Chapter 12 #2
He laughed, pleased with himself, and enjoyed more of his wine, while around him, Darcy turned pale, Elizabeth and Jane crimson red, and Mr. Bennet frowned.
Mrs. Bennet dropped her cup of tea on her dress and remained still, frozen in bewilderment.
The dazzled silence lasted as long as an eternity; eventually, realising the consequence of his indiscretion, Bingley mumbled incoherently, begging for forgiveness.
Elizabeth heard and saw nothing; she was caught and spun around in a storm of dreadful sensations that made her almost lose consciousness. She felt she would fall down, so she looked for something to support herself. She grabbed the edge of the coffee table, scattering some cups on it.
“Forgive me,” Elizabeth whispered as she ran out of the room, before anyone could stop her.
Another moment of bewilderment followed; Jane glanced at her betrothed’s tormented expression, struggled between her two loves and finally said, “Please excuse me; I am going to find Lizzy.”
She left the drawing room in the same haste, while Darcy and Bingley – both lost for words, guilty and deeply embarrassed for different reasons–remained with Mr. and Mrs. Bennet.
“I am so very sorry for my indiscretion…I did not think…I feel so dizzy and…I deeply apologise,” Bingley mumbled.
Mrs. Bennet ignored him completely and turned to Darcy.
“You were locked in the library with Lizzy?” she asked, her feelings so obvious on her countenance that Darcy wondered how long she would remain in apparent calmness.
“Yes, ma’am,” he answered.
“As far as I know, Lizzy locked herself in the library with him, so it was her fault,” Mr. Bennet interjected, perfectly composed.
“You knew about this, Mr. Bennet?” his wife continued her enquiry.
“I did. Both Mr. Darcy and Lizzy told me about it. It was one of those unfortunate and rather humorous occurrences. It seems they both share a deep love of books and neither could sleep without reading.”
“It was by no means Miss Bennet’s fault,” Darcy readily replied. “It was a mere accident, due to a broken doorknob.”
“My brother-in-law, Hurst, broke it. He had drunk too much one evening and… Just as I drank too much today and…Such a fool I am…I hope Miss Elizabeth is not upset with me.”
“Mr. Bennet, Mrs. Bennet, if you will allow me to explain…” Darcy tried. Mrs. Bennet’s cries shattered the room.
“There is nothing to explain, Mr. Darcy! I do not imply it was your fault, but the situation is terrible! If someone else were to hear of it, Lizzy’s reputation would be forever compromised. She will never be able to go out in the world, without being blamed and censured by everyone!”
It was precisely what Darcy expected and feared. Bingley’s jolly disposition, on the first evening of his engagement, had brought equal joy and torment to the Bennets and, while he had made one sister happy, he surely had hurt another one.
“I assure you this will not happen,” Bingley attempted but he was readily silenced.
“Mr. Bingley! I do love you dearly, but you must agree that you cannot be trusted on this matter,” Mrs. Bennet cried; he only lowered his head in acceptance.
“We have had too many surprises and too much excitement for one day, so I must ask everyone to calm down and to be reasonable. I am happy to have my first daughter so happily engaged and will not see that ruined by arguing over an accident that occurred from excessive drinking and extensive reading,” Mr. Bennet mocked his companions.
“But, Mr. Bennet…!” his wife interrupted.
“Mrs. Bennet, I said that would be all for tonight! Not another word on the subject! Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley, I believe you had better return to Netherfield now. We expect Mr. Collins to arrive soon and any allusion to this subject is forbidden in his presence.”
“Of course,” Darcy said, while Bingley continued to apologise. “Mr. Bennet, please send me a note whenever you feel inclined to bear a short conversation to clarify what is left unsettled, sir.”
“Do come back tomorrow and have a drink with me. Only one,” he emphasized, glaring at Bingley reproachfully. “And we may talk of anything you want, Mr. Darcy.”
Hasty, awkward farewells were taken and the freezing night sharpened the two gentlemen’s thoughts and self-reproaches.
Darcy realised he had failed to speak to both Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet about the dangerous presence of Wickham. But somehow, the importance of that subject diminished in comparison to Elizabeth’s grieved countenance.
Riding along at a steady pace, listening to Bingley’s continuous laments and apologies, Darcy’s turmoil grew unbearable.
