Chapter 30 #2
The abrupt change of subject catches me on the wrong foot for a second, but it’s par for the course with my son. Once a topic is deemed over, it’s done and he moves on. When I catch up, I inhale a deep breath. “What she did for us is something I’ll never be able to repay.”
He lifts his eyes and stares at me. “But you could, Dad. She’s pretty, kind, and so fucking brave. She’s intelligent and attractive, and you and she seemed to be getting along better. Now she would make a good old lady.”
I’m gobsmacked. For a moment, no response comes to mind, but then I bark a laugh. “There’s more to choosing an ol’ lady then looks and whether she’s sexy. You’ve got a lot to learn, kid.”
His eyes narrow as he says snidely, “It didn’t take much for you to fall for Toni, and she wasn’t half the woman Trixie is.”
“You liked Toni pretty well yourself,” I point out, feeling a little peeved he’s putting it all on me.
“I didn’t want to fuck her,” he snaps.
“Ace!” My jaw drops open.
“She must have been good in bed. I’ve never seen you so wrapped up in a woman before.”
“I’m not discussing my sexual activities with you, Ace. And you shouldn’t even be thinking about them. As for not showing interest in a woman, where would I have had the time or space in my life to fit someone in? I was busy raising you and working for the club.”
He shrugs as if conceding the point. “So what’s different now?”
“You’re almost sixteen. You don’t need me so much anymore.”
He frowns. “Nothing’s changed. I’m still at Nana’s more than I’m here. And I know you fuck the whores.”
“Language, kid.” I warn.
He continues as if half talking to himself, staring down at his hands as he does.
“If the whores are the only women you go to, well, apart from the girls who come to the club parties, who are probably made from the same mould, you haven’t had any female company for years.
Maybe you’re getting older, more mellow, and want something more serious than what you’ve got.
I reckon that was the gap that Toni filled, and why you fell so hard so quickly.
” He shakes his head. “Or maybe Saint hooking up with Pippa, and Short with Bronwyn put the possibility in your head. But Toni wasn’t your happy ever after, she never would have been. ”
I’m flabbergasted by what’s coming out of his mouth, but also intrigued. Though first I have to defend myself. “I seem to remember it was you who encouraged me to date her.”
He flinches and admits it. “Yeah, because it would have been convenient.” Lines etch on his brow.
“Nana’s good, but she’s no substitute for a mom.
And for a moment, before Toni showed her true colours, I thought maybe her, you and me could be our own family.
” He shakes his head as though dismissing the idea from his mind.
“She wasn’t the right woman for you because she didn’t understand the club.
” He slashes his hand through the air in a very adult gesture.
“Dad, I love ya, but you’re married to the Kings, they will always come first.”
I snort. “Kid, you ever thought about a career in therapy?” Though what he’s said has worried me.
All these years I thought our arrangement had worked.
Had he really felt something was missing?
At the beginning, him staying with Ma had been convenient, then a habit as the years went on.
All this time, had he wanted more? Thinking back, maybe he had pushed me toward Toni, and I’d let myself be led by him, because on some primeval level, I’d also felt I owed him more.
But I can’t just go out and find a woman to join our family just to suit him. That’s not the way it works. Toni only proved how dangerous that could be.
He seems to be lost in his own little world, so when he finally speaks, his voice startles me.
“Now Trixie would be perfect. She’s club through and through.
She’d never bug you about not being told club business.
And,” at last he glances up at me. “I happen to know that she likes you Dad,” his face reddens.
“More than likes you if you know what I mean.”
I bark a laugh, and say sarcastically, “You’re right about the club, yeah, she knows that inside and out.” And my brothers, intimately. “But you gotta be fuckin’ kidding me. What you’re suggesting is preposterous. Club girls do not become ol’ ladies.”
“Why not?”
My temper starts to flare, I make every effort to tamp it down, reminding myself he’s still not quite sixteen, and, recent events put to one side, his view of life is filled with unicorns and rainbows, though maybe of the tech variety.
“Alright, you’ve been speaking like an adult to me, so I’ll give it back to you in the same terms. Trixie’s a whore, okay?
She’s been with every one of my brothers, time and time again.
Why would I want a woman that everyone else has fucked?
That was her choice, the bed she made to lie on. ”
“Was it?” he challenges. “I was just a kid, Dad, but even I saw how badly hurt she was when she first came to the club. She didn’t leave her bed in weeks. Doesn’t take a genius to think she was running from something worse than the Kings.”
Have I ever mentioned how inconvenient it sometimes is to have a genius as a son? One who’s used to picking up pieces of a puzzle and fitting them together.?
My brow furrows as I think about Trixie’s history and how she came to be with the club. Back then, we hadn’t questioned anything. She’d stayed, healed, then asked to stay on as a club girl. Bullseye had agreed.
Did she only stay because there was nowhere else to go?
She’d been violently abused and raped by her husband.
And she needed, still needs, somewhere to lie low.
We wouldn’t have let her stay on after she’d healed if she couldn’t contribute to the club, so was that her only option?
To let herself be used for sex, in return for a home and safety, and eventually become, as she has, part of our mismatched family?
Maybe I’m looking at her situation with more sympathy than previously, but that doesn’t change anything. She knows the length of everyone’s dick and their preferences when fucking. And then there’s the important detail, she’s club property.
“Ace, get the idea of there ever being a me and Trixie out of your head. She’s been here far too long. She’s a club girl, I couldn’t ever think of making her mine.”
“Why not?” he challenges, then sneers. “Has her pussy become worn out and loose?”
As I remember, she’s actually tight… “For, for fuck’s sake,” I roar. “How do you know anything about pussies? Have you been watching porn? I should wash out your fuckin’ mouth.”
He stands then, and I notice how tall he’s getting.
While he’s still shorter than me, it won’t be long before he catches up.
He moves forward until his chest is inches away from mine.
“I’ve seen more dicks getting sucked and women getting fucked right here in the club than I would ever have seen in X-rated movies. ”
I take a step back. I should ban him from the clubhouse.
He… I… It suddenly dawns on me that this is all on me, not him.
Maybe Toni did have a point. How can I call myself a good father if these are the types of lessons he’s getting in life?
I could blame him for sneaking around when he was supposed to be in bed, but I’m the one who provided the environment.
I suppose I have to count myself lucky that up to now, Ace hasn’t seemed inclined to want a girl for himself.
Or has he? I’m starting to question everything I know about my son and how I’ve been raising him.
Nah, he’s not interested in girls – or boys come to that.
But show him a motherboard, and I’d swear he’d get a hard on.
To calm myself, I decide to end this discussion. “Okay, Ace, you’ve said your piece. This conversation is over and won’t be revisited. There’s no way on earth that I’d consider Trixie as my ol’ lady.”
But Ace hasn’t finished. He jabs his finger into my chest. “Is your only objection she’s had sex with loads of men?”
Well, yeah, duh. I shrug.
“Bit of a double standard there, Dad. You’ve fucked the club girls, how did you say it? Time and time again? And you probably can’t even count all the other one-night stands you’ve had. So who’s the whore now?”
My hand starts to rise but luckily my mind kicks into gear before it lands a slap on Ace’s face.
He’s made me angry, and once my temper’s lost, I tend to freak out and don’t know when to stop.
Rather than saying anything more, I march to the door, open it, step out, then slam it behind me.
Childish, huh? But yeah, that’s how mad he’s made me.
He has no idea what he’s talking about. How dare he compare my sexual activities with that of a whore! There’s absolutely no comparison.