Chapter 13 #2
He looks down at his hands as he speaks, and I wonder if he’s reliving that night in his mind.
I wonder how he can still walk into fires all the time with that weighing on him.
Almost unconsciously, he reaches up and touches his left arm where the burn scarring is the worst, and that answers my question about if he got them in that fire.
“That was three years ago,” he continues.
“And not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what I could have done differently.
I always think ‘what if I had gone after that woman’?
I blamed myself for not getting to him, for not telling him the woman was probably a lost cause.
There was… so much guilt. Still is, really.
I don’t think it ever goes away entirely.
The first call I tried to go on after that was a mess.
I got halfway to the door of the building and completely lost it.
Ended up having to get dragged away and they called 911 because no one could get through to me.
I was hyperventilating, screaming, calling Taylor’s name over and over again.
Or at least that’s what they tell me happened.
I don’t remember it. I had to take time off work after that and admit to myself that I was fucked up from what happened. ”
“Jesus.” I exhale slowly, taking all of that in. It’s probably the most Lincoln has talked to me since I met him, and it’s not lost on me that he’s opening up about this terrible thing that happened because he wants me to feel less alone with my own panic. “Thanks,” I tell him.
Lincoln shrugs a shoulder and eats a piece of cheese. “Everyone’s got their own shit, you know? It always feels like you’re alone, carrying the weight of whatever happened to you, but there are people who get it.”
I open my mouth, considering telling him my own story, if only so I’m not alone with it anymore. But then there’s another knock on the door.
“Harper?”
Cash this time.
“Come in,” I tell him, and before he can close the door, Everett is showing up and following him inside.
Cash sits on the other side of the bed, and Everett drops into the chair under the window.
For a while they just sit there, passing the fruit and cheese around as I sip the tea and let it warm me.
They don’t demand any answers or try to offer comfort, but just their presence is enough to help.
And that’s a strong realization to have.
I’ve always dealt with my issues on my own, because I’ve been all I had for so long.
I never want to burden Cora with this shit, not when she’s already been through so much at such a young age, but I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to put myself back together after a rough night.
No one’s been there to bring me tea or sit with me, not asking for or expecting anything.
“Are you feeling any better?” Everett asks. He leans forward, taking me in, and I can tell he’s asking because he genuinely wants to help.
All of them do. Lincoln is here, telling me his story, and Cash is here, lending me his quiet strength. They radiate concern, and maybe I’m so exhausted that I can’t put up my usual walls tonight with them.
So when Cash touches my hand lightly and asks, “Will you tell us what happened?” I take a breath and try to figure out where to start.
“I haven’t been able to rest in so long,” I say, letting the words spill out of me.
“My sister died—Cora’s mom,” I clarify for Everett and Lincoln, figuring Cash might not have told them what I told him.
“And I had to take Cora with me to protect her from the abusive Alpha my sister was with. Keeping her safe and away from him is the most important thing.”
All three of them nod, like they’re in complete agreement with that.
“You’ve been on your own with it?” Everett wants to know.
I nod. “It’s been me and her since we ran.
Always looking over our shoulders. Well, I’m looking over my shoulder.
I don’t want Cora to be freaked out, so I try to shield her from the scary stuff as much as I can.
There were… there were people I trusted once, but I shouldn’t have,” I admit.
“I trusted them and they hurt me. They made me determined to be able to make it on my own. And sometimes when I’m caught off guard, there are things that make me remember all I’ve been through and all I’m running from, and it—”
“It makes you panic,” Lincoln finishes.
“Yeah.” There’s more to it than that, of course.
There’s always more to it. I don’t have the heart to talk about how my old Alpha pack rejected me after I took Cora.
How they looked at me, the things they said.
They called Cora a danger, said it was too much risk to keep her and told me if I wasn’t going to get rid of her, then they were going to get rid of me.
I thought they would protect me, protect us, but instead they threw me out into the cold, but not without making sure I knew just how disposable they thought I was.
There’s barely even been time to process it all, since I’ve been running with Cora for weeks, so it makes sense that the panic and trauma are leaking all over the place as soon as I get caught off guard.
I glance up at the men, and their faces don’t show any judgement. Their expressions go hard at certain parts, but I know that’s probably more about me and Cora being on our own than anything else.
When I finish talking, I let out a soft exhale and stare down into the dark surface of my tea, trying to shake the feeling that I’ve made a terrible mistake by sharing even the bit I did.
“You’re so strong, you know,” Everett says after a beat.
My head jerks up. “What?”
“Or maybe stronger than you know,” he amends. “You’ve been taking care of that little girl, and everyone can see she adores you. You’ve made it this far on your own, and you’ve bounced back from everything that’s happened to you.”
I blink, realizing he has a point. It’s nice to hear because after what happened today, I feel the furthest thing from strong.
They sit with me until I finish my tea, and then exhaustion hits me like a truck. Lincoln and Cash clear off the bed, but they don’t leave. They talk quietly among themselves as I disappear into the bathroom to change, and then turn down the lights so I can get into bed.
Cash sits in the chair, keeping watch over me as I fall asleep. There are points during the night where I wake up to the sound of Lincoln or Everett checking on me, making sure I’m all right, and I feel safe knowing that if I need anything or if Cora wakes up, they’ll be there.
For the first time in a long time, I sleep peacefully. No nightmares, no waking up in a cold sweat feeling like I’m being chased. Just rest that I’ve desperately needed for a while.