Chapter 31
“Hey, Violette, uh, are you coming home soon?” Troy asks the moment I pick up. I try to steady my breath after Rowan’s face was just between my thighs, begging. Flipping from that to Troy’s demanding tone is not an easy feat.
“Why?”
“I texted you.” He did? How did I not hear my phone? “I had to bring Hollie home early.”
“I, uh—I called your mom, she came over.”
“ What? What’s going on?” I toss back at him, my tone stern. The way he thinks I’m just at his beck and call is crazy. He’s been with Hollie for less than two hours.
I look back at Rowan, who hands me my shirt and my jeans, somehow knowing whatever we just did is now over. My eyes linger on his gorgeous face, his body, the way his arm ripples with muscle as he lifts my clothes?—
“Hollie was crying, saying she wants you, maybe she isn’t feeling well…I don’t know. I got a call anyway; they could use me at the hospital tonight, so I was just going to drop her off early . ”
Right. Reality.
Rage slinks through my blood with Troy’s words—not because I don’t want him to bring Hollie home early, I’m happy to spend every second with her, but because he is such an ass sometimes. How does he ever expect her not to cry when he only sees her for an hour and a half every three weeks?
“So, can you come home?” he asks expectantly.
I turn my back to Rowan, not wanting him to hear me berate my ex over his utter lack of parenting skills. Mercifully, Rowan has dipped out of the living room. I see him open the fridge in his kitchen at the end of the hall. I take the opportunity to slide my jeans on and button them up, holding my phone between my chin and my shoulder.
“You can’t just expect her to be your little puppet all the time, she’s going to cry, she’s going to have emotions, and that is okay. You can’t just bring her home when she isn’t perfectly behaved,” I angry whisper into the phone.
“I know that, Violette. She just seems tired, and I already told the hospital I would be there a little early.”
I look up at the ceiling and blow out a breath.
This is my reality. My priority. My life.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes, I’m around the corner at a friend’s,” I tell him before I hang up.
I turn around to find Rowan coming back into the living room with two waters. He looks at me with concern in his eyes.
I toss my T-shirt over my head. For some reason—maybe it’s because I don’t want to get into the messy conversation about my ex, or maybe it’s simply because if I tell Rowan what’s going on—I have to mesh these two sides of my life somehow and I’m not prepared for that yet.
Whatever the reason is, I offer him no excuse. This phone call came to remind me that I’m a mom, and maybe this is a sign from the universe that I need to just unpack everything I learned tonight before Rowan ends up between my thighs again.
“I have to go, but I’ll…text you later, okay?” I grab my purse and sling it over my shoulder.
Rowan nods. “Everything okay?” he asks easily.
“Yeah, it’s just…I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment, and you’re, well, you’re a really good kisser and learning all this truth is a lot for one night. And…not to mention all of this hotness,” I say awkwardly, waving a hand over his incredible physique.
“Thanks?” Rowan says, one eyebrow raised.
“I think I just lost all control there for a few minutes,” I say.
“Vi…” Rowan says when I turn to move toward his front door, but he gets to me quicker and stops me.
“Look, I’m not saying this isn’t something, it’s just that our lives are very different and…I—just have no idea how to be a mom and do…whatever this is.”
Rowan sets his jaw with my shitty excuse. I know I’m panicking because mixing my life with his scares the shit out of me. But before he can really even retort, I reach up on my tip toes and kiss him. It sends a rush of want through me but I force myself to back away because I don’t know what else to do or say.
I just about came and you hardly touched me?
I can’t get close to you because I feel too much?
I have to go be a mom now?
He slides his hand down my forearm and squeezes just once, before I practically run out the door to my car like a kid sneaking home after curfew. As I back out of the driveway I go through everything he told me, and although it definitely changes my view on the past, I just need a hot minute to think.
I have Hollie to consider and I know the life of a hotshot. I know how quickly he could be hurt again—or worse. Am I really prepared to take that on? The closer I get to home, the less I know the answer.
“I am so sorry,” I say to my mom as I come in the door. Hollie is running to me with a happy smile on her face, jumping into my arms like nothing happened, she clearly feels fine now.
My mom and dad are in the middle of my living room floor, puzzles and Guess Who? spread out like they were mid game, and The Lion King plays on the TV.
“Don’t apologize, honey. Where were you, anyway?”
“With…Teddy. I had to help her with something,” I lie. I’m just a big fat liar today, apparently.
My mom takes one look at me and narrows her eyes. Yep, she knows I’m full of shit.
“You two are getting a lot closer, aren’t you?” my dad asks, wearing a trusting grin. He isn’t as in tune with my lying face.
“Yeah, we get along really well,” I say, tidying up the shoes at the front door.
I breeze past my mom not wanting to meet her eyes.
I keep myself busy by tidying up while they finish their game with Hollie.
