Chapter 4
Jason
‘Mr. Kanfield?’ Joel, one of my students, comes into the classroom, waking me from my thoughts.
‘Hey, Joel.’ I get up from my desk. ‘Did you need something?’
‘Yeah, I um,’ he checks behind him, ‘wanted to ask you something.’
‘Go ahead.’ I move to the front of my desk as he walks up to me. Joel’s a freshman, but he’s taking my junior level chemistry class and getting an A. He’s really smart but tries to hide it because he doesn’t want to be labeled a nerd.
‘You know Abigail, right?’ he asks, keeping his voice down.
‘Yes, I know Abigail,’ I say, trying not to laugh. I know everyone in the school, and their families. That’s how it is in a small town and a small high school like Haydon Falls High. ‘What about her?’
‘I really like her and want to ask her out, but I don’t know what to say. I always see you around town with a different girl.’ He shrugs. ‘I’m guessing that means you know something about girls or what to say to make them go out with you.’
I clear my throat. ‘I think you’re getting the wrong impression. I don’t go out with that many women.’
‘I saw you last Tuesday having dinner with some blonde lady and last weekend you went out with that girl who works at the dentist’s office. And Zach saw you out with Ms. Ennis.’
Ms. Ennis is Mary Ennis, the librarian at the middle school.
We went out for coffee. It wasn’t a date.
The two other women Joel mentioned I went out with in the past but it didn’t go anywhere.
Now we’re just friends. In fact, Lydia, the blonde I had dinner with, is going out with a guy in my apartment building this weekend.
I set them up after he saw her in our building and asked about her.
Getting dates isn’t my problem. It’s getting those dates to turn into something more that I struggle with.
If I don’t feel something for the girl—a connection, a spark—I don’t see a reason to keep dating her.
My brothers keep telling me I need to give it more time, that a few dates isn’t enough to know if she’s the right girl, but I’ve dated girls for months and still didn’t feel anything.
The only time I felt a true connection with someone was that night I spent with Mia.
From the moment she sat down next to me, I could feel something between us.
An immediate connection, almost like we’d known each other for years.
And there was definitely a spark. More than a spark.
It was a flame, burning so hot we barely made it back to my room.
I’ve thought about Mia, and about that night, every day since, wanting to call her but not letting myself. We agreed not to see each other after we said goodbye. So why did she call me? Why does she want to see me?
‘Mr. Kanfield?’ Joel says. ‘Did you hear me?’
‘Um, sorry, no.’ I focus back on Joel, who keeps looking behind him. He does that when he’s nervous. Either that or he shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs his shoulders. ‘You were asking about Abigail. About asking her out?’
‘Yeah.’ He nods really fast. ‘My friends say I’m a fucking—I mean freaking—idiot to even think she’d go out with me.’ He looks down. ‘Maybe they’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t do this.’
‘Hey.’ I put my hand on his shoulder. ‘Don’t listen to your friends. If you really like this girl, ask her out. The worst that could happen is she says no.’
‘And tells everyone at school that she turned me down.’ He sighs. ‘It’s not worth it. I’m just going to forget it.’
‘Then you’ll never know what might’ve been. What if she said yes and you two really hit it off and dated all through high school and then college. Maybe you’d even end up getting married.’
I don’t see that happening, but I’m trying to make a point here.
He laughs a little. ‘She’d never marry me.’
‘Maybe not, but I think there’s a good chance she’d go out with you.’
‘Really?’ he asks, sounding hopeful.
‘You’ll never know if you don’t ask.’
‘So how do I do this? What do I say to her?’
‘Say something nice. Compliment her. Tell her what you like about her.’
He smiles. ‘I like her tits.’
‘Okay, not that,’ I say with a sigh. ‘Think of something else you like about her, not related to her body.’
‘I like her voice. And I like her laugh. And her eyes are pretty. Oh, eyes are part of her body. Forget that.’
‘Eyes are fine. So is complimenting her smile. Just avoid mentioning her chest, or anything below the neck.’
‘Okay, so I say I like her eyes and the way she laughs, and then what?’
‘Is this the first time you’ve asked a girl out?’ I ask, wondering why he has so many questions.
‘I asked Tamara out a few months ago. My friends told me what to say and she turned me down. After that I figured out my friends don’t know shit and I should ask someone who’s old and knows what they’re doing.’
