CHAPTER 9
Ricky wandered through the backstage area of the school auditorium, stopping on occasion to talk to a friend, his attention often drawn to where Diego sat in the makeup chair even though he didn’t need any.
Mindy was perched on a neighboring table, reading to him.
That was nothing new. Ricky was determined not to let jealousy get the better of him, especially after his behavior at their most recent D&D session.
And yet, he couldn’t ignore how happy Diego looked, a wry smile often appearing on his face.
Part of him wanted to join them, but for the wrong reason.
Ricky didn’t want to sit at Mindy’s feet and be part of story hour.
He wanted to make sure they weren’t getting too close.
Diego hadn’t given him any reason for doubt.
And yet, the heart wanted what the heart wanted.
His gaze shifted to where Cameron was standing between two ladders while attempting to balance a wooden moon on a chair.
He took a few steps back before the moon slipped and fell. Then he looked skyward in frustration.
Ricky was already moving toward him.
“Want any help?” he called.
Cameron spun around. “Yes! Oh my god… Why did I decide to put myself through this again? Set design is such a pain!”
“I think you wanted to spend more time with the people you love,” Ricky said, instantly regretting the word choice. “I mean like. As in friends.”
Cameron chuckled. “I love my friends,” he said easily. “Here. Would you mind holding this?”
He handed the painted plywood moon to Ricky, which was large but not very heavy.
Cameron walked backward. “Nice and high, above your head.” He stopped and glanced back and forth between the two ladders.
“When I found out that we’re doing Our Town, I figured it would be easy.
The staging is famously minimal. I thought I’d be hanging out and chatting with everyone instead of trying to decide how…
Actually, come here. Switch places with me.
” He took the moon from Ricky and held it up. “What do you see?”
“Um…” Ricky said. “A moon and two ladders?”
“Exactly! It’s supposed to be the night sky between houses.”
“Huh?”
“An actor will be at the top of each ladder, pretending they’re sitting next to their bedroom window. I don’t know how to convey that while keeping it minimal. At this point, I’d rather build both houses from scratch!”
Ricky scrunched up his face. “Can you at least put a window frame at the top of each ladder?”
Cameron’s eyebrows shot up. “That might work! Be right back.” He rushed over to leaning stacks of wooden set pieces and returned with an empty picture frame. He handed it to Ricky.
“Up you go!”
Ricky climbed a ladder and smiled while framing his own face. “What do you think?”
“That you’re a genius. Assuming that Ms. Deville doesn’t consider this too… what’s the opposite of minimalist?”
“Maximalist, I think.”
Cameron grinned. “Like I said, you’re a genius.”
Ricky was eager to impress him further. “You could always get rid of the wooden moon and use a spotlight instead. That might help appease her.”
“Yeah! I bet it would.” Cameron pulled out a pocket-sized notebook and slid a pencil free from the metal coil. “Let me write down some measurements real quick.”
Ricky rested the picture frame on his knees. “Want me to use the calculator on my wristwatch?”
“No. I’ve got this.” Cameron jotted down some numbers. “Speaking of the latest and greatest in technology, guess who took my computer away?”
“Uh-oh! Did you get grounded or something?”
“No. My dad showed up the other day and packed up the whole office while my mom and I weren’t there.”
“Including your computer? But we were going to use that to stay in touch!”
“I know. Wanna help me shop for a new one?”
Ricky whistled under his breath. “They’re so expensive.”
“I was hoping you would know where to find a bargain.”
“I actually do! Building your own is way cheaper.”
Cameron shoved the notebook in his pocket and looked up at him. “You overestimate my skills as a carpenter. Although I do like the idea of a wooden computer.”
Ricky laughed. “My dad and I built mine. I can show you how.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! It’ll be fun. We can go shopping for parts together. I could spend all day at a computer store. There are so many options for you to consider. You definitely want a CD-ROM drive and a sound card. We’ll make it a real multimedia machine!”
“What are you nerds talking about?” Diego’s gruff voice interrupted.
Ricky jerked in surprise, the frame sliding off his lap and breaking to pieces on the floor. “Oh shit!” he hissed. “I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Cameron said easily. “That one was too small and wasn’t part of a matching pair. I can build the two I need.”
“Want any help?” Diego asked. “This play is boring. We can make it a competition.”
Cameron bumped fists with him. “You’re on!”
