Chapter 23
BECK
“Tired?”
It was a dumb question. After two long days, we were heading back to Cedar Falls. Evidenced by the fact that Mae had put her seat back and had her eyes closed, I knew the answer already. But she’d also been unusually quiet packing up too.
“Very,” she said, eyes still closed.
I waited, considered letting her rest, but also knew I’d be kicking myself when we got back. Since we were closed tomorrow, I most likely wouldn’t see her and couldn’t wait until Tuesday.
“Still wanna talk about last night?”
At first, I thought maybe she’d fallen asleep. Or was avoiding the discission. But a moment later, Mae’s eyes popped open and she turned to me.
I was surprised by her expression. Mae wasn’t tired. She was angry.
“What’s wrong?”
“Honestly? It’s most likely the fact that I haven’t healed yet from Mathieu’s betrayal.”
“Where did that come from?”
Mae did look tired. But worse, defeated.
She sighed. “It came from the fact that you’re just being… you. And because of last night’s kiss, I took it personally. But that’s my problem, not yours.”
I drove mindlessly in the dark, having taken this route hundreds of times. Unfortunately, navigating women’s feelings? Not as much. I usually bailed if they caught them.
Mae put her seat back up and shifted toward me.
“Promise you won’t tease me? This is serious.”
I winced. “Not even a little?”
“No.”
“Okay,” I promised.
“The woman you gave your number to, at the festival. I have absolutely zero reason to care. It was a stupid kiss. And a total mistake, obviously. But still…”
Holy shit. No, no, no, no.
“I didn’t give her my number, Mae.”
“Beck,” she said, reminding me of the time I stole a kid’s bike who was bothering Mason and Mae made us give it back. “I have eyes, you know.”
I was about to say something smart, but remembering my promise, held it back.
“She took it. Without permission. I swear, I did not willingly give her my number, but my hands were a bit tied up at the time.”
“You know her?” It wasn’t accusatory, just a fact.
I winced. “Yeah. We”—I cleared my throat—“dated.”
“Dated? Or hooked up?”
Again, I held back my immediate response, and instead of saying, “I plead the fifth,” said instead, “The latter.” Quickly adding, “She came through Cedar Falls. Lives here. Apparently lost her contacts and grabbed my phone before I could respond. When I failed to give her my passcode, and respectfully declined to give it to her, she eventually left.”
Mae blinked. Stared at me.
“I’ve never lied to you once, and don’t intend to start. Even if it’s self-incriminatory. You know everything there is to know about me, good and bad.”
“I believe you.”
“Then what’s with the frown face?”
“I don’t like that I cared whether or not you gave her your number.”
Time to clear the air.
“One—”
“Here we go.” Finally, a smile. “Why is everything a list?”
“Because that’s how my brain works, I guess. One, the kiss wasn’t stupid. Two, it wasn’t a mistake. And three, I like that you care. Correction, I love that you care.”
I couldn’t keep the grin off my face if I tried.
Mae processed that information. I could tell the exact moment she understood my implication. More than an implication. A flat-out admission.
“Do you think it was a mistake?”
She was clearly frustrated. “Yes. No. I don’t know, Beck. It just… happened. I honestly didn’t think it through.”
“Neither of us did. But you’ve thought about it since.”
“I have.”
“And?”
“Well, obviously it’s complicated things. I’ve never watched you give a woman your number, or take it,” she added when I was about to correct her, “and been upset about it.”
I would probably regret asking this.
“Never?”
She opened her mouth. And then closed it.
That was a start, at least.
“I know about the rule,” she blurted.
Well, shit. “Since?”
“Just recently. Delaney mentioned it. She just assumed I already knew. Delaney wasn’t trying to stir up anything—”
I stopped her. “I don’t blame Delaney. Honestly, I’m surprised you hadn’t heard about it already. Not that I thought one of the guys would mention it but…” I looked at her. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have while we were driving.
“Where are you going?” she asked as I pulled over. We were between two houses, the lake on our left, in a neighborhood not far from where my parents and sister lived.
“Just pulling over. This is a conversation years in the making,” I admitted, turning off the engine and facing her.
“The rule was real. We made the pact because we were stupid enough to think we could protect ourselves. And that one was specifically for me because the guys knew if you showed any interest in me, in that way, it would be different. But there’s no protecting myself from you anymore.
I crossed that line the second I kissed you. Hell, probably before that.”
“How could we have been so close, me knowing everything about you, like you said, except that?”
