Chapter 21
Jason
‘What do you think of Zeus?’ Mia asks, trying to hold back her smile.
‘No.’
‘Apollo?’
‘No.’
‘Oh! I got it. This one is perfect!’ She pauses for dramatic effect. ‘Atlas.’
‘Nope.’
‘Jason, you love maps!’ She turns toward me on the couch. ‘How could you not like Atlas?’
‘An atlas is a book of maps. It’s not a name.’
‘According to this list, it’s definitely a name.’
I take the tablet from her and read the screen. ‘Names inspired by Greek Gods. Sorry, but no.’
She laughs. ‘Okay, I’ll keep looking.’
Mia and I are having a baby boy and I couldn’t be more excited.
I actually teared up when they told us during the ultrasound.
My mind filled with images of me taking my son to baseball games, teaching him how to catch and throw a ball, coaching his Little League team.
Mia’s excited about having a boy too, but she was surprised when we found out.
She thought for sure we were having a girl.
Now we’re trying to pick a name. Mia thinks it’s hilarious to suggest names she knows I’d never go for, like the ones she just told me. It’s become a game to her. She finds lists of names that are completely ridiculous just to see how I’ll react.
We’ve been living together for a month and so far, it’s been great.
Every morning we get up together, have breakfast, then she gets on the computer for work while I go to the school to teach summer classes.
Haydon Falls High has a summer program for teens in and around the area who are falling behind in school and need to catch up.
I teach the math and science classes, which only takes up two hours of my day and then I spend another two hours tutoring.
It’s an easy job and I like helping kids who might’ve dropped out of school if it weren’t for this program.
It’s over at the end of June and then I’ll start my summer baseball camp.
I also do private coaching. This year, I’ve cut back the number of kids I’m coaching so I’ll have more time with Mia.
She’s done working at three so I try to be done then too.
That way we have the rest of the afternoon and evening to go out and do stuff or just hang out at home.
Like right now, it’s just after four on a Monday and we’re relaxing on the couch.
‘How about Hermes?’ Mia asks, looking at her tablet.
‘How about you take a break from the names?’ I take the tablet from her and set it down on the table.
‘But I was having so much fun.’
‘I can think of some other ways to have fun.’ I kiss her.
She smiles. ‘Let’s go upstairs.’
Since moving in together, Mia and I have sex all the time.
All I have to do is kiss her and we end up in bed, or the shower, or other places in the house.
We’ve done it in every room, even the kitchen.
I think it’s the pregnancy hormones making her this way, or maybe she just really likes sex.
Either way, I’m loving every second of it.
‘I might need a nap after that,’ Mia says as she lies in my arms.
‘Go ahead and sleep.’ I kiss her forehead. ‘You did all the work that time. You need a nap. I’ll take one too.’
She turns on her side and kisses me. ‘I already want you again.’
I laugh. ‘Are you serious? Because I’m totally up for it. I just need a few minutes.’
‘I can’t help it.’ She runs her hand up and down my chest. ‘You really turn me on.’
‘All I have to do is look at you and I’m turned on.’ I kiss her.
‘I love that we’re so good together.’
‘I love it too.’ I look at her. ‘I love everything about us. These past few weeks have been great.’
She rests her head on my shoulder. ‘I think so too.’
‘I love you, Mia.’
She lifts up to look at me. ‘You what?’
‘I love you.’ I smile. ‘Why do you look surprised? I thought you knew this.’
‘I wasn’t sure. I still find myself trying to figure out what’s real and what’s not.’
‘It’s all real. We talked about this when we moved in together. No more fake relationship. This is real.’
She slowly smiles. ‘So you really love me?’
‘I really do.’
‘I really love you too.’
I wrap my hand around her face and press my lips to hers, feeling even closer to her after telling her that and hearing her say it back. We make love again, then fall asleep. When we wake up, I make dinner while she reads off more crazy baby names.
This is the life I’ve always wanted. Living with the girl I love, planning for the baby we’re about to have, sleeping next to her every night.
On weekends, we hang out with my family, having breakfast with them on Saturday morning and dinner with them on Sunday.
Sometimes during the week, Mia and I will go hang out with Brody and Kate or we’ll meet up with Sawyer and Gina for dinner.
Nick and Lyndsay are always at the orchard, which is less than a mile away, so we see them all the time, along with Mom and Dad.
