Chapter XIX Slimy #2
“You told Magnar when you got drunk,” Arvi says, releasing a heavy breath.
He braces himself and looks up, his eyes filled with defiance.
“Look, we want to know these things, and not just when you’re too sloshed on wine to think straight.
I get that you need time, everyone keeps telling me, but frankly, laruna, I think you’re ready.
You stabbed a man who tried to take you away.
That makes it pretty fucking obvious you want to be here. With us.”
He watches me, his chin raised in a challenge. I nod. “Yes. As it turns out, I want to be here. What else did I say that night?”
“You said your horse was whipped to death to punish you,” Arvi says, voice rising angrily with every word, eyes cold.
“I want the names of those who did it, too, if they are still alive. Best of all, you seemed to suffer under the delusion that you’re stupid and ugly, which I’d love to fuck out of you when you finally let me. ”
“Arvi!” Raduna’s voice rises in a threat.
But Arvi’s gone, stomping down the corridor to the door at the end. He throws it open and performs a mocking bow, showing us in. Then he shoves past Raduna, muttering under his breath.
“I’ll check with the guards.”
I regain my voice, my body tingling all over with something between fear and fascination.
“Why… Why is he so angry?”
Raduna clears his throat, carrying me into the candle-lit room, which turns out to be clean and spacious, the tall, wide bed made with crisp green sheets. He lets me to my feet carefully and sits on the bed, bringing our faces almost level.
“Arvi’s angry about many things. In this case, I suspect the secrecy bothered him.
Magnar shared your confessions but forbade us from addressing them, wanting you to tell us on your own when you were sober.
Arvi disagreed. As you heard, he desperately wants those names.
All the castle staff that were tasked with caring for you are currently locked in Farneer’s dungeons and await punishment once you name the culprits. ”
I gape at him, my hands clasped at my bosom. “What—in the dungeons? All of them? But some were kind! Or at least, not cruel. I wish you’d told me earlier!”
Raduna nods. “Magnar is trying his best, as are we, my queen. This is a complicated situation, and the last thing we want is to hurt you. From what I understand, you’ve suffered enough already.”
He motions me to his lap, and I flinch away, my heart in my throat. No. They may bathe me, mount me, touch between my legs—that I don’t mind. But I’ll never sit in a man’s lap unless he’s my husband.
Raduna frowns, searching my face, and I turn away, my fists clenched as I fight to suppress the slimy nausea in my stomach. “It’s been a long day,” I say when my voice is under control. “I gather this is my room.”
“I will stay here tonight,” Raduna says. “Please consider letting Arvi in, as well, once he cools down. He’ll be hurt if you don’t.”
I take a bracing breath, stiffen my spine, and turn, nodding. “Of course. I don’t mind what he said. Indeed, I’m happy to know how I behaved.”
Raduna shakes his head, eyes narrowing. “Getting drunk when you don’t know the potency of your drink can happen. You did nothing worthy of reproach.”
I groan, pressing my hands to my forehead. My control’s worn thin tonight. I’m exhausted and on edge after everything that happened. Arvi’s words still echo in my head—fuck it out of you—and I begin to pace, restless energy filling my limbs.
“But didn’t I? A princess should always be cheerful. She should never complain and throw herself pity parties. She owes endless gratitude to those who brought her up, doing their utmost to keep her from shaming her father and kingdom!”
I stop in front of Raduna, my teeth clenched, my body vibrating with anger. “And now you tell me I did nothing worthy of reproach!”
He watches me for a moment, eyes calm, face serious. I breathe out the last of my anger, feeling stupid at my outburst. I was sent to my cellar for less.
“You got drunk,” Raduna says at last. “And you shared some painful memories with your husband. He was glad to hear them, Caliane. He wants to know you, but he keeps his distance so as not to overwhelm you. Do you know what Magnar would like best? To lock himself in a room with you and drag those names out of you, one by one, and then have you cry on his shoulder until all your sadness was spent once and for all. That’s what he wants, but he’s convinced you’d hate it. ”
I scoff. “He’s right! Seems like a horrible pastime. It would be a miserable day for us both.”
Raduna bares his sharp teeth, the scar on his lower cheek stretching with the widest grin he’s given me yet. “Don’t you see? He’d like to be miserable with you, because misery shared is misery halved, my queen. Each of us wants to bear your burdens. We’ve waited a long time for this privilege.”
There’s a sharp knock on the door, Arvi’s petulant voice coming through. “May I come in or should I stay out here?”
I march to the door and throw it open, glaring at him. “Come. Is there anything else everyone’s been hiding from me? Tell me now.”
Arvi’s sullen face brightens as he strides in, closing the door behind him.
“Only that we’re all crazy with lust for our beautiful queen after years of not being able to fuck.
Magnar keeps saying not to get our hopes up, which is rich coming from him.
I know his hopes are way up every time he looks at you. ”
Raduna shakes his head with a reproachful sigh, but Arvi shrugs.
“What? She asked. I want her to know I’ll always answer her questions, even if the answer makes her blush.
It looks really nice, by the way. I love the color your cheeks get when you’re embarrassed.
I always thought humans were on the homely side, truth be told, but the more I look at you, laruna, the more I like human beauty. ”
I shake off the bashful daze at his words, pressing my hands to my hot cheeks. “I don’t understand. You’ve pretty much ignored me all this time. And now you’re… So direct.”
Arvi nods, stopping in front of me, his hands on his hips. His eyes flash a reddish amber in the candlelight, and I’m transfixed again, staring at the hoop in his lip as he speaks fast.
