Chapter 32 It Was Supposed To Be With You
It Was Supposed To Be With You
Charlie | The Past
A week after meeting Keaton at the bar, I find myself frozen in front of my calendar, dread crawling up my spine. My fingers dart frantically through past months, desperate to spot the last mark I made.
Air saws in and out of my lungs as my breathing turns quick and shallow, my fingers fluttering against the pages as I turn them.
“No, no, no,” I mumble, the sheets blurring as water fills them.
I scan each month after Keaton cheated on me, searching for the red circle that marks my period. There's nothing, not even after the condom broke with Alek last month.
This can’t be happening.
My luck can’t be that bad, surely.
I try to shake off the wild theories battling for control in my mind, rolling my shoulders in a futile attempt to ease the tension that won't let go.
I draw in a shaky breath and force myself upright,
Crying and panicking won’t get me anywhere.
A missed period will not break me. If the love of my life didn’t, then getting pregnant by someone other than him won’t either.
With a sharp inhale, I bury my emotions deep, making room for the practical part of me to take charge.
I head into the living room and grab my phone from the charger. The first thing I do is check the calendar just to be sure I didn’t put it there instead, but I only find a blank space on each date.
My shoulders clench tighter, as if invisible burdens keep piling on.
I pull up Amelia’s contact and hit the phone icon to put the call through.
“Yo, bootylicious baby! What’s the spice?”
Some of the weight on my shoulders drops off at her ridiculousness. “God, I fucking love you.”
My words come out in a sob, and I can feel Amelia’s alertness come across the line. It’s corroding my insides—this deathly toxin that’s running through my veins at the thought of being pregnant by Alek.
“Who…the…fuck…am I slicing and dicing today, baby?” she growls.
“I missed my period,” I whisper.
“Oh, fuck someone in the ass,” Amelia whispers back.
“Would have been safer,” I say with a watery laugh.
“All right. Pregnancy tests. We’ll both go get them.”
Maybe she hoped her slip would go unnoticed, given everything I’m dealing with.
“Amelia Shae,” I gasp. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I said we’ll go get some tests,” she repeats firmly. “I’ll be there in ten. Have your ass ready.”
How does anyone prepare to buy a pregnancy test? T-shirt and leggings? Blouse and jeans? What do people wear when they’re about to find out if they’re pregnant by the wrong person?
I look down at my off-the-shoulder beige sweater, black leggings, chipped black toenail polish, and give my messy bun a quick pat.
Fuck it.
“I’m ready,” I tell her, deciding to stay as I am.
***
I wipe my sweaty palms down my leggings, as if I can scrub away the nerves clinging to my skin.
“So many choices,” I mutter, staring at all the different brands of pregnancy tests.
“They all work the same, right?” Amelia asks, grabbing one from the shelf and turning it to read the back.
I watch as she picks up one after the other, mumbling incoherently before tossing them in the basket hooked to her arm.
After a few minutes of observing her, I know there’s a hell of a lot going on under that stoic exterior of hers. I refuse to push her, not wanting the chance she’ll shut down. Amelia will open up to me about this when she’s comfortable enough.
I snatch a test at random, mimicking her, and stare at the back like it might hold the answer to my entire life.
As if a box of plastic and paper could possibly tell me what to do next.
A harsh, wounded grunt echoes from the end of the aisle, snapping my attention away from the box in my hands.
Keaton stands there, hands buried in his pockets, his glossy eyes fixed on the box I’m unconsciously crushing in my grip.
“Charlie,” he croaks, on the verge of allowing his tears to spill over.
His horrified, shattered expression ignites a violent collision of grief and rage inside me. The emotions burn so fiercely that the cage I built to contain them finally bursts, unleashing a flood I can’t hold back.
They roar for release, drowning out my desperate wish for silence.
They swirl between us, lashing at our skin in a bruising storm.
Every step toward him is steeped in bitter agony, and only when I stand before him do I finally let myself break.
He doesn’t get to hide from this. He doesn’t get to run from the destruction his choices left behind.
“You don’t get to be hurt,” my voice splintering from the agony pouring through me.
“You don’t get to look like I’m breaking your heart, Keaton.
You don’t get to do this to me. I’m not the villain in our story.
” I shove the test into his chest. “I should be doing this with you. We should be here together picking this up. But instead, I’m doing it with my best friend because my person,” I pause, trying to choke back the cry that’s fighting for escape, “decided I wasn’t enough for him and fucked someone else.
So, no. You don’t get to look at me like that. ”
Stepping away, my body trembles as I fight the pain that is trying to eviscerate me. I wrap my arms tightly around myself, as if that alone can hold me together.
