Chapter Ten #2
“Is that all you miss?” he asks, tipping the bottle back so he can take a long sip.
I narrow my gaze, annoyed he won’t just be direct with her. “Why don’t you just say what you mean?”
Tate places the beer on the Formica table. “Do you miss Shane?” He meets my gaze with his direct one.
Tate isn’t that much older, but he’s always been able to pry a secret out of me, and on his last visit, I admitted something had happened between his best friend and me. I’ll never tell him details, and he won’t want to know, but he wasn’t surprised we got together in some way.
“What makes you say that?” I ask, being deliberately dense.
He rolls his eyes. “Apart from the fact that I hear it in your voice, I know you. You’ve had a thing for Shane for years.
” Before I can argue, he holds up a hand.
“And vice versa. I saw it in high school when you tutored him, and more recently, I could tell by the way he’d ask about you…
and you’d avoid questioning me about him. ”
I frown. “Who knew I was obvious?” I mutter.
“Only to someone who loves you…and knows you both well.”
I pause for a small sip of beer, savoring the malty taste. “It was a casual thing,” I murmur, lying to myself…as well as to him.
“Was it?”
I lower the bottle to the table. “It had to be,” I whisper.
“Why?”
Aside from the fact that I’ve never had a serious relationship? That I am afraid of losing people she loved? “I have no time in my life for someone who needs my attention.” I am a workaholic and enjoy that aspect of my life.
Tate shrugs. “Neither does he. And yet I have a hunch he’d be happy to spend what little free time he does have with you.”
I swallow hard. “Did Shane actually say that?” I hate the hope in my voice.
Tate laughs at my obvious interest. “He didn’t have to. He’s been short-tempered and a pain in the ass. Very unlike himself. Just like you’ve been down. Unlike yourself.”
“I’ve been out of work,” I argue as my lame excuse. I don’t even believe it myself.
He groans. “You two getting together has been a long time coming. You’ve always liked him. God knows I don’t want specifics about your time with him, but you haven’t been yourself since you came home. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out if you two could actually be a couple?”
Shane and me. A couple?
I really haven’t given it any thought, have pushed all possibilities out of my mind, because aside from the obvious obstacles—our busy lives and jobs—I have a deep, ingrained fear of loss.
“What if something happens to him on the job? If he gets hurt or, God forbid, killed?” I ask, my throat feeling heavy at the prospect.
“Hey.” He reaches across the table and grabs my hand.
“We lost Mom and Dad, but we have each other. And you can’t live every day waiting to lose the people you care about,” he says, understanding like I knew he would.
“Besides, what if something happened and you two weren’t together?
Wouldn’t you regret not taking advantage of the time you could have had? ”
I purse my lips in a pout. “Just when did you get so smart?” I ask my big brother.
He snickers at the question. “I’ve always been intelligent. You just never liked to give me credit. So. Are you going to take my advice and go for it?” he asks.
I don’t know if it is as simple as he makes it out to be. I’ll have to be the one to approach Shane and risk putting my heart out there for him to crush if he doesn’t want the same thing.
I shiver at the very scary prospect. But isn’t it scarier to really let him go?
“I’ll think about it,” I promise, knowing I won’t be able to concentrate on anything else.
* * *
Shane
My mood matches my appearance. Foul. I am exhausted since wrapping up my latest case last night and spending hours calming a hysterical client.
All I want to do is go home, shower, crawl into bed, and not come out for a solid week.
Because my mood has been shit long before this past assignment.
Since walking out of Talia’s hospital cubicle, to be exact. But who is counting?
I stare around the empty conference room, waiting for my boss to join me, and I don’t have to wait long.
Ian joins me a few minutes later. “Hey, thanks for coming in,” Ian says.
“What’s up? Because I’m fucking exhausted.”
Ian studies me, his face a mask of disgust. “No wonder clients are complaining about your mood.”
“Are they really?” I ask, suddenly concerned my job is at stake because I haven’t been able to get walking out on Talia out of my mind.
Or how easily she let me go.
I run a hand through my too-long hair and glance at Ian.
“No, not really. Although your coworkers think you’re a pain in the ass. Want to talk about it?” Ian makes a gagging sound following the offer.
I choke back a laugh. “Wouldn’t want you to exert your feminine side.”
Ian rolls back his shoulders. “I don’t have a feminine side, asshole. What I do have is a woman in my life, something you don’t. So if you want some of my wisdom, now’s the time to ask.”
I scrub a hand down my face, lowering myself into the nearest chair.
“After my divorce, I told myself a relationship wouldn’t work with this kind of job.
I travel, I’m in danger often, and my ex was too damned fragile to handle both.
She wanted me around and safe. So I figured when I’m finished with bodyguard work, maybe it’ll be time for a relationship. ”
“Let me guess. Then you met up with Talia again. I could have saved you the aggravation and told you not to fight it from the beginning.”
“Why didn’t you then?” I ask.
“What fun would that be?” Ian slaps me on the shoulder. “Seriously, some things a man has to experience for himself. You wouldn’t have believed me unless you were forced to walk away and feel like you were missing a part of yourself.”
I reel at the accurate description. Ian nailed my feelings on the head. Abandoning Talia left me hollow. Like she took the part of me that enjoys life.
“And as for what she needs in a man, she seems like she handled danger just fine,” Ian notes. “And from what I’ve heard of her in our investigations of the mess she was in, she’s a workaholic. She’s not going to be sitting, wringing her hands, and waiting for you to come home.”
All valid points, I think, my mood looking up for the first time in weeks.
“So I hope you’ve gotten your shit together and are ready to tell her how you feel,” Ian says.
I glance down at my clothes, wrinkled from a long flight and the plane grime I want to wash away. “I wouldn’t mind a shower first,” I mutter.
“Too bad, because she’s waiting out front.” Ian grins, looking altogether pleased with himself.
“Excuse me? Talia’s here? And you’ve been shooting the shit in here with me?” I shook my head. The way my boss’s thinking works boggled the mind.
“I had to make sure I had you in the right headspace before meeting up with her. See, she met Charlie, and my wife likes her. I promised Charlie I’d prep you so you didn’t do anything stupid.”
Talia is here. I stopped listening to anything Ian said beyond that.
“I’ll send her in. Don’t fuck it up,” Ian says, and walks out the door.
* * *
Talia
I do as I promised my brother. I gave a lot of thought to a relationship with Shane. I consider what I want out of my life and what I am willing to give of myself. Because it isn’t fair to ask him to get involved when I’m not willing to invest myself, too.