Bless
BLESS
I had been driving around the Southside for what felt like hours. My heart was so heavy with worry that it literally ached. Sky was back at my place watching the kids so I could search for Legacy. I scanned every neighborhood, my eyes darting around, hoping to catch sight of him or his car. As I drove through the blocks, I saw hypes hobbling around, their eyes vacant and lost. It broke my heart to think that one day one of them could be Legacy if he didn’t get help.
I had driven for so long that my gaslight came on. I pulled into a Shell gas station on South Shore drive. I climbed out of my car, exhausted and worn down. I had hoped the summer would bring a break, a chance to relax since classes were over, but it was starting off with more stress and chaos because of Legacy's sudden disappearance.
As I paid at the pump, I heard a smooth, deep voice behind me. "Hey, can I pump that for you?"
I looked up, and even in my distress, I couldn't deny how handsome he was. He reminded me of what Legacy used to be, with his tall, large frame. He was obviously a dope boy. I could smell the bricks on him and see the money around his neck and wrists.
I was too tired to argue, remembering how pushy men could be. So, I handed over the nozzle. "Sure. Thanks."
He took the nozzle and started pumping the gas and then introduced himself. "Name's Mazi. What's yours?"
"," I replied, trying to keep it short.
"Nice to meet you, ," he said, flashing a charming smile. "You look beautiful today."
I scoffed, thinking he must’ve been crazy. I hadn't put myself together before leaving the house to look for Legacy. I was in pajama bottoms and a tank top. "I doubt that," I muttered.
"I'm serious," he insisted. "You have natural beauty. Anyway, can I get your number?"
I sighed, knowing it was easier to comply than argue. "Sure," I said, rattling off my number. As soon as he finished pumping the gas, he smiled again.
"Expect a call from me soon, ."
I climbed back into my car, trying to figure out where to go next to look for Legacy. As I started the engine, my phone rang. Looking in my rearview mirror, I saw Mazi standing at a tricked-out old-school, staring at my car with his phone against his ear. It had to be him calling since the number wasn’t saved. I ignored it and quickly blocked his number before I drove away.
For another hour, I drove around the East Side, even traveling further west towards the express way. Just as despair was starting to creep in, I caught a glimpse of Legacy’s car parked in the lot of a run-down motel. My heart pounded with fear and hope. I pulled over, parking nearby, and jumped out of the car. I grabbed a brick from the ground and, with all my might, shattered his windshield, setting off the car alarm. I stepped back, my breath coming in ragged gasps, as I waited.
A room door swung open, and Legacy appeared. The sight of him was gut-wrenching. He looked worn, skinny, and hollow. He was a mere shadow of the man I once knew. His eyes were sunken, and his cheeks were gaunt. My heart ached for him, for what he had become.
"Legacy!" I shouted angrily and desperately.
He looked at me, confusion and regret etched across his face.
I rushed to the door and forced my way inside, pushing past him. The room was a mess, reeking of potent alcohol and smoke. My eyes scanned the room, relieved when I didn’t see another woman. But the relief was short-lived as my gaze landed on the nightstand cluttered with mounds of crushed-up pills, liquor bottles, and blunts in ashtrays.
"Oh my God, Legacy," I whispered, tears streaming down my face. "What have you done to yourself?"
He closed the door behind him, his shoulders slumping. ", you shouldn’t be here."
"Neither should you!" I cried. "You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Look at you! You’re killing yourself!"
He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, avoiding my eyes. "You don’t understand."
"I don’t understand? I’ve watched you slowly destroy yourself for years! I can’t just sit back and do nothing." I sobbed, stepping closer to him. "I love you, Legacy. I need you. The kids need you."
He finally looked at me, his eyes filled with sorrow and shame. "I don’t know what’s wrong with me."
I took his hands in mine, feeling the tremors that coursed through him. "I think you’re depressed, baby.”
Legacy sucked his teeth with frustration. “Hell yeah, I’m depressed. I’ve been depressed since Ri got killed.”
“I mean I think that you have depression and you need help. We’ll get you help. But you have to want it. You have to fight for it."
He nodded slowly, his eyes welling up with tears. "I’m so tired, . I’m so fucking tired."
I pulled him into a tight embrace, feeling his body shake with sobs. "I know, baby. I know. But we’ll get through this."
We stood there, holding each other, surrounded by the wreckage of his addiction.
As we held each other, I breathed a sigh of relief. "When I saw your car at this motel, I thought you were cheating on me.”
He pulled back slightly, looking into my eyes with sincerity. "I would never cheat on you, ."
Shame washed over me. I was more scared that he was cheating than him being in here high. I had grown so used to my loved ones being addicts that the thought of him being high didn’t scare me as much as the idea of him being with another woman. The thought of losing him in that way was torturous.
He wiped away my tears. His touch was so gentle and reassuring. "No, I'm sorry. I've put you through hell, and you have every right to doubt me. But believe me when I say you’re the only one for me. Always have been, always will be."
I nodded, my heart aching with the love for him that consumed me. Despite everything, despite the pain and the struggles, I loved him with every piece of me.
"I love you, ," he continued. "I know I'm not the man I used to be, but my love for you hasn’t changed. I still love you the way I did when we first met. I want to get back to myself, to be the man you deserve. I don’t want to get better for me. I want to get better for you."
His words pierced through the darkness that had enveloped us. I saw the desperation in his eyes, a genuine desire to change.
"I need you to get better, so I’ll help you," I cried. “I got you."
Waking up in my bed the next morning, I felt a jolt of fear when I realized Legacy wasn’t there. Panic began to set in as I remembered the night before. I had convinced Legacy to leave the motel with me, and we had left his car there because I didn’t trust him to follow me home. The thought of him disappearing again made me whimper as I climbed out of bed. I slipped on one of Legacy’s shirts that fell to my hips. As I made my way to the living room, I heard his deep voice chuckling, accompanied by the high-pitched giggles of Eden and Zara. Relief washed over me, and I padded quietly into the room.
Legacy was tossing Eden and Zara into the air, and they were landing hard on the couch, bouncing and laughing hysterically. It was a beautiful sight that made my heart ache with a longing to go back in time to before Ri was killed, to when things were simpler and happier.
Legacy noticed me standing there and looked at me, a cool smile spreading across his face. He lowered Eden onto the couch and made his way over to me.
“Morning,” he said, his baritone soft and warm.
I smiled up into his eyes. “Morning.”
He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close. “I’m sorry, . For everything.”
I nodded, leaning into his embrace. “I know. But you have to stop, baby. You need to go to rehab.”
He shook his head, a stubborn glint in his eyes. “I’m strong enough to stop on my own.”
I sighed, knowing that he was way too ornery to go to rehab. He was a hood nigga. Rehab would make him feel like a fiend.
“Well, you need to go to therapy, at least. You need to talk about Ri and your guilt. You can’t keep using those pills to make it all go away.”
He looked at me, his eyes searching mine. Finally, he nodded. “All right, I’ll go to therapy. I promise.”
Relief flooded me as I hugged him tightly. “Thank you. We’re going to get through this. We have to.”
He kissed the top of my head, holding me close. “I know we will.”