Chapter 11
11
Cole
T here were a lot of things Cole had expected in his life, things he’d known were certain to happen. He’d known he’d become Alpha of the Emerald Lake Hills wolf pack one day. Nick would be one of his Betas, along with Ryan, and Howard and Wilson, his father’s Betas, would retain their positions until they chose to step down or reached the end of their life cycle. There were also things he’d spent time dreaming and hoping for. Cole had hoped to one day find his mate, to claim them and spend his life with them. He’d hoped to have his own business, to grow organic fruits and vegetables, and to help provide for his pack.
He’d learned a lot from his father and mother over the years about leading, about knowing when to show empathy but also when to be the Alpha his father expected him to be. The last week had tested the faith he had in himself to be Alpha, to have the strength everyone around him expected him to have. The moment he’d snapped at Nick, he’d felt terrible, but when it came to Kai, the rational side of himself went out the window. The switch went off, and his common sense shut down. He’d hurt Nick because of his own insecurities, a fact that left an acrid taste in his mouth. Never had his emotions gotten the better of him before. He wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t have as much control as he thought or if he was closer to becoming feral than he thought.
Cole strode toward the first greenhouse, his expression grim. As much as it would disappoint his mother and father, his taking over the pack now would be wrong. He could barely keep it together himself; trying to lead a pack of over three hundred didn’t seem manageable. The odds of the pack still being together in six months were slim to none if his reactions of late were any indication. He would go see his parents before the summit, to tell them his choice and to let them know he wouldn’t be attending the gathering either.
When he entered the greenhouse, Julie stood off to the side talking to a pack member named Walter Harrison and his son, Gregory. She smiled when she saw him, but her smile dimmed. She said something to Walter and made her way to Cole. “Cole, is everything okay?”
Cole gave her a strained smile. “It’s fine. I wanted to let you know how things went with the Bryson’s Market rep. We got the deal.”
“That’s fantastic!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tight.
“Thanks,” he murmured.
She raised her brow at him. “Why aren’t you more excited? You’ve wanted their account for years!”
“I know. Thanks for setting it up.”
“Things aren’t going well with your mate I take it.”
Cole flinched, mouth tightening around the edges. “I don’t want to discuss it, Jules.”
She gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Cole. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
“What’s Walter doing here?”
“Picking up a couple crates of tomatoes. Jo asked him to grab hers as well. The diner ran out this morning.” Jo owned the local diner where Thayne worked as one of the cooks. “You sure there isn’t anything I can do, Cole?”
Cole shook his head. “No, but thanks, Jules.” He reached out and gave her shoulder a squeeze before moving away to check on his peppermint plants.
After looking over the soil beneath the leaves of his latest batch of peppermint and ensuring it wasn’t too dry, Cole rinsed his hands. He could sense Julie watching him but ignored her. He didn’t want her pity, and he sure as hell couldn’t handle talking about his situation with Kai right now. He knew Julie wouldn’t spread the gossip among the other pack members, but he couldn’t hash it out again. Gods, the pack would think him weak and unable to lead if they heard he couldn’t even claim his own damn mate. Cole scowled and kicked at a rock, sending it skittering across the greenhouse floor.
Figuring he needed to stop hiding, Cole left the greenhouse. The scent of spiced chicken and gravy hit his nostrils as soon as he stepped inside, and his stomach growled as his mouth watered. It seemed Kai could cook! Cole strode down the hallway to the kitchen to find Kai just pulling the pan of food out of the oven, a pleased look on his features. The flaky crust on top of the mixture in the dish was a nice golden brown and smelled amazing. Kai set the dish on the stove and prodded the crust with a fork, humming when the topping passed his test.
“Smells great,” Cole praised, leaning his shoulder on the open doorway.
Kai looked up, eyes sparkling with pleasure. “Thank you. It’s one of the few things I remember from when my mom used to cook. She showed me how to make it one night.”
“I can’t wait to dig in. I see you set the table already,” Cole said, glancing over.
“Figured it made sense to while the food baked. Do you want soda or tea?” Kai asked.
