11. Benji
11
BENJI
“ D o you need anything else?” I ask Cassie as she practically curls her body around me. “Can I do anything for you?”
As she shakes her head no, which I already knew that she would do, I try to accept the fact that I’m only really continuing to talk because I need something to fill the silence. It isn’t awkward when we aren’t talking, but that’s a part of the problem. It allows my mind the freedom to wander, and where it keeps going is a very dangerous territory. I keep thinking about Cassie in a way that I know I shouldn’t. There’s a magnetic pull flowing between us and I like it all too much. I can’t get enough of it. All I really want to do is pull her even closer to me, maybe peel some of her layers off, explore more of her…
“I think it’s a good sign that we haven’t heard anything for a while,” I continue as my hand rests on her back. She’s surrounding me because she’s afraid, not because of any urges or anything, but if she hears my heart pounding… well, it might change things in a way that I don’t think either of us is really prepared for. “They might have gone away at last.”
“You think so?” Cassie murmurs in a voice so seductively sweet my head spins. “I hope so. I don’t want them coming for me again. Or my family. I’m hoping that this all getting messed up will make sure they leave the rest of them alone. It’s bad enough my being in this position, but if I think about them getting to Nick, Alena, Kevin, or the twins… urgh, I can’t stand it.”
“You have such a big family.” I don’t know why I make this comment. I already know that. “I’m an only child. It’s only me and Mom. It must be wild growing up surrounded by so many people all the time. Noisy, I imagine. My life was always quiet.”
Cassie pulls her eyes up to look at me, and instantly, I find myself drowning in her gaze. Holy shit, she’s beautiful. She’s actually breathtaking. There hasn’t been a girlfriend in my life who’s stripped the air away from me like that. Not a soul.
“Surprisingly, my life has always been pretty quiet as well… at least it was once the cameras started rolling.” As she sighs heavily, I can see that my suspicions about her life were real. It seems like it is kinda terrible, after all. “We had everything controlled then. It was always about portraying ourselves in the ‘right way’. And I did it for a while. I think I was probably the best at it out of all my brothers and sisters, maybe because I was the oldest one, but I never enjoyed it. I like being me .”
“I see.” I wish there were something reassuring that I could say to that, but I was raised to always be myself and that’s who I’ve been, authentically Benji at all times. I couldn’t imagine being anything else. “That sounds really hard.”
“The hardest part actually came afterward,” she admits. “As soon as I really started to see that everyone knew too much about me… I found it creepy. I like my privacy. I enjoy having a bit of a mystery about me.” She giggles girlishly, a really sweet sound which makes my stomach do flip-flops. “Sorry, I know that probably sounds a little lame…”
“Not at all. I do agree with that part.” I’m far too excited to be able to connect with her on this. “I hate it when people live their lives through social media and have to express every tiny thought in their mind, every single thing that they do. It’s a lot.”
Someone I dated a few years ago was like that, and it was one of the main things that tore us apart. Not only was I plastered all over the Internet all the time, which I hate and shouldn’t really happen in my line of work, not that she ever understood that, but she was also glued to her cellphone constantly. It might as well have been a member of our relationship. I found it a constant competition to get her attention, and the sad thing is I always lost. The Internet won every single time.
We share a smile, one flooded with understanding, which brings us even closer together. The rational part of my brain keeps screaming at me to stop it, to give it up because it’s getting messy already, but I can’t stop myself. Unfortunately, any sensibilities don’t win out against this undeniable sizzling thing between us. It’s indescribable and incredible.
I’m pretty sure that Cassie is experiencing it too. It’s there, dancing behind her eyes, begging me to kiss her. God damn it, if I weren’t such a professional, I would have done so already. It’s only because I know that it will cost us both too much…
I’ll lose my job. I don’t think that Max will be happy with me for falling for a client I’ve rescued under such wild, stressful circumstances. She will find herself in an awkward position as well, I’m sure, with her family and the media coverage to follow. On top of that, and worst of all, I’m bound to actually lose Cassie. She has a life here in Puerto Rico with her family. My life isn’t on this island. As soon as we find ourselves away from this jungle, we will be separated in an instant.
That fact already feels painful without my adding on another layer to it. I might not be able to contain the way that I’m feeling about Cassie in the heat of the moment, but I do just about have the power to prevent myself from making it worse. I think. If I put our safety first and shove everything else out of my head, being a professional, we will be fine.
