Chapter 4
4
Kai
K ai had heard Cole enter the house long before he knocked on the door. His heart tripped a beat when the footsteps stopped in front of his room momentarily before carrying on. For what reason he couldn’t really be sure. Fear maybe? Anxiousness? His inner self chirped at him, reminding him of Cole’s ability. Was Cole working for Kai’s uncle? Maybe he wanted to lull Kai into a false sense of security to keep him from running until his bastard of an uncle could arrive. The chirp came again, a denial in the tone. Somehow, his other half seemed convinced Cole wouldn’t betray him, but Kai still didn’t trust him.
The war within him frustrated him. He’d never disagreed with his other half. What the hell had he been thinking to agree to stay here for a month? He needed to leave as soon as he healed. A few days and he’d be well enough to take off. Just until his strength returned. He’d start by stockpiling whatever food he could take with him. The man surely wouldn’t notice it missing with everything he had. While Cole had been gone, he’d walked through the house, looking into each room and learning where the windows and doors were in case he needed to make a fast escape. He’d found the loaded pantry and even snooped vaguely through the cabinets and refrigerator. He snagged a couple of packs of crackers to start with, stashing them in the back of the closet in his room. The one room he’d avoided going into smelled like Cole. Somehow, the idea of stepping over the threshold scared him. He didn’t quite understand the feeling. After all it was only a room, but somehow it seemed extremely… intimate.
When Cole knocked a little while later, Kai jumped, wincing at the jarring movement. He begrudgingly answered the man’s questions and then went quiet, listening as Cole moved away and the muffled sound of whistling reached his ears. His stomach began growling as soon as the smell of something delicious cooking reached his nostrils. Kai breathed the scent in deep, closing his eyes. He hadn’t had a hot, home-cooked meal in years. His mouth watered, and he gripped his belly, trying to stifle the intense hunger gnawing at his innards.
He couldn’t be sure how much time passed before Cole came to his door again. “Kai?”
At first, he debated about not replying. Giving in meant showing weakness, except his stomach let out another louder, longer snarl. Kai sighed with capitulation, slowly stood, and made his way to the door. He opened it a crack and peered up at Cole. “Come eat,” Cole said.
If he weren’t starving, Kai would have told him no and shut the door in his face, but he knew being stubborn and not eating wouldn’t help him get out of there any faster. Kai waited for Cole to move and then opened the door farther, noticing the way Cole’s eyes darted down his form, as if checking for something. He gave Cole a defiant stare and waited.
Cole walked toward the front of the house, clearly expecting him to follow. Kai hesitated for a split second and then started after Cole. Soft music played from the stereo in the conjoined living room, and he found the small table near the windows covered with a heaping bowl of spaghetti and a smaller gravy boat full of sauce, waiting for them. His throat tightened at the scene. Years of loneliness swamped him, and Kai curled his fingers into his palms, fisting his hands at his sides. He’d missed out on so many things: the comfort of his parents’ embrace and love, the way his mother used to cook dinner for them, the sounds of their laughter and voices as they talked and joked around over dinner. He’d lost sight of their faces in his mind a long time ago. The picture he carried with him was the only way he could remember what they looked like.
“Is everything okay, Kai?”
Kai shook himself and glanced at Cole. He tried to keep the misery he felt inside from his expression, but something must have shown through. Cole frowned and took a step toward him, stopping when Kai moved away. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Did you take another pill yet?”
“I’m fine,” Kai replied in a stoic manner.
“You’re not fine,” Cole insisted. “I can see it on your face.”
Kai glared at him. “I said I’m fine. You wanted me to eat, so let’s eat.”
Cole started to say something else and then seemed to think better of it. He gestured Kai to one side of the table and sat down across from him. Kai gingerly lowered himself into one of the chairs and waited for the okay to serve himself. Cole reached out and picked up the serving silverware. He started dishing the pasta onto Kai’s plate. “I can do it myself,” Kai protested.
