Chapter XXXVIII Laruna #2
He shrugs without looking at me. “I threw up, felt numb for about a week. I was sixteen and stationed on the border. It was my first serious mission after my training. A bunch of humans tried to sneak in, kidnap some of the women from a village nearby. We fought them. We won.”
Arvi’s mouth twists, and he throws another knife. I thought he was just sinking them, but now that I look closer, there’s faint movement below the surface. The water is clear, but the overcast sky makes it difficult to discern what’s there.
“Can you actually kill fish with a knife? Is that what you’re doing?”
He smiles grimly, eyes tracking the water.
“I can, as can other well-trained Agnidari. It’s not easy—you have to account for water distortion, and the knife has to be sufficiently heavy.
I don’t think humans could do that, they don’t have enough strength and speed.
It’s mostly a useless skill these days, since we have better fishing methods.
I train because I needed it once. Might need it again some day. ”
He studies the water, balancing lightly on the balls of his feet. I hug myself against the cold.
“You know, I thought at first that simply ordering the kill yet not having to do it with my own hands will be easier, but I’m starting to believe the reverse is true,” I say with a sigh, staring at the line of trees in the distance.
The garden here slopes gently downward, emerald lawns rolling splendidly like lush carpets. Raduna’s greenhouses stand to the right, three large buildings made of glass and iron. Magnar employs gardeners who take care of them when Raduna is away or too busy.
“It’s all hard,” Arvi says with a shrug. “But you only have one option since you don’t have the strength to cut off a head. It will be public. People would laugh at you, so really, you can’t. Let Raduna handle it, he loves chopping off heads for his queen.”
I narrow my eyes. “You sure I can’t? What if I practiced on you first?”
Arvi cracks a smile, the first genuine one today. “You certainly could, but if I’m to die, I request to go smothered by your cunt.”
His eyes are insolent and bright, and even though my cheeks heat, I hold his gaze. “I’ll keep that in mind. Why are you here? Khay said this is your coping ritual after coming home, but we’ve been here for three weeks.”
“Just having a bad day.”
He releases a weary breath and turns to the pond, his eyes tracking the surface carefully while he flips a knife between his fingers. He throws it, his movements blurring. The water splashes, and Arvi straightens with a grim smile.
“See that pond?” he says, pointing at one that’s a twin to the pond we stand at. “That’s our laruna pond. Magnar had these two dug out for me since I like the larunas so much. I’ll bring you here on a sunny day so you can see them. They are beautiful.”
I nod at the nearer pond. “And this?”
His mouth flattens. “This is where we keep the harvina fish. They hunt larunas.”
I hum and wait, and Arvi turns away from the water, rubbing his temples in a frustrated gesture. As the icy wind whips at my skirts, I realize his head must be cold without the protection of hair, and decide to have a warm hat made for him.
“I told you about my father already,” Arvi says, gazing at the copse of trees in the distance.
“Well, he had his kind moments, I suppose. He had two ponds just like these dug in the garden on our estate. One was my birthday present. He filled it with a variety of the most gorgeous larunas, and I was so happy. I was twelve.”
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and I come closer to take his hand. It’s cold, and Arvi shivers from my touch.
“My larunas were the only thing I ever loved. I fed them every day, and I could watch them for hours. They were my happy escape. After a grueling session with my father, whether it be wrestling, knife throwing practice, or running behind his horse, I’d wash, grab food, and go to my pond.
There I sat for hours until my father wanted something from me again.
They were so gorgeous, laruna. Glittering in the sun with myriad divine colors, or mere shadows in stormy weather. They were my peace.”
I squeeze his fingers, and he sighs, twirling a knife in his free hand. He throws it up and catches the blade between two fingers, never nicking himself.
“Like you, I didn’t have friends,” he says, his voice matter of fact.
“My father was a snob. No one was good enough for us. My larunas filled that void. I talked to them, and they were so sweet. They swam close to the surface when I came, and just mingled by the spot I sat, sometimes pushing their cute little pouts above the surface. I mean, I brought them food, that’s why they did it, but I still felt like they loved me.
No one loved me back then, not even my mother. Only the fish.”
My chest squeezes painfully for that lonely, hurting boy. If I could, I’d step into that memory, hug him, and tell him I’m going to love him one day.
Because I do. Arvi is a sweet chaos, and he carries a shard of my soul within his broken pieces, just like I carry a shard of his.
I don’t say it, though. I learned my lesson.
“People ask me sometimes why I ran away from home to join the army when I was fifteen,” he continues, his mouth twisting.
“I always lie, saying I was bored, wanted to fight, manly stuff. People would laugh if I told them the real reason. They would ask how I could run away over something so trivial. I don’t think I’d bear it, so I lie. ”
“I’ll never laugh at you or call your pain trivial.”
He glances at me. “I know. Which is why I’ll tell you the truth.
Magnar knows, of course, as do the knights.
Ha, Khay laughed at me back then, and I beat him bloody.
Privileged asshole. He had normal, loving parents.
He didn’t even realize how good he had it—at least until his sisters… Ah, I’m getting off track. Sorry.”
He tugs my hand up, placing a kiss on my knuckles. His lips are cool, but his breath is hot when he blows on my skin.
“I rebelled as I grew older, though I was sneaky about it. My father would command me to practice knife throwing for three hours, and I’d roam in the woods instead and get away from him for a bit.
He didn’t notice at first. He took my obedience for granted.
But after a few months my performance slipped, and he got suspicious. ”
He laughs bitterly, throwing his head back, and I wrap both hands around his palm and bring it to my lips, pressing kisses into his cold skin. He looks at me with cold, vicious amusement.
“I was a dumb kid, you know. When he had those two ponds dug, and he filled one with larunas, the other with harvinas, I never once wondered why. I should have. He did shit like that all the time.”
“You weren’t dumb,” I say firmly. “You were surviving.”
He grins suddenly and picks me up, hiking my skirts up until I straddle his torso. I squeal from the suddenness of it, and Arvi touches his nose to mine, eyes glittering.
“Yeah? Are you gonna make me say I’m smart ten times and reward me with your mouth on my cock? You should. I’ll say everything you tell me to, sweet.”
My breath hitches. We have been intimate since my wedding night, but Arvi still can’t stay fully conscious during the act, so our experience is limited. Now, with his pierced mouth hovering right in front of mine, I realize with a jolt we’ve never kissed.