Chapter 11 #2
My lip curled. “That’s the stripper.”
Mam sniffed haughtily.
After a quick conversation, the guys got up from their stools, and I looked on, my throat burning painfully as Candy burrowed herself under Pagan’s arm.
“Feckin’ slags,” Mam muttered. “Both of them.”
The guys walked off with Candy, who seemed very happy with herself.
I couldn’t believe her audacity, especially since I’d been speaking to her earlier in the night and actually thought she was a nice girl. She knew I was with Pagan, but it still didn’t take her long to slide under his arm as soon as he crooked his finger at her.
He was the one cheating, not her, and he’d get the brunt of my anger, but she knew all about me and still didn’t hesitate to stab me in the back.
I’d always given the club girls and the strippers the benefit of the doubt—well, except Saskia—but Candy had proven it was a mistake on my part.
I loved Zara and Roxie, and that wouldn’t change, but I wouldn’t be so na?ve again.
Not that it mattered now, though; Pagan could be with whoever he wanted.
“Is that you?” Mam asked.
I refocused on the video, my heart starting to race as I looked down at my own shocked expression, my arm reaching out to grab hold of the bar. The sick feeling from the night before washed through me, and I swallowed the bile rising in my throat.
“Yeah,” I breathed, watching closely as Roxie appeared at my side. After a couple of minutes, we walked away, the cameras tracking us as we left the club.
My forehead furrowed. “I don’t understand why he sent me this. Is he trying to rub my face in what he did?”
“I’m confused, too, love,” Mam agreed, her eyes glued to the phone. “But he must have a reason for...” Her voice trailed off, and she said, “Look.”
My eyes lowered back to the screen, and I froze as Pagan came back into view, but that time, alone. He leaned against the bar, checking his phone for a few minutes before pocketing it and ordering another beer.
My throat went dry.
“Well, there you go,” Mam said, her voice matter-of-fact.
My eyes darted up to meet hers, and I rubbed my suddenly clammy palms on the legs of my jeans.
Mam took one of my hands and patted it lovingly. “He didn’t do the nasty with a stripper, love.”
“He was going to,” I protested.
Her eyes softened, and her mouth lost the hard, judgmental twist that had tightened it since I told her what (I thought) had happened.
“Sometimes it’s the things you don’t do that count for more.
Now, I’m not saying it was right, and I’m not saying he wasn’t a fecking eejit, but he obviously had some kind of epiphany and came right in the end. ”
My insides burned because this was so typical of me. I saw Pagan with another woman and didn’t wait around to get the full story. Instead, I’d let myself spiral and put myself through a night of tears and heartbreak for nothing.
Was he wrong to go off with her?
By my standards, he was, yes, but by his standards, it was murky.
Roxie had explained the night before how the Kings didn’t see themselves as committed until they actually committed, so Pagan going off and then changing his mind was probably not that deep, at least to him.
I still didn’t like it; he touched her, and she kissed him, but seeing that video showed me that she moved in on him and he’d pulled away, and I had to admit, I’d done worse with Kieran.
Now I knew how he must have felt walking into the bar and seeing me all over another guy, and he stayed around to hash it out with me.
I couldn’t say the same.
There was a big ol’ murky grey area to this because he did go off with her, so I had to ask myself, was the intention there? Or should I just remember that even though he may have initially screwed up, he didn’t actually go through with it?
Ugh.
This shit was complicated.
The phone buzzed again, and my heart leaped to my throat when I recognized the name.
Mam nodded down at it. “You'd better get that.”
My stomach dropped, and I admitted, “I don’t want to.”
“What did I say to you, Aislynn? O’Shea’s face things head-on.”
I sighed, and with a tremor in my fingers, I slowly clicked the answer button and raised the phone to my ear. “Hey,” I said quietly. “I just watched the video.”
If it wasn’t for his deep huff of frustrated breath, I would’ve thought he’d hung up on me. Eventually, he spoke. “You’re fuckin’ trouble, Dubheasa. You know that, right?”
I got up from my seat, smiling reassuringly at Mam as I headed out the back door into the garden. “Well, if we’re on the subject of trouble, honey. You’re not exactly an easy ride yourself.”
He chuckled quietly and then muttered, “One of these days you won’t be able to run. What ya gonna do then?”
I let out a quiet snort. “It’s not that I run. I just need time to think things through and regroup.”
He was silent for a few seconds, then he rumbled, “Wanted my boys to meet you.”
My heart fluttered because I’d been waiting for him to suggest it, but until then, he hadn’t said a word. Still, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. “Maybe now’s not the right time, Aiden. Especially after last night.”
“No shit,” he agreed.
My heart clenched at how readily he agreed, but I glossed over it, instead asking, “How was their flight?”
“They had a blast. Thug was with ’em so they probably ate and drank everythin’ bad for them. Knowin’ that fucker, he probably offered them a beer and a Marlboro Light.”