“Some other time,” Diego said. “The bell is about to ring. You wanna hang out with me and Ricky?”
“I have plans with Anthony,” Cameron said, “and I wanna run this idea by Ms. Deville before I go.”
“Suit yourself.” Diego looked up at him. “What were you guys doing? Playing Romeo and Juliet?”
“What?” Ricky spluttered. “I wasn’t—”
“I know,” Diego said, opening his arms. “Jump. I’ll catch you.”
Ricky shook his head in disbelief. “You’re crazy!”
“Damn straight.”
By the time he finished scurrying down the ladder, Diego and Cameron were saying goodbye. This allowed Ricky to size them up simultaneously, which really got his heart pumping.
Cameron raised a hand in parting as he walked away. “We’ll shop for parts soon,” he promised.
“Mm-hm!” Ricky said, nodding rapidly.
Diego looped an arm around his neck as they headed toward the auditorium exit. “Sounds like you’ve got yourself a nice little playdate lined up. Between that and Dungeons and Dorks, I’m starting to feel left out.”
“You can come with us,” Ricky said, wanting to assure him that everything was on the level.
“We both know I’m not into computers. But maybe it’s time to find that thing you were looking for.”
“Really?” Ricky asked in excitement. Finding a common interest was deeply important to him.
“Uh-huh. We can start right now.” Diego kicked the push bar on the exit and used a palm to stop the door as it swung back, so Ricky could dart outside.
“What are we going to do?”
“I like cars.” Diego nodded at the parking lot. “Maybe you do too.”
“Oh.” Ricky tried to hide his disappointment. He’d spent enough time watching Diego work at the shop—even helping him on occasion—to know that tinkering with engines wasn’t a passion of his.
“Don’t worry,” Diego said. “You’re not gonna get another oil-change facial. I thought you might wanna take Frankenstein for a spin.”
Ricky perked up. “For real?”
Diego dug out the keys and handed them over. “Yup.”
“That’s so cool! I have my permit now, but my parents never let me drive. They got freaked out just because I went over that divider thing between lanes when making a U-turn.”
Diego tensed. “You mean the raised median?”
“I guess so. That was with my mom. My dad got mad at me because I scraped the side mirror at a drive-through.”
Diego swiped the keys from him. “We better give you a refresher course. Nothing personal, but I just got Frankenstein all patched up.”
“I don’t mind!”
Ricky sprinted to the car. They had done this once before on the outskirts of town. He expected that to be their destination and was surprised when they slowed and passed beneath the gate of Mount Elmore Cemetery.
He tensed. “What are we doing here?”
“A graveyard is the perfect place to practice,” Diego said when pulling over. “Country roads mostly go straight.”
The lane wound left and right through the cemetery, often diverging in different directions. Diego got out of the car, leaving the keys dangling in the ignition. He noticed Ricky’s expression when they passed each other around the front.
“You all right?”
“Yeah,” Ricky said, feeling uneasy about being here. He’d been trying very hard to forget about the note he discovered. The sooner they left this place, the better.
“Don’t sweat it,” Diego said when they were both seated in the interior again. “There’s nothing you can break that I can’t fix. You remember how to drive stick?”
“I think so.”
Diego coached him, and before long, they were cruising along the narrow lanes, Ricky laughing happily.
“This is better than any video game!”
“You score more points for going faster,” Diego goaded.
“Really?”
“Why not? If you run anyone over, we won’t have to haul the body anywhere. We’ll just bury them here. Now hit the pedal!”
Ricky eagerly complied, the wheels skidding off the road when he didn’t take a curve sharply enough, a spray of grass and turf visible in the rearview mirror. Diego didn’t seem to mind. He merely chuckled.
“You’re a natural,” he praised. “Your parents were probably making you nervous by being so on edge. Let’s hit the open road and make sure you know when to shift gears. Actually, take the next right.”
Diego kept feeding him directions, leading them deeper into the cemetery.
“Pull over.”
“What for?” Ricky asked, his hands tight on the steering wheel.
“So I can see my dad.”
“Okay.” After they had parked, he glanced over, unable to make eye contact. Diego was always so good at reading him, but Ricky didn’t want that. Not now. “Should I wait here?”
“Hell no! Don’t be a dick.”
“Sorry.”