“It was supposed to be you,” I whisper. “You were the only person I wanted to have kids with. You were the one that I was supposed to live out my days with.”
I look up at him and let the tears fall freely. Each drop carries away a bit of the poison inside me, and with every tear, my fractured soul tries to mend itself.
“Every story has to come to an end, Keaton. You just wrote our ending too soon, and I don't know how to forgive you for that.”
There's nothing left for me to say, and I don't have it in me to hear any response from him. So, I turn away, leaving him with the crushed pregnancy test in his hand.
Amelia clutches the basket of tests in one hand and my hand in the other, guiding me away from the person my soul still aches for.
When we're back in the car and on the way back to my place, I call Alek.
“Lollie-girl. Is everything okay?” he answers.
Of course. I don't ever call him while he's at work. “Alek,” I start. “Do you think you could meet me at my place?”
“What's going on, Charlie?” His voice is more alert, and I can hear him moving around his office.
“I have to take a pregnancy test, and I need you to be here with me while I do.”
“Shit. Okay. I'm on my way. Leaving work now.”
“Kay,” I whisper.
“Charlie,” he calls before we end the call.
“Yeah?”
“I've got you, okay? You hear me?”
“I hear you.”
“Be there soon. Wait for me. We do this together.”
***
Alek arrives quickly, and the moment he steps inside, he pulls me into a fierce embrace, holding me close and grounding me with his presence.
After a few minutes, he kisses the top of my head and steps back, entwining his fingers with mine. “Ready?”
“No,” I admit.
He blows out a breath, giving my hand a squeeze. “Me either.”
I pull him behind me to the bathroom and stop in front of the door. “You wait here. I'll go take them and then open the door when I finish. We'll wait to read them together.”
Amelia walks into the bathroom with me and closes the door behind her. She starts opening the packages and getting the tests ready while I pull down my leggings and sit on the toilet.
With trembling hands, I uncap the first test and position it. I close my eyes, inhale deeply, and finally let go.
Time blurs as I work through each test, my mind splintered and unfocused, eyes fixed on a spot on the wall.
Once I'm done, Amelia starts taking hers, making sure to keep them in a separate area from mine. We wash our hands, and then I open the door as she sets the timer.
Alek is leaning back against the wall, staring at his feet, one of his hands squeezing the back of his neck harshly. His head pops up as soon as he hears the bathroom door open, and he straightens, stepping toward me to grab my hand and pull me to him.
“I'm sorry, Alek,” I tell him, burying myself against his chest.
“Don't you dare fucking apologize, Charlie. I was right there with you. You weren't fucking yourself when the condom broke.”
I glance up at him. “I swear I'm on birth control, Alek, and I took a Plan B. I don't know what happened.”
He leans away so that he can grasp my chin. “Shit happens, babe. Sometimes things fail.” His eyes roam my face. “How are you feeling about this?”
“Sad. Scared. Angry. It wasn't supposed to be you, Alek,” I whisper.
I wipe the tears that began their journey down my face again. “But it is. How are you feeling?”
Alek laughs sharply. “Fucking terrified. What the fuck do I know about being a goddamn dad, Char? It's not like I had a good role model growing up.”
I can feel Amelia slowly beginning to freak out on the other side of me, so I turn to her. “Look at me, Mel.” When she does, I stare at her fiercely, letting her see all the love I have for her in my eyes. “No matter what they say, we're in this together. You feel me? No matter what they say.”
Her hand reaches out for mine, and I let her take it, knowing we both need this lifeline right now.
A heavy silence settles over us as we stare at the bathroom counter crowded with tests, until the timer blares and shatters the stillness.
Alek moves first when neither Amelia nor I can. He glances back, silently urging us on, and I squeeze Amelia’s hand before following him in.
I stand wedged between Alek and Amelia, all of us staring at the test results. Numbness seeps through me as I read them, and Alek pulls me into his arms as I start to shake.
“Are you going to tell Keaton?” he asks quietly, and I can't get a read on his emotions.
“Maybe. Not sure if he deserves to know.”
“Whatever you decide, I'll support your decision.”
Turning in his arms, I look up at him. His features blur as tears fall from my eyes. Even through my emptiness, I find it in me to give him a small smile. Leaning up on my toes, I brush my lips across his in a friendly kiss.
“You're going to make a really great dad, Alek,” I tell him, watching his eyes do a million different things behind them.
I turn toward Amelia, once again reaching over to grab her hand as I spot the result on hers too. “Together, Amelia Shae. We're in this together.”
When she finally looks away from the test and over at me, her eyes are yelling at me.
It seems we’ll be a little bit broken, but at least we’ll be broken together.