Chapter 13
In the library, Mr. Bennet had to endure another hour of arguing with his wife. Mrs. Bennet looked so distressed that she seemed in danger of dying from her nerves. But, like many times before in their four and twenty years of marriage, such a tragedy did not happen.
When exhaustion finally silenced her, Mr. Bennet took pity on her distress and said, touching her head, “Mrs. Bennet, I know you mean well. And I fully support your quest to secure our daughters’ felicity.
But please calm yourself and consider the situation properly.
Mr. Darcy came to relate the entire situation to me a week ago.
So he has no intentions of refusing to comply with his duties, if necessary.
He is an honourable man with a great character.
But I strongly believe there is no need to force the decision, nor to make a spectacle of ourselves.
If we are careful not to spread the rumours, they will die soon. ”
“But, Mr. Bennet, Lizzy is being completely unreasonable! If Mr. Darcy is willing to marry her, why would she refuse so foolishly to…”
“Mrs. Bennet, I will ask you again. Let us think thoroughly before we start lamenting again. Just remember what Lizzy said. She never said she would not marry him, she only refused to trap him into a forced marriage…”
Mrs. Bennet listened but barely comprehended his meaning. She was too distracted and too desperate to have her way and she started to talk again. While she spoke, her own words struck her and she suddenly stopped, stared at her husband and uttered, “Ohhhhhhh…I see…Yes, she did…Indeed, she did…oh…”
She rose and paced the room, sat again and rose one more time.
“This is extraordinary indeed. What should I do now? Should I go and apologise to her? What is to be done?”
“Mrs. Bennet! I beg you–go and order dinner! I am starving and I cannot bear more wailing tonight! I need some remaining strength for Mr. Collins, when he returns from the Lucases. I was just thinking–what if God would be so good to us and advise him to propose to Charlotte Lucas? I am sure he was invited and spent almost the entire day there. Would you mind?”
“Mr. Collins?! Why would I care about him? He can marry Charlotte and Maria Lucas at the same time, if he wishes to do so. He means nothing to me. Why would I bother to even think of him?”
“I am happy to hear that. Now, please indulge me with dinner and then let us sleep on this situation. I have a good feeling about tomorrow. A good feeling indeed.”
∞∞∞
Elizabeth did not remember crying in her entire life as much as she did that night. She knew she was being unreasonable, she knew she had no real reason for such torment, but she could not master her feelings and her temper.
She was curious how the evening ended, how Mr. Darcy had concluded the conversation with her mother, what he was thinking, what he intended to do, how her mother intended to proceed.
She dreaded the new day even more than the previous night.
The thought of facing her mother again and resuming their argument was hard to bear.
And her greatest fear was that her mother had already mentioned something in the presence of Lydia, Kitty or Mr. Collins.
If she had, from that moment on, everything was lost.
Restless, yet exhausted by her lack of sleep and tumult of feelings, she waited for the dawn.
Earlier than ever before, she dressed in the thickest clothes she could find, wrapped herself in a blanket and left the house.
It was freezing and her steps were unsteady, but she continued walking forward. A sharp, cold breeze brushed over her cheeks and drops fell on her face.
Her soul was heavy, shadowed with a deep sadness. But outside, the light slowly broke through the darkness and daylight found her in the wild corner of the garden.
There, in one of her favourite places, Elizabeth lost track of time. She leaned against a tree, with the blanket held tightly around her, and finally found some peace. With her thoughts silenced and her turmoil smoothed, despite the coldness, she fell asleep.
Sometime later, when the sun was already up, Elizabeth awoke, confused and startled by Hill shaking her and calling her name.
“Miss Lizzy, what are you doing here? Dear Lord, you will die from the cold! We were all worried sick about you, but Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy arrived earlier and they said they did not see you on the road. So we hoped you were somewhere close to the house and we are all looking for you! I am so glad I found you!”
“Thank you, Hill. I am sorry I gave you so much trouble, but there is no need to worry. I am fine.”
She rose and put the blanket aside, brushing her clothes and her bonnet, nervous already.
“So we have guests so early?”
“Yes. Look–Mr. Darcy is coming towards us! I found Miss Lizzy,” Hill called to him and he nodded, hastening his steps.