I take Hollie and give her a bath when they’re finished with their game, I just want a few minutes alone with her to ask her why she wanted to come home. She tells me the same thing she tells me every time. ‘She missed me’ and I know as I help her into her pajamas that this is her way of being cautious with Troy. She doesn’t know him well enough to feel comfortable with him anymore. He isn't her safe space. I tell her it’s okay and Daddy will come back and see her very soon. When I come back out into the living room my parents are reorganizing Hollie’s puzzle shelf. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without them.
Hollie runs to her room from the bathroom to pick out all of her stuffies to bring out to our snack party. I let her take her time and make my way back to the living room carrying her favorite pig. But when I get there I stop dead. I blink to make sure that I’m not imagining Rowan sitting on my couch talking to my dad. I drop Hollie’s Power Piggy on the floor.
My dad takes one look at my face and grins.
“Don’t blame Teddy here. Apparently, he thought you’d be on your own, Vivi,” he chuckles as Rowan looks at me with nothing but apology and confusion on his gorgeous face. Until his eyes skim over me, taking in my outfit, then his face turns almost smug because I’m wearing black leggings, I’ve tossed my hair up into a big bun, and I’m wearing his Seahawks sweater. The one he gave me that night on the beach, the one I never gave back, the one I still wear all the time. The one I’ve kept for ten years. And then he smirks.
Well, shit.
I open my mouth to speak but don’t really have any words before Hollie’s singing and pitter patter fills the room, her little slippers thwap against the hardwood floor. She slows as she sees Rowan sitting on the couch. He’s large and intimidating, taking up a cushion and a half sitting beside my dad. Hollie stops beside me and ducks behind my thigh, picking up her pig, then reaching up to grab my hand, she tugs. I look down at her questioning eyes and bend down so she can whisper into my ear.
“Who is that?” she asks in a soft little whisper.
Here goes nothing.
I pick her up and rest her on my hip, whispering back. “That’s my friend, Rowan. He was very good friends with Uncle Jacob,” I add. My eyes meet his.
“Rowan, this is my Hollie.”
Rowan leans forward and looks at Hollie with an open, honest gaze.
“It’s nice to meet you, Hollie, I like that your slippers have French fries on them,” he says.
“French fries are my favorite,” Hollie says, her eyes immediately move to the framed photo of me and Jacob on the fireplace mantel. Hollie is no stranger to Jacob’s memory. We talk about him all the time.
“Mine too,” he says with such a sincere smile that it melts my insides.
Hollie leans her head on my shoulder and takes in the sight of Rowan, he wears a black T-shirt and shorts, so the white gauze and tape is apparent, peeking out from his sleeve and on part of his thigh.
“Are you a superhero too?” she asks, which makes Rowan chuckle.
“We told Hollie all about Uncle Jacob being a hero and that’s why he went to heaven, isn’t that right, Hols?” I ask.
She nods. I see the pain flash across Rowan’s face.
“Your Uncle Jacob was the best superhero I ever knew,” he says, and Hollie smiles.
“Did you get hurt?” she asks, struggling to get out of my hold. I put her down and she walks over to Rowan, leaning on my dad’s knee right in front of him.
“I did get hurt, and your mommy took care of me at the hospital, aren’t I lucky?” He smiles at her and she smiles back.
“Did Mommy kiss it better?”
Rowan’s eyebrows shoot up and he smiles at her.
“No, but she did keep me company.” He chuckles.
She nods and looks back at me. “He got hurt like Rocky the Rabbit?” she asks about SuperPets resident rabbit. “He fell off Power Piggy’s picnic table. He wasn’t being careful,” Hollie tells Rowan.
He chuckles at her, already enamoured with her cuteness.
“Were you being careful?” she asks.
“I was but I made a mistake, and I had a fall,” he tells her.
“Do you like popcorn?” she asks him, switching gears the way a three-year-old does. She moves closer to him—obviously, she’s enamoured too.
Rowan smiles at her completely at ease. “Sure do,” he says. “With extra butter.”
Hollie looks at my dad. “Papa, make some popcorn,” she commands, and the room laughs, but my dad, who is totally putty in her hands, stands like there was never even a question of him not doing what she wanted.
“Okay, but only if you and Nana come and help me. Should we get Rowan his own bowl?”
Hollie nods, and my mom stands to follow them with a sly grin on her face.
“Teddy, huh?” she asks, passing between us.
“Mother,” I whisper in protest, because she didn’t need to point out the already obvious tension in the room.
The moment they leave the room Rowan is in front of me.
“I’m so sorry, Vi, you said—I thought you would be alone.” Rowan pulls his hat off and runs a hand through his hair then replaces the hat, backwards on his head.
I sigh, taking in just how gorgeous he is. But it’s not only that, it’s also how much I like the idea of him in my living room. It’s official, I’m hopeless.