“It’s because of that knife. From the very start, Magnar kept warning us: be kind, be polite, don’t overwhelm her, she’s a princess, she’s fragile, oh, so much bullshit. And Raduna—man, you’re even worse. ‘Queen Caliane has a delicate stomach!’”
He rolls his eyes with a snort.
“And I get it. I’m uncouth, wild, people fear me. But you, my queen, are strong. You’re vicious enough to fight for what you want, and what you want is us. So I decided to stop pretending to be better than I am. This is what you get, and you’ll either have me or not.”
He turns to Raduna, who watches Arvi with a pained expression.
“And I know why you kept lecturing me. If she balks at having her knights in her bed because of me, she’ll reject you, too.
It’s all or none. You thought if you could contain me, she might have us.
Well, the cock’s out of the pants. Caliane will decide. ”
His speech made, he turns his expectant gaze on me. Raduna says nothing, also watching me with apprehensive curiosity. I rock on the balls of my feet, knowing my blush is even hotter than before.
“Um. Does that expression mean the same thing as ‘the cat’s out of the bag’?” I ask finally.
Arvi grins, cocking his head to the side until his tattooed head glistens in the candlelight. “Which expression, laruna?”
I’m pretty sure he knows. “The one you used.”
“Can you remind me?” His eyes sparkle with mirth, and I sigh, hoping my tongue won’t fall off from shame when I say it out loud.
“C-cock’s out of the pants,” I mumble, certain my face is on fire.
“Oh, that one,” Arvi says with a laugh. “Yes, it means the same thing, only, it’s way dirtier. Magnar said you have trouble with dirty words, laruna. I can teach you if you want. I know them all.”
Gods. Just—gods.
However, I should count my blessings. No one’s going to lock me up for asking questions, and I’ll finally learn everything I’ve been denied for years. My only punishment is the fluttering in my belly and the hot blushes my teachers arouse.
“Does Magnar tell you everything I tell him?” I ask, ignoring Arvi’s offer for now.
He nods at once. “Of course. We are his knights. We share everything. If he ends up being the only one to have you on your wedding night, he’ll tell us in detail how it felt. That’s the kind of connection we share.”
For a moment, envy overshadows even my embarrassment. It sounds exquisite to share all the intimate details of one’s life with trustworthy friends. I never had that.
Then I realize, I can have it, too. I’m sort of having it now.
“What’s wrestling the eel?” I ask, my eyes narrowed as I test Arvi’s readiness to tell me everything I ask. It still rankles they haven’t explained it earlier.
His eyes sparkle as he grabs the crotch of his trousers in his palm. “Stroking my cock with my hand until I come.”
I scrunch up my nose, trying to understand the connection. “But—the eel? Why?”
Arvi laughs, and even Raduna cracks a smile. He reclines back on his elbows, far more at ease as he watches our exchange with a pleased smile.
“Because it’s long, thick, and gray, just like an eel. Oh, and slimy once it gets hard enough.”
I stare at him with disbelief. “Slimy? Eww!”
He shrugs, raising his eyebrows in a challenge. “Well, moist? Wet? Oh, I know. Slick. That sounds better, doesn’t it? Both cocks and eels are slick.”
I ponder it a moment, finally nodding. “It’s less disgusting, I concur.”
That’s the moment they crack. Both Arvi and Raduna burst out laughing, and I smile, too, the warm, cozy feeling of belonging glowing in my chest. It floods the rest of me when Arvi pulls me into his arms for a hug, laughing as he holds me.
I wrap my arms around his middle, the leather of his vest warm under my fingers.
I am so glad they saved me. My laughter dies down when I think of where I would be now if they didn’t, maybe tied up in a carriage, maybe being administered the cream for restoring my virginity.
Arvi pulls back, sensing the change in my mood. “What’s wrong?” he asks, eyes narrowed in the same challenge I issued at him just a moment ago.
I have an urge to deflect, to say I’m fine, but… He was brutally honest with me. I owe him the same.
“I lied to him, the man who tried to take me away. I said the marriage was consummated, thinking he would leave me alone, but he said I only had to use a cream.” I turn my face away and say the rest through a tight throat. “A cream that makes used women as good as new.”
Both men curse in the Agnidari language, and I shrug, still not looking at them. If I were completely honest, which I can’t be, I’d say that I feel pretty used in ways no cream can help.
“He was a cad,” I say, faking nonchalance. “I’m glad he’s dead.”
Arvi lifts my chin with his knuckle. I meet his gaze with a mixture of embarrassment and hope. Maybe being used doesn’t matter.
“You could have fucked a hundred men, and I would still want you and worship you as my queen. There is no such thing as a used woman,” he says with disgust. “Fuck, I really wish you haven’t chopped off his head, Raduna. I’d love to teach him how to speak to a lady.”
“I regret it very much,” Raduna rumbles, a growl echoing in his usually steady voice.
“If I could elaborate on what Arvi expressed so vividly, my queen. Humans put much stock in a woman’s virginity, the ancients only know why.
We don’t. Faithfulness is, of course, sacred in a marriage, but before a woman gets married, she’s pretty much free to do as she wants.
Same goes for men. There is a medicine women take to prevent pregnancy, and that’s it. ”
My stomach chooses this moment to rumble, reminding me I haven’t eaten since noon. Raduna jumps to his feet. “Arvi, no offence, but you’re a lousy cook. I’ll make you food myself, my queen. We can’t risk you being poisoned.”
He bows and walks away, leaving me alone with Arvi, who cocks an eyebrow.
“Guess I’m on bath duty, then. I bet I can undress you faster than Khay.”
He spins his knife until it blurs, his eyes gleaming as brightly as his piercing.