“I know you can, but I want to do it,” Cole said.
Cole continued to pile noodles onto his plate, filling it almost to overflowing. “I can’t eat all of this!” Kai exclaimed, eyeing the heaping mound.
“Eat whatever you can,” Cole replied while picking up the gravy boat and starting to pour sauce all over the spaghetti. He emptied about half the bowl onto Kai’s pasta before setting the dish onto the table to scoop noodles onto his own plate. “Will you allow our pack healer to take a look at your injuries?”
“No.”
“He may be able to expedite the healing process,” Cole explained calmly. “If Seth were here, he’d be able to heal you completely, but we’ll have to settle for Jack. He’s an empath and has the ability to seek out and coax the cells of the body to repair the damage. It’s slower, but it works. He’s actually Nick’s second cousin by marriage.”
Dazed, Kai stared at Cole. Healers? Empaths? What the hell were these people? “I don’t want anyone touching me,” Kai finally snapped.
Cole sighed, dropping his fork onto his plate. “Is this how the next month is going to play out? Constantly fighting everything I try to do for you? I already told you I could no more hurt you than I could myself. You are a part of me, the other half of my soul is yours. You can’t see it yet because you aren’t wolf, but eventually you will. Even now you must at least feel something is different between us.”
“I don’t feel anything,” Kai lied, stuffing a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth to keep from having to say more.
Cole must have realized Kai wasn’t planning on admitting anything and let the subject of them being mates drop. “At least let Jack take a look at you, see if he can help. Please.”
Kai furiously shook his head. “No.”
“Damn, you are stubborn!” Cole exclaimed. “Do you like being in pain? Is that it? You have lived in pain for years and don’t know how to function any other way?”
Kai stared at Cole, his fork halfway to his mouth. His hand shook, the pasta shivering on the tines. He slowly set the utensil on his plate and stood. “You don’t know anything,” he whispered.
“Then talk to me! Help me understand!”
Kai felt penned in, cornered. Panic and alarm pounded through his veins. He lifted his hands to grip at the sides of his head. “Just leave me alone.”
Cole’s chair scraped against the floor, and Kai flinched, stumbling backward into his seat. He’d smart-mouthed someone stronger than him. When would he learn to stop opening his mouth? Kai cowered into the corner between the table and the chair, ignoring the pain in his ribs, as he sensed Cole coming closer. The heat from Cole’s body enveloped him first. The surprisingly gentle touch on his bicep brought out a small sound of abject terror, a weak sound he couldn’t stop, but the punishing blows he expected never came. Cole started to lightly stroke Kai’s upper arm and shoulder. Small unintelligible sounds came from Cole, and Kai’s inner self responded to him. The desire to fling himself against Cole’s broad chest scared him even more than the fear of being physically injured.
The gentle caresses moved to the nape of his neck, and Kai shuddered, his nails digging into the flesh of his scalp. He needed to pull himself together, to run, to get away from the man beside him. Why did he want to lean into the touch rather than escape?
“Calm down, shh. I’m sorry I pushed you.”
Kai clenched his eyes shut tighter in response to Cole’s words. The callused fingers massaging his neck sent alarming shivers of awareness down to Kai’s groin. A sharp, high-pitched bark echoed in his head, urging him to accept the touch and the comfort offered by the stranger who’d blazed into his life, running over him as thoroughly as a high-speed train. Kai fought against the feelings surging inside, a violent storm of emotion he’d never felt before rushing over and through him. The invisible cord spiraling straight through his core stretched thin and snapped, sending Kai crashing into Cole’s chest. He found himself sliding his arms around Cole’s back and burying his face alongside Cole’s neck. A sob caught in his throat, unissued out of trained instinct to never cry in front of anyone.