Diego opened the glovebox and took out a bottlecap. Orange Crush, his father’s favorite drink. Of course, that wasn’t entirely true because—
“Ready?”
Ricky flinched. “Yeah!”
Diego peered at him before climbing out. Ricky kept his attention on distant sights as they walked. An old gnarled tree. The mausoleum. A statue of an angel. Diego stopped walking.
“Hey, Dad.”
Ricky watched, his face burning, as Diego got down on one knee to press the bottlecap into the dirt. There were almost enough to frame the grave.
“These are getting harder to find,” Diego said. “It’s all cans and plastic bottles these days.”
Ricky wasn’t sure if he was expected to respond until Diego stood, his attention still on the ground.
“I guess it’s been a while. Almost got into trouble recently for drag racing.
You should’ve seen the way I conned myself out of it.
You would have been proud. I kept wishing you were there though.
” Diego swallowed roughly. “This is Ricky. You’ve met him before.
He’s my boyfriend now. I don’t know what you would’ve thought of that.
It’s kinda weird, I guess.” He glanced over at him. “No offense.”
“It’s fine,” Ricky squeaked. The truth was a drumbeat inside his head, demanding to be heard. Standing here was sheer torture.
“Wanna introduce yourself to my dad?”
Ricky felt the blood drain from his face. “Um…”
“I’m fucking with you,” Diego said. “He can’t hear either one of us. He’s dead.”
“Then why do you talk to him?”
Diego shrugged. “I dunno. Just in case.”
“Oh. Do you believe in the afterlife?”
“You mean like ghosts and stuff?” Another shrug. “I know how it feels to be haunted.”
“Do you think he can see us? Or read our minds?”
Diego fixed him with a penetrating gaze, as if intending to do just that. Ricky tried to think of anything but the truth, which kept repeating over and over regardless, like a maddening mantra. Those piercing cinnamon eyes finally released him.
“So anyway,” Diego said, addressing the grave again. “Business is booming. Mom still has her shit together. Everything is fine. See ya.” Without warning, he tromped away.
Ricky scurried to keep up, torn with indecision.
Diego would want to know. No matter how devastating the outcome.
He valued the truth above all else and would expect Ricky to speak it.
But he couldn’t. The content of the note would hurt him so incredibly bad, which made it an impossible choice, because holding his tongue felt like the ultimate betrayal.
“I know what you’re hiding,” Diego grumbled.
Ricky stopped in his tracks. “What?”
His boyfriend turned around. “You keep getting that guilty expression on your face, and I don’t have to be a mindreading ghost to figure out why. You’ve got a thing for Huxley.”
Ricky moved his jaw, but there wasn’t any air left in his lungs.
Diego laughed. “It’s not a big deal. That’s just how men are built. It’s a biological imperative. We’ve got a million years of evolution urging us to propagate the species. Doesn’t matter how much you’re into someone. Your dick will always want more.”
“I love you!” Ricky managed at last.
“Yeah, I know. That’s why it doesn’t worry me. You can jerk off while thinking about Cameron or flirt with him all you want. Just don’t break my trust.”
“I wouldn’t!”
“Of course not. We wouldn’t be together if I thought you’d do that. I just want you to know that it’s natural. Like how I’ve got a thing for Mindy.”
Ricky’s brow knotted up. “You what?”
“Don’t act surprised. You’re not stupid.”
Ricky deflated. “I have noticed,” he admitted.
“Yeah, I bet.” Diego walked over to him and placed his big hands on Ricky’s shoulders, stooping to look him directly in the eye. “I don’t do it on purpose. I never want to hurt you. You’re my boyfriend, Ricky. That’s some serious shit. At least to me it is.”
“Me too,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“Good.” Diego let his hands drop. “Huxley is cool. I get why you’d be into him, so let go of the guilt.”
Ricky shook his head. “I wish it was that simple!”
“How come it’s not? Because he got a boner when you hugged him?” Diego laughed at his surprised expression. “Yeah, I know about that too. We’re good, Ricky. Unless there’s something you’re not telling me.”
Ricky swallowed and reached for him with trembling hands. Then he hugged Diego so tight that there could be no doubt as to how he felt. But just in case, he said it again.
“I love you.”
Enough to bear this burden alone. For a lifetime, if need be, no matter how much it tore him up inside. Staying silent wasn’t a betrayal. It was a sacrifice!