Chapter Five
Natasha
When Maksim returns to our room, I’m already in bed, trying to fall asleep but I can’t stop the pain in my chest. He said he left to give me some space but that’s not what I want. I want to get to know him. I want him to want this when it’s obvious he doesn’t.
I squeeze my eyes shut as he gets in the bed. I can feel him looking at me but I don’t dare look back. After a long moment, he finally turns off the light and I can relax.
I desperately want to ask him what he was doing when he left our hotel on our wedding night. Was it to drink some more? Was it to meet up with another woman? I know nothing about Maksim but the one thing I do know is that he doesn’t want this marriage.
There’s a tenseness in the air between us. We both know that I’m awake and just pretending to be asleep. Neither one of us knows how to cross the huge cavern between us.
After a long while, sleep overtakes me and I wake up to Maksim not in our bed but I relax when I hear the shower going. He didn’t leave.
Why do I want him to stay with me anyway? It’s not like I have feelings for him. I was forced into this marriage too. I would have much preferred to stay in my room all alone and not have to deal with these confusing emotions. But it would have been nice if Maksim at least seemed interested in me.
He did say I was beautiful last night but then he promptly left. I don’t understand him.
I run to my suitcase and grab out a summer dress to wear. I’m in the act of undressing when I hear the shower turn off. Hurrying faster, I manage to get my bra and underwear on but not my dress before Maksim is leaving the bathroom in nothing but a towel.
I freeze, my face on fire. I clutch the dress to my body. Maksim freezes as well.
“You’re awake,” he states.
“Yes.”
My eyes flick over his body. His toned chest. His strong arms. He looks more like a Greek god than an actual human.
That’s when I notice Maksim looking me over too. I take a step back. It’s all too much too fast.
He clears his throat and looks away from me. “Sorry. I’ll let you get dressed.” He heads back into the bathroom, leaving me alone once more.
Did he like what he saw? Or did he hate how I look? I can’t read him.
After putting on my dress, I stand in the room awkwardly before I force myself to knock on the bathroom door. “I’m done.”
He comes back out, still only in his towel. “So, we’re heading for our honeymoon today. Greece. We need to be at the airport in a few hours.”
I frown. “My dad never mentioned a honeymoon. I thought we were staying here for the night and then…”
“I didn’t know we were going to have a honeymoon either. But I was told last night. So let’s just get it over with and then we can go back to our own lives.”
“Our own lives? Won’t I be living with you?”
“Yes. But I just meant we can do our own thing. We don’t have to pretend to like each other if we don’t want to. This is a marriage to protect our alliance. It’s not out of love.”
“I know that.”
He blinks like he’s unsure of what to say before he turns to his suitcase and right before my very eyes, drops his towel so I can see his entire bare backside. I squeak and whip around, covering my eyes.
Maksim chuckles. “You can look if you want.”
“I don’t want,” I say in a harsher tone than I mean to. Maksim goes quiet and I wish I could read his face.
“I’m dressed,” he says after a minute.
Taking a deep breath, I turn around. “I didn’t mean for that to sound… well, mean,” I admit.
“I’ve never had a woman not want to look at my naked body before.”
“I don’t need to be reminded of the women you’ve been with in the past.” I’m not sure why it bothers me so much. Maybe because I have no experience and Maksim has too much of it.
“Right.”
“Where were you last night?”
“Last night?”
“When you left. Were you with… a woman?” I don’t want to ask but it’s going to kill me inside if I don’t know.
“No. In fact, I ran into your father and mine as well. They told me about the honeymoon. I think they want this to work as best as it can.”
“Oh.” Now I feel silly for worrying so much.
Until Maksim speaks again. “But I did go for another drink.”
“Do you have to be drunk to be around me? Am I that horrible?”
His frown somehow makes him look even more handsome. “No. Not at all. You’re not horrible, Natasha. I just… fuck. I don’t know. I just don’t want this marriage. I didn’t choose it.”
“And neither did I.”
“So why do you seem so angry with me all the time? Neither one of us wanted this. Let’s just accept that and move on. We can try to make this work but we both have to try.”
“And you think I’m not trying? I’ve never been in this position before. I’ve never even dated before. I don’t know how to handle any of this.”
“You just seem so cold and distant.”
“And so do you,” I snap back. Never have I done this before. With my father, I’ve always had to be as docile as I can be.
A hard mask crosses his face. “Fine then. Let’s just go on this honeymoon for the sake of our father’s.
