Chapter 20
Javi, Present
My leg won’t stop bouncing. I can feel myself unraveling, but I don’t think I can put a stop to it.
Landon, Grant, and Declan all sit across the cafeteria, like a big happy fucking family.
There was some bullshit in between where Landon and Grant broke up for a bit, but now they’re back and tighter than ever.
And what’s happened to me in all of that time? I’ve been feeding my Declan addiction. I can barely keep my need for him contained at school. Then I break into his room at night and take it out on his body.
Sometimes I can’t even wait until the night. I’ll grab him and drag him off to some obscure classroom or closet and eat his ass just so I can function properly.
But it’s never enough. I may be functioning, but inside I’m splintering apart. Losing sleep over it. I always want more.
It’s getting harder and harder to hide the possessive monster that’s grown in my chest.
I don’t want him talking to anyone. Looking at anyone.
Not Landon. Not Grant. Not any of his teachers. Not anybody.
I’m starting to cease to be Javi. All that I am is Declan Turner.
And yet, at the same time, I still have the nagging feeling in the back of my brain. A reminder about what happened. About what he did. It’s telling me to run the fuck in the other direction. To protect myself.
But I really don’t want to listen to it right now.
My obsession in question looks up from the sketching he’s been doing on his shoes to say something that makes Landon laugh and Grant scowl.
He sets his eyes on me. Only for a second. And then he’s looking back down on his shoe propped up on the table.
It was quick. Probably nothing to anyone else.
But it stokes the fire that’s constantly ignited in my gut. My eyes scan his beautiful face, down his slender neck and stopping on the pretty purple mark I left on him last night.
He tried to cover it up with makeup, but I can see the faint discoloration.
I squirm in my seat as my dick starts to thicken like some automatic response.
Shit. I need him.
Maybe this is the point where I should be realizing that I’m in too deep. That I should be putting an end to whatever the fuck we have going on between us—save us both from however badly it will end.
But I’m too selfish to spare him or me.
“Bro, you okay?”
I whip my head in the direction of Richardson, another player on the team, and his face full of concern. “You look like you’re tweaking or something.”
“Fuck off, Richardson,” I bark before hastily putting my eyes back on Declan.
There’s a scoff behind me. “Sorry for trying to be a good friend,” he mumbles.
I ignore him and keep watching until everyone starts getting up from the tables.
I make a beeline for Declan’s purple hair bobbing in and out of sight in the crowd, so I can drag him off somewhere. But I’m grabbed and shoved off to the side.
I look at Grant’s bored face before he speaks. “You need to back off.”
“What?”
“Back off.”
“Of what? Can you be more specific? Damn.” I sound irritated as fuck. I don’t even try to hide it. He interrupted me. Now it’ll be harder to find Declan to get what I need.
Of course I know what he’s talking about. But he can fuck off if he thinks I’m going to admit to anything out loud. Just like he didn’t with Landon.
“Declan.”
I cross my arms. “Nothing’s going on.”
His face somehow becomes even more bored with a hint of skepticism woven in. “Of course there is. It’s all over your face. If you thought I was obvious with Landon, you’re a thousand times worse. Now back off.”
“Why should I back off?”
“Because it’s Landon’s friend. And you’ll hurt him when you fuck it up.”
“I’m not fucking anything up.”
He shakes his head. “Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re already in the process of fucking it up. It just hasn’t quite…” He pauses a moment to think of the right word. “Exploded yet.”
I scrunch my face up. “What the fuck does that even mean?”
He sighs. “Do you like him, Javi?”
“No.”
Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar.
Grant waits a moment more, scrutinizing my face. I try to keep it as blank as possible.
He nods. “Then you need to back off. It’ll hurt Landon when you hurt Declan, and Landon is who I care about. I don’t want to have to kick your ass because you’re just trying to get your dick wet. Find someone else.”
I bristle a bit. Everything feels too true and it’s not what I want to hear. “You care about Landon more than me? I’ve been your friend for years.”
“I know you have. But yeah, Landon is everything. When you fall in love maybe you’ll get it. Maybe you already do.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “No. I fucking don’t.”
He shakes his head at me as he takes a step back. “You’re my friend, Javi, which is why I’m saying to leave it.”
Then he walks away.
I know he’s right. But it still doesn’t stop me from shooting Declan a text to meet me in the bathroom.
If this is gonna explode, I’ll gladly be blown apart, because I’m not letting him go.