“I’ll get the drinks.” Cole motioned for Kai to have a seat. “I think we should have your injuries checked again before you get too adventurous.”
Kai scowled. “I’m fine. Besides, I ran around and played in the woods earlier and you didn’t seem to mind.”
Cole sighed and stepped closer to Kai. He brought his hands up to rest them on Kai’s shoulders. “And I forgot how badly you were injured just a few days ago.”
“The shifting helped. My ribs are fine,” Kai protested. “I promise.”
“Please take it easy for a couple more days. For me?” Cole asked.
Kai sighed. “All right. For a little longer.”
“Thank you.” Cole smiled and nudged Kai toward the table. “Go. I’ll bring the food to the table. Anything in particular you want to drink?”
“Soda is fine.”
Cole placed the steaming pan of potpie on the table between the two plates, then grabbed a bottle of Coke from the fridge. He filled both their glasses before having a seat. Kai scooped a huge spoonful of the piping hot food onto Cole’s plate and waited for Cole to try it, almost holding his breath in anticipation. Cole picked up his fork, stabbed a huge bite, blew on it, and placed it in his mouth. The flaky crust almost melted in his mouth, and the flavor exploded over his tongue. He moaned at the taste, closing his eyes as he savored the chicken, vegetables, and gravy. Once he’d chewed and swallowed, he opened his eyes. “This is great!”
Kai grinned in pleasure at the compliment and proceeded to serve himself. Cole ended up eating more than his fair share of the pan. His stomach felt strained by the time he finished, and he sat back with a sigh, patting his belly. “Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a meal so much.”
The pure delight on Kai’s face satisfied Cole’s wolf, and Cole knew he would do anything to make Kai smile. “I’m almost tempted to lick the plate,” Cole teased, winking at Kai. A small laugh escaped Kai, the sound going straight to Cole’s heart. Cole fought the sadness following on the heels of the burst of happiness. There would be time to grieve later on when he was alone again. For now, he wanted to enjoy being with Kai. “Since you cooked, I’ll do the cleanup, hmm?”
“I don’t mind,” Kai replied.
Cole waved Kai’s response away. “It’s the least I can do. Afterward we can play a game or two of Need for Speed , or if you’d rather, we can do something else.”
“Okay.”
Cole stood and began clearing the dishes. Kai went to help, but Cole stopped him with a look. Kai wandered into the living area and sat down on the couch. It didn’t take Cole long to wash, dry, and put away the few plates they’d used as well as store the leftovers. Once finished, he joined Kai and turned on everything before handing one of the controllers to Kai. “Did you and Nick have a good time today?”
Kai nodded. “Nick seems like a nice person.”
“We’ve been friends for a long time. Gotten each other into and out of a few scrapes over the years.” Cole navigated the menus with ease, setting it for two players, and put them on one of the easier tracks. He didn’t play often, but knew the game fairly well. The race began, and Cole tempered his speed, letting Kai stay ahead of him, almost nudging him several times to stay on course. “Everything went well?”
Kai made a small noise, and when Cole glanced over, he couldn’t help but grin. The sheer concentration on Kai’s face was adorable. A tiny pink tongue peeked out of one corner of his mouth, and his eyes were trained on the screen in determination. Cole figured video games were something Kai would come to enjoy. He planned to order more after Kai went to sleep. There were hundreds out there. With the greenhouses, Cole didn’t have a whole lot of time on his hands to play, so he only kept a few around for whenever Nick came over to hang out, which had been less and less since Thayne had come into the picture. Now with Kai, Cole figured the time would cut down even further, at least until Cole managed to figure out what their future would truly become.
Kai made a triumphant sound, and Cole looked at the screen to find Kai had crossed the finish line while Cole’s car kept running into a wall. He’d been watching Kai’s enjoyment of the game instead of paying attention himself. Kai turned toward him, frowning. “You let me win,” he accused.
“Actually, I didn’t,” Cole confessed sheepishly.
“Then what were you doing?” Kai demanded.
“Watching you,” Cole admitted.
