Chapter 12
PAGAN
Igrinned into my menu at Rex and Rome, shooting the shit as we sat in a booth at the diner in Coal Creek.
My two boys were me in teenagers' bodies, though Rex probably had way more swagger than me. At fourteen and sixteen, they were already hitting six feet, and they were both ripped from track and playing sports.
Back when I had hair on my head, it was dark brown. Rome had inherited that from me, whereas Rex had his mom’s black hair. Both my sons had my eyes, my nose, and my smirk.
Luckily, they didn’t have my shitty attitude, at least not with me, though I was pretty sure they were little shits when my back was turned.
My boys were also good-looking dudes, as evidenced by the entire teenage girl population of Coal Creek mysteriously showing up and packing out the diner within five minutes of us sitting down.
News traveled fast in Coal Creek, especially amongst teenage girls, obviously.
Rex was playing it cool. He lounged with his arm flung across the back of the bench seat in his leather jacket, floppy hair, and cocky smirk.
Roman was playing it cool, too, but not on the same level as Rex. My younger boy still had a boyish way about him, but watching the looks the girls were sending him, they liked it. It just meant that between them, my boys had all the girls in town between the ages of fourteen and seventeen covered.
A thought occurred to me. “Is your mom giving you rubbers?”
“What the fuck?” Rex exclaimed.
Roman’s cheeks heated.
“You think I wasn’t your age once?” I reminded them. “I looked like you, too, but I was more of a little asshole, which meant I had even more tail chasing me.”
Roman ducked his head, which told me he was a virgin, thank fuck.
Rex’s lips twitched, which told me he wasn’t.
“You gettin’ it regular?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I do alright.”
“You better be wrappin’ it up, boy,” I told him, a thread of warning in my tone.
“I’m not stupid,” he shot back.
“You’re sixteen, and you look like that,” I pointed out. “Of course you’re fuckin’ stupid. What’s the expression? Young, dumb, and full’a cum.”
“It’s okay, Dad,” Roman said reassuringly. “He only does it with older girls.”
I rubbed at the headache forming in my temple and sighed. “Well, I guess I should be thankful for that at least.”
“So I like older women,” he said with a shrug.
There was no arguing with that, seeing as I was the same at his age. Though I knew his taste would change as he got older. Mine did.
“He gets his wraps from his buds at school,” Rome told me knowingly. “Mom’s usually too high to notice if we need...” He must have seen my face harden because the words trailed off.
“Shit,” Rex cursed under his breath.
Bree was getting high? I knew she was using because I had contacts in town. They had told me they’d seen her scoring, but I thought it was recreational. If I’d have known she was doing that shit in front of the boys, I’d have stepped in before now.
I felt my mouth go tight as I leaned over the table toward them and bit out, “Tell me.”
“It’s okay, Dad,” Rex murmured. “I’ve got it under control.”
My lip curled into a snarl, and I repeated, “Tell me.”
Rex shot Roman an accusing glare before turning back toward me. “She’s been partyin’ more than usual, is all. I already sat her down and told her to calm her shit. She promised she would.”
My jaw clenched so tight I thought it would shatter. “You shouldn’t be dealin’ with that, Rex. The reason I know that is ’cause I had to live with the same shit, and I swore if I ever had kids, they’d have a better life. If your mom’s usin’ when you’re around, I want you both outta there.”
“Can’t leave her,” Rex declared. “She needs us. Not leavin’ her on her own to deal with that prick.”
My chest began to burn. “What’s he done?”
The boys shot each other a look.
“You'd better start explainin’, boys,” I cut out. “Or I swear to God, I’ll catch a plane to Cali and find out myself.”
“I’ve dealt with it,” Rex said, his tone almost accusing. “You don’t gotta worry. She’s not your problem; you left her, remember?”
“No, Rex,” I corrected. “I didn’t leave her. We fought all the goddamned time, and it wasn’t good for you, so I left the house. I was still around for you, though.”
“You went nomad,” he argued. “You left her, and you left us.”
“I never left you,” I protested.
“Mom was lonely,” Roman blurted. “That’s why she moved in with the first asshole that came along.”
I sat with that for a minute.
At the time, I thought she’d moved on quickly, but a part of me was relieved.
I’d known for a while that Bree and I were over, but she kept asking me to try and make it work, and for the sake of the boys, I agreed.
God knows why I did it. It was over the second it became clear she kept purposely getting knocked up, even though she assured me she was taking birth control.