“We probably should try and get some sleep now,” I say softly to Cassie, our eyes drinking in the darkness surrounding the tent. “Then we will have the energy to wake up early and get a move on before they can find us, presuming they come back. Plus, I know how badly you want to talk to your family, which we can do as soon as we are safe. Then, we can get you home too.”
“Home.” As Cassie murmurs that word, it doesn’t sound like the most exciting prospect to her, but I don’t think I should push her any more on that front. Whatever her home life has for her, it has to be better than here, anyway. “Yes, of course.”
I don’t know how she intends to sleep, so I remain exactly where I am, allowing her to take control of the situation and to choose what position she wishes to sleep in. I’m not expecting her to remain clinging to me, but that’s exactly what she does. She snuggles in closer, choosing to sleep as if we are lovers who have been in a relationship for a long time and are completely comfortable with one another. I suppose the intense thundering of my pulse isn’t bothering her at all.
This is nice, I think to myself as I settle down as well. It’s been a long time since I’ve been held like this…
It’s actually been forever since being held in this way made me feel like this . It’s never happened before. Even though I know it would be wiser to use this time for sleep, to get as much rest as I can before whatever the following day will hold, I also want to savor every second of this sensation. This warm feeling is something I want to cling to forever. Even more so when Cassie’s breathing becomes deeper and a lot calmer, allowing me to know that the exhaustion finally has her.
I want this, I realize starkly. I want this really badly. Someone to hold like this, someone to love. I’ve given so much of myself to my work, I’ve focused so hard on getting myself a career because that seemed easier than finding the right person, but now it’s hitting me how much I yearn for someone like Cassie, how much love I have to give to the right person.
Shit, that already feels like a strangely painful revelation, so I squeeze my eyes shut and beg sleep to claim me already before I start delving into all the reasons I don’t have someone at the moment. That isn’t a can of worms that needs to be popped right now. Instead, I would prefer to think about what it’s like to have that person, what it will be like when I get someone again. Because I will. I need to know. The realization has come for me, and there’s no turning back.
“Benji, you really are my hero, you know that?” Cassie flutters her eyelashes at me, causing a lightning bolt of white-hot desire to hit my cock hard. I shouldn’t, I still know that I shouldn’t, yet for some reason, that doesn’t quite matter as much anymore. “You saved me over and over again and I need to find a way to repay you. I want to. Will you let me?”
I nod numbly, unable to find words because I don’t quite know what she’s saying at the moment. It feels like a lot, though. Her words are heavy and loaded, as is the twinkle in her eyes. I’m anxious to find out which way they are going to turn. I know that I’m supposed to be making sure that we are smart, but how can I when I’m fucking putty in her hands?
“Good.” Within a heartbeat, she is on her knees in front of me, her eyes still fixed on mine as she expertly tugs on the zipper on my trousers. My clothing practically falls off my body as Cassie delicately wraps her sweet, soft hands around my raging rock-hard cock. The contrast is immense. I begin trembling with need instantly. “Oh, wow, you’re so big.” She giggles. “Massive.”
There’s no turning back now, no matter what the right thing to do is. I belong to Cassie. She has me. All of me.
Before I can respond, her plump pink lips part and she slides me into the wet heat of her mouth. Her tongue wraps around me, surrounds me as her throat opens up to take every part of me in. I might be big, as she exclaimed, but she’s making it work.
“Fuck, Cassie,” I moan as my fingers tangle up in her hair. I don’t need to control the movements of her bobbing head, though. She’s fucking working me like she’s been sucking my cock for years. I want to feel it, though, to experience it all. “Cassie, oh!”
Her name falls out of my mouth over and over like a prayer as she sends me to oblivion. Fucking hell, she’s incredible. I’m about to erupt between her lips any second, and much as I want that, I need to be buried inside her as well. I want to feel her tight pussy pulsing, milking me as the pleasure claims her. Cassie seems like she’s lived an uptight existence, and now that we’ve overstepped this line, I want to corrupt her fully. I need to fuck her from every angle, to bury myself within her, to taste every fucking part of her body as well, but unfortunately, she has stripped the air from my lungs. I don’t have enough control over myself to demand what I want. She’s too sexy, too hot, too good at what she’s doing. How can I make her see that I want her to fuck me, though? How the hell can I make her understand? The only word I can get out is her name over and over…