Chapter 18
Mia
It’s been three days since my parents arrived and Jason’s still acting distant.
He barely talks to me, and when he does, he seems angry.
He started acting this way on Sunday after we went to see the house we’ll be living in.
He was fine when we were there, but later, when I met up with him at his apartment, he was quiet and withdrawn.
‘You want breakfast?’ I ask, taking a box of cereal from the cupboard.
‘No.’ Jason walks past me to the fridge. ‘I need to get to the school for a meeting. Shit, I forgot to make a lunch.’
‘I could make you a sandwich.’
He shuts the fridge door. ‘I’ll just get something from the vending machine.’ He grabs his keys from the counter. ‘Have a good day.’
‘Jason, wait!’ I race up to him, catching him before he gets to the door. ‘When are we going to talk about this?’
‘About what?’
‘About whatever you’re angry about. You’ve been like this since Sunday when we went to see the house. Did something happen? Did your parents say something after I left that upset you?’
‘Yeah,’ he huffs. ‘They said they’re pissed at me for lying and to end this and tell the truth.’
‘Wait—your parents know we’re not engaged?’
‘Of course they know.’ He throws his hands up. ‘I was dating other girls all last spring. And then one day you show up and we tell them we’re engaged? They’re not stupid. They knew we made it up.’
‘Then why did they go along with it at the restaurant?’
‘Because for a minute we had them convinced it was true. It wasn’t until they left the restaurant that they realized it didn’t make sense.’
‘So you’re angry because of your parents?’
‘I’m angry that I agreed to this. Now, because of this fake engagement, my whole family has to lie.
Everyone in town is asking my family about us.
For now they’re saying it’s a family matter and not talking about it, but they can’t keep doing that.
People are already spreading rumors about us—about me—about how I’ve been cheating on you, going out with girls here while you’re in Madison.
They’re saying you never came here because I told you not to, because I didn’t want you running into girls I’d been out with.
My whole damn reputation is being ruined because of this. ’
‘Jason, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?’
‘Why? Telling you isn’t going to change anything. This is what you wanted. And I agreed to do it. I just have to deal with the fallout.’
‘Why would people say that about you? You grew up here. These people are your friends. And you said everyone here is nice.’
‘Most people. Not everyone. Some people think my family has too much influence in town. That’s why my dad got off city council.
He was sick of hearing that he made all the decisions for the town, which wasn’t even close to being true.
The council votes on decisions. It wasn’t my dad deciding.
Anyway, those are the people who start rumors about us.
My mom usually shuts them down before they can spread, but this time she can’t.
She doesn’t know what to say, how to explain this. ’
‘Then we need to find a way to make the rumors stop. Maybe when you get home later we could talk about it and figure out what to tell people. I’m sure we could come up with something.’
‘Mia, you’re not getting it.’
‘Getting what?’
‘I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to keep lying to people. The fake engagement was bad enough. I’m not making up even more lies. It’s just going to make things worse.’
‘So what do you want to do?’
‘Nothing. I just have to deal with it and hope people move on to something else soon. Maybe Sawyer will get engaged. That’ll give people something new to talk about.’
‘The rumors are why you’ve been so angry at me? Or is there something else?’
He checks his phone. ‘I need to go. I’m going to be late for this meeting.’
There’s something else bothering him, but he won’t tell me. Maybe this is all too much for him. Finding out about the baby. The fake engagement. Having to give up his apartment and live in that house with me. His whole life is changing and it’s happening really fast.
‘Jason, I think I’m going to head back to Madison.’
He was halfway out the door but turns back. ‘When?’
‘Today. Tomorrow’s Wednesday and I have a lot to do before my parents get there on Friday.’
‘Is that the only reason, or is there something else?’
‘I think you need some time alone. Time to think, without me around.’
‘When are you coming back?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘What do you mean? You’re moving here. We’re living together.’
‘It doesn’t have to be right away. My parents fly home on Sunday. Once they’re back home, they won’t know where I’m living. I can tell them I’m here but still be in Madison.’
Jason comes back into the apartment and shuts the door. ‘What are you saying? That we’re not doing this? That we’re not living together?’
That’s not what I want, but I think Jason does. I think he regrets doing this. Actually, I know he does. It’s the reason he’s angry, the reason he hasn’t been talking to me.
I shrug. ‘We wouldn’t have to. Your family already knows the truth. There’s no reason to pretend we’re engaged when they know we’re not.’