We weren’t even really sleeping together. The night we made Rex was when I realized I wanted to walk away. I’d gotten back from deployment, slept with Bree, and it was clear things weren’t right, but circumstances made me stay because I didn’t want my boy to grow up like I did.
When Roman was conceived, I was fall-down drunk. The next morning, when I woke up in Bree’s bed, I was pissed with her for taking advantage and pissed with myself for being so sloppy. A part of me knew she had an agenda, so when she told me she was pregnant four weeks later, I wasn’t shocked.
I wanted the boys and their mother to have a home, so I stayed with her.
We got military housing, and I was away on deployment more than I was home, so it didn’t seem like a big deal, but I knew when I left the military, it would be done.
I went nomad, not just to get away from Bree, but also to visit other chapters and observe how different presidents ran their clubs.
When Big Daddy started talking about opening a chapter in Wyoming, I jumped at the chance to run it, thinking that the boys could come out later if they wanted, but now all this shit was happening with their mom, I reckoned the time was right.
“I’m not takin’ responsibility for your mom gettin' high,” I declared. “We’ve been separated for years. I’ve got no control over that shit. She’s a grown-ass woman, and she should know better.”
“Can’t you help her?” Roman asked.
“I can get her into rehab,” I agreed. “But would she go? Is she even ready for it?”
Rex’s expression was all the answer I needed.
“In the meantime, you boys should come live with me,” I went on. “I’ll buy us a house in town, enroll you in school; I’ll even get you a cage to share. I don’t want you stayin’ in Cali if your mom’s not takin’ care of you.”
The boys looked at each other, having a silent conversation.
“What?” I demanded.
Rex’s stare slid to meet mine. “We can’t leave her. She needs us.”
My head tipped back, and I sighed before my eyes lowered again. “Your mom’s an adult. She can take care of herself.”
Roman leaned forward and hissed, “He tries to hurt her.”
Silence fell over the table.
My chest tightened. It wasn’t that I gave a shit about Bree romantically, because I didn’t; however, until recently, she’d been a good mom to the boys, and they loved her. Hell, I loved her, just not in the way where I wanted to fuck her every night for the rest of my life.
My eyes darted between the boys. “Tell me.”
Roman thrust a hand through his hair. “One night, he brought a couple of dudes over, and she got scared. They were bad news, Dad. One of ’em tried to”—he blushed slightly—“you know. Me and Rex had to throw him and his sketchy buddy out. Kev was mad, but he’s scared of you and the club, so he didn’t say much.
Mom had a bruise on her cheek the next mornin’.
She said she banged it on the nightstand when she was in bed, but we know she’s protectin’ that dick.
The only reason we came this weekend is ’cause Kev’s gone to Vegas and Mom won’t have to put up with him and his crew. ”
My eyes narrowed. “Is that why you’ve hardly visited?”
Rex lowered his eyes.
Roman shrugged.
My jaw ticked.
I’d spent years at war in the Middle East, seen atrocities and evil that would keep a lesser man up every night for the rest of his days, and yet the idea of my boys having to protect their mother from some sack-of-shit asshole was hard to process.
My boys trusted me to do my best for them. Leaving their mom to face that shit without lifting a finger to help was how my sperm donor did things, and I swore I’d never be like him. My boys’ trust was important to me, so I’d make sure Kev the asshole would get what was coming to him.
I looked between my boys. “Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it.”
Rex snorted before picking up the menu and studying it.
I closed my eyes, breathing through the wave of guilt sweeping through me because I knew I’d failed them.
If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with my own bullshit, I might have realized sooner that they needed me.
I told myself it was the chaos of opening a new club, but deep down, maybe I’d been a little afraid of how I was drifting away from them.
My boys were living their lives without me, and I hadn’t even put up a fight.
“I’ll fly home with you, speak to your mom, and we’ll take it from there. If she agrees, I’ll move you all out here, get you guys in school, and she can get treatment and counselin’.”
Rex’s eyes lifted, and my gut clenched at the cautious but hopeful expression. “Really?”
I cocked an eyebrow. “You ever known me to give you a promise and not follow through?”
He shook his head.
Roman threw me a grin. “Thanks, Dad.”
My reply was gruff with emotion. “Don’t gotta thank me, Son.”
His smile widened. “Yeah, but it’s good you’re lookin’ out for Mom.”
I dipped my chin. “Don’t know if she’ll agree to come yet. If she doesn’t and she won’t dry out, you’re still comin’ back with me. Take it from someone who knows, Rome. You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. D’ya get me?”