CHAPTER 18
Diego felt drained, and not necessarily in a bad way.
He’d been carrying around an extraordinary amount of pain, doing his best to drown it in booze or lose it in a haze of smoke, but those were merely temporary measures.
This had actually done the trick. He’d needed somewhere to unleash everything, and just like Keisha had promised, the stage was where that could happen.
He scanned the backstage area, the cast and crew still busy congratulating each other, until he found her.
“Thanks for kicking my teeth in,” he said after sauntering over. “I needed that.”
“No, thank you,” Keisha replied. “Your rather stunning performance will reflect positively on me.” Her face lit up as she noticed someone. “With all the right people.”
He followed her gaze and saw one of the Song sisters. Diego never could tell them apart.
“See ya around,” he said, cutting her loose.
Keisha nodded her appreciation and swiftly moved through the crowd.
Diego remained where he was, mostly due to the dainty hands that wrapped around his forearm, as if to keep him from escaping. “Are you okay?” Mindy asked, her eyes full of tears.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
“That was…” Her mouth quivered. “Beautiful.”
“Nah,” he said, stooping to bring his lips closer to her ear. “Between you and me, it was kind of embarrassing.”
“Boys are so silly,” she said, rolling her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with crying.”
“Hey, that was just acting.”
“It was not!” She peered at him. “Wait, was it?”
“You’ll never know,” he promised.
“Are you back now?” Mindy’s tones were pleading. “Will you actually answer my calls?”
“Yeah,” Diego said, still feeling raw. “I will.”
“Hey!”
Ricky’s voice drew their attention. He looked uncertain when approaching them.
Mindy finally let go. “Wasn’t he the best?”
“Yeah!” Ricky said. “That was incredible.”
“Fucking amazing is more like it!” Omar said, rushing over to them. “I got it all on camera! Just wait until you see.”
Diego recoiled. “I’m not gonna watch myself! I don’t even wanna remember that it happened.”
Omar was crestfallen. “But it was so beautiful.”
“Because of this guy right here.” Diego pulled Ricky close, wrapping an arm around him. “I could feel the love in that spotlight.”
Omar nodded. “You killed it at the end there, my man.”
“Thanks, guys!” Ricky said. “I had to think on my feet, because the focus wasn’t supposed to stay on Diego’s character, but after what happened… how could it not?”
“So what’s next?” Omar asked. “Do you guys usually go out and celebrate?”
“My parents always take me to get fast food,” Mindy said. “I’m too nervous to eat beforehand. I bet we could all fit in their minivan. Hey, there they are!”
Diego saw parents filing in from the auditorium. The grin slid off his face. A tall woman with a somber expression was moving toward him. “What’s she doing here?” he grumbled.
“Dude,” Omar said breathlessly. “Your mom is even hotter than I remember.”
“Shut up, Jafari.”
“Sorry, but it’s true.”
“You okay?” Ricky squeaked.
Diego had gone so tense that he was crushing his boyfriend in a squeeze. He forced himself to let go, despite not wanting to.
“Excellent work, son,” Mr. Nishikawa said, having been the first to reach them.
“Thanks, Dad!” Ricky replied.
Dad. The word made his stomach clench. He began looking over his shoulder for another way out of the building.
“That was a fantastic performance, Diego,” Mrs. Nishikawa commented.
“Huh? Oh. Thanks.”
“Hey, Pumpkin! The costumes were beautiful!”
Mindy skipped over to a balding man with ginger hair. “Thanks, Daddy!”
Diego felt a little dizzy. He didn’t want to be here right now—didn’t want to see her.
“I’m very proud of you,” he heard his mother say, the sound muted through the pounding in his ears.
As was Mrs. Nishikawa’s response. “Nice to see you again, Marti! We were so impressed by your son tonight. If we had known you were here, we would have sat next to you.”
“I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome,” Marti replied, her gaze still trained on him.
“You can do whatever you want,” Diego spat. “Just stay away from me!”
He pushed past them, ignoring their shocked expressions, and headed for the exit.
The nice thing about being his size is that once he started marching in any one direction, people practically leapt out of the way.
