Chapter 11
Luca
My brain was swimming with questions for Axel. Even though we came from different worlds, life had dealt each of us a hand we had no control over. But the more I got to know about him, the more I wanted to know about the brooding man with deep-seated pain behind his intense eyes.
When I’d had all I could handle, I pushed my plate away. “I can’t eat anymore.”
I got up from the table to retrieve a paper I’d downloaded from the internet. Curious about something he said earlier, I dove in as he finished his food. “I need to ask you some questions. You good with that?”
Axel’s mouth tipped up on one side. “Depends.”
I ignored him. “What are you thinking about house-wise? Apartment, single-family home, brownstone, or townhome?”
He shrugged. “Depends. I’ll know it when I see it.”
“Okay. I know you’re the consummate bachelor, but do you see yourself owning a dog?”
“I don’t know. I’m gone a lot.”
I checked it off. “Want a long-term relationship? A wife and kids? A husband, maybe? Like your brother.”
Axel grinned. “Is that on there?”
“No,” I paused, “but it can help us narrow down what type of house you want.” I was fishing a little bit.
The transformation of his face was fascinating. His brow drew together as he slowed his chewing before wiping his mouth. “I don’t see why that’s important.”
“Hear me out. As your non-realtor, knowing that is going to help me help you figure out where you want to buy.”
“Still no.”
I tilted my head to look at him. “Why not? I think if you made an effort to find someone to share your life with, you might get what you want.”
Axel put down his fork. “Relationships are a no.”
“But why? You’re a likable guy. Pushy, but you have good teeth.”
My attempt at humor didn’t work. “No, Luca. Just no.”
Curling my lips, I wasn’t sure whether to let it go or continue pressing him to talk.
But something told me if I could get him to open up, maybe it would help.
“I get it. I’ve never had a relationship either.
Every set of foster parents, except one, fought nonstop.
It was a playbook on what not to do. Unless I find the right man. ”
Axel stared at me for a long moment, making me wonder if I needed to make a run for it.
I took a chance. “Is it because of your parents?”
His eyes weren’t warm anymore. They’d taken on an icy glare that made me regret asking. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”
“My father is a multi-millionaire and had two families on two continents until I was twelve. He would show up once a month for a few days but played the part of her boyfriend. They never told me he was my father. And not a single word about my twin. Lies upon lies. My life is built on them.”
I stared down at my plate. “Have you ever spoken to anyone about it?”
“A shrink, you mean? No fucking way. The ice is my therapy.”
Axel got up from the table and stalked to the glass doors overlooking the city.
His shoulders were rigid, and the muscles in his neck were so taut the tendons protruded.
I considered giving him his space. But I didn’t.
Part of me wanted to wrap him up in my arms and tell him it would be okay.
But I didn’t dare do that either. Instead, I chose my words carefully.
If I opened up about myself, it might take the heat off him.
Coming to stand beside him, I looked at the view.
“That’s why I don’t work with kids. I’ve seen too many things, and it kills me that I can’t save them.
” My hands began to shake as reminders invaded the space between us, so I put them in my pockets.
“There are nights the memories haunt me in my dreams, and if I’m lucky, I’ll only wake up in a cold sweat.
The screaming isn’t conducive to living with a roommate.
People don’t like that for some reason. That’s why I focus on the adults. My empathy will get the best of me.”
Before I realized it, my left hand rubbed at the phantom pain in my jaw that returned every time I thought about it.
My fingers automatically went to the elastic band I wore around my right wrist. I habitually pulled at it, hoping the pain would stop my thoughts.
It didn’t take long for it to catch Axel’s attention, causing him to look my way.
His personal hell morphed into something else.
“That’s not a weakness,” Axel whispered. “It’s self-preservation.”
Lifting a shoulder, I took a deep breath and continued to pull and pop at the elastic. The memory would resurface in my dreams now that I’d brought it up.
Axel turned to face me. He wrapped his fingers around my wrist. The warmth of his hands eased the pain from the band snapping against it. We were standing too close for comfort, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull away. “Who hurt you, Luca?”
Shaking my head, I tried to smile. A lump formed in my throat, threatening to choke me. “No one. I’m fine.”
His eyes hardened. “I know a lie when I hear it. My life is based on them. So… I’ll ask again. Who. Hurt. You?”
His tone sent a chill down my spine. I never wanted to be the one to cross him. “It was a long time ago.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I asked. Stop deflecting and tell me.”
There was no use hiding it from him. If I wanted him to trust me, it went both ways. “I was twelve. I’d eaten the last of the cereal. My foster dad went to get some, and…” I swallowed, then breathed heavily. “Broke my jaw. If I couldn’t eat, there would always be cereal.”
Shifting my gaze to the floor, he pulled me into his arms. “Name,” he growled, gritting his teeth together. “Give me his mother-fucking name.”
I shook my head, trying to fight back the emotions. “He’s dead. Three years ago.” At least to me.
“He better fucking be.”
Pulling away, I went back to the kitchen to collect the plates and little white boxes of unfinished food. I needed something to do. Axel followed me, never leaving my side. “I’ll do this,” he said quietly.
“You bought dinner. The least I can do is clean up.”
