CHAPTER 8 #2
She was relieved when the lights were shut off, worried a blush would betray her, but she had gotten away with it.
This time. That was a close call. The risk had been worth it.
Mindy had answers now, without having to ask any questions to get them.
Vonn was single. And he was definitely interested in her.
She slid between the sheets and stifled a giggle of excitement, her pulse still racing.
Only then did she think of Galen… who would no doubt expect to see her on Valentine’s Day as well.
Mindy wasn’t sure how she would navigate that.
All she was certain of, is that she wanted more.
— — —
Cameron slowed when pulling up to his house. A for-sale sign had been placed in the yard, which was no surprise. They were moving back to Maine, so of course the house would need to be sold. He’d been through this process before. And yet, seeing the sign somehow made it feel more real.
“Damn,” Anthony said, having noticed the same detail. “What would happen if someone stole that sign? And got rid of any that replaced it?”
“When your mom is a real estate agent?” Cameron shook his head. “Wouldn’t make a difference. She’d still have plenty of clients to show the house to. No, we have to make sure nobody wants to buy it. Let’s start by backing up the toilets.”
“I’ll call my cousin. That’s a specialty of his.”
They laughed, the normally happy sound tinged by sorrow.
Which was a shame, because it had been such a nice day.
They were making the most of the weekends.
They had driven into downtown Kansas City and walked Westport, browsing the eclectic shops before getting lunch.
Anthony seemed to like the area, and Cameron found relaxing easier there, since no one reacted to Anthony’s unusual appearance.
Unlike the suburbs, where he always stood out, like an abstract painting in a museum full of classic art.
After parking in front of the house, they went inside. Brenda appeared in the entryway, a look of concern on her face, probably because of the new lawn decoration.
“Hello, boys!” she said, her tone artificially upbeat. “Did you have a nice time in the city?”
“With your son?” Anthony asked. “Always. We could have been stuck at a bus stop the whole time and it would’ve been one of the best days of my life.”
“Aww!” She clasped her hands together in delight. “That’s so sweet. I adore your makeup, by the way. Perhaps you could give me some tips!”
In addition to powder and base, Anthony was wearing pink lipstick and matching eyeshadow, a departure from the goth look he’d been sporting lately.
“Maybe we should do each other’s makeup,” his boyfriend offered with a smile.
Brenda beamed at this. “Oh my gosh, that would be so fun! Are you boys hungry? I picked up some cookies at the store that we can pretend I baked.”
“Sounds good to me,” Anthony replied.
Cameron still hadn’t spoken a word. He waited until his mom was at the kitchen counter and he was at the refrigerator getting drinks.
“Why did you put up the sign so early?” he murmured.
Brenda grimaced. “Don’t worry, the move-in date is listed as June. I only wanted to beat the spring rush. There aren’t as many homes on the market now, so the asking price is a little high. Who knows, maybe we’ll get lucky.”
He wouldn’t call it that, but he tried to set aside his misgivings as he sat at the table with Anthony. His mom chatted with them for a few minutes, wanting to hear more about their day. Then she checked her watch.
“I have a few houses to show,” she said. “I’ll be home around dinner.”
“Should I cook?” Cameron asked.
“No, hon. I’ll bring something back. Will you still be here, Anthony?”
His boyfriend looked to him, seeking permission, before nodding.
“I’ll pick up a pizza then.” She kissed the top of Cameron’s head. “Enjoy yourselves!”
Silence followed in her wake.
Anthony nibbled a cookie while studying him.
Cameron was going to miss that pensive expression.
And moments like this, because even if they somehow managed to make a long-distance relationship work, simply sitting together like they were now would become a rare luxury.
He wished he could slow down time, make the next hour last a day or even a week, so they could linger here.
“Are you okay?” Anthony asked.
Cameron shook his head. “I feel like it’s all slipping away. And the worst part is I don’t have a say in the matter. I can’t wait until we’re old enough to have full control of our lives.”
“Me neither,” Anthony said, his forehead creasing. “Would it make a difference though, under the current circumstances?”
Cameron’s shoulders slumped. “I guess not.”
“Your mom seems like she’s doing well.”
“She is, just not…” Enough that he felt like he could leave her on her own. “We’ll see. For now, I’ll play the part of the good son.”
The bitterness of his tone didn’t seem to perturb Anthony in the slightest. “We do have some control,” he said. “Over us. That’s nobody’s business but our own.”
They had tried talking about it before, swinging wildly between optimism and despair without reaching any conclusions. But he was right. Neither one of them could change what was about to happen, only how they would react.
“How are you feeling about it all?” Cameron asked.
Anthony swallowed. “I can’t stop thinking about how much it will hurt not to see you whenever I want. I know we can visit each other during the summer, and maybe spring break but…” His chin began to tremble.
“It won’t be the same,” Cameron finished for him.
“That’s what worries me, because I’ve done this before.
When we moved here. I promised my friends I would stay in touch, and for a while, I managed to.
But distance slowly creeps in. You’re not there when things happen, and they have no context for what goes on in your new town. ”
Anthony nodded. “Ricky said the same thing when I asked him why he doesn’t talk to the friends he used to have in Colorado. But you and me, we’re more than friends.”
“Right,” Cameron said. “Although pretend for a second that I wasn’t going to move.
How would you feel if I said we could keep dating, but that I didn’t want to kiss you or touch you or see each other in person anymore?