I laughed softly. “Mam loaded her gun. She was gonna shoot you in the ass if you turned up.”
“Jesus Christ,” he rumbled.
“It’s okay. She likes you again now. She watched the video with me.”
The line fell silent briefly, and then he murmured, “Nothin’ happened with that bitch.”
My throat heated. “I know, but I’m still hurt you went off with her because it felt like you initially wanted something to happen. Why else would you go?”
“I get that, Ash, but you’ve gotta remember, you ain’t my ol’ lady yet. We’re still gettin’ to know each other. If I didn’t have my boys, I would’ve said to hell with it and wifed you up in Vegas the first night we met, but I gotta be sure for them.”
My voice rose an octave. “You being with other women is a hard no for me.”
“Now’s not the time to hash this shit out. We’ll talk after the boys go home.” His tone had an air of finality to it, and I knew I’d get nowhere. He was so stubborn.
“When will we talk about it?” I asked. “I’m leaving for Denver tomorrow morning.
It’s my last week at the firm, and I’ve still got some hours to complete.
I’ve had a lot of time off lately, which they were okay with because it’s taken longer than expected for Richard to complete his handover, but I need to get this done now so I can move on. ”
“Right,” he acquiesced. “I’ll do my best to get down for a couple of days next week, but I’m snowed under.
We’re way behind with the tattoo shop’s construction, which is a pain in my ass ’cause the artist’s due to show Monday.
The deliveries for the parts shop are startin’ to come in next week too. ”
His voice sounded detached, like he had so much going on that his thoughts were full of it. “Are you okay?” I asked.
He let out a deep sigh. “Yeah,” he said after a pause. “Just tired. The boys wanna go to see the petroglyphs, then I’ll take ’em to the diner. They had an early start this mornin’ so hopefully they’ll pass out soon after, and I can catch some Zs.”
“Isn’t it a little cold for the petroglyphs?” I asked.
“They’re teenage boys. With all that crazy testosterone, they could sleep outside in their jockey shorts tonight and not even shiver.”
“Maybe that’s why you’re so damned hot all the time,” I mused. “All that testosterone.”
His voice lowered, and he rasped, “Baby,” in his husky voice.
A warm shiver ran down my spine at his deep, sexy tone.
I loved it when he used that tone with me.
Pagan had a great voice, deep and rumbly. In the beginning, if I said something cute, he’d look at me and growl, baby, and it made me lose my breath. It used to happen all the time, but lately, not so much.
It felt like he was pulling away from me, and it was confusing because I thought we were getting on well, but it seemed like the closer we got, the more he shut down.
At the beginning, he’d pursued me relentlessly, but the instant I opened up to him, he stopped trying.
It went from him chasing me to me being needy, like he’d suddenly become the ultimate prize, and I was lucky to get his attention.
The distance between us hadn’t just been about geography lately, so after all the mood swings that low, raspy ‘baby’ sounded like nectar to my ears.
“I’ll come to Denver,” he relented. “Even if it’s just for a night.”
The tension left my shoulders. “Why don’t you fly down?” I suggested. “It only takes an hour from Rock Springs, and I can pick you up from the airport.”
“Don’t do cages,” he cut out.
“It’ll save time,” I pointed out. “And you won’t have a five-hour ride to Denver and back in the cold and snow. It worries me when you ride in bad weather.”
There was a brief pause, then, “Maybe I can arrange to borrow a bike.”
My lips curved. “Okay, honey.”
He must’ve heard the smile in my voice because he warned, “Don’t get cocky, Dubheasa. I’m already pissed at you. Be grateful my boys are here, ’cause if they weren’t, I’d ride down there and kidnap your ass, just so I could tan it.”
My tone dropped. “Is that a threat or a promise?”
Usually, he’d come back with some quip or a few dirty words that would make me giggle, but instead, silence stretched between us, and it reminded me again that something was off.
We hardly saw each other, and he hadn’t touched me since we were in Mam’s garage. We slept together when the occasion allowed it, but after holding me for what seemed like an appropriate amount of time, he kissed my forehead, rolled away, and gave me his back.
When I woke in the morning, he was usually gone. I wasn’t even sure if he slept in the bed with me or just waited until I fell asleep before he escaped.
He said he wanted to respect my decision about sex before marriage, and I appreciated that, but I still needed some kind of intimacy, or else what was the point?
It was glaringly obvious to me that something had changed between us, but every time I tried to broach the subject, he just told me to stop nagging.
I needed to think, and to do that, I had to get some space.
Maybe it would be for the best because he’d either miss me or realize he didn’t, and that would force him to make a decision, and either way, at least I’d know.
Mom had told me what to expect, and I was trying my best to be patient and wait for him to snap out of it.
I just wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold on.