A sense of peace he hadn’t experienced since before his parents’ death spread over him. Suddenly an image of a young boy, eight or nine years old, laughing and running through a field while holding the string of a kite burst into his mind. Auburn hair shone brighter than a copper penny in the sun overhead, the wind causing strands to flutter unchecked along the boy’s smooth, baby-soft cheeks. Eyes green as emeralds sparkled in the tanned, freckle-spattered face. The image changed to another of the same boy, now a few years older. He stood in the pale glow of a full moon’s light, excitement evident in his posture. Kai could feel the power surging through the teenager, and with a blinding flash of light, the boy disappeared and a beautiful red wolf stood in his place.
Kai sucked in a deep breath, eyes flying open wide to stare unseeingly at the wall as he realized the boy in his vision was Cole. Were these memories? How could he see what only Cole could know? What if Cole could see into his memories too? Kai panicked, shoving away from Cole to go running through the house. At first, he headed for the outside door at the end of the hallway, but Cole cried out his name, and Kai backtracked and rushed into the bedroom he’d been granted for his stay. He slammed the door and locked it, allowing the hard wood to hold up his weak limbs, and panted for breath. Oh gods, what if Cole could see the horrors he’d lived?
When no knock at the door came, Kai carefully lowered himself to the ground, bringing one knee up to his chest. His ribs ached from all the abrupt movements, but it didn’t even come close to what he’d experienced in the past. Cole’s words from before echoed in his ears. “Do you like being in pain? Is that it? You have lived in pain for years and don’t know how to function any other way?”
Each word had struck him in the gut harder than a fist. Of course he didn’t enjoy living in pain, even if he’d known nothing else for the last ten years. Cole had no idea what hell his life had been. The days had begun to blend together. The only time Kai had ever really come alive had been whenever his uncle allowed him the freedom to carry out whatever scheme the man had concocted. Kai tilted his head to rest on the door and closed his eyes, fingers gripping tightly to the loose fabric of his jeans. The fear and anxiety of the constant beatings had disappeared for the brief moments he’d been allowed off his leash. Each day he’d wondered how long it would be before he was killed, either by the barrage of blows from his uncle or a bullet from the gun of whichever unfortunate victim his uncle had targeted. There had been many close calls, but Kai always managed to flee before someone ended his life. On several occasions, he’d considered standing there, letting a stranger shoot him, but his other half wouldn’t allow it.
Distracted by his memories, Kai didn’t hear Cole approach the door. The soft sound of his name being called through the wood caused him to jerk in alarm. “Kai?”
Kai refused to answer.
“Please open the door, Kai.”
Silence.
Cole sighed—a slither of breath, but Kai still heard it. Kai’s inner self chirped, urging him to let Cole in. “I can’t,” Kai murmured.
A whine trickled through his mind. Kai covered his ears, but he knew it wouldn’t keep out the next keening cry. After all, they were only in his head.
“I’m sorry,” Cole whispered. Kai heard Cole’s hand touch the wood of the door softly before fading footsteps signaled Cole’s departure.
Kai opened his eyes, dropping his hands to the floor beside him. A few more days, and he could leave. He wouldn’t need to stay for long. Another mournful howl issued from Kai’s other half. “Stop it,” Kai demanded. “Just stop! We can’t stay here.”
A shrill cry caused Kai to wince. He’d never fought against his other half as much as he had in the last couple of days. He’d always trusted the instincts of his animal self and relied on them to save his life on more than one occasion, but on this they would never agree. They needed to leave. No one could be trusted. Cole had a hidden agenda. Kai just hadn’t figured it out yet. Cole’s claims of Kai being his mate were outrageous and ridiculous. Besides, they were nothing alike. Cole was a werewolf for cripes’ sake!
It took some time for Kai to gather up enough energy to move from his seat by the door. He headed to the bed and curled up on top of the comforter, his head pillowed on his arms, eyes closing immediately. He just needed a few more days.
T he next day, Kai jerked awake, eyes opening wide. It took him several breaths to remember where he was. Some of his tension eased, but he waited for any sounds outside his room. He didn’t hear any movement in the house. Cole must have already gone to the greenhouses. Kai unfurled from the bed and stepped off of it, his bare feet padding softly on the carpet. His ribs still protested, but he could already feel a difference. It wouldn’t be long before the pain dissipated completely and he could carry through with his plan to leave.
