Chapter 41
BECK
I looked everywhere.
The house. Her office. The front room of the inn. I even opened the guestbook, but there were only two rooms rented for the night and both already checked in.
I could talk to Mason or Parker, but the latter was on a job and the former was currently digging shrubs.
I’d already asked this morning if he needed help and didn’t need to be told no twice.
Landscaping was my least favorite form of manual labor.
Besides, Mace was barely one step above Cole on “who to talk to about relationships.” If Pia hadn’t stormed into his life, he’d probably be as single as me.
How could you have fucked that up so badly?
By the time I paid the bill, Mae had been long gone. She wasn’t answering her texts, and when I went to her house, Mrs. O’Malley said she hadn’t seen her since before lunch.
I could text her. But another thought occurred to me.
Someone that could help in this situation.
Like the desperate man that I was, I couldn’t wait.
At this time of day, she was probably at the college.
I only knew where Jules’s office was because Mae had dragged me there once to pick up keys for some alumni event.
I remembered the way mostly because I’d got a parking ticket.
Attempting to avoid another one, I parked legally this time and navigated Cedar Falls Community College campus, taking the steps of her building two at a time. There was a good chance she was teaching a class, but I had to start somewhere.
The door to the small office was partially opened. A good sign.
I knocked and then poked my head inside. Jules’s black bob whipped around her head as she looked up.
“You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry about that.”
Not unexpectedly, she seemed pretty confused.
“Do you have a few minutes?”
Jules looked down at a stack of papers. “If it’s not about why your opinion doesn’t count as supporting evidence for a persuasive essay, sure.” She gestured to the only other seat in the space.
“Nice view,” I teased.
“Of the parking lot? Tell me about it. How did you know I’d be here?”
“Mae mentioned that Monday was your least favorite day of the week because you were required to stay on campus for office hours despite the fact that no one ever comes.”
“Oh. Yeah. Well, it is.” She waved her arms. “As you can see, loads of students are extremely concerned about the final grades.”
“I’m surprised you’re still in session. Aren’t most colleges out by now?”
She smiled tightly. “CFCC is kind like that. To extend their calendar an extra week or so more than most. Is everything OK?”
“Actually, no. Did you talk to Mae today?”
I could tell before she even shook her head she hadn’t. “No. I’ve been buried in essays. Is she alright?”
“Uh, yeah. I mean, physically. She’s fine,” I said, seeing her expression. “We had a fight.”
Jules spun her chair around to face me and sat back. The epitome of an “artsy type,” her outfit was wild, in a sort of non-matching but cool kind of way. I’d always liked her, though Jules definitely operated on a different wavelength than a lot of people.
“You and Mae? A fight?”
It was as unbelievable to me as it was to Jules.
We never fought. Ever.
“Yeah. And I’m pretty sure it was my fault?”
She laughed, and then immediately apologized. “You think?”
“Okay. I’m pretty certain it was. And she’s not texting me back.”
“Why don’t you start at the beginning? I know you guys were having lunch today.”
“She told you about that?”
“Uh huh. Was pretty excited too. To tell you about the business idea and all.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I buried my head in my hands, mumbled something about not hearing much regarding the business and thought back to the entire conversation.
Looking up, I relayed it all to Jules.
“I honestly can’t believe I came here,” I said, realizing that I was sitting in Mae’s best friend’s office, at work, like a crazed man. “I couldn’t find Pia. And the guys are…”
“Guys?” she asked, sardonically.
“Yeah. That.”
“I’m glad you did.”
She seemed sincere. But I still could kick myself, for the whole day.
“I’m no therapist,” she said finally. “But I have been in a lot of it and know myself pretty well. Sometimes, asking questions about why we do the things we do are important.”
I waited, but that was all she said.
“Specifically, why are you sabotaging your chances to make this work?”
“I wouldn’t call it sabotaging, exactly—”
My mother couldn’t have managed a sterner look, and she could be pretty stern. There was Mae’s mom, the warm and fuzzy type, and then there was the exact opposite.
Aka, my mother.
“Fine, sabotaging.”
Why was I sabotaging my chance with Mae? It didn’t take a genius to figure that one out, even without years of therapy or whatever.
“I guess I pretty much laid it out to her when I said people like her don’t stick around for people like me.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, she’s too good for me. Always has been. And don’t you dare deny it. I’ve never been boyfriend material.”
As expected, Jules didn’t refute it.
“Alright, so one could argue you’ve been sabotaging your chances with her for a long time. Why?”
“I have to think about that one.”
“Okay. That’s a start.”
“So you don’t think I should try to talk to her yet?”
Jules tapped her nails against each other, thinking.
“No. I don’t. Not until you know the answer to that question.
Because if you don’t fix it, you’ll end up doing the same thing again for another reason.
I’ll tell her you came here. She’ll know you care.
Actually, Mae already does know that. But in order for the two of you to work, you’ve got to get on the same page.
If you’re waiting for her to walk, that’s not good for either of you. ”
I got that but… “She’s never wanted to stay in Cedar Falls,” I argued.
“She never had a reason to,” Jules responded quietly.
And then added, “Sure, family is here. Friends are here. But she could visit us. Work somewhere else, come home when she wants. But we both know she’s always wanted a partner in life, like her parents have.
Who better than someone she’s always known, who makes her laugh, who truly wants what’s best for her? ”
“I do, Jules. Honestly.”
“I know you do. She does too.”
I hoped she was right. If she was, I just needed to prove that to her somehow.
“Figure out why I’ve been chickenshit to tell her sooner. And then find a way to explain that, and show Mae how much I love her. Got it. Anything else?”
She laughed, good-naturedly, making me really believe Jules was on my side. Which surprised me, honestly.
“That’s not enough?” she teased.
“I guess it is. Thanks, Jules.” I stood. Had no plan. But at least I knew where to start.
“Anytime. I hope it works out.”
I paused on my way to the door. “I can tell. Honestly,” I admitted. “I’m a little surprised.”
“Are you? Why?”
I shrugged. “I just figured you saw me as a fuck-up who’s been with too many women to be serious about just one.”
Jules leveled me another one of her laser stares. “You sure that’s not how you feel about yourself?”
Damn.
“Not pulling any punches, are you?”
Her brows raised. “When it comes to my best friend? And potentially her future happiness? Damn right I’m not.”
I wanted honesty, and got it.
“I see why she likes you so much,” I said before passing through the half-open door. “Maybe if this doesn’t work out you can get a therapy license. You’re really good at it.”
“Thanks. I’ll stick to analyzing fictional people.”
I remembered what Mae told me about Jules’s stalled writing career. She’d given me great advice, so I owed her a bit back.
“Sounds like a good plan. Like I said, you’re good at it. Maybe it’s time to pull the trigger.”
With a wink, I left, just catching Jules’s dropped jaw on my way out.
With as much clarity as I’d had all day, my next stop seemed like an obvious one. The sun was out, and I had some thinking to do. Only one thing left to do with my afternoon.
It was time for some fishing to clear my head.