Chapter 28
Nate
Ididn’t expect the lush gardens around the palace to become the ballroom, but as I squeeze the cold iron railing, the terraces that two days ago lay under a cover of snow are revealed in a multitude of colors.
The servants have set up a constellation of bubble-shaped tents.
Their translucent walls reveal a flurry of activity.
The largest of the outdoor rooms houses most of the dancing, the others provide refreshments, a space for conversation and gambling, and even the bat exhibition Tristan told me about.
A cloud of vapor leaves my mouth, soon dispersing somewhere between myself and the joyous scene full of music and fun.
Perhaps I can ask Tristan to escort me down there when the party is over, so I can see the animals and the ice sculptures arranged between the tents in more detail?
There’s only so much I can spot with my spyglass, but beneath my feet is a romantic fantasy brought to life.
Every time I read about humans spirited away into a world of intrigue and fae princes, this was what I pictured.
Glass-like walls warding off the cold while the garden remains covered in snow.
Dancers in elaborate gowns and suits spinning together under crystal chandeliers as music rises, making it all reminiscent of a clockwork-powered snow globe.
And I just watch.
Distant.
Apart.
A lone figure in a woolen cloak, unnecessary and forgotten while dreams come true below.
I can see Tristan so clearly.
As the dress code for the ball is supposed to be winter-themed without it being a costume party, all the elves are dressed in blues, black, silver, and everything in between.
Even Tristan is in a shade of navy. His coat has a trim of black fur, and he's wearing silver jewelry, but his blood red hair makes him stand out.
It floats through the air as he dances, perfect like a porcelain figurine that’s too precious for someone like me to handle. He’s a wild dream I should have never allowed myself, yet here I am, yearning every time he smiles at someone else.
Why am I like this?
I rejected him several times, so what is this dull sense of jealousy? It isn’t fair on him. I might not get my fairytale ending, but he deserves his, and at least I’m not there to hog his attention.
Staying away is so much easier when the man you have feelings for is a complete asshole, when he cheats on you, or when you can have a clean break, allowing you to not see him.
But I can’t have that with Tristan. He’s the only person who feels safe in this strange realm, and it’s messing with my mind constantly.
How I wish I could be as carefree as I used to.
I’ve never been the life of the party, but I wasn’t afraid of my own shadow either.
While I’ve always preferred being approached, I was able to make a move when I put my mind to it.
I could have said I changed my mind about the ball many times and joined the celebration as if I belonged there.
I could have embraced the gothic aesthetic at court, painted my eyes with kohl, and for just one night, become someone else, someone who doesn’t hide on a balcony when everyone else is having the time of their lives.
At one point, I saw many people play a game that involved finding someone with a matching rosette pinned to their arm.
I wasn’t able to discern the rules, but other than a few sulking elves, and a little argument erupting in one of the translucent tents, the elves laughed, danced, shared drinks with their ‘match’…
Why have I said no again?
Right, crippling social anxiety caused by months of torture.
And the fact that every shadow wielder at that ball will be able to see the thread connecting me to Tristan.
They would call me his promised and ask why he hasn’t yet made me his Dark Companion, and then I would have to lie, because my desire to break the bond is apparently as despicable as drowning baby animals.
Distasteful. Not done. Borderline illegal. A threat to all other shadow bonded.
At least the astronomer who might help us locate the unicorn is supposedly traveling to this region, so maybe there will soon be an update on my situation, and I won’t have to worry.
Because what are my alternatives? Over the weeks of frantic reading, all three of us, including Sabine, hasn’t found any other hope for breaking the thread of shadow than the unicorn.
I can’t bear to go back to my world with that terrifying threat hanging over me.
And I can’t stay in this limbo, attached to Tristan but not his, a useless barnacle weighing him down and stopping him from acquiring a Dark Companion who could contribute to his power.
My life was no bed of roses, but before Gloombane, I’d never feared for my life. How do I rebuild my confidence here, in the Nightmare Realm, where the most horrific things happened to me?
Lady approaches me on the balcony with a whine and licks my hand.
Then again… I felt so free, so capable when I helped that cow deliver her baby. It awakened a spark I’d forgotten I had. The Nate who decided overnight to go on an adventure into another realm, with an elven prince he’d just met.