I take a deep breath. “I didn’t want to lie but I don’t exactly know how to navigate being a mom and whatever this is.”
“That was him who called you? He had to bring her home early?” Annoyance lines Rowan’s tone as he moves closer to me, resting his hands on my hips.
I nod and then look into his intense blue eyes, facing the music. “I didn’t want to tell you my ex can be difficult where Hollie is concerned. Sue me,” I say, moving away to start folding the throw blanket on my couch. Rowan follows me and spins me around to face him.
“I wish you had. I would’ve understood. I think we’ve wasted enough time, and we have enough history to just be honest with each other. Which is why I’m here. I thought something freaked you out…now I see you had to come home for Hollie, but I’m not letting you run from me anymore, Vi.”
I open my mouth to retort.
“Here we go, popcorn for all,” my dad announces like he’s going to walk into us making out or something.
I roll my eyes at my parents’ theatrics as Rowan drops his hands from my hips with the sound of his voice and takes a step back. Hollie runs into the room and hands Rowan an overflowing blue plastic bowl of popcorn that matches her pink one. He takes it from her and pops a big handful into his mouth.
“Dewicious,” he says to her, which makes her laugh.
“I think it’s time for us to get going, what do you think, Nana?” Dad asks Mom. My mom looks between us again and decides to make a graceful exit, although I know she’s dying to stay.
“Can you stay?” Hollie turns her eyes up to Rowan who looks at me. I nod, because I’m not going to say no, especially when Hollie never takes to anyone this easily. Leave it to Rowan’s easy demeanor to charm her.
“Can I have all the popcorn I want?” he asks, taking a seat on the sofa.
“If Mommy says so,” she answers, practically with a little shrug. “Do you like SuperPets ?” The way Hollie asks sounds like there’s no way he wouldn’t know what that is.
“All the other superheroes I know have told me about the SuperPets , but I’ve never watched it,” he says, his eyes moving to mine.
Hollie’s eyes light up at the prospect of adding another SuperPets fan to her life.
“Can we, Mommy?”
I nod. “One episode, Hols, and then it’s time for bed.”
She smiles excitedly, scooting up onto the couch beside Rowan with her popcorn. She holds her bowl up to him and says, “cheers,” which is something we do when we’re having the same snack.
Rowan doesn’t hesitate, he reaches his bowl out and taps it to hers. “Cheers,” he says, looking down at her with an easy smile. I pick up the remote and point it at the TV because the way the two of them look side by side on the sofa like they’re the oldest of friends? Well, there go my ovaries.
I put on Hollie’s favorite episode as my mom kisses her on the head, and Rowan says goodbye to my parents. The theme song starts to play as I walk them to the door.
“Not one word,” I tell them as they put their shoes on in my foyer. My dad holds his hands up in truce with an odd goofy grin.
“Why would we say a word? Just because you’ve been back in town for all of, what? Five minutes? And you two are already spending time together? Probably means nothing.” He winks.
My mother kisses me on the cheek. “Have fun, Vivi,” she says with a grin.
“Goodbye, world’s nosiest parents,” I say with a smile, closing the door to the sound of their snickers.
How do they always just know?
As I make my way back into the living room, I pause at the door listening as Hollie chatters on to Rowan, reminding myself that this is fine. I’m still in control here.
“He can fly,” she tells him with a mouthful of popcorn while pointing to the screen.
“If I could choose a superpower, that’s what I would do,” Rowan says, like he’s in discussion with any friend as opposed to a three-year-old.
“Why?” Hollie asks, using her favorite word.
Rowan shoves another handful of popcorn into his mouth and thinks carefully as Hollie reaches forward. He takes over, grabbing her sippy cup of milk off the table and handing it to her. She takes it from him eagerly and has a big sip.
“I’d want to fly ’cause then I could fly out of any place that wasn’t safe and save anyone who was with me,” he says as he picks up a bottle of water my parents must have offered him and opens it.
“Power Piggy can fly,” Hollie says matter-of-factly.
“Then he’s my favorite,” Rowan says.
“He’s my favowite too,” Hollie says as she happily munches beside her new friend before reaching into the pile of stuffies beside her and pulling out one of her three Power Piggy’s and handing it to him.
Rowan looks down at the tattered pig and takes it from her.
“You can’t keep him, but you can cuddle him,” Hollie clarifies.
Rowan laughs at her genuinely. “Okay, I’ll just let him be my buddy while we watch, how’s that?” he asks her.
“Power Piggy and Super Rowan!” Hollie says, giggling, holding up her cup.
“Cheers” she adds.
She smiles up at him and he reaches down and holds out his water bottle to cheers hers. I watch as he sets that damn pig on his knee and points it toward the TV as he asks her why Tough Little Turtle always gets to be the one to drive the SuperPets wagon.
Who am I kidding?
I am so not in control here.