CHAPTER 19
Silvia had a hand cupped over one of the headphone speakers, pressing it to her right ear while the rest hung loose.
She bobbed along to the soulful song as Anthony knelt on his bed and watched, his green eyes brimming with emotion.
The music conjured up just as much inside her.
Partly because of how powerful it was, but also because she knew why the music resonated so strongly with him. She exhaled as the song came to an end.
“Wow. Who was that again?”
“Jeff Buckley,” Anthony replied. “He’s going to be huge.”
“If the rest of the album is this good, then yes!”
“I’ve been listening to that on repeat all week,” Anthony said, flopping next to her.
With both of their backs resting against the headboard, pillows trapped between, they were like a married couple who were about to turn in for the night.
“I can see why.”
“Our last goodbye,” Anthony said with a swallow. “I’m dreading it.”
“But unlike the song, at least you and Cameron know each other,” Silvia said, wanting to cheer him up.
“How could he?” he mumbled in response. “I barely know myself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Anthony was quiet a moment before responding. “I’m just being dramatic. So you really liked it?”
“The song? Yes! Is there more?”
“No. That’s a promotional single. It isn’t even out yet. These are the sorts of things you miss out on at your fancy-pants law firm.”
Silvia laughed. “That’s why I’ve installed you there in my place. And believe me, the law firm is anything but fancy.”
“Do you like working there?”
She searched herself before nodding. “Yes. It can be very stressful. Like facing your worst fear over and over again. Most of the clients are in similar situations as my family. But I also get to see all the ways Sharon can help them, and that gives me hope. The money isn’t bad either.”
“How much do you make?”
“Six dollars an hour.”
Anthony sat upright. “Oh my god! You’re rich! Let’s order a pizza.”
She laughed. “Fine with me.”
Silvia had already worked through the day. They both had. Now they deserved a treat. Anthony called in the order, putting on a seductive voice while she did her best not to giggle.
“Just on one half, yes,” he said breathlessly. “I can only handle so much sausage. I’ll be lucky to squeeze it all in.”
After he hung up, they resumed sorting through music he’d brought from the record store.
“Who would name their album Dookie?” she asked with a snort.
“Some punk band no one’s ever heard of. I’m eager to get your take. A lot of the songs are really—”
The doorbell interrupted him. They looked at each other in puzzlement.
“That can’t be the pizza already,” she said.
Anthony shrugged. “Who else could it be?”
Their boyfriends were busy: Omar working, Cameron playing Dungeons & Dragons.
Mindy and Ricky were part of that group too, which covered their most immediate friends except for Keisha, who wasn’t likely to show up here.
They went to investigate, since no one else was home to answer the door.
Silvia stopped halfway down the stairs to watch.
“It is a pizza boy,” Anthony said before stepping out of the way so she could see. “Just not the one we were expecting.”
“Hey, babe!” Omar said, smiling brightly.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, laughing as he rushed up the stairs to kiss her.
“I’m on my dinner break,” he explained. “I just had to see you, even though I can only stay a few minutes. I skated my ass off to get here.”
“Do you want something to eat?” Anthony asked. “I can make you a sandwich. Or we have cereal.”
“Nah,” Omar said. “I’m surrounded by pizza at work. I’ll just grab a few slices in between filming stuff. Wait, did you guys order pizza?”
“Yes,” Silvia said, not understanding why Anthony was slashing a finger across his throat.
“As in delivery?” Omar asked, his eyes narrowing. “That means you didn’t get it from Archie’s.”
“Because that isn’t an option,” Silvia replied. “They don’t deliver.”
“I would have brought it to you! Don’t tell me you ordered from a chain! Which one was it?”
“Next time we’ll choose Archie’s,” Anthony said diplomatically. “Even if we have to pick it up.”
“Or have our own personal pizza boy bring it,” Silvia said before sniffing. “You do smell good.”
“They don’t sell this kind of cologne in stores,” Omar said, wafting air toward her. Then he stepped forward for another kiss.
“Do you two want to be alone?” Anthony asked.
“Nah. You can watch.” He leaned toward her again.