It is a magical place, and if Tristan had claimed me from the very start, nourishing me with his attention and showing me this enchanting world, I’d likely be down there too, spinning inside the frosty bubble to live music.
With my prince at my side and happier than I have ever been.
As his Dark Companion.
I sink to the floor, back to the wall, and Lady lies next to me, big head weighing down my lap. Maybe it would be better for me to stop entertaining such fantasies, or else I shall start dreaming of things I am rejecting along with Tristan. Like an eternal life as a romantasy hero.
“But if I go, I won’t be able to take you with me,” I whisper to Lady, hugging her close.
It would be too risky for many reasons. We don’t know how sunlight would affect her since she’s grown up here.
I’ve learned that it’s why banishment to my realm is such a cruel fate for an elf.
After the first full moon passes, the elves start aging, and some even develop terrible illnesses from the sun.
And with the way Lady looks already, I would have had to keep her a secret.
So maybe… Lady would give me a good excuse to visit?
This place has been an actual Nightmare, and yet, since Tristan saved me, I’ve grown to find charm in magic again.
I gasp and back against the wall in terror when a dark shadow emerges beyond the balcony with a swish. It takes me a full second of absolute panic to realize I’m looking at Tristan, his shadowy wings flapping behind him.
“Spying?” he asks with a smile, face a little flushed as he sits on the banister. He’s holding a bottle in one hand, and a box wrapped with a blue silk ribbon in the other.
I fight off the panic mode that turns my body rigid.
It’s just Tristan. And if it were an illusion, Lady wouldn’t be wagging her tail and whining happily at his feet.
I’m safe.
“No.” When his brows rise, I give up and tell him the truth. “Maybe. I— it all looks so beautiful I’m feeling slightly jealous.”
“It’s not as fun without you. If I wasn’t obligated to be there, I would have probably stayed here. But since you decided against it, I brought the ball to you.” He holds up the bottle. “Some of our finest cherin, and…” Tristan hands me the box as Lady tries to sniff it.
“Oh no, you don’t! Not until I see what it is,” I tell her and open the heart-shaped container.
The scent of cocoa overpowers me the moment I lift the lid.
Inside, on a bed of colorful berries, is a cake encased in a layer of chocolate and decorated with a crab-shaped drawing rendered in white chocolate.
I smile, and not just with my mouth. My chest radiates warmth all over my body. “Smells delicious…”
“It’s vegan,” he adds quickly, always so proud of himself when he brings me a new treat of this kind.
It’s adorable and makes me feel so special.
“Let me just get some glasses.” He walks into the mausoleum where we set up a living room, and where he sleeps behind a curtain.
It’s hard to believe how natural it feels to share the space with him, but for a week now we have lived together in this little apartment, because he’d rather stay at my side—or in my walls—than sleep in the comfort of his official rooms in the western wing of the castle.
I resent that it makes me feel special, but at the end of the day I am just a guy who’s always longed for love, and no matter how many times I’ve told myself my expectations were unrealistic and would inevitably lead to heartbreak, I’m clearly desperate to bleed out on the altar of feelings and vibes.
Sue me.
I scratch Lady behind the ear and follow Tristan inside, my gaze trailing after the shimmering cape attached to his back for the event.
I’m tempted to ask if it’s an element of formal wear, like a tie is in my world, but that would require explaining human dress codes, and I don’t really give a damn about them at this point.
This is the land of capes and sashes, not of bowties and ironed slacks.
I imagine Tristan in a tailored suit, crab cufflinks, his hair slicked back, and even though men dressed like that were never my thing, I’m salivating a little. He’d look so good. But then again, he always does. Even when he spilled some soup on the crab hoodie yesterday and refused to take it off.
“I hope you’re not just running from someone?”
Tristan laughs and pours the cherin into two glasses. “See? I knew you were spying. Such is the life of a dashing prince, Nate. It would be rude for me to not dance with at least a few of the royals at the ball.”
“Would you have to if your spouse was there?” I ask without thinking, and when he meets my gaze, I stare into my glass as heat crawls up my neck. “I mean… the Lord, or his husband… do they also dance with others?”