Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
FREAK
What am I doing here? It’s a fucking good question, and one I’m asking myself.
My conversation with Ace had made me do some self-examination, and some of the answers I’d come up with had found me wanting.
If Trixie were anyone other than a club girl, I wouldn’t have hesitated to explore a relationship with her.
I probably would have started one five years back.
If we’d been together, I wouldn’t have looked twice at Toni.
Not just out of some sense of loyalty or being faithful, but because Toni couldn’t hold a candle to Trixie.
I’ll always remember that one time I fucked her.
I like to be dominant in the bedroom, and she willingly complied with my every request. She’d been totally into it, unlike the other club girls or the hang arounds I tried out my preferences with before.
Oh, they pretended they liked me being in charge, but in truth, they weren’t interested in what I had to offer.
I’d given up, used them just to get off, usually considerate enough to give them something to remember.
I frown. Since Trixie, I've never again used handcuffs, a blindfold, or my flogger. Such items are hidden away out of Ace’s sight, gathering dust. The reason is clear, though I’d previously refused to consider it. Trixie was too much of a match for me, which was dangerous.
The explanation why is even more valid today than it was back when I’d first had her and she was relatively new. Now, she’s spent five years being a cum dumpster for my brothers.
Though, as Ace had so forcefully pointed out, if the positions were reversed, Trixie could turn me down with similar justification.
I’ve fucked all the club girls, both those here now and those who had come before, as well as making good use of the local talent who come to our parties wanting a walk on the wild side with a biker.
If they looked interested, I never turned them away.
While I hate to admit it, I know most of the strippers at Royals intimately.
Only if consensual, of course. I might not think I’m vain, but I’ve never had any trouble finding a woman to enjoy a few hours in my bed.
My son was right. Men and women regard sex differently. While my brothers would slap me on the back for any conquest I made, they look at a woman having multiple partners as whores and worthless for anything other than opening their legs.
All these thoughts had gone through my head while I was standing outside her door, not knowing whether to enter.
If I do, it will open a whole can of worms that might be better to leave closed.
Star had told me she’d been upset, and I knew it was because I deliberately hurt her.
If I leave now, she’ll eventually pull herself together, hate me for the bastard I am, and even possibly leave our chapter.
I doubt she’d completely turn her back on the Kings.
The reason for her originally hiding with us hasn’t disappeared, unless someone has put her husband in his grave.
The last I heard he was very much alive and breathing, Genie checks twice a year.
If she ever left, it wouldn’t just be me who missed her. She doesn’t cause trouble, helps out more than any other club girl, and, as I’ve recently realised, is a fuckin’ good babysitter.
She’ll be fine if I just walk away. Spinning on my heels, I’d started off back down the corridor. Then paused as I reached the stairs.
She might be fine, but will I?
Making another abrupt turn, I’d made my way back to her door, and without allowing myself to rethink, I knocked hard, then tried the handle. Finding it unlocked, I walked in.
She’s just got into bed, her room illuminated only by the light from the lamp on her nightstand. But that’s enough for me to see her reddened eyes and blotchy face, evidence Star hadn’t been lying when I’d bumped into her.
Her mouth drops open as I approach. Taking the plastic bottle out of my pocket, I throw the painkillers to her. “Star said you hadn’t been to see Bronwyn.”
She swallows a few times before speaking.
“Star talks too much.” She presses her lips together.
“She also told me you didn’t fuck her.” Then she shrugs as if it’s no matter.
But her eyes signal something else. Even if I hadn’t got to put my dick inside the other club girl, I’d announced my intention in front of the club, cruelly dismissing Trixie and hurting her.
I also raise and drop my shoulders as if copying her. “I realised I needed to check in with Ace.”
She does a slow blink, then nods. “He needs you, Freak.”
Again I make a dismissive action. “Not so sure about that. It felt more like I needed him to set me straight about a few things.” Instead of addressing her obvious curiosity, I point to the tablets I’ve just given her.
Intentionally, I deepen and soften my voice. “Take a couple of painkillers, Trixie.”
