Chapter 20
Mia
‘The ceremony was lovely,’ my mom says as we head back to the car. We’re going slow for my dad, who’s holding onto Jason. It warms my heart seeing Jason help my dad. It just confirms what I already knew—that Jason’s kind and caring and will be a great father to our child.
‘They could’ve spoken up more,’ my dad says. ‘You could barely hear what they were saying.’
The speakers in the auditorium were plenty loud enough. My dad’s just losing his hearing. This past week I’ve noticed how much my dad’s health is declining. It scares me, and reminds me how little time I have left with him.
It’s the reason I can’t stay here, and the reason I can’t be with Jason.
Last night, when he asked me to live with him this summer, I almost said yes.
He told me all the things I’ve been wanting to hear.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him yes.
I’ve already messed up his life enough. I’m not going to keep doing it for another three months.
I need to end this fake engagement so Jason can go back to living his life.
I haven’t told him this yet, but I’ve decided not to wait to go back to Boston.
I’ve already sublet my apartment for the time remaining on the lease.
I don’t need to stay in Madison. I only planned to because I wanted to be close to Jason to see if we might have a future together.
But we don’t, so I might as well leave. I can do my summer job from Boston and be close to my parents.
‘What a beautiful garden,’ my mom says, stopping to look at an area on campus filled with flowers and surrounded by trees. There’s a stone path that winds through it and some benches.
‘Why don’t we go check it out?’ Jason says, giving me a look to go along with it. He glances at my dad and I notice he’s slumped over, like he needs a break from all the walking.
‘Let’s go sit on the bench,’ I say, walking over to one.
‘Mia, remember these?’ my mom says, pointing to a patch of pink flowers. ‘We planted some just like these when you were a little girl. I let you pick them out.’
‘I picked them because the color matched my doll’s dress,’ I say to Jason. ‘It was the same pink.’
‘She loved her dolls,’ my mom tells Jason. ‘She talked to them, tucked them in at night, read them stories.’
‘I was practicing being a mom,’ I say, laughing. ‘I wanted to have ten kids someday. Five boys and five girls. Then I got older and started babysitting and realized how much work it would be to have ten kids.’
‘You good?’ Jason says to my dad as he helps him sit on the bench.
‘I’d be better if this damn hip of mine would work like it’s supposed to.’
‘You did well today,’ my mom says, sitting beside him. ‘We’ve done a lot of walking, more than we do back home.’
‘I only made it that far because I was hanging onto him.’ He motions to Jason.
‘Me?’ Jason says, sounding confused. ‘I was hanging onto you. That hill by the auditorium was steep.’
My dad cracks a smile. ‘Glad I could help.’
It’s moments like this that I love Jason and wish I could be with him. But since I can’t, I need to end this. I’m tired of lying. Tired of pretending.
‘Mom. Dad.’ I stand in front of them as they’re seated on the bench. ‘I need to tell you something.’
‘What is it, dear?’ my mom says, with concern in her voice. She can sense something’s wrong because I’m no longer smiling, and I’m sure my eyes are red because I feel like I’m about to cry.
‘Jason and I . . .’ I look at him beside me and notice he looks surprised, like he wasn’t expecting me to do this now. I look back at my parents. ‘What we told you when you got here, about us getting married.’ My heart’s racing and my throat is dry. I’m finding it hard to get the words out.
‘What is it, Mia?’ my mom asks. ‘Just tell us.’
I take a breath. ‘It’s about the engagement. It wasn’t real. It was—’
‘What she means,’ Jason says, interrupting me, ‘is that it didn’t feel real because I didn’t have the ring.’ Jason turns to me. He reaches in the pocket of his suit pants and pulls something out. My jaw drops when I see it’s a ring.
‘Jason, what are you—’ I stop when he drops to one knee and takes my hand.
‘Mia, will you marry me?’
I hear my mom gasp and my dad mumble something, but my eyes remain on Jason. What is he doing? Why is he proposing? This was supposed to be the end of our engagement, not the beginning.
‘Mia, say something,’ my mom whispers.
‘Um, I don’t know.’
‘What’d she say?’ my dad says really loud to my mom.
‘Nothing, dear. Just give us a minute. Mia, can I talk to you?’
I look over at her. ‘Mom, there’s nothing to talk about. I just need to finish what I was saying.’
She gets up and takes my arm. ‘This won’t take long.’
We walk down the stone path to an area with a small fountain and another bench.
‘Mom, I just have to say this.’
‘Honey, I already know.’
‘You do?’
‘Of course. I’m not senile. I know what’s going on here. You think your father and I will be upset that the only reason you got engaged was because of the baby.’