He cracked open the door and stopped to listen again, to ensure Cole had already left the house. No noises met his attentive eardrums, and he let out the last of his tension on a deep exhale while making his way to the bathroom to relieve himself. With his bladder empty, Kai’s stomach growled, loudly. He hadn’t eaten much of the pasta from the night before, and he had run out of funds for food a few days prior to Cole finding him. He wondered if there were any leftovers from the night before and if Cole would mind if he had some of it. Cole’s words from the previous day echoed in his head, and Kai let go of his reticence to take food from the fridge without permission. Cole had said he wanted Kai to eat, so why shouldn’t he?
Kai wandered down the hallway to the kitchen and found the bowls of pasta and sauce Cole had placed in the refrigerator. Once he’d put some spaghetti and sauce in a bowl, covered it with a paper towel, and placed it in the microwave to heat, Kai turned and noticed a sheet of paper on the countertop. Curious, he moved closer and found a note addressed to him in strong, scrolling writing.
Kai,
Please accept my apologies. Once again. I promised you you’d be safe here, and I haven’t been keeping my word by pushing you to relive something you don’t want to. I will not ask you again. If you ever want to talk, I’m here to listen. Last night’s dinner is in the fridge. Please make sure you eat something.
Cole
Kai traced over the elegant curve of the letter C in Cole’s name with the tip of his index finger. His mind wandered to the remembered sensation of Cole’s touch on his arm. The only people to touch him without anger and hatred had been his parents and now Cole. Even the occasional women his uncle brought home were nasty, vile human beings. They either ignored him or laughed when his uncle beat him. Kai remembered one of the women suggesting his uncle “pimp him out” to other men when he turned sixteen, suggesting they would pay top dollar for a chance at such a slender young boy. He’d been horrified at the time, believing his uncle would say yes, but his uncle’s immediate scoffing and use of the word “fags” alleviated any fear of being raped for money. Kai hated the woman afterward and couldn’t have been more relieved when his uncle dropped her a few weeks later.
The ding of the microwave echoed across the kitchen, disturbing Kai from his thoughts, and he dropped the paper as if scalded. He shook his head and moved to take his food out. Steam rose from the plate, and the smell caused his stomach to growl once more as he set the dish on the table. He grabbed a fork from the drawer he’d found while exploring Cole’s home the day before and plunked down in a chair. The hunger pains urged him to eat the first several forkfuls in heaping quantities before he slowed to a more reasonable amount and speed. His belly clenched at the sudden nourishment, and Kai forced himself to go even slower.
Once he’d cleaned the plate, he stood and placed the dish and silverware in the sink and then wandered down the hallway. Drawn to the door leading outside, he stared through the windowpanes, studying the huge greenhouses behind the house. They were encased entirely in glass from what he could tell. His inner self barked, and before he realized it, his hand was on the doorknob, ready to open it and head toward the large enclosures. Movement by the one closest to the house caused Kai to jerk away and hide behind the jamb for a moment. He knew his actions were childish and chastised himself, but he couldn’t help it. Peering around the edge, he saw Cole standing by a woman and talking to her. She smiled up at Cole, and Kai’s other half growled in irritation. He didn’t understand the emotion knotting his stomach or the sudden urge to shred her perfect face, and it only grew when Cole hugged the petite woman.
Cole stepped away from the woman and entered the greenhouse while she headed to a silver truck parked nearby. Kai watched her the entire time, studying her face as she drove by the main house. A trill of annoyance echoed in his head. “Why?” Kai demanded.
The trill came again, only this time louder, and Kai winced. He curled his fingers around the doorjamb, ignoring the desperation behind the sound. “Stop it,” he snarled, angry at himself for wanting nothing more than to be by Cole’s side.
