Chapter 14
Jason
‘You’re pregnant?’ I say to Mia.
‘Yes.’ She glances at my family.
‘When?’ I say. ‘When did you find out?’
‘A few weeks ago.’
I back away. ‘Mia, what’s going on here? Why are you with me when you’re pregnant with some guy’s baby?’
‘Jason, I—’
‘What happened to the father? Are you still with him? Does he know?’
‘Jason,’ Nick says. ‘She’s telling you—’
‘Stay out of this, Nick.’ I keep my eyes on Mia. ‘Why are you doing this? Why’d you call me up and say you want to see me again when you’re having some other guy’s kid?’
Mia sighs. ‘Jason, I’m four months pregnant, almost five.’
‘Yeah? So?’
‘Dude, seriously?’ Brody says.
I look at him. ‘Would you shut up? I’m trying to—’
‘It’s yours,’ Brody says. ‘She’s telling you the kid is yours.’
I look back at Mia. ‘That’s not possible. We were together last year. It was last . . .’ I stop to think.
‘Last January,’ Mia says. ‘Four months ago. It’s yours, Jason. The baby is yours.’
I’m silent. I have no words. I’m too shocked.
Mom races up to us and gives Mia a hug. ‘Congratulations! That’s wonderful news.’ She turns to me. ‘Isn’t it, Jason?’ She’s giving me a look like I better respond the right way or she’ll yell at me later.
‘Yeah. It’s good. I just need a minute.’ I turn toward the sink, my back to my family as I try to process this. I’m going to be a father. Mia and I are having a baby.
‘Let’s give them some time alone,’ I hear Dad say.
‘We can talk later,’ Mia rushes to say. ‘I don’t want to delay the wedding.’
I hear someone coming down the stairs and then Gina’s voice. ‘I’ve got the rings. Kate said to give them to you.’
‘Shit, that’s right,’ Brody says. ‘I forgot I gave them to her.’
‘What’s everyone doing in the house?’ Gina asks. ‘I thought you guys were waiting in the barn.’
‘We were looking for the rings,’ Nick says.
‘And found out we’re going to be uncles,’ Brody says.
Gina gasps. ‘Lyndsay’s pregnant? Why didn’t she tell me?’
I turn to face my family. ‘Lyndsay’s not pregnant.’
‘I am,’ Mia says.
Gina’s eyes get huge. ‘You and Jason? So this happened when you two—’
‘We don’t need to get into details,’ I say, not wanting to tell my parents their grandchild is the result of a night of too much drinking. They’ll figure it out.
‘We need to make a decision here,’ Dad says. ‘We’ve got people waiting.’
‘What do you want to do?’ Nick asks me. ‘You need some time?’
‘No. It’s your wedding. We need to get out there. Mia and I will talk later.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Mia whispers.
Mom hugs her again. ‘Honey, you don’t need to be sorry. Everything will work out. It always does.’ She lets Mia go and turns to me and straightens my tie. ‘Go join your brothers.’
My eyes go to Mia’s. She’s looking at me like she’s pleading with me to be okay with this, but I don’t know how I feel.
I’m mad that she knew all this time and didn’t tell me until now.
And she only did because I thought she was sick.
When was she planning to tell me? Maybe she wasn’t going to tell me at all.
She could’ve moved to Boston, had the baby, and never told me it was mine.
‘You okay?’ Nick asks as we wait in the barn for the ceremony to start.
‘Not really, but I don’t want to ruin your day.’
‘You’re not ruining it. You’re in shock. I would be too.’
Brody pats me on the back. ‘Congratulations. I always knew you’d be first to have a kid.’
‘It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I’m not even dating Mia. And she’s moving away.’ I pause. ‘Shit. She’s moving away.’ I look at Nick. ‘When the hell am I going to see my kid?’
‘Calm down,’ Dad says, coming in front of me. ‘Like your mother said, everything will work out. It always does.’
Mom comes into the barn. ‘The girls are ready. You boys need to go take your places outside.’
The ceremony is right outside the barn at the top of the hill, overlooking the rows of pink-and-white blooming apple trees. Nick and Lyndsay will say their vows under a wooden arch that Dad made and Mom covered with flowers.
‘Jason.’ Mom stops me before I go outside. ‘This will all work out. I know you might be upset right now, but don’t take it out on Mia. Remember it took both of you to make this baby.’ She smiles at me. ‘I’ll see you out there.’
I follow Nick, Sawyer, and Brody outside. The bright sun feels hot beating onto my dark suit. I’m already starting to sweat, or maybe it’s my nerves making me sweat. I’m going to be a dad. Holy shit. How did this happen?