Kai’s cheeks reddened at Cole’s words, and Kai’s eyes widened in surprise, but Cole saw the irises darken. A curious response. Cole tilted his head a fraction. “Does that please you?” Cole asked, his voice husky.
Kai’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, hard. “I-I don’t know.”
Cole wanted to press the issue but decided against it. Instead he returned his attention to the game. “Something to think about,” he said.
The next couple of games Cole managed to concentrate. He won the second one, but threw the third, letting Kai win by a fraction without making it obvious. It made him happy to hear Kai’s whoop of excitement as he crossed the finish line first, and Cole swore he would lose a thousand times over in order to hear Kai so pleased. When it seemed Kai grew bored with the racing game, Cole suggested another one, a shooting game that made Kai screw his nose up in distaste. Instead, he showed Kai how to play a single-player RPG game and left Kai to it, grabbing a book from the shelf near the fireplace and settled down to read while Kai ventured through the different levels of Final Fantasy XIV .
Cole didn’t concentrate on the book but rather on the situation he found himself in with his true mate. He supposed it could be worse. At least they could be friends. His wolf didn’t like the idea of not being able to touch Kai, and Cole admitted to himself he hated the idea too, but he’d never push Kai for more than Kai could give. From what the doctor had told him, Kai might never be ready to submit to a physical relationship. Dr. Rice had asked Cole to bring Kai to her office, but Cole knew Kai would never agree to see her. He’d told her as much too. Even the idea would have Kai running. She’d given him some literature to read and told him about some support groups for him to join as the loved one of a victim of abuse, but until Kai was ready to face the horrors of what he’d been through, he would never be able to move past them and have a future. Cole knew she meant Kai would never be able to have a future with him. Her words had effectively shattered Cole’s heart.
After the visit, he’d sat in his truck for a half hour, numb, staring out of the windshield at nothing. How could he fight demons that weren’t tangible? He couldn’t hit them or break them. They weren’t in physical form for him to tear to pieces with his claws or teeth, and Kai wouldn’t talk to Cole. He wouldn’t tell Cole who hurt him in order for Cole to remove the threat from Kai’s life. Cole didn’t have any idea how to banish the darkness surrounding his mate, and he felt helpless. He couldn’t fight what he couldn’t see.
When he’d arrived home to find Nick and Kai together, smiling and having fun, it had hit him in the chest as though a knife had been shoved into his heart. Nick accomplished something in a matter of hours Cole had been trying to for days. He’d gotten Kai to smile and forget the past, even if only for a little while. Jealousy had chomped down on Cole’s soul immediately, and he’d almost lost it. If he hadn’t gotten out of the house when he did, he might well have shifted and torn into his best friend. Then for Nick to challenge him on the only thing he could do for Kai had scraped over his already raw nerves. Guilt rushed in right after he yelled at Nick, but Cole couldn’t have contained his outburst to save his life. He hoped Nick would forgive him and their friendship hadn’t suffered too much damage to be repaired.
Cole’s wolf prowled restlessly beneath his skin. The animal didn’t understand why they hadn’t already claimed their mate. It couldn’t comprehend Kai’s fear or the horrors of Kai’s past. The only things his wolf knew were that Kai belonged to them and they needed to put their mark and their scent on him before someone else dared to try. Why weren’t they doing it right now? A whine stuck in Cole’s throat, and he swallowed the sound, fingers tightening on the edges of the book he held. He wanted to shift and run, to shed the human emotions beating at his consciousness for good, but he couldn’t. Not until he’d found a way around Kai’s defenses long enough to uncover the cause of Kai’s fear and his haunted past.
He could hardly admit it to himself, let alone Nick, but he held on to his human self by a thread. The shame at how easily he could give in made it even harder to control and even more attractive to want to let go, release his wolf spirit and never walk as a man again. He’d faced many Created Ones, killed more than a few, and yet the slight, one hundred pound shifter beside him bested him with nothing more than a few words and a glance. While many would consider him weak, Cole didn’t care. He would never do anything to harm Kai, even if it meant losing himself to his beast.