Old? I’m not old. I’m 28. But I guess when you’re 15, 28 is old.
‘Well, after you compliment her, maybe ask what she’s interested in, what she likes to do.’
‘I already know all that. She takes dance classes and reads a lot and likes being in school plays.’
‘Okay, yes, but asking her about that stuff shows you’re interested in her, in more than her . . . chest.’
‘Yeah, I could see that. Girls like talking about shit, so if you get them to talk there’s a better chance they’ll like you.’ He smiles at me. ‘You’re really smart, Mr. Kanfield. I see why you get so many girls. So what do I do when she’s done talking?’
‘Ask her if she’d like to go do something. Make it something you know she likes, and if you’re not sure, ask her. Like ask what her favorite ice cream is and then offer to take her for ice cream.’
‘Ice cream?’ He scrunches up his nose. ‘That’s kind of a lame date.’
‘There’s only so much you can do at your age and ice cream is cheap. That’s another tip. Offer to pay. If she wants to pay for herself, that’s fine, but at least offer. And remember to be nice, compliment her, and ask her questions.’
‘I gotta write this down.’ He reaches behind to his backpack.
‘Here.’ I hand him a notepad from my desk and a pen.
He scribbles down ‘Nice. Compliment. Ask.’ ‘Thanks, Mr. Kanfield. You’ve got a lot better advice than my friends.’ He hands me the notepad and pen. ‘I’ll see you around.’ He walks to the door. ‘Hope you win tomorrow!’
He’s talking about the baseball game. It’s one of the last games of the season.
We have a weak team this year. My best players graduated last year and I was left with kids who aren’t as skilled or as interested in the game.
The past few years, football has become the sport everyone wants to play and baseball is suffering because of it.
For awhile, football was losing players because the team sucked and nobody wants to be on a losing team.
But then they started getting good, good enough to go to the playoffs, and now younger kids are wanting to play football over baseball.
That’s why I started the summer baseball camp, to get younger kids interested in the game so they’ll want to play on the team when they get to high school.
It’s almost four, which is when I’d usually be out on the field, practicing with the team.
But it’s raining and I saw some lightning, so I cancelled practice for today.
It’s Friday. I should be going home and getting ready for a date, but I don’t have one.
And I can’t go out with my brothers because they’ll be out with their girlfriends.
I’m the only single one left, something my mom reminds me of on a regular basis.
Just last week she was asking who I was taking to Nick’s wedding, as if I couldn’t possibly show up without a date.
My older brother Nick is getting married in a couple weeks at the orchard our family owns, the one he now runs.
I still can’t believe he’s marrying Lyndsay, the girl he had a crush on all through high school.
I was even more surprised when he proposed to her after only dating her a few months.
Nick is always very cautious and overthinks every decision, so proposing to her that soon tells me he knew Lyndsay was the one after just a few dates. He had no doubts.
That’s what I’m looking for. That feeling of knowing the girl I’m with is the one for me, without a doubt.
Thinking about that brings my mind back to Mia.
She’s waiting for me to give her an answer about dinner.
I don’t know what to tell her. I really want to see her, but what if I have dinner with her and all those feelings come back?
All the feelings I had that night? Feelings that ended in disappointment and months of thinking about a girl I can’t have.
I’ve been trying to get her out of my head so I can move on with someone else.
Seeing her again is only going to make that more difficult.
But I really want to see her.
Scrolling through my phone, I find Noah’s number. I haven’t talked to him since his wedding, but he’s the only person I can ask about Mia.
‘Hello?’ he answers.
‘Hey, Noah, it’s Jason.’
‘Hey, man, how’s it going?’ He sounds really happy. I guess married life has been good to him.
‘I’m keeping busy. Baseball season’s wrapping up soon.’
‘How’s the team this year?’
‘We suck,’ I say with a laugh. ‘But next year should be better. I’ve lined up private coaching with some of the kids this summer. They’re not bad players. They just need to work on their skills and practice more.’
‘You still doing the camp?’
‘Yeah, but I’ve changed it to be for younger kids. The older teens weren’t signing up. They’ve got too much going on in the summer.’
‘Yeah, I could see that.’
‘How’s married life?’
‘Couldn’t be better. We’re looking at houses, got some trips planned for the summer. Next fall we plan to start trying for a kid.’
‘That’s great! I’m happy for you.’