We’ll do our duty. We’ll make sure peace is ensured.
But maybe we just agree that we don’t have to force this.
That we don’t have to get along or like each other. That we just… exist around each other.”
“Fine.” Except that sounds horrible. The last thing I want is to be miserable in my marriage for the rest of my life.
There feels like there’s a ten-foot pole between us when we leave the hotel. Our fathers are waiting for us outside near a town car.
“Just wanted to see you two off for your honeymoon,” Maksim’s father says. Gregor. I was formally introduced to him last night at the wedding but so much of it was a blur, I barely remember anything.
“Thanks,” Maksim says in a tight voice.
“Take care of my daughter,” my father warns. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Yes, sir,” he says.
Lev sets his eyes onto me. “Natasha, make me proud.”
“Yes, father.” I bow my head. Always the docile daughter.
The coldness between Maksim and I continues on the drive to the airport and on the airplane and even after we land in Greece. We don’t talk to each other the entire time.
On the airplane, I noticed how a lot of women would look at Maksim. Flutter their eyes. Give him a bashful smile. Maksim would always smile back in a way that felt too intimate, especially with his wife right beside him. It only made the coldness between us grow.
And now, once we reach our villa, the coldness still persists.
“So, what do you want to do?” Maksim says, finally speaking to me after multiple hours.
“Do?”
“We’re in Greece. I haven’t had a vacation in years. Might as well make the most out of it.”
My mind flashes back to the bed last night. How I laid there, ready to give myself to him, ready to do my duty, and Maksim said no. I was grateful he didn’t force me to have sex but it also hurt that he hadn’t seem interested.
“I’ve never been,” I say. “I wouldn’t know what to do.”
“Well, I was looking into it when we were at the airport and there’s this club we could go to. Dance. Have some drinks.”
“More drinking,” I say flatly.
To his credit, he flushes a little. “Right. But it could be fun to go out dancing. It could be way for us to connect.”
“I don’t like the idea of being in such a crowded place.”
“So what do you want to do then?”
“I kind of just want to stay here and read.”
“Fine then. We’ll just stay here.” I can tell, even though he’s saying it, Maksim doesn’t mean it.
We settle on the couch – me with a book and Maksim on his phone. The silence between us grows louder.
Finally, after a few minutes, Maksim jumps to his feet. “I’m going out. I can’t listen to the quiet.”
“To a club?”
“Yes. It’s what I like to do. I won’t flirt with other women, I promise. I’ll be a good husband. But I need a drink and I need to have some fun.” Without another word, he leaves.
I slump onto the couch. Maksim and I are so different. I prefer quiet solitary things and he needs constant noise. How are we ever going to make this work?
Maybe I should try getting out. It could help me. But where would I go? After searching for a while, I find a park I could check out. It’s surrounded with flowers of all kinds. Peaceful. Exactly what I need.
I leave a note for Maksim, letting him know where I’ll be, before I head out.
It’s dusk right now, making the air feel warm but not stifling.
A lot of people are out, holding hands, for walks.
Lovers in love. A pang of jealousy hits me.
I’ll never have that with Maksim. Not when I’m me and he’s… himself.
I find the park after a twenty minute walk and settle down on a bench to enjoy the night air. Peace and quiet here. It’s perfect. I can finally breathe again.
I never thought I would be this happy to be away from my father but nothing has ever felt better. He was a stifling presence and now I’m free of him…
Only to be shackled to Maksim. He seems like a nice enough man but we just can’t find a rhythm. A groove. It’s just… awkward between us. Like neither one of us knows what to say to the other.
It could be worse, I tell myself. Maksim could be the type of man who loves to beat on women so I’m glad he’s not.
I get lost in my head and realize I’ve been sitting in this park for hours after I check the time on my phone. I should get back. The sun has long set.
I begin the walk back to our villa when I’m stopped in the street by two young men.
“Looking to buy a gift?” one of them asks me, holding up a box filled with pretty necklaces.
“I’m good,” I say politely. “But thank you.” I try walking past them but they won’t let me.
“Just buy a gift. You won’t regret it. Something nice to take home with you.”
“I’m good,” I say in a firmer tone. “I’m not interested.”
The man holding the box nods at the other man and before I can react, the man grabs my arm and tugs me down a walkway between houses. It’s dark and there’s not a lot of other people out at this time. How could I be so na?ve?
I let out one scream before the men push me against the wall and I know I’m in trouble.