A grunt of frustration yanked Cole from his thoughts, and he shook his head and blinked, clearing his mind. Kai appeared to be having difficulties on one of the quests, and an irritated frown marred the perfection of Kai’s forehead. Cole chuckled and leaned forward, poking at the lines. “You’ll get wrinkles if you keep scowling so much.”
Kai scowled and huffed. “I can’t make the stupid jump. He keeps falling.”
Laughing, Cole took the controller from Kai. “You’re the one moving him. Here. You have to make him run toward the edge but wait until he’s right there to jump. There ya go!”
The character on screen landed successfully on the other side. Kai gave Cole an incredulous glance. “Where were you ten minutes ago?”
Cole held up his book, ignoring the way his intestines twisted at lying to Kai. He looked at the clock. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been lost in his musings or how long they’d been sitting there. Orange rays of sun dusted the horizon, and the sky above had begun to purple. “It’s almost time for dinner. Think we should order pizza?”
Kai shrugged, once more involved in the game. Cole couldn’t help but laugh again, and he stood, stretching muscles burning from being in the same position for a long period of time. He closed his eyes and raised his arms over his head, bending his back slightly to elongate his spine. A warm groan rumbled in his chest at the pleasant sensation of muscles releasing tension. When he opened his eyes, he found Kai’s gaze locked on the tanned skin of his belly where his T-shirt had ridden up, exposing the light trail of red hairs leading into the top of Cole’s jeans. Kai licked his lips, and Cole’s blood heated at the sight of his mate’s clear interest, but he knew Kai wouldn’t go beyond the hungry stare, and Cole brought his arms down, ignoring the sudden tightening of his jeans. He couldn’t help the tiny quirk of his lips when disappointment flashed across Kai’s face and Kai’s gaze dropped to the obvious bulge at Cole’s crotch. It felt good to know Kai wanted him even a little.
“What do you want on your pizza, kit?” Cole asked, feigning ignorance of Kai’s perusal.
“Huh?” Kai returned, blinking several times before shaking his head. “Oh, uh… I’m good with anything. Except broccoli.”
Cole wrinkled his nose. “Broccoli on pizza? Who the hell eats that?”
Kai giggled. The sound sent electric pulses straight to Cole’s cock, and a growl almost spilled out. He wanted to pin Kai to the couch and cover his slender body with his own, to ravage those full lips until neither of them could breathe and swallow the needy noises Kai would surely make. Clearing his throat, Cole turned away from Kai and adjusted his aching prick as he used the excuse of calling the pizza place to give himself a moment to calm down. He ordered three large meat-lovers with garlic rolls and a side order of chicken wings.
When he turned back to the couch, Kai had shut off the game and disappeared. “Kai?” Cole called.
The shuffle of footsteps coming down the hallway alerted him to Kai’s return. Kai entered the kitchen holding the small black notebook Cole had shamelessly looked through when he’d first found Kai, the one that contained sketches of foxes and other animals. “What ya got there?” Cole asked, pretending ignorance of the contents.
He saw Kai biting at his lower lip in nervousness as he approached the island counter and set the book on it. A faint dusting of red highlighted Kai’s cheeks. “Wi-will you let me draw you?”
Cole froze in surprise. “You want to draw me?” he finally managed to ask.
Kai wouldn’t meet Cole’s gaze, but he gave a short nod. “If you don’t want me to, I-I understand.”
Cole approached Kai, caution in each step, afraid he’d frighten Kai into hiding in his room. Setting his hand on top of Kai’s where it rested on the counter, Cole squeezed gently. “I would be proud to have you draw me, kit.”
Hazel eyes flicked up to his, suspicion in their depths, but whatever Kai sought in Cole’s expression seemed to be missing, and a small smile lifted the corners of Kai’s mouth. “Thank you,” Kai murmured.
Cole grasped Kai’s fingers in his and raised them to his lips to press a light kiss to the tips of them. “Anything for you, kit.”