‘How about you? You seeing anyone?’
‘Not right now. You know how it is around here. There’s only so many single women and I’ve dated most of them, at least the ones close to my age.
My brothers have been giving me a hard time for dating girls in their early twenties but that’s all I’ve got left unless I want to go older.
And the older ones are married. Hey, speaking of women, I wanted to ask you about Mia. ’
‘Mia who?’
‘Mia Daniels. Lacey’s friend. She was at your wedding.’
‘Oh that Mia. Yeah, I know who you mean. What about her?’
‘Has Lacey talked to her since the wedding?’
‘No. I don’t think so.’
‘But they’re still friends, right?’
‘Yeah, they just got busy and haven’t talked. Why are you asking about Mia?’
‘I guess I’m just looking for some advice. That night of the wedding we um . . . got to know each other. I didn’t think I’d hear from her again, but the other night she called me, saying she wanted to come here and have dinner.’
‘What do you mean when you say you got to know each other? Like you guys talked or did something happen?’
‘Something happened.’
‘What? You guys kissed?’
‘We did more than that. We spent the night together.’
‘No shit? And you’re just telling me this now?’
‘I didn’t tell anyone. Well, I told Brody, my younger brother, but that was an accident. I was drunk.’
It was Sunday night, the night after the wedding, and I was drinking to try to forget about Mia.
By the time Brody came over, I was drunk.
He asked me about the wedding and I told him about Mia but made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal, like she was just some girl I met and we ended up back in my room.
The next day I asked Brody to keep quiet about what I told him, but of course he’d already told Nick and Sawyer.
When they asked me about her, I did the same thing I did with Brody.
I pretended Mia was just some girl, not the girl I fell for in a way I’ve never fallen for anyone else.
‘So what happened?’ Noah asks. ‘Did you guys go out after that?’
‘No, we decided not to. She’s graduating in a few weeks and going back to Boston. We didn’t want to start something knowing she’d be leaving in a few months. We decided not to see each other after that night. That’s why I’m trying to figure out why she called and why she wants to have dinner.’
‘Maybe she just wants to say goodbye before she moves back.’
‘But why? Why say goodbye to someone you haven’t seen in months? It’s not like we’ve been talking this whole time.’
‘I could ask Lacey, but I don’t think she’d have an answer. This sounds like something between you and Mia. She obviously still likes you if she wants to see you. Maybe she wants another night with you,’ he says, a smile in his voice.
‘That’s not it. If she just wanted sex, she could get it from someone else. She’s gorgeous. She could have any guy she wants.’
‘But she wants you, which tells me that night you guys shared was more than just sex.’
‘It was,’ I say with a sigh. ‘Honestly, it was the best night of my life. We talked. We laughed. We—well, I don’t need to go into details.
The point is, I never forgot her. Even now, all these months later, I wake up thinking about her and go to bed thinking about her. I can’t get her out of my head.’
‘Damn, man, you got it bad.’
‘I know, right? And the worst part is, we can never have anything more than that night. I finally find this amazing girl who’s everything I could ever want and she’s moving away in a few weeks.’
‘Maybe she’s not. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe that’s why she wants to talk to you.’
‘I don’t think so. She was adamant about going back. She told me about her parents and how she wants to be close to them since she’s their only child.’
‘Yeah, and her parents are old. She probably thinks she doesn’t have much time left with them.’
‘And I totally get that. I’m the same way with my parents. It’s one of the reasons I want to stay in Haydon Falls. That’s why Mia and I decided to end things that night. We both knew we wouldn’t be able to make this work.’
‘So what’d you tell her?’
‘I didn’t give her an answer yet. But I can’t keep waiting. I need to call her back.’
‘I think you should have dinner with her. She probably just wants to see you again before she leaves. As a friend.’
‘Yeah, maybe that’s all it is.’
‘Hey, I need to go. I’m going to be late for a meeting.’
‘Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot you’re still at work. I’ll talk to you later.’
‘If you decide to see Mia, let me know how it goes.’
‘I will. Bye.’ I end the call, still not sure if I should agree to have dinner with her. Maybe Mia only sees us as friends, but I still see her as more than that, which means having dinner with her could be a bad idea.
Looking at my phone, I find her number. My finger hovers over the screen. I need to do this. I can’t keep waiting. I need to give her an answer.