‘The town knows. If they never see you, more rumors will start.’
‘You can tell them my morning sickness is really bad so I’m staying home. Like you said, after a few weeks they’ll probably get tired of talking about us and talk about something else.’
‘Mia.’ He sets his hand on my shoulder, which is the most he’s touched me since Sunday. ‘When I said all that stuff about the rumors, it didn’t mean I don’t want you here.’
‘I know, but maybe it’d be easier if I wasn’t.’
He sighs. ‘I’m sorry I’ve shut you out the past couple days. I’m still trying to go through all this in my head. And you’re right. I’m angry, about more than just the rumors. I’m angry about this whole situation.’
‘You mean the baby?’
‘I mean you living in Boston and me living here.’ He walks past me, rubbing his jaw.
‘I don’t want my kid living a thousand miles away.
I don’t want him living in a big city, or in an apartment where he’s stuck inside all the time.
’ Jason turns back to me. ‘I don’t have an answer here.
I’m just saying, I don’t want that for my kid. ’
‘It’s OUR kid,’ I say, getting angry. ‘And I don’t like that you’re implying I’m doing something wrong here.
You knew I was moving back. And you know why I have to.
If you really want to see our child, then move to Boston with me.
I know you’ll miss your parents, but you can still come back and see them.
And if anything happens to them, your brothers can help.
My parents don’t have that. They only have me. ’
He checks his phone. ‘Shit, I’m late. I have to get to work.’
‘I’ll pack up my things and clean up before I go. We can talk this weekend after my parents leave.’
He walks up to me. ‘What about graduation?’
‘You don’t have to go. I’ll tell my parents something came up and you had to work.’
‘Mia, I’m going to your graduation. It’s a big deal. I should be there.’
‘If you were my fiancé, then yes. But you’re not. Don’t worry about my parents. I’ll come up with something to explain why you’re not there. I need to go clean up. Have a good day.’ I race off, straight to the bathroom where I turn on the shower so he won’t hear me crying.
Why am I getting worked up about this? My relationship with Jason isn’t even real.
But I wanted to see if it could be, which is why I wanted to live with him.
I had this dream of us falling in love and Jason wanting to go with me to Boston at the end of the summer.
We’d find a small house to buy in a suburb that was safe and clean and had good schools.
Jason and I would find jobs and raise our child and maybe have a couple more.
That’s never going to happen. I knew it never would, but I was excited about spending the summer with him. Now I don’t think I will. I don’t want to be around Jason when he’s angry at me, or have him keep doing this back and forth thing where he’s nice to me one day and not talking to me the next.
After I pack my stuff and clean up the apartment, I go to the hotel where my parents are staying.
I tell them the professor I’m working for wants to meet tomorrow so I have to go back to Madison.
They don’t question it, and actually seem relieved I’m not going with them to sightsee today.
I think I wore them out yesterday. I forget how tired they get.
* * *
On Wednesday, I meet Nora for lunch at a sandwich shop near campus. I tell her what’s happened since we last talked, which was Sunday, before I left to meet my parents for breakfast.
‘So let me get this straight,’ Nora says. ‘You were going to move there and live on his parents’ farm, but now you’re not because you and Jason got into a fight.’
‘No, it’s because we don’t need to live together. My parents will be in Boston. They won’t know where I’m living.’
‘Do you still like him?’ she asks before taking a bite of her sandwich.
‘Jason? Yes. Why does that matter?’
‘Do you still think he’s hot?’ she asks, her gaze going to a guy as he walks past us.
‘Yes, but again, why does that matter?’
‘That’s Professor Wren,’ she says, smiling, as she watches him fill his drink at the fountain dispenser. ‘What do you think?’
I glance back at him. ‘He’s old.’
‘He’s not old. I heard he’s 35. That’s only five years older than me. That’s nothing.’
‘Have you talked to him?’
‘Not yet, but I’m thinking about it.’ She looks back at me. ‘So anyway, what was I saying?’
‘You asked if I was still attracted to Jason.’
She nods and picks up a potato chip from her plate. ‘Are you going to date anyone this summer?’
‘No.’ I laugh. ‘Who would go out with me? I’m pregnant.’
She shrugs. ‘Some guys are into that.’
Just then, a guy stops by our table and smiles at me. ‘Hey, how’s it going?’