Kai stilled, eyes widening at the unexpected gesture. Cole could hear Kai’s heartbeat increase by half a beat, and he could smell the scent of arousal spiking off of Kai’s skin. He ignored it with difficulty and released Kai instead. “Where do you want to do this?”
“Huh?” Kai asked, rather dazed.
Cole stifled a grin. “The drawing. Where do you want me to sit or stand?”
“Oh! Uh… the couch is fine,” Kai mumbled, the flush on his cheeks deepening.
Cole moved over to the sofa and sat, relaxing into the corner with one arm draped over the arm and the other over the back of the couch. “Any particular pose you want me in?”
Kai shook his head and perched on the nearby recliner. He opened his book to a blank page and began to sketch. Cole didn’t speak, enjoying being able to watch Kai’s intensity as he glanced between Cole and the page. The only sounds in the room were their combined breathing and the gentle hisses of the pencil on the paper. Kai brought a knee up enough to rest the book on at one point, but his concentration never wavered. Cole studied the lean line of Kai’s neck, hating the black collar that broke up the paleness of the soft arch, knowing what lay beneath it. He slid his perusal farther down to Kai’s shoulders and slender chest, noting how ragged the shirt appeared, making him want to take Kai shopping immediately. Tonight, when he ordered more of the games for Kai, he’d also purchase clothing, things that suited his mate. His wolf wagged its tail in eagerness at the idea of providing for their vulnerable other half even in such a small manner.
The whole drawing couldn’t have taken more than fifteen or twenty minutes, but Cole would have remained where he was for much longer if it meant spending time with Kai, being studied by his expressive hazel eyes. When Kai lifted the pencil away from the paper for the final time, Cole couldn’t quite keep disappointment from zinging through him, but he buried it behind a smile. “Done?”
Kai nodded and shyly turned the book around. Cole sucked in a breath at the image of himself staring back at him. “Kai,” he murmured, leaning forward and reaching out to take the black sketchbook from him. His fingers trailed over the strong lines of his face in wonder. “You have so much talent, kit.”
A blush worked its way up Kai’s neck and into his cheeks. Cole would have given anything to have had the right to kiss Kai right then, but he controlled himself, his wolf whining at the restraint.
“You really like it?” Kai asked.
“I do. It’s beautiful.” Cole picked up the page and, even though he’d already looked through it before, asked, “May I?”
Kai gave a small tip of his head in assent. Cole began to flip through the pages, noting the new sketches Kai had added since his arrival. Kai had even drawn Cole’s wolf, and Cole stopped to stare at it, realizing Kai had captured every detail of his beast, including the scar above Cole’s right eye. The scar had come from a particularly nasty fight with a Created One a few years ago, one that ended in the death of a pack member as well as the Created One. Cole had nearly lost his eye in the fight.
“You should take a class at the local college, kit. I bet you’d enjoy it.” Cole closed the book and handed it to Kai. “I could pull up the site on the computer for you.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t.” Kai shook his head. “I—”
“Yes, you could. You have such a gift, kit.”
Cole could see the longing in Kai’s face and how much Kai wanted to take Cole up on what he offered. “Come on,” Cole said, standing and holding out his hand.
Kai bit at his bottom lip in indecision but then hesitantly set his hand in Cole’s. Cole pulled Kai up from his seat and led him down the hallway to his room. He opened the door and urged Kai into the seat at the desk. Kai sat rigid in the chair, staring at the laptop screen as if the thing would bite him, and Cole bent forward over him, placing his hand on the mouse. He clicked on the internet and then googled the local college. It only took a moment to bring up the site for the school, but the heat from Kai’s body against his chest invaded every pore on Cole’s flesh. He breathed in the earthy scent of Kai, wanting to nuzzle his mate’s crown, but knew it wouldn’t be welcome. “They—” He paused to clear his voice, which was husky with need for Kai. “—have several art classes, including drawing. See?”
Cole clicked on the link for the information for the art course, and Kai drew a breath at the images on the screen. Heart clenching with the need to please Kai, Cole continued to encourage Kai’s desire to learn and opened more of the pages for other courses: art history, graphic drawing, architecture, and even photography. The small trill Kai released at the photos on the screen and the way Kai leaned closer to see them better sent warmth rushing through Cole. To make Kai happy in any way made Cole feel a thousand feet tall.