He slammed against the door and shoved his way out into the parking lot.
Diego was halfway to his car when he heard his mother’s voice behind him.
“Get back here! Right now!”
Diego spun around. “What do you want?”
Marti matched his scowl. “Where have you been?”
“None of your business!”
“Yes it is! I’m your mother!”
“Are we sure about that? Or is there another layer of bullshit we have to scrape away to get at the truth?”
“Do you really have any doubt?”
He didn’t. Her stature, the shared eye color, even their attitudes.
They had way too much in common. But that didn’t make what she’d done forgivable.
“I’ve got some good news for you,” Diego said.
“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.
I’m emancipating myself. You might have given birth to me, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re not my mom anymore. ”
He took satisfaction from the hurt on her face. Diego continued to his car. He expected that to be the end of it, so he was surprised when he heard her a second time.
“When are you coming home?”
Diego rounded on her. “Didn’t you hear me? I’m not your problem anymore!”
“You still need a place to live.”
“And you think that’s gonna be with you?” He barked laughter. “No fucking way. Never again.”
Marti looked as though she’d been slapped. “What about the business?”
She was trying to find a way of trapping him. Chaining him down. But none of it mattered anymore. Nothing sacred!
“Seems to be running just fine without me,” Diego said. “Although honestly, I don’t care if it burns to the ground. Or if you’re trapped inside when it does.”
Stone cold, but hey, she’d taught him to be that way. Now she was getting her just desserts.
“You can’t just walk out of my life!” she cried, sounding pathetic.
“Watch me.”
This time he made it to his car. He went around to the driver-side door, surprised to discover that she was right behind him.
“Listen to me,” she said, placing a shaking hand on the roof of his car, as if for support.
“No thanks.”
“What happened with your father—”
“Don’t call him that.”
“Your biological father—”
“You mean the guy you screwed around with?”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
Diego’s blood ran cold. His mother covered her mouth with two shaking hands, as if to shove the words back in, but it was too late.
Her eyes were wavering with fear as she awaited his reaction.
Then she began pawing at him, clutching his clothes, worried he’d try to flee.
Part of him was tempted. Of all the terrible truths…
“Please don’t be mad at me,” she pleaded.
“What do you mean it wasn’t a choice?” Diego growled.
His mother reached up to touch his face, delicately, with the tips of her fingers, like he was something precious and fragile. “I never wanted you to know. You’re my baby! But I can’t lose you. You’re all I’ve got! Please… Please! Just let it go.”
“Mom,” he said, his voice raw. “I have to know. Did he rape you? Is that what you’re saying?”
She nodded, just once, before breaking down completely. Diego caught her, his mother sagging into his arms as she sobbed. Anger abandoned him, replaced by confusion as he tried to process everything anew.
My brother is a monster. He always has been.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Diego said, first with realization, and then with conviction. “Mom! It wasn’t your fault!”
“You don’t know how hard it was to keep it a secret from your father,” Marti replied, her voice trembling. “But I did. That’s how much I loved him. And how much I love you.” She took a step back and sucked in air to steady herself. “Now please, let’s just forget about it all and go home.”
Diego worked his jaw, not used to being at a loss for words, but he knew how he felt. After living with unanswered questions for so many years, he couldn’t stand the thought of there being more. “Okay. But I need to know what happened.”
“I’m not going to give you a play-by-play!” Marti snapped.
Her anger was reassuring. Diego wasn’t used to seeing his mother so vulnerable.
Cars were pulling out around them, the laughter of happy families a stark contrast to the dark revelations that had rocked his world.
They needed to be alone for this. He went around to the passenger-side door and opened it for her.
“Let’s talk about it,” he said. “Then we can go home. Please.”
Marti considered him before nodding. Once she was seated, Diego shut the door and hurried around the car so he could slip inside.
“Sorry about the mess,” he said self-consciously.
“Now I know where you’ve been living,” his mother replied sardonically, brushing ash off the seat. Then she took a deep breath and sighed. “There isn’t much to tell. I only met him twice.”
