Chapter 16
16
ALTA
I studied the valentine on the coffee table, rereading the inscription on the back for the thousandth time since I’d walked through the door over an hour ago.
Can’t wait to see you! We’ll have so much fun.
Promise, Birdie.
The gun resting on my thigh trembled in my sweaty palm.
This couldn’t be happening, not again. Nothing would process except for the replay of memories over and over in my mind. Notes, stalking, fear it was all happening again. Benny’s wet nose nudged my thigh, trying to get my free hand on top of his massive head.
This wasn’t real , right? Maybe Cas or Chandler thought it would be funny to—no, neither would do that. But they were the only two who knew about the serial abductor’s signature of leaving notes. Well, them and John, but he was inside with me when Sadie found it. If she did find it.
But what would that mean? That Sadie was the person we were after? It made no sense considering we were profiling the person to be a weak male who targeted the wives of strong men. And there was no way Sadie’s tiny frame could carry a grown woman’s limp body; hell, she looked like she could barely carry her own weight.
After setting the gun on the table, I ground the heels of my palms against my eyes.
Thought my friend was stalking me.
Suspended from work.
Cornered by a weirdo.
And had a creepy note left by a suspected serial killer.
Today was not my day.
A pounding knock, so hard the entire cabin rattled, pulled Benny away from my side to trot to the front door, tail wagging. With that kind of reaction, there was no doubt who I would find on the other side.
“Alta. Open the door, would ya?”
Halfway to the front door, I bolted back to the coffee table, snagged the creepy note and tucked it into the side pocket of my running jacket. No need for him to know about it when I didn’t even know what it meant.
The moment the last lock clicked free, the door swung open, revealing a frowning Cas.
“Where were you?” he asked after shouldering past me to squat in front of an eager Benny.
“Um, where was I supposed to be?” Behind me, my concealed fingers worked double time on shredding the cuticles.
“Our place for us to discuss the case and any updates.” Looking up from where he knelt on the floor petting Benny, those dark eyes bored into mine. “Your face doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would. What did you run into anyway? I never asked last night.”
“A tree,” I grumbled, making a smirk curl his lips up. “Shut it. Little tip—don’t run through the woods at night without your flashlight on. You can run into a tree, or two.” His deep, carefree chuckle set the day's worries on the back burner. Smiling, I turned for the living room. “I had a visitor this morning, then?—”
“Was it him?” he seethed against my ear, his hot breath sending a wave of heat through me.
I stumbled against the armrest, putting distance between us. “What is it with you two?”
Hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans, Cas paused inches from where I sat. “He’s jealous that I get to touch you without you pulling away. Jealous that you look at me like you want me to touch you. Jealous because that’s the way he looks at you.”
Nibbling the side of my thumb, I avoided his searching eyes. “He suspended me. For disobeying a direct order.”
“When did you do that?” he prodded. A pair of black hiking boots moved into my line of sight on the floor.
I shrugged and maneuvered to stand, but two hands rested on my shoulders, keeping me in place.
“Last night,” I huffed and pressed both palms to my flaming cheeks. “I was responding to a call about illegal camping when he came over the radio, ordering me to stay put and wait for back-up. But then I heard the gunshot and?—”
Warm tingles erupted along the skin of my neck as his hot palm wrapped around it. Thumb beneath my chin, he tilted my face to meet his burning gaze. “You did what?”
“I heard the shot and knew what he was doing, so… so I turned off my radio and went up the trail alone.”
He bent closer, his hot puffs of breath caressing my cheek while his dark eyes bored into mine. “Never. Again. Do you hear me, Lady?”
I nodded in shock. Anger laced his words, but something else flicked behind his eyes too. Lightning fast, he tangled a hand in my low ponytail and yanked my head backward, shooting my chin to the ceiling. Towering over me, he stepped closer, putting his nose less than an inch from my own.
“Words. Tell me you understand what I’m telling you. You will not run into danger like some fool again.” A soft whimper passed my lips at a light tug on my hair. “Say it.”
“I… I won’t. It’s just?—”
There was no warning except a rumbled animalistic growl before his full lips crashed against mine. Holding me captive, Cas’s talented lips danced over mine. A light nip at my bottom lip before sucking it between his forced me to gasp, giving him full access to do as he pleased. Lost in his touch, our kiss, I barely noticed as an arm snaked around my waist until it hauled me off my perch and against his hard body. Coolness from the wall seeped through the running jacket into my back, offering a welcomed relief from my suddenly overheated body.
All the negative thoughts and worry from the day melted away, leaving only thoughts of him. Both hands dangled at my sides, fingers fidgeting with the cuticles of my thumb. The fluttering in my stomach and building want for him urged me to reach up and haul him closer.
