Chapter 3
End of April
Mia
‘You still haven’t heard from him?’ Nora asks as she comes into my office. She caught me staring at my phone again, which I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve been doing ever since I asked Jason if we could have dinner.
‘Who?’ I ask, as if I have no idea who she’s talking about.
She sits on the small blue couch next to my desk, the one a student just left after crying her heart out over a guy who just dumped her.
I remember when my problems were as simple as a guy breaking up with me.
It felt horrible at the time, but now, having a much bigger, more serious issue to deal with, getting dumped seems like no big deal.
‘You know who,’ Nora says. ‘Why don’t you just call him again?’
‘And say what? I already asked him to dinner. I’m not going to ask him again.’
‘Tell him you need an answer so you can make plans about coming there. Friday is only a few days away. Tell him you need to make a hotel reservation or there won’t be any rooms left.’
I shake my head. ‘It’s only been a day. I’ll give him another day. Then maybe I’ll text him, make sure he didn’t forget.’
‘He didn’t forget.’ She puts her arm up along the back of the couch.
‘He’s probably stalling because he’s trying to figure out what this is about.
You haven’t talked to the guy in months and then you call him out of the blue and ask to have dinner with him?
He’s going to wonder why.’ She pauses. ‘Maybe you should just tell him.’
‘Over the phone?’ I say, like she’s crazy for even suggesting it. ‘No. This is not something you tell someone over the phone.’
‘It is if you can’t talk to him in person.’
I get up from the desk and pace the floor. ‘Maybe I should just go there. I don’t know where he lives, but I’m sure I could find out. It’s a small town. And his family owns that orchard. He’s practically a celebrity there. I’m sure if I asked, someone could tell me where he lives.’
‘And you’re going to what? Show up at his door without any notice? I think that’s a bad idea.’
‘Then what am I going to do?’ I walk up to her, feeling more and more anxious as I think about this.
‘What if he doesn’t call me back? Or what if I call him again and he tells me he doesn’t want to see me?
What if he says he has a girlfriend and he wouldn’t feel right having dinner with me because of her?
What if he met the love of his life and he’s about to propose to her and then I show up and—’
‘Okay, calm down.’ Nora gets up and grabs hold of my arm. ‘Even if he’s with someone else, you have to tell him this. You know that, right?’
‘Of course. I wouldn’t keep this from him.’
‘So let’s think about this rationally. Your goal here is to tell him what happened and figure out a plan for what to do next.’
Nora’s a professor in the physics department. She approaches problems like a scientist would, with logic and reason. I’m the opposite. I’m very emotional, which is good when I’m counseling and need to feel empathy for my clients, but not so good when I’m trying to make decisions.
‘I know what the goal is, but that doesn’t solve the issue of him not calling me back.’
‘I’m just saying, there’s no reason to get your emotions involved here.
If the guy’s with someone else, who cares?
It’s not like you had feelings for him. It was one night.
And you can tell him that. Say that you’re not looking to have any kind of relationship with him.
You just need to figure out a plan going forward, given what happened. ’
‘It’s not that simple,’ I say, sitting down on the couch.
‘Okay, yes, you two have a lot to discuss, but at least it’s not complicated by you having feelings for him.’
I look down, not wanting to admit that I actually do have feelings for Jason.
Nora will tell me it’s not true, that there’s no way it could be, but she wasn’t there that night.
She didn’t feel what I felt when Jason and I were together.
She hasn’t spent the past four months thinking about him, wondering what could’ve been.
Nora sits beside me. ‘You don’t, right?’
‘Don’t what?’ I look at her.
‘Have feelings for him.’
‘No,’ I say, laughing ‘How could I have feelings for him? I only spent a few hours with him.’
‘Yeah, I don’t know why I asked. It’s just that for a minute there I got this feeling that maybe you felt something for him, but that doesn’t make sense. You barely know the guy.’
‘I wouldn’t say that. I mean, we talked for hours that night. It wasn’t just . . . you know . . . sex. We actually have a lot in common.’
‘Just teaching. That’s it, right?’
‘There were other things.’
‘Like what?’
My mind drifts back to that night. When I got to the ballroom at the hotel, I couldn’t find my table.
A woman noticed me searching for it and directed me where to go.
When I saw Jason, my heart skipped a beat.
He was so incredibly handsome, sitting there in his suit and tie.
He was talking to someone and when he smiled, I found myself smiling too.
He has one of those smiles that’s contagious. I smiled a lot that night. He did too.
