Chapter 4
Four
Charlie
I’m sitting at the island in the kitchen eating a sandwich and pretending to read my newest book by JL Quincy when Ainsley comes bouncing in.
I look up at her and grin. Seeing her today versus the scared, broken woman she was when Mercy brought her in is a reminder that just because things are dark and rough, it can get better.
I just pray that in the end, however it happens, I make it out with my heart still intact.
When she spots me, her smile grows wide, and she bounces over to me.
I finish chewing my bite. “Anisley, what’re you up to?”
She leans on the island, eyeing me. “Are we going to talk about it?”
Looking over at her, I cock my head in confusion. “What exactly is it that we need to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know, let's start with why all of a sudden I’ve got to practically beg you to leave the confines of these walls? Or the disappearing act you pulled as soon as you could after that little show with Blitz?” Ainsley places her hands on her hips as she talks.
Shrugging, I turn back to my sandwich. “Nothing to talk about. I’m just nervous about all the danger circling the club.”
Ainsley shrugs. “I call bullshit. You promised we wouldn’t lie to each other. So, try the again.”
I turn to her, knowing I’ve got to give her something to keep her from digging. “I’m struggling with Blitz being gone. Every time he leaves for an extended amount of time, I get unsettled.”
Ainsley's eyes fill with mischief and excitement all at once, and she leans closer, dropping her voice to a whisper. “Are you and Blitz a thing? How could you not have told me this?”
I know I look like some cartoon character because of how wide my eyes are. “What? No, we’re not anything.”
I choke the words out. Saying it out loud is like someone has ripped me open and scooped my insides out.
It’s the truth, and I know it. It has been said time and time again—burden, charity case, and obligation.
I’ve fought the feelings that have grown over time for Blitz because the guilt of having feelings for a man who isn’t Six tries to suffocate me.
My emotions and logic are warring so furiously that I completely miss whatever Ainsley has said until she snaps her fingers in my face.
“Hello?” Ainsley calls. “Where did I lose you?”
“I have no idea. I’m sorry love, what were you saying?” I answer her.
“I don't believe there's nothing between you, but I'll let you continue in your delusion for now. What I was asking is, do you want to hang out by the pool with me? Ninety percent of the brothers are gone, so we should be completely unbothered,” she repeats smirking.
“I’m going to go for a run, and when I’m done I’ll meet you by the pool,” I tell her.
“What is it with you and running? I would die.” Ainsley shakes her head, moving to the refrigerator.
Standing, I take my plate to the sink. “It’s how I clear my head.
Before everything went to shit for me, I was training for a mud run.
My hus—” I choke on the word, the reminder that he’s no longer here still too fresh and raw.
“Someone who was very special to me and I were going to do it together. Now I just do it to think.”
Turning from the sink, I find Ainsley staring at me with her mouth hanging open.
I look down at myself and then look back at her. “What? What’s wrong? Do I have a bug on me?”
Ainsley doesn’t say anything but continues staring at me with pure shock, with tears shining in her eyes.
“Ainsley, what the fuck is happening here? What did I say?” I’m starting to shake as self-doubt sets in.
“That’s the most I’ve ever heard you say about yourself,” she finally whispers. A single tear runs down her face.
The tension leaves my body so fast that I nearly collapse to the floor. “Damn woman, I thought I’d said something to upset you and Mercy was going to come for my head.”
Ainsley instantly burst out laughing. “He would, too. I love that man, but I’m a woman and crying is a part of it. Can I ask you two questions?”
I nod, nervousness taking my voice.
“First, can I give you a hug?” she asks.
I give her my brightest smile. “Yes, you can give me a hug.”
She rushes across the kitchen, wrapping her arms around me so tightly that breathing is a struggle.
I wrap my arms around her, squeezing back, soaking up the embrace and the feeling of calm that falls over me.
Other than Blitz, Ainsley is the only other person whose hug has brought me peace instead of panic.