“You interested in photography, kit?” Cole rasped, his cock hard and aching in his jeans, fingers tightening on the mouse to stop him from grabbing Kai and yanking him out of the chair and into his arms.
Kai nodded, still staring at the pictures. Cole’s fangs itched at the sight of the pale skin at the nape of Kai’s neck through the reddish locks of Kai’s hair. His wolf begged to sink its teeth into the tender flesh, to mark Kai as his own. Licking his lips, Cole dipped his head, breathing ragged. The second before his mouth could make contact with Kai’s neck, the doorbell rang. He jerked away, horrified at what he’d almost done. “Pizza,” he managed to gasp and darted out of the room, hurrying to the front door.
When he flung it open, one of his pack mates stood there holding the food. “Hey, Cole,” Devin Murphy greeted, smiling. “Got three large meat-lover’s, chicken wings, and an order of garlic rolls.”
“Devin,” Cole replied, voice harsher than he intended.
Devin frowned. “You okay, Cole?”
Clearing his throat, Cole said, “I’m fine. Just a little tired. How’re your parents?”
“Good, good. The auto shop has been doing well. Dad even said after the summit next week I can quit Vinnie’s and start working at the garage again.”
Cole knew the Murphy’s had struggled for a while, and Devin had found another job to help his parents out in the interim. Once the others in the pack had found out, they’d pulled together and started bringing their vehicles to Murphy’s Garage instead of one of the more mainstream places. “That’s good to hear, Devin. I’m glad everything is working out.”
He pulled out his wallet and took out the cash for the food along with a slightly larger tip than usual. “Tell your dad I’ll be by sometime next week with the truck. Need an oil change and some new tires, okay?”
Devin passed him the food and accepted the money. “Sure thing, Cole. Can’t wait to attend the summit. You’re going, right?”
Cole shook his head. “Not this time, Dev. Maybe next time.”
Frowning, Devin tipped his head. “But why? Don’t you want to find your mate?”
I already have , Cole thought but kept it to himself. “I’m not worried about it. Besides, I doubt my mate is there.”
“Why do you think your mate won’t be there? Do you think it’s not a good idea to attend the summit?” Devin fidgeted. “Mom is worried the other pack may not be open to us being wolves. Are you worried about the same thing?”
“No!” Cole denied. “Not at all, Devin. I have a lot of stuff going on right now and can’t take the time away. I promise you it is definitely worth it to go.”
Devin still had the shine of skepticism on his face. Cole set the food on the small table near the door and stepped closer to Devin. He reached out a hand and cupped the nape of Devin’s neck. “It’ll be okay, Devin. You know I would never lie to you or put you in any danger. As future Alpha, it is my duty to protect you just as it is my father’s.”
Devin nodded, the doubt fading from his expression. “Everyone will miss you, Cole.”
“I—”
A strange noise hit Cole’s ears, and Cole frowned. Devin’s eyes widened as he stared at something next to Cole’s shoulder. Cole turned to see Kai standing in the door of the hallway, darkness on his features. The noise issued again from Kai. The sound had a dangerous element. “Kai?”
Devin stumbled away from Cole. “Uh… I’ll see you later, Cole.”
Devin scurried to his car, and Cole could hear the tires scrambling for purchase on the gravel as Devin tore out of the driveway. Cole shut the front door, never taking his gaze from Kai. “What’s wrong, kit?”
“Who was that?” Kai snarled, eyes flashing between human and fox. Sharp fangs glistened in the overhead light, Kai’s animal very close to the surface.
“A pack member. He delivered the food, and we were talking about the summit.” Cole moved closer to Kai, unafraid of his slender mate, more fascinated by what he saw before him. If he didn’t know any better he’d swear Kai was jealous. “Did he frighten you?”
Cole stopped a foot from Kai and waited, carefully watching Kai’s expression.