‘Mom, that’s not—’
‘But you couldn’t be more wrong. Your father and I are proud of your decision.
I know it’s not easy to commit to someone for the sake of your child, but the best things in life aren’t easy.
They take work. They take time. And I know with some time and effort, you and Jason will grow to love each other.
’ She smiles. ‘I think part of you already loves him. And I can he tell loves you.’
‘Mom, no. Jason doesn’t—’
‘He does.’ She takes both my hands in hers. ‘In his own way, he does. You just have to open your heart to see it.’
What is she talking about? Jason doesn’t love me. He likes me. And he’s attracted to me. But he doesn’t love me.
‘I know you have doubts,’ my mom says. ‘But just give it some time. And remember, you’re doing this for the baby.’ She hugs me. ‘Your father and I couldn’t be more proud of you, honey.’
This isn’t how this was supposed to go. But after that speech she gave me, I feel like I have to stay engaged to Jason.
And it’s not just because of the baby, but because of what she said about the best things in life not being easy.
Am I giving up on Jason too soon? Should I commit to a summer with him and see if we could make this work?
We head back to the bench where my dad is sitting.
‘Wait,’ I whisper, stopping my mom before we get there.
Jason’s on the bench next to my dad. He’s leaned over, his forearms resting on his knees, the ring still in his hand.
My dad’s talking to him. ‘Hang in there, kid. She’ll come around. Women are always changing their mind. And just when you think you know what they want, they change their damn mind again. It’s frustrating as hell, but what are you going to do? You can’t change them.’
‘I wouldn’t want to change Mia,’ Jason says. ‘I like everything about her, but you’re right, I don’t always know what she wants.’
‘But you love her, right?’
Jason glances at my dad. ‘I do.’
My heart nearly stops. Jason loves me? Is he just saying that to please my dad or does he really mean it? He can’t mean it. We’ve barely spent any time together.
‘I knew I loved her mother the moment I laid eyes on her,’ my dad says.
‘Really?’ Jason says.
‘When you know, you know. You don’t need years to figure it out. In fact, the night I met her, I walked right up to her and told her I’m going to marry her someday.’
Jason laughs. ‘And what did she say?’
‘She told me I’m crazy and to go away. But I didn’t listen. I knew she was the one. I just needed some time to convince her of that.’
‘You never told me that story,’ I whisper to my mom. ‘Is that really what happened?’
‘I couldn’t stand him when I met him,’ she whispers. ‘But over time, I grew to love him.’ She smiles as she gazes at my dad.
Jason stands up. ‘Maybe I should get out of here.’
‘Didn’t you hear a damn thing I said?’
Jason looks at my dad. ‘What do you mean?’
‘For crying out loud.’ He pushes himself up to standing. ‘If you want to marry Mia, then what the hell you running off for?’
‘I’m not running off. I’m just giving her some time to think.’
‘About what?’ he huffs. ‘You kids these days think too much. Back in my day, we took action. We didn’t stand around thinking all day. Thinking just leads to coming up with problems that didn’t exist before you did all that thinking. If you want Mia, go get her. Stop thinking so damn much.’
I come out from the bushes we were hiding behind and walk up to Jason and my dad.
‘Jason, I—’
‘I want you to come back with me tomorrow,’ he says in a forceful way. ‘Back to the house where we’ll be living this summer.’
Glancing at my dad, I see his lips turning up.
I look back at Jason. ‘Okay.’
‘Wait—what? You’ll really do it?’
‘Yes. Didn’t we already decide this?’
‘Yeah, but then you said—’
‘Hey, kid,’ my dad says, nudging Jason. ‘What did I say about women?’
Jason looks over at him and smiles. ‘You’re right.’
‘Damn straight. Now put that ring on her finger.’
Jason takes my hand, looks in my eyes, and slides the ring on my finger. I don’t know if he’s pretending or if it’s real, but it feels real. I feel like something’s changed between us, like there’s a commitment that wasn’t there before.
‘It’s lovely,’ my mom says, looking at the ring. It’s just a gold band, and probably not even real gold. But it doesn’t matter. I like how it feels on my finger, and how Jason looked at me when he put it on.
‘What are you waiting for?’ my dad says. ‘Kiss her.’
As Jason leans down to kiss me, I hear my dad talking to my mom. ‘You gotta teach these damn kids everything these days.’
‘Walter, your language.’
Jason pulls back from the kiss and smiles at me. ‘Your dad’s a smart man.’
‘She knows I am,’ my dad says. ‘Now let’s get out of here. I need to eat and take my pill.’
We leave the flower garden and head back through campus to the car, but this time Jason and I walk in front, holding hands, while my parents walk behind us, also holding hands.