Chapter 6
“Doyou actually know how to not piss her off?” Sin asks me as Tessa storms away from the table with Bennet.
He doesn’t give me a chance to answer before he turns to Ted and Shane and asks them, “Tell me the truth, was there a time those two were ever actually good together? Why did we come down here to fuck up that poor girl’s proposal? I didn’t sign on for that shit. She’s been through enough.”
“Whose side are you on?” Shane snaps. I keep my mouth shut, because so far nothing he’s said has been far off base.
“I’m sorry.” Sin leans back in his chair, and casually drapes his arms across the back of the two next to him. “I thought I made that clear. I’m on hers.”
“He’s right,” I speak up before Shane can argue more. “I fucked up. I meant to come here and convince her to leave with me, but then I saw her sitting here, with him, and the sun setting behind them while she was wearing that damn ring, and I lost my mind for a moment.”
“Well, how did that work out for you? Because if she hadn’t already said yes, my guess is she’s screaming it by now,” Sin taunts me.
“How does this help?” I snap at him.
He slams his fist on the table before pointing his finger in my face. “Because you need a wake up call. Do you know why he left with her, why it’s his ring on her finger?”
“My guess is you’re looking for an answer deeper than he’s the one that asked, right?” Ted chimes in.
I glare at him. “I think I liked you better when we all thought you were a shy nerd.”
Ted stands up, his chair scraping loudly across the ground. “All illusions have to be shattered sometime. I believe you just lost the one about Tessa being hopelessly in love with you no matter what you say or do. So, how about we go grab a beer if we’re going to listen to any more of your whining about how you fucked up your own life.”
Shane winces. “Ouch. Be a friend man and dial it back a bit.”
“Remember I was knee deep in that shy nerd era as Ford called it, so I mostly kept my mouth shut, but he was a dick to her. He got worse when she came back after high school. You sat back, Shane, and let Ford rewrite history. Jen, Amber, Sin, Raven, and Lucien had no idea that she wasn’t the mega bitch he made her out to be. If I had feelings like a normal person, I’d feel pretty bad about keeping my mouth shut.” Ted pulls some money out of his wallet and throws it on the table.
We all add some to his tip and follow him out of the restaurant. There’s a sports bar that caters to tourists a bit farther down the pier. We settle in at a table in the back of the bar and order a pitcher.
Once again I’d let my pride get the best of me and I acted like an idiot. It’s no wonder I was losing her to Bennett Richards. Who am I kidding. I’ve lost her.
“I came out to help you win Tessa back, not watch you whine into your beer. If you’re going to give up that easily then you really don’t deserve her. But, if you are done being a little bitch, then you’ll see that if she loves you, you can’t lose her. You can only push her away. So, does she love you?” Sin asks me.
There aren’t many things I’m certain of in this life, and of those even fewer as confidently as I am that at least at one time Tessa James loved me deeply. “She did, once.”
“Did you love her?” he asks.
“Yes.” I answer without needing to think.
“Are you sure about that?” Ted interjects. “Because, to be honest with you I haven’t seen it for a while. Maybe, in high school. But, since then you’ve acted more like you hated her.”
Sin grabs the pitcher and pours himself a beer. I can tell from the look on his face he’s about to get all deep on me. “The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Hate is just misdirected love. It’s time we help Ford point himself back the right way and win back the love of his life before she adds another ring next to that rock on her finger.”
* * *
It’shard to wait until the next day. All night long my mind works overtime imagining all the ways he might be showing his love for her. I know he does care for her, deeply. I’ve seen the way he looks at her with complete adoration. If I believed she loved him as much as he loves her, I’d walk away. In my heart I know she still loves me, and as long as she does I’m going to work to deserve that love.
After a sleepless night, I look up her location on the app again, and find her at the entrance to a local national park. After a quick internet search, I find that it’s the location of a regional cross country meet, and figure out she must be there to cheer on Bennett. It’s my best chance to talk to her while he’s busy with the race. I’ll only have about twelve minutes, because of course that perfect fucker is fast, like qualifying for the Olympic team fast.
His race doesn’t start for an hour, which gives me time to get there, and wait for him to move to the starting line before I approach her. I watch them from a distance, and the way he casually drapes his arm across her shoulders as he’s talking to his friends and draws her into the conversation. I’ve always kept her at arm’s length, even when we were at our best. Now I see even our best wasn’t that great.
A better man would walk away and let Bennett make her happy, but I’m not the man he is. I’m selfish, and I don’t think I can live without her. I’ve tried, and in the two years she’s been orbiting on the outside of my life, I’ve been a miserable bastard, but I’m not sure you can call what I’ve done during that time living. Existing is a more apt description of how I spent my time when she wasn’t with me.
The starter pistol goes off, and the race begins. I take the chance to slip up next to Tessa. “Hey, Vixen.”
She looks over her shoulder and groans. “What are you doing here, Ford?”
“I thought that was clear. I want to talk to you.”
She blinks. “Talk to me? Are you sure you don’t want to embarrass me? Benji’s friends are around here somewhere. Maybe you want to spread some rumors. There are some people in the world who don’t think I’m a slut who likes to toy with men’s feelings for fun.”
Tessa turns and takes a couple of steps toward a group of people I saw her and Bennet talking to a few minutes ago, but I grab her elbow to stop her. “Very funny, Vixen. Is it really going to hurt you to talk to me for a few minutes?”
Her brown eyes meet mine, and I see the answer in their depths before she speaks. “With you, it just might.”
I nod. “I deserve that. I have a lot to make up for with you. I want the chance to try. Not like last night. I meant to come and grovel, but then I saw you dressed up for him.” I take her hand, and run my finger over the large diamond on her finger. “Still wearing this, and I saw red. I reacted badly, and I’m really, really sorry.”
“I believe you, and I accept your apology,” she says.
“Thank you,” I start to say.
She holds up her hand. “But it’s not enough, Ford. I can forgive you, and let go of all the hurt. I can do that because I need to move on. Let me go. You owe me that much.”
“I owe you way more, but I can’t do it. I think you could have a good life with Bennet. You can be satisfied with him. That’s not enough for you, Tess. You deserve to be more than satisfied. I know we’ve been?—”
“Toxic?” she supplies.
I nod. “Yeah, I guess toxic is a fitting description, but we can be more. Everything that has been bad about us, all that anger, Sin says is just misdirected love. Tess, give me a chance to show you we can be different. That I can be different.”
She doesn’t run away, which I’m taking as a good sign. “I need a ride back to chez Sinclair. Benji was going to order me a ride because the team is leaving from the meet. We rode here together in his rental, but the company picked it up from here. So, if you hang out of sight until the team leaves and let me have this time with Benji without getting in our way, I’ll ride with you.”
Reluctantly, I back away and melt into the crowd. I try not to watch her run straight into his arms after he crosses the finish line. Unfortunately, I’m unable to look away while he swings her around in celebration. Bennet dips her back and kisses her. This isn’t an awkward kiss between two people trying to force something more than friendship, and from what I can tell, Tessa is reciprocating.
It’s all I can do to force my feet to remain planted where they are. I’m not sure if I want to move toward her to pull them apart or to run away. That pretty much sums up our entire relationship. If we’re going to move ahead that cycle has to end, and it has to start with me.
If she loves him, and seeing this I know she does, I have to admit I’m the one who pushed her into his arms. That doesn’t mean I’m throwing in the towel. It’s possible to love more than one person at the same time. What I need to know is, which one of us does she love more?