Immediately, her hand comes out, opens the bottle, and taps out two tablets. Moving forward so she doesn’t have to twist, I pick up the glass of water she left beside her, and hand it to her. After she swallows, she shakes her head, as if bemused at her own actions.
“Good girl.” Her pupils dilate.
Why the hell did I stop playing with her?
I’ve toyed with BDSM. While in Delta, I’d visited a club along with fellow operators from time to time.
While I never wanted a serious D/s relationship, I had enjoyed playing the part of a Dom with a willing submissive.
It had turned me on more than anything vanilla.
Yet, vanilla was all that I settled for when I’d come to the club.
Except when I’d played with her. And had then run because I’d enjoyed it too fucking much.
Suddenly I realised I’d never attempted anything other than a good biker fucking with Toni.
I inwardly snort. She’d have run for the hills.
Just like her sister had when I’d tried it with her.
“Thank you for bringing the pain relief.” Trixie’s voice is dismissive, letting me know that, while she’s naturally submissive, she’s not a pushover. I’m not even surprised, and am even a little amused, when she adds, “You can go now.”
Instead of leaving, I perch myself on her bed, gently so I don’t jostle her.
“You want to know what Ace pointed out?” She sniffs, raises her nose in the air, and fixes her eye-line over my shoulder.
Her reaction again makes my lips quirk. Her hands are lying on top of the sheet, I take one of them in mine.
When she tries to pull away, I gently tighten my hold.
“He told me, in not so many words, that I’m a fuckin’ idiot.
” I break off to huff a laugh. “Well, what he actually intimated was I was a man whore, and a judgmental one at that.”
“He was right,” she mumbles, so softly I know I wasn’t meant to catch it. But I’ve good ears, and it didn’t pass me by.
“Trix, babe. You’re only here because there was nowhere else for you. You make the best of what life offered. Me? I’m just an ass.”
Slightly louder this time, she comments, “You’ll get no argument from me.”
I take a deep breath. “Well, what about this? You scare me, Trixie, you have from the first time I took you to my bed. It’s like someone made you for me, and Trix, I couldn’t cope with that.
” I pause, move my free hand until it cups her chin, turning her face so she has to meet my eyes.
“I’ve wasted five fuckin’ years, and I don’t want to waste anymore.
The past few days have shaken the blinkers from my eyes and made me realise, it’s you that I want. ”
“I’m not well enough for sex now. The tablets you gave me are making me tired.” She closes her eyes.
I have to fight to keep the smile from my face. I remove my phone from my pocket, and shoot Ace a text.
“Trix, listen to me, huh? I’ve been a fuckin’ fool.
Up to now I never saw what was right in front of me.
If someone had designed the perfect woman for me, it would have been you.
All these years I’ve had my head in the sand, denying it.
That night, Trix? It meant a lot to me, so much so I pushed away as I was too damn stupid to deal with it.
For reasons Ace demolished with a few choice words, I thought I couldn’t have you.
Now I realise what I’d thought before doesn’t mean a damn thing, what you were, what I was, can all be put in the past. And fuck anyone else’s opinions.
Thing is,” I break off, wanting to make sure she’s paying attention.
When I say silent too long, and her brow creases, I have the signal to proceed.
Putting every ounce of sincerity I can into my voice, I admit the words that make me feel like a weight’s being lifted from my chest. “I want you, Trix, as mine. Do you want me as yours?”
Her head snaps up, and she even bares her teeth as she growls. “Get out of here, Freak. I’m going to ask Bullseye to see if he can set me up in another chapter. I’ve told you before, you don’t owe me anything.” Having issued her dismissal, she goes back to pretending to sleep.
“Open your eyes, Trix.” After a moment, she does, and I hope she can see how serious I am. “Trixie, will you be my ol’ lady?” There. I’ve said it. I’ve put it out into the wild. And immediately I know this is oh, so, right. My heart settles, and something akin to satisfaction floods over me.
Her brows meet her hairline, an expression of pure shock covers her face. “What the fuck are you on? Have you been smoking something? A few days ago you wanted Toni as your old lady.” She shakes her head vigorously. “This is fucked up, Freak. Even for you.”