Grinning, I reminded her, “I never kept it a secret from you, Mae.”
She rolled her eyes. “But I always assumed you were joking. Making constant innuendos because you were teasing me.”
“I was teasing you, but the constant innuendos weren’t a joke. Why wouldn’t you think I was serious?”
“Because you feel the same way about every pretty woman, Beck.”
“No.” I needed her to understand one thing. “I do not feel the same about every pretty woman as I do you, Mae. Not even a little.”
“You want to sleep with every pretty woman who takes an interest in you. Which is, basically, all of them.”
Fuck.
“You can’t deny that.”
Denying it would make me a boldfaced liar. I didn’t have a leg to stand on. Except… “You’re different.”
She clearly wasn’t convinced.
“Hence the problem. I am different because we’re friends. Crossing the line, like we did, is only going to complicate things. And I really don’t want to lose your friendship.”
Now or never, Beck.
“Like I said, friendship is a good place to start, don’t you think? Genie’s already out of the bottle.” I didn’t want to make light of the situation, but I also couldn’t resist any opportunity to make her smile. Mae looked genuinely worried. “Can’t pretend you didn’t like kissing me.”
“Ugh.”
Mission accomplished. Smile city.
“Obviously, I did.”
“And can’t pretend you didn’t want me to kiss you.”
“Equally as obvious.”
“So what are the options at this point? Go back to pretending we’re only friends? That I don’t know you know that the guys made a rule specifically for you because that’s how different you are, Mae? Ooor… say, ‘fuck it,’ cat’s out of the bag.”
“And what?” she pressed. “Go back to my house and jump into bed?”
Although that seemed like a really good plan, I got the sense Mae didn’t agree.
“Feels like you’re being facetious.”
“No,” she said, smiling, her tone even thicker with sarcasm than before. “You don’t say.”
“We could start with another kiss.”
Her gaze dropped to my mouth. I held in a groan.
“You’re impossible.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what to say,” I admitted. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to understanding why you’d be skeptical of my intentions. But you have to know you are not just any woman to me, Mae. Not by a long shot.”
“I… can acknowledge that might be true.”
“Might?”
“Is probably true.”
“Thank you.”
“Welcome.”
“But it doesn’t account for the fact that there are still good reasons for some space before we jump into anything.” She smiled. “One, I really don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
Cheeky girl.
“Two, I was just burned pretty badly, and you deserve more than a rebound. And three, I honestly don’t believe you really want an actual relationship. Friends with benefits is a great movie title, but in real life, it’s actually a recipe for a broken heart.”
“I’ll give you that last point, in our situation at least. As for what I deserve, let me be the judge of that.
” Never mind I didn’t deserve her, but that wouldn’t bolster my argument here.
“And to your second point.” I took a deep breath, but had no hesitation in saying this out loud.
It was something I’d thought about for a long, long time.
“With most women? I’d agree. I’m not looking for a relationship.
But with you? I’ll clean up my life quicker than you can say ‘commitment issues.’”
Mae’s mouth twitched like she was trying not to smile, but I wasn’t joking. Not this time.
“I’m serious, Mae. You’re the only one I’d even think about getting it right for. The only one who makes me want to be better.”
She looked down at her hands. Toyed with them. Raised her head.
“I opened the door back up last night,” she said quietly.
“Partly because I remembered something I wanted to tell you. But mostly because I didn’t want the night to end.
We’re complicated, Beck. Our lives are intertwined.
With the bar. Our friendship. Diving into the deep end now feels like a recipe for drowning.
I kissed you because I wanted to. Badly.
And still do. But that’s the problem. There’s no turning back for us. ”
In other words, she was scared. I couldn’t argue with that. I was too. Terrified, actually. The guys had it right in college though, when we took the pact. Mae was different. Always had been. For her, I would risk my heart. I would risk everything.
“I’ll show you, Mae.”
The more I thought about it, the more it felt right.
“You need time? Take it. You want me to prove I’m not the guy you’re afraid I am?”
I paused. These weren’t words I could take back, but I wasn’t backing down now.
“I’ll prove it. Every day. For as long as it takes.”
“Beck—”
“As friends. No more kisses. No crossing the line.”
Her eyes narrowed. “No teasing about getting me naked?”
“Pfft. Let’s not get crazy. A no-teasing clause is one step too far.”
“Fine,” she said, her voice low and reluctant. “Friends.”
It would do. For now. And for the first time in my life, I wasn’t chasing a good time.
I was chasing Mae. I didn’t plan on losing her.