Ainsley pulls back, smiling at me as she grabs my hand, pulling me over to one of the many tables in the kitchen, then pulls me down into a chair. I instantly drop my hands into my lap and start playing with my fingers as the anxious energy takes me over.
“Okay, here is my second question. Can I ask what a fucking mud run is? Because if I’m honest, it doesn’t sound like fun at all.” Ansley’s face screws up in disgust.
When I can finally breathe, it's my turn to burst out laughing. “It is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a marathon run through mud with obstacles.”
“Yeah, that sounds fucking awful.” Ainsley shutters.
“Not awful. The adrenaline rush you get is a high like nothing else.” My words are more honest than she’ll ever know.
“I’ll just have to take your word for it. I won’t be doing anything like that. If you see me running, you'd best run in the same direction because someone or something is after me.” She sighs, leaning back in her chair.
Shaking my head, I reply, “Noted. I will not ask you to do that with me. Can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask me anything.” Ainsley smiles sweetly, leaning forward onto her forearms on the table.
“When you were brought here, we all know things didn’t start off very well for you. How did the guys handle things when they learned you had been lying about who you were and your past?” I whisper, refusing to look her in the face.
“They didn’t take it well at all, to be honest, and there were several moments that I wasn’t sure I was going to make it out alive,” she tells me, getting a faraway look on her face. Her eyes cut to me with curiosity. “Charlie, what's going on? What are you trying to ask without asking me?”
Groaning, I drop my head into my hands. “I’m so fucking screwed. You had Mercy to go to bat for you. That makes all the difference.”
“Charlie, you’re talking in circles, and I’m going to dig right this second because we all have come into the club with secrets. Just know that man would’ve ended me without a second thought if he thought I was putting him or Blender in any danger,” Ainsley states flatly.
I just stare at her with my mouth hanging open because she could not be that delusional.
Touching her hand, I ensure her gaze is on me before I speak my next words.
“There was a time that I would have believed you. That the psycho twins would only ever have each other’s backs.
What you need to understand is that Blender will most likely never have anyone outside of Mercy that he cares for, but he would protect and back you because Mercy cares.
Now that man of yours would slit his own brother’s throat if he thought it would cause you distress in any form.
I have seen those two for many years, and I know Mercy would happily wipe this world clean to make sure you never get sad again. ”
Ainsley’s eyes get wider and wider as I talk. We sit there in silence, just watching each other, seeming lost in our own thoughts.
Ainsley shrugs. “As true as any of that might be, why are you asking?”
“We all know how these men feel about secrets.” I sigh.
“Charlie, you're talking in circles, and I need you to just be honest with me.” Ainsley looks at me with narrowed eyes.
“It’s nothing, really. I’m just curious because everyone has secrets in life, and the brothers don’t need to know every little detail,” I say hurriedly.
“Right, they don’t have to know every little detail about our lives, but if it’s something that could put a brother, our families, or the club in danger, then they do need to know to protect everyone.” Ainsley's serious tone causes my breath to catch.
I cannot look at her because that’s just it.
My secret could bring danger to the club and everyone attached to it.
I’ve broken one of the biggest and most important rules of being in another club’s territory—hell, their fucking clubhouse—with no one knowing who I really am.
How do I even begin to explain to anyone, especially the Enforcer’s Ol’ Lady?
“I understand,” I finally mumble before standing. “I’m going to go for my run, then we can soak up some rays by the pool before these men get home.”
Ainsley says nothing but watches me closely. I give her a small wave and smile before turning to leave. I make it to the door when Ainsley calls out, “You're not alone here, Charlie. We’ve got your back!”
I look back at her over my shoulder. “I appreciate that.”
My shattered soul tries to claw for comfort in her words, but I’m unable to find any solace in them.
Not when I’m drowning under the lies I feed them all every day.
I slip through the door with my head down, silently begging the universe to let me reach my room before any of the Club Bunnies spew another round of their poison-laced commentary.
When I finally make it into my room unscathed, a shaky breath escapes me.
After taking a moment to pull myself together, I quickly change into my running gear before grabbing my phone and headphones.