I have everything I ever wanted. My family. The girl I love. And a baby on the way. But it’s all going to change soon and I’m still not ready. I don’t want to leave all this and move away.
* * *
Friday night, Mia and I are lying on the couch watching a movie when she says the words I’ve been dreading to hear.
‘I applied for a job. I know I said I’d wait, but the deadline to apply was today.’
I don’t say anything. I’m not sure how to react.
Do I pretend to be happy even though I’m not?
I love her, so I should support her, but if I’m being honest, I don’t want her to get the job.
I know it’s wrong of me to think that, but I don’t want her getting a job and leaving.
We’ve only had a few weeks together. We need more time.
We agreed to live here for the summer and the summer just started.
‘Jason, say something.’
‘What do you want me to say?’
She sits up. ‘You could at least ask me about it.’
‘What kind of job?’
‘Director of a youth center.’
‘You said you wanted to work at a school.’
‘I do, and I’ll apply at some schools, but this job pays more and I’d be able to help more kids. Kids from bad homes who really need help.’
‘If that’s what you want to do.’ I pick up the TV remote and flip through the channels.
‘Jason, don’t get mad at me for this. You knew I was going to apply for jobs.’
‘And we decided not to talk about it until after the summer.’
‘I can’t wait that long. If I get a job at a school it would start at the end of summer. I’d have to be out there in August.’
I turn off the TV. ‘So now it’s August? That’s when you’re leaving?’ I get up and walk to the kitchen. ‘So staying here for the summer was really just June and July.’
‘Jason, you know how it works. You’re a teacher.’
I open the fridge. ‘Do you want something to eat? We didn’t have much for dinner.’
She comes over to me. ‘Why are you doing this? Why won’t you talk to me about this?’
‘Because it wasn’t supposed to happen yet.’ I shut the fridge door and turn to face her. ‘The summer wasn’t supposed to end in a few weeks.’
‘It won’t. We have the rest of June, all of July, and part of August.’
‘Unless this place hires you and wants you out there now.’
‘And what if that happens? What are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know. I need more time.’
She throws her hands up. ‘How much time do you need? If you love me and want us to be a family, then why won’t you go with me to Boston?’
‘Because that’s not where I want to live. It’s not where I want to raise a family. Mia, we could have a good life here.’
‘Jason, we’ve been over this a million times. I need to take care of my parents. I want to. I may only have a few years left with them.’
‘I’m going to the store.’ I grab my keys and walk to the door.
‘That’s it? You’re just leaving?’
‘There’s nothing more to say. And staying here is just going to lead to us fighting.’
‘You said you wouldn’t pull away from me again. But here we are, a month into this, and you’re leaving.’
She’s right. Why do I keep doing this?
I know why. It’s because I love her so damn much that I can’t handle the thought of her leaving. I don’t want to talk about it or think about it. I just want to run away and pretend it isn’t happening.
The way to fix this is to go with her to Boston, but I can’t make myself do it. I’m not there yet. I love Mia, but I also love my family and the life I have here.
Coming back inside, I walk up to her and take her in my arms. ‘I’m sorry. We’ll keep working on this, okay?’
We don’t talk about the job or moving away for the rest of the night. But it was a reminder that this is happening. I can’t keep pretending it’s not. I have to make a decision and I have to do it soon.
* * *
‘I’m done.’ Darren hands me his quiz. ‘Can I go now?’
I look over the quiz. ‘You only answered half the questions.’
‘That’s all I could do.’
‘Go back to your seat. We’ll talk after class.’
‘But I’m done. Why can’t I—’
‘Darren, go back to your seat.’
He rolls his eyes and lets out an exaggerated sigh.
Most of the kids in this program don’t want to be here.
They have problems at home so school is the last thing they care about.
I try to give them hope for a better life and tell them how finishing high school could help with that, but it’s hard to get them to believe that when they go home to a house with no food or have an abusive parent who tells them they’re worthless.
It’s Monday morning and as much as I love teaching, I didn’t feel like coming here today. Last weekend wasn’t good. Mia was really quiet. She barely talked to me. She turned away from me in bed at night. We didn’t have sex. We’ve been living like strangers the past couple days.
I know the reason why, and I know I need to address it.
I didn’t last weekend because I’m still angry and didn’t want to express that anger to Mia.
I’m not angry at her. I’m angry about the situation.
I want things to be different, but they can’t be, so then I get angry at myself for not accepting that and dealing with it.