Chapter 24 #2
I nod, wishing I could grab his hand and reassure him, but he’s created such a cocoon for himself it’s clear he doesn’t want me to do that.
I have no right to him, but it still hurts.
“Yes, but I will escort you every step of the way. I’d love to show you how beautiful our Realm can be.
It’s not just gloom and misery, I assure you.
” I absentmindedly wrap our shadow thread around my finger and tug on it with longing.
The cup in Nate’s hand trembles as his eyes roll back, and he puts it down on the coffee table. “What—are you—?”
I drop it and down my drink. “Apologies. I can sense our bond, Nate. And I missed you. Do you not remember what we had? Can you not feel how my heart beats for you?” I take the plunge and move closer, only to be met with Nate’s foot on my chest. I’d kiss it if he didn’t look so terrified.
His eyes are wide as he sinks deeper into his blanket fort, almost as if he fears me.
I move back, but in the end I even get up to create more space between us.
I’m hurt. Deeply. But I also know it’s nothing in comparison to what he’s probably going through.
His time at Gloombane’s tower might have left faded scars, but the visible marks on his body aren’t the worst of it.
While I’d love to give him a potion that would make him forget it all, there are none without side effects.
I start pacing the room, unable to look at him. “Nate… were there a potion that could make you forget what you’ve been through, but at the risk of forgetting much more than that only, would you like to drink it?”
My question does not have the effect I hoped for, because Nate pales, and even Lady senses the sudden increase in tension, as if she can smell his fear. “You’re offering to roofie me?”
“To… what?”
He stumbles off the sofa, and Lady follows, joining him as little half-growls leave her mouth over and over. “Drug me so I stop rejecting you!”
I take a step back, shocked that’s how he sees it. “No! That’s not—”
“I told you weeks ago, that we were done, that our relationship is now strictly about breaking the bond. So you decided to live in my walls? I think I’ve shown a lot of understanding for it so far, but now you drop this on me?
Because you want a do-over? Well, I’m sorry I’m not the happy, horny guy you met, but all those things did happen to me, and I don’t want to pretend they didn’t.
I want this to be a lesson that stays with me forever! ”
My heart aches for him in ways he will never understand.
“I just want to make it better,” I utter, unable to look up from my empty glass. It’s filled with what I can give him. Nothing.
“Well, maybe it will get better. Eventually,” Nate says and pets Lady’s head. “But forgetting and ignoring the past is not that. We shouldn’t lie to ourselves.”
“I understand.” Even the pleasant fizzy feeling in my head can’t relieve the darkness settling in my heart. “I would still like to urge you to come out of here and explore a little, so that the trip to the astronomer isn’t as overwhelming.”
He chews on it for several painful seconds. “All right, but not today. And I don’t want to… be officially introduced to anyone.”
My stupid heart shouldn’t leap with hope, because he still plans to break the shadow bond, but how could I not be excited about this opportunity to spend time with him? “Of course. I will make sure it’s a very uneventful excursion. Do you have any other special requests?”
He’s gathering the blanket around him again, which makes the need to embrace him all the more urgent. But I’m not allowed to. It’s like having to say no to my protective nature, to not drink wine after days stranded at sea, to not step in at the sight of injustice.
“Go to the stables? Meet animals?” Nate whispers.
I bow so deeply my long hair swishes over the carpet. “Your wish is my command.”
“And—”
I straighten my back, hyperaware to even the smallest twitch on his handsome face.
“You can’t stay in the walls,” Nate finishes.
I was expecting this, but it still hurts to hear it said out loud.
How am I supposed to stay away when all I want is to crawl into that blanket he’s wearing and explore his body as if it’s the first time?
I’d kiss every scar, trace every hint of bruising, and then make him forget his torture for at least an hour in ways much more natural than any potion.
I take another step back, fighting the pull to him with all my might. “I cannot say it’s unexpected.”
Nate inhales and pats both his cheeks. “Don’t speak. I’m trying to tell you something.”
I nod, but my sadness must be obvious, because even Lady takes my side this time and pads to me across the room.
“Can you promise you won’t try to flirt with me or get into my pants?” Nate asks softly.
Why not just drive the dagger in deeper while he’s at it? “How can you demand this of me? Have I not accepted the rejection?” I don’t know any more. Maybe I haven’t. Maybe I’m still pushing him?
He spreads his arms. “You clearly haven’t accepted it if this is getting you worked up, have you?”
I growl like I’m a dog myself and throw my arms in the air. “Fine! I promise. But if you change your mind and flirt with me, do not expect me to kindly reject you!” What kind of dumb threat am I making? That I will be available? Pathetic.
Nate exhales, not at all bothered by my outburst. “In that case… maybe we can partition out a room for you here? You would get a bed, and we could… hang out in the common space?”
I stare at him, and it’s Lady’s bark that pulls me out of my stupor. “Yes. Please. I would like that very much. Being able to watch over you is… soothing to me.”
Nate blinks, hugging himself, and I worry that I’ve said the wrong thing again, but then he offers me a smile, and I’m melting like a chunk of butter in a hot pan. “It soothes me when you’re here.”
I smile back even though my heart is in tatters after this storm of emotions. “I will go make arrangements.”
For the briefest moment, his eyes glow in the blue light, and my heart… it feels so full knowing he wants me here. That he missed me. That my presence makes him feel better, even if he’s not ready to leap back into our budding romance.
This is enough.
Truly.
And maybe now I can actually help him get better?
One thing is certain. Tomorrow, I will prepare the most amazing excursion for him. Safe but exciting. Nothing will go wrong. I will gently pry him out of his shell, and if I play my cards right, I might even pull off the pizza.