We could only talk on the phone. Because that’s what we would be signing up for.
And it doesn’t sound like much of a relationship. ”
“No,” Anthony croaked. “It doesn’t. And then there’s everything else.” He gestured at himself.
Cameron’s gut clenched. “What do you mean?”
Anthony’s expression accused him of being deliberately obtuse.
“You don’t look at me the same. That’s why I wore makeup today, because I wanted to be sure.
We still had a wonderful day together. You made me feel loved.
But your gaze doesn’t linger like it does when I’m a boy.
” He shook his head. “You know what I mean.”
Cameron opened his mouth to reassure him that the opposite was true. Then he remembered Charles’s warning. Kindness could be cruel, if it wasn’t authentic.
“Think about it,” Anthony stressed. “Imagine your first day of senior year, when a hot guy invites you to sit at his table during lunch. Someone with big muscles and maybe some scruff… You’d be all over him.”
“I like skinny guys,” Cameron said.
“Fine, but that doesn’t include skinny guys who look like girls. If you found someone you’re genuinely attracted to, and he cared even half as much as I do, I’d be happy for you, Cameron.”
“So what are you saying? That you want to break up?”
“Of course I don’t want to! You’ll be able to find a new boyfriend, easily, but not me. This is probably my first and last chance at love.”
Cameron shook his head. “You’re wrong. I don’t think you realize how beautiful you are. And yeah, maybe I prefer the natural look, but a little makeup isn’t a dealbreaker.”
“What if I take this further?”
Cameron swallowed. “How far?”
“I don’t know! I’m scared to find out because…” Anthony reached across the table to take his hands. “I don’t want to lose you. But I also don’t want to hold each other back.”
Cameron felt rising tears that he fought down.
He didn’t want to cry. They needed to find a solution!
“So what happens if I don’t meet anyone in Maine, and it turns out that you’re already who you want to be.
Because I can handle this. I’ll take you upstairs right now and prove it!
” Anthony generously didn’t mention that they’d had an issue with that previously.
“We could both end up single. What then? We would’ve broken up for nothing. ”
“We can’t be together anyway,” Anthony murmured. “Not while living so far away from each other.” He seemed lost in thought before looking up sharply. “Maybe that’s the answer!”
“What?”
“We’ll break up, but only while you’re gone. That way, we’re both free to explore ourselves or other options. Once we’ve graduated and can decide our own fates, if we still want to be together…”
“I’ll come back,” Cameron said, feeling a burst of hope. “Or you can come live with me.”
“Or we’ll go to the same college somewhere,” Anthony said with a nod. “We’ll know what’s right when the time comes. Until then, we have a year to figure out everything.”
They thought about it in silence.
Cameron took a shuddering breath. “So we’re breaking up?”
“Not yet!” Anthony said, sounding panicked. “Not until we have to. I’m not ready!”
Cameron sighed in relief. “Me neither.”
“But we can make sure that we go out with a bang.”
“What did you have in mind?”
A smile tugged at Anthony’s pink lips. “I’m not sure that you’ll like it.”
Cameron grinned. “Then let’s negotiate. I’ll go first. Do not dye your hair again.” At the moment, only the tips were black, leaving the rest his natural color, but even that wasn’t enough to satisfy him. “Since the day we met, I’ve been desperate to see you as a total blond.”
“I can be one on occasion,” Anthony said with a snort. “I plan on letting it grow. I want long hair. Is that all right?”
“Fine with me! This has nothing to do with masculine versus feminine. I’ve just got a thing for blonds.”
“Deal. I’ll have my mom trim the black off soon. As for what I want…”
“I’m all ears.”
“You’re too hygienic.”
“What?” Cameron cried in disbelief.
Anthony raised a hand. “Which I like, most of the time, but do you remember when you were working in the antique shop over the summer? When the air conditioner was still broken?”
“Yeah,” Cameron said, not understanding.
“You were drenched in sweat from sanding and sawing, but when I tried to get with you, we had to go home first so you could take a shower. I’d like to recreate that moment, except I want you to take me right there in the shop. If your hands aren’t covered in sawdust, I’m not interested!”
Cameron laughed. “Are you serious?”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?” Anthony said with a stern expression that cracked. “And yes, I’m dead serious.”
“All right,” Cameron said with a shrug. “I’ll give you your blue collar fantasy. My next wish has to do with a special day that’s just around the corner.”
“My birthday?”
“You wish. I’m talking about Valentine’s Day.”
Anthony groaned.
“None of that!” Cameron scolded. “I want it to be the most stereotypically romantic Valentine’s Day ever, and that means flowers, boxes of chocolate—”
“Plural?” Anthony interjected.
“That’s right. Along with cheesy cards, poetry, the works. And not a peep from you about how commercialized it all is.”
“Fine,” Anthony said. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”
“On that note,” Cameron said, thinking of prom. Then he shook his head. “Never mind.”
“Don’t hold back!”
“There’s a right way of asking you, and now isn’t the time. It’s your turn anyway.”
They continued negotiating, which was just a playful way of making a list of everything they still wanted to experience together, while the time remained. Right down to the present moment.
“I want you to hold me,” Anthony said.
“More often?”
“Sure. But especially right now.”
They went upstairs to Cameron’s room where they took turns clinging to each other, their hearts refusing to accept that they would eventually have to let go.