“Thank you, Hill,” she repeated. “Please return to the house; I assure you I am perfectly well.”
“The master said for you to come to the library the moment I found you!”
“I am going to change first, Hill. I cannot present myself in front of Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley in such disorder. I must look awful,” Elizabeth responded.
“But Miss, the master said the moment you arrived!”
“Tell him you missed me, Hill. Please,” she replied severely.
It was too late to turn; Darcy was there, only inches away, scrutinising her with his dark, intense stare.
Hill left immediately, leaving them alone, embarrassed and distressed.
“Miss Bennet…”
“Mr. Darcy… Please forgive my appearance, I am sure I look very ill. I am not… I must change…”
“Miss Bennet, please…if you are concerned about your appearance, I assure you there is nothing to worry about…Quite the contrary. If you do not wish to speak to me, let me know and I will not bother you any longer.”
“I am not…I do not…I wish to speak to you, of course,” she answered, barely coherently. “You have already spoken to my father, I assume?”
“I have… He was kind enough to accept a private meeting and we discussed several matters of importance to all of us. Afterwards, he sent for you and then we discovered you were missing.”
“I was in the garden…” she explained childishly. “Is this why my father asked for me?”
“I imagine as much. He demanded to speak to both of us together.”
Elizabeth breathed deeply, growing angry with her father for neglecting her wishes.
“Very well, let us go then. I would prefer to change into more proper attire first, but my father seems determined to ignore my requests entirely,” she said nervously.
Her apparent ire and opposition to the conversation only strengthened Darcy’s doubts and fears. He followed her silently and opened the library door for her.
Elizabeth took off her coat, her gloves and her bonnet and stepped towards her father. She was cold, tired, angry and utterly disappointed in him.
“How may I help you, Papa?” she asked.
He looked at her sharply. “You would have been of great help if you had not disappeared without any consideration for your family. And strangely, you are the one who sounds angry,” he declared. Elizabeth remained still, surprised by his severity.
“I was in the garden, Papa. I am sorry if you were worried. I think I fell asleep.”
“I see. Well, here is some coffee or tea to warm you. I will be in my chamber, while you talk to Mr. Darcy. Everything he will tell you, I am already aware of. I am counting on your sense and sensibility to make the most of this conversation, which will never be repeated under the same circumstances.”
“But Papa…” she tried to stop him, but he waved his hand in refusal and closed the door behind him.
∞∞∞
Silence fell heavily over them and neither could find the words to begin.
If Darcy had expected the discussion, Elizabeth had been caught entirely unprepared.
Each avoided the other’s eyes, gazing uncomfortably around the room.
She took a cup of tea and sat. He stood in front of her, at a certain distance.
“Miss Bennet, I am sure the reason for this rather improper meeting is no mystery to you. I did not expect your father to leave us alone but I am confident he knows what the best action is for your benefit,” Darcy said warmly.
“I am sure he believes so…”
“I know you disagree with him–and even with me. I do not want you to do anything against your will, Miss Bennet. I beg you to believe me that your well-being is my main concern, much more important than my own wishes.”
“Mr. Darcy, you must not neglect your well-being for mine and sacrifice your own wishes. I assure you that is not necessary. Mr. Bingley’s error was…
uncomfortable but we cannot turn it into a tragedy, really!
I know you are a man of great honour and you feel it is your duty to right any wrong, but I will not have it. ”
“Am I to understand you prefer to completely abandon the subject of a possible marriage as a solution to defeat a possibly harmful rumour?” he asked hesitantly.
She daringly met and held his eyes. “Utterly and completely.”
“I see…” He stepped back, suddenly burdened by a weight he could barely carry.
“Then be it as you choose, Miss Bennet. If this subject is so appalling to you, I will be silenced forever. I only regret that I could not conduct myself in a manner that did not make you despise me and consider marriage to me as the worst possible situation for you. It is my fault, I know that. I had better leave you now, I fear there is not much else to discuss.”
He walked towards the door and she watched his lowered shoulders, then his fingers brushing through his hair. A cutting ache took her breath away.
“Mr. Darcy! What do you mean, sir?”
He stopped. “What do I mean?” he repeated and turned, dumbfounded.
“Why would you say that I despise you? What makes you believe that? Was my behaviour to you so rude?”