The snap of the jamb beginning to splinter returned Kai to his senses, and he yanked his hands from the frame, staring at the deep holes in the white wood. He looked down at his hands to find his nails elongated and dark red fur beginning to sprout along his arms. He stumbled into the wall behind him, shaking his head furiously. It had been years since he’d lost control of the change. “No,” he murmured. “Not now.”
But his inner self ignored him, and the change took hold. Kai cried out a split second before his human self disappeared in a blinding flash of light and his animal side stood there instead. He tried to return to his human form, only to find he couldn’t. Shit. What the hell was going on? He’d been fourteen the last time he’d shifted without knowing exactly when it would happen. A loud bark rang out through the house, horrifying Kai. Could anyone hear him?
Kai managed to gain command of his limbs and darted toward his room, the door still cracked from earlier. He managed to squeeze through and kicked it shut with his hind legs. He couldn’t lock it, though. If Cole or anyone else came into the house right then, he’d be screwed. What if they found out he wasn’t human? What if they wanted to use him the same way his uncle had? Panic oozed along his nerves, and Kai begged his animal half to let him shift.
The slight fear turned into full-blown terror when the back door slammed shut. Shit, shit, shit. Kai’s horror grew when he heard Cole call his name. “Kai? Are you awake?”
Kai couldn’t respond, and he could barely stop a stray answering bark from coming out. He sensed his tail wagging in eagerness, and Kai snapped at himself.
“Kai” came the muffled voice from behind the door. “Are you all right?”
A whimper stuck in his throat. Kai looked around wildly, desperate to find a hiding place. The closet door was closed, and he couldn’t open it in his current form. His gaze zeroed in on the bed, and he scurried toward it just as he heard the snick of the doorknob turning. He darted under it and pressed as close to the wall as he could, trying to make himself as small as possible. “Kai?” Cole’s voice came softly.
He saw black work boots as Cole moved farther into the room and stopped near the bed. Kai’s heart beat hard at his ribs, threatening to break out of his chest. His muscles trembled and his nose quivered as his animal self caught Cole’s scent. Wolves hunted his kind, didn’t they? Kai worked to remember the things he’d learned from the books he’d stolen from the houses his uncle sent him into.
Movement shook him from his thoughts, and he saw Cole lowering himself to his knees. Horror spread through him, and he curled into himself tighter, pulling his bushy tail over his head. He peered through the thick white fur and waited for Cole to see him. Cole’s deep green eyes met his and widened in surprise, but they held no menace, no sudden feral hunger, or at least that’s what Kai hoped.
“Kai?” Cole whispered.
Kai cowered even deeper into the darkness beneath the bed, his small body shaking, but Cole’s next words stilled the furious trembling. “So beautiful.”
Surprise caused Kai to lift his tail away from his face a bit to peer at Cole. Unable to stop, he issued a small chirp. He fought his fox’s initial urge to revel in the praise.
“I knew there was something about you, something different,” Cole murmured reverently. “I could smell it all over your skin, but this… this is something I never expected.”
Kai stared at Cole, still holding himself tense as he tried to anticipate the man’s next move. His whiskers flickered and his animal self urged him to move closer to Cole, a longing that Kai denied. He couldn’t put himself within Cole’s reach. He couldn’t allow himself to be vulnerable. Who knew what Cole would do to him now he knew the truth. Would he want to use him as his uncle had, or would Cole kick him out, disgusted at his ability to shift into a fox? The idea of not being around Cole, a thought which should have made him happy, sucker punched him hard with dismay. It panicked him even further. He glanced past Cole at the open door. He could probably get by Cole, but the probability of getting out of the house wasn’t the highest.
“Don’t run, Kai,” Cole implored. “Please.”
Indecision kept Kai rooted. The note of fear in Cole’s voice stilled him. He tipped his head to the side, uncertain of what to make of the emotion coming from the big werewolf. He remained out of Cole’s reach and waited to see what Cole would do.