Pulse pounding, breathing erratic, I rested a hand on his hip, tugging him closer. Tentatively, Cas pulled back. Disappointment flooded through my veins and flipped my stomach. I wanted—no, needed his lips back against my own. Somehow, with just a simple touch, he made everything else disappear. Nothing mattered but him and me. He was the escape I was longing for these past ten years. Someone to distract me long enough to forget the fear, forget the pain and permanent damage left behind.
Our foreheads pressed together, his dark eyes searched mine. “I told you I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, but to keep that promise, you can’t pull shit like that. Do you understand? Nothing can happen to you.”
I bit back a smile as I nodded. “Okay, but for now can we… can we do that again?”
A softness settled over his features, relaxing his permanently furrowed brow. Palm pressed to my cheek, he ghosted his lips over mine. “Soon, but Peters is waiting for us, and I wouldn’t put it past him to head over here, hoping to interrupt us. Fucking bastard.”
My new reality of being suspended came flooding back in. Sidestepping Cas, needing space to think, I paced the living room. “But here’s the thing. I’m suspended, remember? John was very, very specific that there would be no helping you and Chandler with the cases.”
An uncharacteristic eye roll caught me off guard, halting my steps. Like that, relaxed and happy, he looked young and somehow even more attractive. While watching him, I dragged two fingertips along my lips. I wanted his on me again, everywhere.
Cas gripped my hand in his and pulled me against him. “Stop looking at me like that. I’m barely holding back as it is.” At my growing smile, he sighed. “Don’t worry about dipshit John. You’re simply coming over to hang out with us while Chandler and I happen to be discussing the case. How’s that for a loophole, fucking jealous bastard.”
My smile widened, making the muscles burn. “A few days ago, you didn’t want me helping at all.”
Once outside, with a freshly lit cigarette between his lips, Cas nodded. “That was me attempting to protect you from me, but that ship’s sailed, Lady. You’re going nowhere.”
A new nervous energy set my feet in motion down the drive. “Why is it like this?” I asked with my thumb between my teeth.
“What?” he asked, matching my long, fast strides.
“When everyone else’s touch makes my stomach roll, yours doesn’t.” Sneaking a peek sideways, I added, “I want it.”
“Got me.”
Comfortable silence settled between us as we hiked toward his cabin. Birds called high in the trees while kids played in a neighboring yard, offering the mindless distraction I needed to sort through the volleying thoughts.
“Maybe,” I said out of nowhere, “it’s because you’re in control, which makes me feel like I am? You’re not tender, or uncertain, which was like—” Memories sent a violent shiver to rack my shoulders and I stutter-stepped. “So it’s different. You’re different.”
Cas said nothing, just nodded with a new cigarette dangling from his fingers.
“And I like it,” I admitted while gazing off into the trees. “Even before the assault, there was always something missing with boyfriends.” My shoulders rose and fell in a noncommittal shrug. “I’m sure you don’t understand any of this, but it’s like… it’s like you saying you’re not a gentle guy woke a part of me I didn’t even know existed, a part of me that wants it.” I swallowed against a dry throat, trying to get the last word out. “Rough.”
“I know,” he finally responded. I stopped in front of the cabin, making him pause and turn to face me. “You don’t hide anything in those gorgeous eyes of yours.”
My brows bunched. “I don’t?”
He shook his head as he grinned up to the blue sky. “Nope.”
Simultaneously, our boots clomped up the porch steps. Hand on the doorknob, Cas snagged an arm around my waist, hauling me back against him.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. It just means you know what you want. And thankfully, you met someone who needs the same.”
“Why?” My breaths came in short spurts. Overwhelming heat leached from him, fading the chill from the crisp mountain air.
“Why? Why are any of us the way we are? We just are.” Releasing his hold, he spun me around to face him. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Nothing,” I responded without a second thought, because I never had plans. But the second the word was out of my mouth, I remembered promising something. “Wait, I have a somewhat girls’ night tonight with Sarah.”
“You don’t sound too excited about it.”
I sighed and rested my forehead against his chest. “I’m not good at the girl stuff, or friend stuff in general. Just really out of practice.” I chuckled, remembering the morning’s craziness. “I’m so terrible at it that this morning, I thought she was stalking me.”
Fingers beneath my chin, he forced my gaze up. “Why?”
“She showed up unannounced to check on me after last night. John sent her. He thinks I’m in over my head here, too emotionally connected to the case, blah blah blah. He told me I should go home for a couple of weeks. Can you believe that?”
Fine lines appeared around the corners of his eyes as he smiled. “He cares about you, and I already know what he thinks about me. As misguided as it is, he’s just trying to look out for you.”
“Stop it with that logic stuff,” I grumbled and turned to the door. “Just let me be pissed, okay?”
Cas’s chuckle reverberated beneath the small covered porch. “Whatever you say, Lady.”