“What was he like? I mean, aside from being a piece-of-shit rapist. I don’t even know his name.”
“Oscar. He was… intense. Domineering, but he was your father’s older brother—”
“Stop calling him that. He wasn’t my dad.”
“Yes he was!” Marti shot back. “But fine. Have it your way. Oscar was Lorenzo’s older brother.
You could tell he was used to being in charge and calling the shots.
We were just starting out the first time I met him.
We’d barely been together a year. We had a little apartment in Gardner.
Your father—Lorenzo—had found work as a mechanic there.
Oscar stopped by out of the blue. We were watching TV after dinner one night when he showed up at the door.
I could tell Lorenzo felt uneasy around him, but I figured it was just sibling rivalry or whatever.
We had some drinks and he stayed the night on our couch.
The next morning he was gone. Oscar told me he was a truck driver, but he showed up in a car. I think he was a drug runner.”
“I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Diego grumbled.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Marti asked. She shook her head. “I don’t want to know. You’re nothing like him anyway.”
Diego swallowed. “So when did it happen?”
“About a year later, after we’d gotten married. Oscar showed up unexpectedly again, except this time Lorenzo was out of town. His boss had sent him and another guy to pick up a truck he’d bought out of state. Oscar wanted to stay the night again. He was my husband’s brother. I never thought…”
Marti shrugged. She didn’t say more.
“You’re not exactly a pushover,” Diego said.
“You’re asking if I fought back?” Marti spat. “What do you think?” She brought a trembling hand to her neck. “He had a knife! I didn’t want to die. I only wanted it to be over.”
“Where is he now?” Diego snarled. “Just tell me where to find him!”
“I don’t know,” Marti replied. “And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell your father.
He would have killed him. His own brother!
They would have thrown him in jail. I just wanted to forget it ever happened.
We moved not long after that. I figured if Oscar ever showed up again, I wouldn’t answer the door, or I’d make sure to never be alone with him.
He stayed away though. For obvious reasons. ”
“Did he know about me?” Diego asked, his voice hoarse.
Marti met his gaze and shook her head. “I didn’t either.
When I found out I was pregnant, the thought crossed my mind, but we were already trying so…
It wasn’t until years later, when I wanted a daughter, that I started to wonder, because we weren’t having any luck.
Lorenzo went to see a doctor. He didn’t tell me.
If I knew he was planning to, I would’ve told him that I changed my mind.
I should have made him get a vasectomy! But I honestly didn’t know.
After the test results came in, Lorenzo accused me of cheating.
We got into an argument, but it passed. Then he took a trip to El Paso to see his mom.
I don’t know what happened there, but when he came back, everything was different. ”
“Did he see his brother?”
“Yes. Oscar must have said something. I don’t know why he would have.
Maybe to be cruel. By then I’d heard stories about how he treated Lorenzo when they were growing up.
I never had a chance to tell your father the truth.
I thought he was just having another bout of depression.
That happened sometimes. It wasn’t until I read the letter—” Marti’s voice choked to a halt.
“That’s enough,” she said, her tone steely cold. “I’m done with this topic.”
“Okay,” Diego said. And he meant it. She’d already been through enough. “I’ll never ask you about it again.”
“Good.” She placed her hand over his and squeezed. “Will you come home now?”
“Yeah. I need to think, but I’ll meet you there.”
Marti studied him. “I’m so glad to have you. No matter the circumstances. I wanted a son. If that’s the price I had to pay, you were worth it. What happened doesn’t tarnish you in any way. Understand? You’re still the same man that you were before. This changes nothing.”
Diego didn’t agree, but he understood what she was getting at.
Finding out that you were the product of rape would fuck with most people’s heads.
Not him. The news almost came as a relief, because for the first time since he found the dead body of the man who raised him, Diego finally had someone to blame.
Being pissed off at a ghost hadn’t gotten him anywhere.
Hating his own mother hadn’t felt good, but this Oscar guy, he was still out there somewhere, and this mess really was his fault.
Now it was time for him to pay for all the pain he’d inflicted.
Diego would see to that personally.