We didn’t use protection that night, but I assumed Mia was on the pill. She must not have been if she got pregnant. Why didn’t she tell me she wasn’t on birth control? Why didn’t we talk about this? We’re both responsible adults, so how could we be so careless?
‘And now, for the first time,’ the minister says, ‘I’d like to present to you Nicholas and Lyndsay Kanfield.’
Shit. I missed the whole ceremony. I was too wrapped up thinking about Mia and the baby and the fact that in a few short months, I’m going to be a dad.
The wedding guests go into the barn where we’re serving appetizers and cocktails. The rest of us remain outside for the pictures. I hope it doesn’t take long. I really need to talk to Mia.
Just as I’m thinking that, she walks up to me, looking beautiful in her light pink dress, her long dark hair blowing in the breeze. She’s the mother of my child. I can’t believe this is happening.
‘Jason, I think I’m going to go,’ she says.
‘Go? Mia, no, you can’t leave. We need to talk.’
‘We can talk later. This is a special day for your family. I don’t want them feeling awkward having me here. This should be a celebration.’
‘It is, and you being here isn’t making anyone feel awkward. My family loves you. Just look at how my mom reacted to the news. She couldn’t stop hugging you.’
‘And what about you? You haven’t said or done anything to let me know how you feel about this.’
‘Because I’m not sure. I’m still trying to process it.’
Mia glances behind me. ‘The photographer has everyone lined up. You need to get over there.’
I hold her arm. ‘Don’t leave. You can’t. You don’t even have your car here.’
‘Kate offered to give me a ride back to your apartment.’
‘And then what? You’re going back to Madison?’
She nods.
‘No. Mia, we have to talk about this.’
‘You need more time. There’s no use talking about it if you haven’t accepted it.’
‘Jason,’ a guy says. I turn and see the photographer coming up to me. ‘We’re ready for you. If you could just go stand by your brothers?’
‘Yeah, I’m coming.’ I turn back to Mia. ‘Please don’t leave. When I’m done with this, we’ll go in the house and talk.’
She doesn’t agree to it, but she doesn’t say no. As I’m walking over to my brothers, I look back and see Mia going into the barn.
‘Hey,’ I say to Brody. ‘Text your girlfriend and tell her not to give Mia a ride.’
‘She’s leaving?’ Brody asks.
‘She can’t unless someone gives her a ride. Kate told her she would, so you need to stop her.’
‘Maybe you should let her go,’ Nick says. ‘You’re not in a good place to be talking to her right now.’
‘It can’t wait. We’re having a baby. We have decisions to make.’
‘They don’t have to be made today,’ Sawyer says.
‘Okay, everyone look this way,’ the photographer says.
I force a smile on my face, hoping it doesn’t look fake. I don’t feel like smiling right now, which I know is wrong. I should be happy I’m going to be a dad. I’m just not there yet. All I can think about is how I’m going to see my kid when Mia moves to Boston.
When the photos are done, I go up to Nick. ‘Congratulations.’ I give him a hug. ‘I should’ve said that sooner. Sorry, I’m kind of out of it right now. But this is your day and I don’t want what happened earlier to take away from it.’
‘Don’t worry about it. Is Mia still here or did she leave?’
‘I don’t know. I need to go find out.’
Lyndsay comes up to me, smiling. ‘I heard the news. Congratulations!’
‘I should be saying that to you.’ I give her a hug, then motion to Nick. ‘Then again, you’re stuck with him for the rest of your life so maybe I shouldn’t congratulate you.’
She laughs and goes over to Nick. ‘I’m thrilled to be stuck with him.’
He kisses her and doesn’t stop.
‘Okay, well, I need to go. I’ll see you guys inside.’
I leave them in their wedded bliss and hurry to the barn, hoping Mia’s there. When I get inside, I look around but don’t see her.
Mom notices me searching for her and waves me over to the table where she’s sitting with Dad.
I go over there. ‘Did Mia leave?’
‘She’s in the house,’ Mom says. ‘She wasn’t feeling well so I had her lay down in the guest room.’
‘What’s wrong? Did she get sick again?’
‘I think she’s just worried she upset you. You need to talk to her.’
‘And when you do,’ Dad says, ‘don’t be getting ahead of yourself. You don’t need to have everything figured out today. There’s plenty of time for that later.’
He’s saying that because he knows I have a hard time living in the present.
I’m always looking forward, worrying about the future.
Like during the wedding, I kept imagining my child growing up without me, being raised by whoever Mia ends up with.
It made me angry, and worried that I’d never see my kid.
But my dad’s right. I shouldn’t be thinking that far ahead.
I need to focus on what’s happening right now.
When I get to the house, I go to the guest room and knock on the door.
‘Mia?’
She doesn’t answer.
‘Mia, are you in there?’