Silvia held him at bay. “Not on the stairs. We’ll break our necks if we fall. Come up to Anthony’s room.”
“I really don’t have time,” he said with an apologetic wince.
“That’s my line,” she replied.
“For real. Which is why I’m here. I want every minute I can get.”
“I’ve been really busy too,” Anthony grumbled from the entryway.
“Yeah, but you don’t put out,” Omar retorted.
“Try me!”
Silvia laughed. “I wouldn’t mind seeing that.”
“That’s two votes,” Anthony said.
“In your dreams,” Omar replied as he hustled back down the stairs. “Actually, could I get something to drink?”
“Oh, now you want my favors,” Anthony teased.
They went to the kitchen and watched Omar chug water from the tap, spilling some on the striped multicolored polo he wore for work. After gasping, he grinned at them. “Gotta run. Would you uh… walk me to my skateboard?”
“Sure,” Silvia said.
“I’ll be in my room,” Anthony said, trudging out of the kitchen.
Omar had left his board on the front stoop. Once there, he turned and kissed her, Silvia reciprocating, because it really had been too long since they’d had enough time together.
“When do I get to see you again?” he asked. “For real.”
“Mindy’s birthday party is tomorrow,” she said with an apologetic wince. “But maybe you could be my plus-one.”
“Think she’ll want me there?”
“The guy who films birthdays? Just bring your camcorder.”
“Deal!” His dark eyes sparkled for her. “See you then.”
“Okay.”
Omar didn’t move.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
He shook his head. “I just decided to quit.”
“You better not!” she pushed him playfully. He came right back and kissed her again.
“Okay. I’m going. For real this time.”
Silvia watched him skate down the driveway.
“When the other guy shows up,” Omar hollered, “tell him his pizza sucks!”
“I’ll say it to his face!” she promised. Falsely, of course.
When she went back upstairs to Anthony’s room, he was aggressively reorganizing a shelf full of CDs and cassettes. “Everything okay?” she asked, leaning against the door to shut it.
Anthony spun around to face her. Then he sighed. “You’re so lucky.”
“So are you,” she reminded him. “I’d be jealous too if Cameron had shown up to kiss you. He’s very handsome.”
“It’s not that,” Anthony said, nibbling his bottom lip. “I wish I could be you. Just for a day.”
“Because of Omar?”
“No. To see what it’s like.”
She shook her head, not understanding. “You want to live in a trailer park with undocumented parents? Because that can be arranged. I like your room way better than mine. I literally share a bed with my little brother. I have to sleep facing the wall or he breathes on me the whole night. It’s so gross. ”
He laughed before his expression became somber. “I’d be willing to pay the price of admission, yeah. If I could be a girl.”
“Boys have it so much easier,” she retorted.
“Not when you’re like me.”
“Because you’re gay?”
He shook his head. “I’m not the most masculine guy. I just think it would be a better fit for me.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Can’t we swap bodies for a while and find out? How does it work in movies? We need one of those Zoltar fortune-telling machines.”
He said this so wistfully that she knew he wasn’t joking. Silvia thought about how happy he’d been after they’d dressed him up like a girl. He’d even taken on a new name. Annie. And the crazy thing was, it had been easy to think of him that way. As an actual girl. A hot one too!
“Do you want to do another makeover like we did with Keisha and Mindy?” she asked, sitting on the corner of his bed. “Although we don’t have any clothes here, besides what I’m wearing.”
“Actually…” Anthony said, his eyes darting down to her outfit.
She laughed, thinking he was being silly.
Anthony blushed and looked away.
“Oh! You really want to—”
“No!” he said hurriedly. Then he grimaced. “I’m just curious about a few things.”
She patted the bed next to her. “You can ask me anything.”
He sat down tentatively. “What’s it like having boobs?”
“Inconvenient,” she replied immediately. “Wearing a bra is not fun.”
“How come?”
“Try it on and find out!”
“I wasn’t suggesting—” he began to splutter.
“I know. But why not? It’ll give me a break from it.”
Anthony searched her eyes, his own filling with hope. “That would be amazing! I could borrow one from my mom, but that freaks me out, for some reason.”
She laughed. “I’d love to see you with boobs. Let’s do it!”