The heat and fury radiated off of him. The electric current between us intensified. It was a bond of sorts. Two lonely souls finding one another, creating an unlikely friendship. “You’re not doing this alone. I’ll help.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant, and it would be really easy to misconstrue his words. But I was grateful he was here. His looming presence was comforting. “Okay. I won’t argue with you.”
“For once,” he muttered. There was a faint smile on his face, lightening the mood.
He took care of the plates and silverware, all the while watching me like a hawk as I collected all the packets of sauces. Placing them back in the bag, I rolled it up and set it to the side.
“You can just throw them away, unless you want them,” he said.
“There’s no need to buy the bottles when you can use these.” If I wasn’t careful, I’d tell him how easy it was to mix a couple of packets with hot water to make soup. “It’s better for the environment.”
Something changed when he looked at me. “That’s different. Take them.” He picked up the bags of leftover containers. “You’re taking these too.”
That didn’t seem right. “Won’t you eat it tomorrow?”
He shook his head. “I don’t eat leftovers.”
I looked at the four bags of food that we’d barely made a dent in. “Why did you order the whole menu?”
He shrugged. “It’s easier. I didn’t know what you liked, so if I ordered it all, you had to like something in the bag.”
Easier. I shook my head, wondering what it must be like to have anything you wanted. That was a feeling I would never know. “You’re crazy.”
He smirked. “You like me anyway.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved him in the shoulder. “Unfortunately.”
When we finished cleaning the kitchen, I looked around, needing to go. “I um, should probably go. I could use some time at the library.”
Looking around for where I left my things, I remembered I didn’t have a car. And with all that food, I’d have to go home first.
“No. Not yet.” Axel’s voice had lost some of the edge. “I want to look at houses.”
Fuck. I forgot about that. “Okay, yes. Do you have a computer?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “No. I should probably order a new one.”
“It’s okay. Your non-realtor has one. We can use mine.
” I sat down in the middle of the sofa and pulled it out of my bag.
Axel sat down beside me, leaving very little space between us.
My thirteen-inch screen was going to be a challenge.
Opening the computer, I powered it on and connected to my hotspot.
Axel looked at my phone before taking it from my hand.
“Give that back.”
He smirked down at my screen. “You have dating apps.”
I took it out of his hand. When his fingers brushed mine, I wasn’t so angry at him anymore. “They’re not just for dating. You can find friends there, too. Maybe you should try it.”
“Really? How many friends have you found?” I didn’t appreciate his tone, and the sarcasm made me want to punch him.
“Uh, none of your business.” When I got it back, I placed it under my thigh, well out of his reach. He’d have to wrestle me for it, and I was scrappy. Axel chuckled at me as I searched for real estate sites. “You really should get a qualified realtor to help you.”
“I will. When I’m ready to buy.”
My phone pinged with an incoming text. Opening my messages, I found a text with a link for an opening at the baseball stadium. “Yes,” I hissed. “Finally.”
Axel leaned closer. “What is it?”
I grinned. “A job selling beer at the stadium.”
His face crumpled in distaste. “Why would you want that?”
“Duh. To pay my rent.”
“Turn it down. I can get you a better job when hockey season starts. You can study between periods. I know a guy.”
I scowled at the ostentatious man in front of me. “I don’t need you to pull strings. I am more than capable of getting my own job.”
“If you take that, you’re never going to have time to study. The pay will be better, and you won’t have to work your ass off every night hawking weak beer.”
The big asshole had a point. “I want to apply on my own, without your help.”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. Business is all about who you know. And if you’re there, I can keep an eye on you.”
“How are you gonna do that and play hockey?”
He snorted. “Don’t underestimate me, Vaughn. That would be a mistake.”
“I would never,” I mocked, repeating what he said to me earlier. It wasn’t prudent to turn down more pay and a better schedule for the sake of my pride. I hated nepotism, and that was what it felt like. “Promise me you won’t pull any strings.”
He shrugged. “Fine.”
Axel moved closer, wrapping his long arm over the back of the sofa. “Come on. Find me a new place to live.”
As I clicked away, earning my thousand dollars, I allowed myself to dream about a life I’d probably never have. Apartments, brownstones, penthouses, and freestanding homes outside of the city. “I guess we should start with your price range.”
“Is five million enough? The price doesn’t really matter. I can pay more if the place is right.”
“Of course it doesn’t.” He found me funny. Inhaling deeply, I moved the scrollbar to five million to narrow the choices.
“Okay. Let’s talk about your preferences.”
“Men mostly, but puck bunnies can scratch an itch.”
I closed my eyes, trying not to imagine that. “Not the preferences I was talking about, asshole. I meant in a home.”
He chuckled again, obviously delighted with himself. “Oh. My bad. I was thinking about our earlier conversation about your dating apps.”
“Uh-huh. You’re trying to get a rise out of me.”
“Is it working?”
I covered my lap with my laptop. “I’m not your type. I don’t fuck and run.” I shifted away, then murmured my famous last words on an exhaled breath. “In fact, I don’t fuck at all.”
The minute he inhaled sharply, I knew I’d screwed up. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I wanted to hide. Once again, I let my guard down and said something I probably shouldn’t have.
“Luca Vaughn. Are you saying you’re…”
I rolled my eyes. God, this was embarrassing. “Yes. I’m probably the oldest gay virgin in New York, and I’m okay with that. Can we move on to house hunting now?”