Something like that,” she mutters, grabbing a napkin and tearing it into tiny pieces.
Alek covers Charlie’s hand, quieting her anxious fidget. I swallow hard, forcing myself to look away from their joined hands.
Fuck.
Suck it up, buttercup. You made this bed. Now you lie in it.
Amelia’s voice echoes in my mind, making me sit up straighter. This is my penance, and I’ll pay it. Even if it feels like swallowing sandpaper and taking knives to the heart.
“No reason to keep it quiet, baby girl,”Alek tells her. “As soon as it’s finalized, everyone will know anyway.”
She stares him in the eyes for a few more seconds before she nods. Her shoulders tense as she turns toward me. “I bought Grinder’s,” she tells me.
My grin stretches until my cheeks hurt. “That’s incredible, butterfly.
” Then cold floods my veins, and my heart pounds.
“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to call you that.
It just slipped. I’m really sorry.” I rake my fingers through my hair and lean back, trying to put as much distance between us as possible.
Charlie’s palm smacks the table, making it rattle. Around us, hungry eyes wait for any scrap of drama to turn into gossip.
“Just stop,” Charlie says softly. “I hate it, but I know you didn’t mean to do it.” She shakes her head, her shimmering silver-lilac hair brushing her shoulders, and my fingers ache to touch it. “Just… try not to make it a habit, okay?”
Unsure what to say after that, because I don’t even know the meaning behind it and refuse to read into the words, I pull out my phone instead and hold it out to her. “Take it, Charlie,” I say softly.
Reluctantly, she reaches out to take it. “Okay. What am I looking for?”
“Honestly, whatever you want. I don’t have anything to hide.”
“That’s a surprise,” she utters under her breath.
I flinch at the jab. “Fair enough. Not anymore. I’ve got nothing left to hide.”
“Just tell me what I’m looking for, Keaton,” Charlie says quietly. “I’m assuming it’s got to do with the video Alek told me about?”
“Yeah, it’s there. As I explained to Alek, sending shit like that without the consent of the parties involved is considered revenge porn, which is against the law.
Because I’m not the one in the video, it has to be one of you two who press charges against Rianna.
I have a criminal case against her with a group of other guys, but another charge on top of that one has a better chance of seeing something done.
Alek already said he didn’t care about him being in it, so the final decision is yours, Char.
It’s your body that was recorded and distributed without your knowledge. ”
I know this is the last thing Charlie wants to discuss, so I spit it out, flat and fast. I brace for anything but the fire blazing in her eyes. Crimson creeps up her neck and cheeks, and I can’t look away even as shame twists my gut for being the reason she’s in this mess.
“Oh, no. I am pressing charges against this bitch. Not once have I done a damn thing to her.” She glares at me. “As much as I want to lay all the blame at your feet, you can’t control someone else’s actions. Believe me, I know that better than anyone. If you’re being truthful, an—”
“I am,” I interrupt, the urge for her to believe me overwhelming.
“Maybe. But as I was saying before, you rudely interrupted me. If you’re being truthful and cut her out of your life after that night, then you really can’t control her.
People like her thrive on being the center of attention.
I’m going to give her what she’s looking for, just not in the way she wants it. ”
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with this shit too, Char.”
“I appreciate the words, Keaton, but at the end of the day, that’s all they are.
For a year, you chose to lie to me, and I think possibly, even to yourself.
So, your words? They’re not really going to mean much for a while.
Maybe they never will again.” She climbs to her feet, and Alek does the same, scooting from the booth so she can get out.
She pauses, peering over at me. “And that sucks, you know. Because there was a time when your words were absolutely everything to me. Now, they’re just a bunch of letters combined together, creating words that slip past the deceitful lips of someone who was supposed to love me.
Let’s go get this over with. We’ll meet you at the station. ”
Sure. Just as soon as I figure out how to stitch myself back together after her truth cuts me to ribbons.
It’s only when I slide into my car that I realize Charlie still has my phone, and I don’t care. No panic, no sweaty palms. She was right all along.
I wasn’t just lying to her.
I was lying to myself, too.
Good thing I’ve got therapy soon. Lionel’s in for a challenge as I try to untangle where the truth stopped and the lies took over.
Something tells me I’ll like myself even less once I’m done slogging through my own mind.