‘Mia?’ Nora waves her hand in front of me. ‘You still with me?’
‘Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?’
‘Forget it. I have to go.’ She gets up. ‘Want to grab a drink later? Oh, wait, you can’t. I keep forgetting that.’ She motions to me. ‘Probably because you still look like that. Shouldn’t you be showing by now?’
‘The articles I’ve read said everyone’s different.’ I look down at my boobs. ‘These are definitely bigger. I had to get a new bra.’
‘I guess that’s one perk of being pregnant.’ She walks to the door. ‘Maybe we can meet up later for dinner.’
‘Probably not. I’m counseling until nine.’
‘Why so late?’
‘It’s that time of year. Finals week increases anxiety, depression, drinking. I’ve got one student convinced her parents will disown her if she doesn’t get all A’s this semester. She’s studying so much she’s not sleeping.’
‘Are you sure you should be working this much? I thought you were going to slow down.’
‘I will. I just need to get through this week.’
‘Maybe it’s good Jason didn’t get back to you. You should stay here this weekend and get some rest. You don’t have to tell him this week.’ Her phone alarm goes off. ‘That’s my reminder to get to class. I’ll talk to you later.’
When she’s gone I consider what she said about waiting to tell Jason the news.
I could, but then I’ll just keep worrying about telling him.
I’d rather just do it. He needs to know.
This is his child too and I don’t feel right waiting to tell him.
If he tells me he doesn’t want to be involved in the baby’s life, I’ll understand.
But I don’t think he’ll want that. He loves children as much as I do.
On my way back to my desk, I stop next to the wall of pamphlets, the ones we give out to students. I take out the one that says ‘Could you be pregnant?’. There’s an image of a teenage girl on it, looking confused as she holds her stomach.
I’ve given this pamphlet to several girls I’ve counseled. I’ve talked to them about it, gone over the symptoms. So how did I go all those months without knowing I was pregnant?
I thought I had the flu. I was tired. I kept throwing up. I didn’t even consider I might be pregnant. All the signs were there—the same signs that are in the pamphlet—and yet I didn’t put it together.
Putting the pamphlet back, I notice the one next to it about birth control.
Jason and I didn’t use protection that night.
How could we be that careless? I’m always reminding students to be careful, and yet that night, I didn’t follow my own advice.
I’d been drinking, so that’s part of the reason, but it’s not a good one. I should’ve known better.
‘Ms. Daniels?’
I turn and see Kirk standing at the door, his hair a mess and wearing wrinkled clothes that look like they came from the dirty clothes pile.
‘You’re early,’ I say, giving him a smile.
‘Actually, I’m here to cancel my appointment.’
I walk up to him. ‘Do you want to reschedule?’
‘No.’ He rubs his hand over his face, then through his messy hair.
‘Kirk, is something wrong?’
He shrugs. ‘I just failed a test. My alarm didn’t go off and I got there late and couldn’t finish. The test was half our grade and I was already failing that class.’
‘Which class? I could talk to your professor and see if you could take a make-up exam.’
He shakes his head. ‘I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore.’
‘Do what?’
‘School. I hate it. I’m dropping out.’
‘Did you talk to your parents about this?’
‘I talked to my mom. She’s going to talk to my dad.’
His dad is verbally abusive, which is why Kirk has been seeing me. His father is always putting him down and telling him he’s lazy and not good at anything.
‘Anyway, I just wanted to say you’ve been a big help. I’m not afraid to go home anymore.’ He smiles a little. ‘And I know what my dad says about me isn’t true. So, thanks for that.’
‘You’re welcome.’ I smile back, but I’m tearing up. I’m going to miss Kirk. He’s one of those guys who tries to act all tough but deep down he’s caring and sensitive and really sweet.
‘I’ll be okay,’ he says, noticing me tearing up.
‘I know you will.’ I pull him in for a hug. ‘You keep in touch, okay?’
‘Yeah, okay.’ He pulls away. ‘Oh, and congrats on the baby. You’ll make a great mom.’
‘Wait—how did you know?’ I ask, because I haven’t told anyone except Nora.
‘I heard you talking to your friend when I was waiting in the hall. I didn’t even know you were married.’
‘I’m not.’ I clear my throat. ‘I mean, not right now. But we’re planning on it.’ I put my hand on my stomach. ‘This was somewhat of a surprise.’
‘That happened to my aunt. She had twins.’ Kirk glances behind him. ‘I gotta go. I just wanted to say goodbye.’ He takes off, meeting up with a girl who was waiting for him in the hall.