‘Yes,’ she says in a happy tone that sounds fake. ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’
‘Are you feeling better?’
When she doesn’t respond, I open the door. She’s lying on the bed, curled up in a ball, crying.
‘Mia.’ I race up to her. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Everything.’
‘Mia, I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. I just needed some time.’ I wipe the tears from her cheek. ‘I’m happy about being a dad.’
‘You are?’ she asks, sniffling.
‘Of course. You know how much I love kids. And now I’m getting my own.’
She sits up. ‘But this isn’t how you wanted it to happen. It’s not how I wanted it either.’
I sit beside her. ‘Sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. Nash and Callie weren’t planning on having kids for a few more years and now they have a daughter.’
‘But they’re married. That’s different.’
‘It still wasn’t what they planned. And because of the baby, they moved up their wedding.
They weren’t supposed to get married for another year.
The point is, plans change. And I admit, I’m not good with that.
I tend to stress out when things don’t go the way I was hoping, but I’m going to work on that. ’
Mia wipes her eyes. ‘Sorry. I cry all the time now. It’s the hormones.’
I grab the tissue box from the nightstand and hand it to her.
‘Thanks.’ She takes a tissue and dabs her eyes.
‘Can I ask you something? About that night?’
‘I know what you’re going to ask, and yes, I was on the pill. But it was a new one I was trying. The doctor said to use a backup method for the first month, but I’d been on it for almost a month when we slept together. I thought I’d be okay.’
‘And you really didn’t know until a few weeks ago?’
She shakes her head. ‘At first, I thought the pill was making me sick so I went off it, but I still didn’t feel right.
I thought maybe I was tired or stressed.
I’ve never had regular periods so I didn’t think anything of it when I missed a few.
The reason I finally saw the doctor is because I was really tired and feeling nauseous.
I thought I might have the flu. But instead I found out I’m pregnant. ’
‘Why did you wait to tell me?’
‘I only waited a couple weeks. And I needed those weeks to accept that it was really happening. When I finally called you and asked if I could come here, I was ready to tell you.’
I sigh. ‘And I made you wait another week. But why didn’t you tell me last weekend?’
‘I didn’t want to take attention away from Nick and Lyndsay’s wedding.’ She looks down. ‘But then I ended up doing it anyway. On their wedding day. I feel terrible about that.’
‘You shouldn’t. It’s not your fault they walked in on us.’
‘I didn’t want you to know either. I wanted you to have this time with your family before I told you.’
‘They’re your family too now. We’re having a baby.’
Her eyes lift to mine. ‘Are you really happy, or are you just saying that to make me feel better?’
‘I’m happy. There’s just a lot going on in my head right now.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like what happens when you move away. I don’t want to only see my kid once or twice a year.’
‘I know you said you’d never leave here, but now, with the baby, would you consider moving?’
‘I can’t answer that. I need more time to think.’ I pause a moment. ‘My dad just gave me some good advice. Something I think we could both use.’
‘What is it?’
‘He said not to look too far into the future. If we do, we’ll just worry about stuff we don’t need to worry about yet. Why don’t we just try to take it a day at a time for now?’
She smiles a little. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Let’s start now. My brother just got married. There’s a party going on.’ I stand up and offer her my hand. ‘Will you join me? You did kind of agree to be my date tonight.’
She takes my hand and gets up from the bed, straightening her dress. ‘Do I look okay?’
‘You look beautiful. How do you feel?’
‘Better. I just need to eat.’
‘Let’s go.’ I take her hand and we walk back to the barn.
Mom smiles when she sees me walking up to the table with Mia.
‘Have a seat,’ Dad says to us. ‘Sawyer and Brody just went to get drinks. The food will be served in a few minutes.’
‘Whatever it is, it smells good,’ Mia says as we sit down at the long table reserved for the family.
‘It’s barbecue,’ Mom says. ‘Nick and Lyndsay’s favorite. There’s smoked brisket, chicken, pork and all the usual sides. I made the desserts. A little of everything.’
Sawyer and Brody return to the table, each holding a cup of beer.
‘Where’s mine?’ I ask.
‘What do you want?’ Sawyer says.
‘I’m joking. I’ll go get it.’
‘I can do it. I’m going back there anyway to get Dad’s.’
‘I’ll have the lager.’
He takes off.
‘So did you decide when you’re heading back?’ Mom asks Mia.
She looks at me. ‘I’m not sure yet.’
What does she mean? Did she change her mind about leaving tomorrow? I hope she did. Now that I know about the baby, I don’t want her to go. I want to spend more time with her. I need more than a couple days with the woman having my baby.
She asked if I’d move with her. It’s not what I want. I have a life here, a job, and my family. But if moving means being there for my kid, I might have to consider it.