They pulled off their shirts. Silvia wasn’t shy about changing in front of other girls.
Gay guys weren’t much different, so she didn’t bother turning around when taking off her bra.
Anthony stared briefly before averting his eyes.
She handed the bra to him. His frame was enviably thin.
He didn’t have much in the way of pecs, just the slightest outline above a ripple of ribs.
“How do I put it on?” he asked in confusion.
Silvia helped him. Then they stuffed it with folded socks from his dresser drawer. Anthony glanced down at himself.
“I need to see in the mirror,” he said before rushing from the room.
Silvia followed him to the bathroom, still topless and feeling liberated. She never thought it fair that men could go around bare-chested, while that was somehow considered shameful for women. So ridiculous!
Anthony turned side to side in the bathroom mirror, studying his profile. He was wearing makeup, as he tended to on the weekends. His hair was starting to get shaggy. If she blurred her eyes, she could see him as a woman.
“What do you think?” she asked.
“I’m not sure.” Anthony squeezed his breasts experimentally. “I don’t find it so uncomfortable.”
“You have to imagine them attached to you. And heavier. Boobs weigh more than socks.”
His eyes darted to her reflection and away again, his cheeks flushing.
“You can look at them,” she invited. “I don’t mind.”
“Really?”
“Sure!”
He turned around and stared for a second. “You don’t have to do this,” he said apologetically. “I’ve seen them in movies before.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t convey what they’re really like. Here.” She grabbed his hand and placed it on one of her breasts.
“Um…” he said, sounding uncomfortable until he gave a tentative squeeze. “Oh! They’re so much firmer than I was expecting!” His right hand joined the other. “And somehow still soft.”
His palms kept brushing her nipples, sending a tingle through her. And he was very pretty.
“They’re so cool!” Anthony raved. “I’m starting to see why straight guys are obsessed with them.”
“Okay!” she said, grabbing his wrists to move his hands away. “We don’t want to make Omar jealous.”
“Sorry,” Anthony said, turning toward the mirror again. But not out of embarrassment. He considered himself anew and adjusted his cleavage. “I still say you’re lucky.”
He didn’t seem at all interested in her. Neither did any other gay guy she’d met, but then, they also hadn’t expressed a desire to know what it was like to be her. Silvia wasn’t sure she understood why that was so important to him, but she also didn’t mind.
“I would switch bodies with you,” she said. “For a day.”
Anthony’s eyes went wide. “If there’s anything of mine you need to see…”
“No!” she said before laughing. “Omar has been very helpful in that regard.”
Anthony laughed too. “I bet. So have you ever wanted to be a guy? And not just because there was a straight girl you wanted to seduce.”
She shook her head. “No. I’ve wanted to be a man in certain social situations, but what I want even more is to be treated equally.”
He nodded. “That makes sense.”
“But that’s something you’ve wanted?” Silvia pried. “To be a girl?”
Anthony’s jaw snapped shut.
“You were so beautiful as Annie,” she said, wanting him to know that she was supportive.
Anthony opened his mouth again. Then he shook his head, as if reaching a decision. “I just thought it would be fun.”
When he checked his reflection again, Anthony didn’t seem amused. He was transfixed.
“Okay,” he said, as if gathering strength to do something that went against his wishes. “How do I get it off?”
“You’re the one who thinks it’s easy to have boobs,” Silvia teased. “Ever seen someone trying to squirm their way out of a straitjacket?”
Anthony began to do a decent imitation as he pulled at the straps.
The doorbell rang.
“The pizza is here,” Silvia said. “Better hurry!”
“I’m trying! Go answer the door!”
“Without my bra? I couldn’t possibly! Tell me again how easy it is?”
“Arrrrgh!”
Silvia laughed and set him free. A few minutes later, they were sitting at the kitchen table, both fully dressed again and munching pizza.
Her bra remained off though. She might “accidentally” leave it here when she went, certain Anthony would like that.
He grinned randomly throughout the meal, as if some joyous thought kept occurring to him.
Silvia had her suspicions but left them unspoken.
Anthony would tell her when he was ready.
For now, she was pleased to have contributed to his happiness.