Elizabeth’s feelings were painfully clear, based on her reaction.
Even if her opinion of him had improved, even if she admitted she felt hurt by the false report of his engagement, she was still appalled by the prospect of marrying him.
Why else would she have almost fainted in distress at Bingley’s thoughtless disclosure?
Mrs. Bennet was certainly determined to take the opportunity to insist upon a marriage in compensation. He had long ceased being opposed to the idea, unlike Elizabeth–and apparently her father.
He could not decide what the best action under the present circumstances might be.
Elizabeth’s suffering hurt him as much as his helplessness in comforting her.
If he could at least talk to her and assure her that he would only do what she wanted.
But she had taken even that chance from him and he had to struggle with her tearful image for another night.
They arrived at Netherfield and both retired to their rooms, refusing to join the others for dinner. Bingley’s sisters’ rude comments about the Bennets and their renewed opposition to their brother’s engagement were insupportable that particular evening.
∞∞∞
Once the guests had left, Mrs. Bennet almost ran to Elizabeth’s chamber, her husband following her. She did not remember Mr. Bennet having entered his daughters’ rooms in years. Now, the extraordinary situation had broken that habit, most likely forever.
Elizabeth was sitting on the bed, with Jane at her side. She felt helpless in her suffering and very angry over Bingley’s foolishness.
An hour earlier, her fears had been dissipated by Darcy telling her the truth and by their renewed friendship. They needed only a short period of solitude to speak honestly and to clarify their misapprehensions. And then–everything was ruined one more time.
Her mother would see no reason to ignore the matter and surely would not allow such an opportunity to be missed.
Having a man such as Darcy as her son-in-law–under any circumstances–would fulfil her lifetime goal and she would not miss it.
And he would rightfully feel trapped and cheated.
And even if he should agree to marry her–as he had already declared several times–how would her life with him be?
How could he bear to know that he shared his life–in the most intimate ways–with her because he had no other choice?
The sound of the door opening and her mother’s voice did not surprise Elizabeth. But her father’s involvement did. Her parents sat on the settee, facing her.
“Lizzy my dear, how could you keep such a secret from me? Can you not see what is happening? God is helping us with his generous blessing! You can marry Mr. Darcy! Such a tall, handsome man! And you do not even hate him so much now! Can you imagine what that means? What pin money you will have, what houses, what parties! Nobody in our family has ever imagined something like that! Mr. Bingley is truly nothing to him!”
“Mama!” Jane intervened, aghast.
“Hush, Jane, this is not about you! So, Lizzy, why are you crying my dear?”
Elizabeth raised her eyes and looked at her parents with a strength and a determination that she had never felt before. She responded with a chilling composure that astonished the others.
“Papa already knows the whole story and I cannot repeat it now. Mama, I understand that you only wish what is best for me, but I shall never, ever enter into a forced marriage with anyone, and even less so with Mr. Darcy. Nothing occurred between us and I will not ruin my life and his over a foolish accident. Even if you send me away, if you denounce me, my decision is made and I will not change it!”
“But Lizzy! What do you mean? Surely you are joking! Lizzy!”
“I am not joking! Forgive me, Mama, I must rest now. I feel very ill…”
“Lizzy! You cannot be so selfish, so thoughtless as you always have been! You cannot think only of yourself! You will marry him; I will take care of that! He cannot refuse to do what is right, even more so since his friend is marrying Jane soon! No woman in her right mind would refuse to become Mrs. Darcy!”
Mrs. Bennet’s cries shook the windows but Elizabeth’s determination remained unmoved.
“Mrs. Bennet, enough of this,” Mr. Bennet eventually demanded. “I allowed you to vent, but this is rather ridiculous. As I told the gentlemen–we had better leave now before we completely lose our dignity and we shall speak more reasonably tomorrow.”
Mrs. Bennet argued and opposed but her husband’s will won over hers. She allowed herself to be pushed to the door, and from there she turned to Elizabeth one more time.
“But Lizzy, I cannot understand you! Do you really hate him so much?”
Elizabeth did not answer; she hurried to lock the door and only then did she throw herself on the bed and start to sob.
No, she did not hate him. She loved him so much.