Chapter 15
15
ALTA
A wet, rough tongue tickled my exposed toes, urging me awake. Squinting one eye open, I glanced to the still-dark window. With a groan of misery, I tucked my foot back under the blanket and rolled over on the couch, putting my back to the panting dog. No idea where he got his ‘I love mornings’ trait, but I’d love to smack the person who trained him to get up every morning at the butt crack of dawn.
Hard nails scraped along my back as Benny attempted a different tactic to get me off the couch—my makeshift bed most nights. Here in the living room, I felt safer with the multiple exits, and a visual to every access point into the house. Sleeping in the bedroom was too confining; out here, I managed a few hours of sleep each night. Maybe I could get more if Benny weren’t so persistent every morning.
Arms above my head, I let out a long screech as I stretched, arching my back off the cushions.
“I’m up, I’m up,” I yawned to the ceiling, blindly searching around the edge of the couch until my hand connected with Benny’s large head and soft ears. “Where are we going today?”
Every leg muscle protested as I pushed off the couch. The couple falls last night did more damage than I realized. Right knee a bit stiff, I hobbled to the bathroom, flicking on the light to locate my toothbrush.
I gasped at my reflection. My knee wasn’t the only part that took a beating. Tentatively, I pressed against my swollen left cheek and stroked down the thin scrapes cascading from my forehead to my chin. Great. One more thing for John to ream me out about today, which I was already dreading.
Disobeying a direct order was grounds for suspension, or worse, termination—even though I didn’t think John would go that far. But then again, last night he was pissed, and then Cas showed up, only making it worse. Fingers crossed that John wouldn’t let his personal feelings toward me or his jealousy toward Cas cloud his judgment.
After splashing a few handfuls of cold water on my face, I stripped off the flannel pajamas to change into running gear. The laces flipped between my fingers as I tied them tight with a double knot. A deep growl from the living room made me pause. Eyes flicking to the bedroom door, I waited.
Another deep growl caused the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. A flash of nervous panic jolted through my veins, sending my pulse racing.
Crouching low to stay below the windows, I sneaked into the living room. Benny stood facing the front door, ears alert and tail up, but the hairs along his back standing straight held my attention.
Benny never showed aggression, even when he didn’t like someone.
Each short, rapid breath burned my already-dry throat. Reaching up, I unsnapped the holster on the table and slowly withdrew the gun. Each breath was shallower than the last. I gulped for air but couldn’t get enough to fill my lungs. The corners of my vision darkened, the first warning sign that my panic attack was winning. Tears built and pooled. If I passed out, I couldn’t defend myself; I had to gain control.
The cold barrel of the gun dug into my lower back as I slid it into the leggings waistband to crawl into the kitchen where the meds were hidden. A metal knob pressed into a shoulder blade as I leaned back against the cabinets. Blindly, I reached up and back, ripping a drawer open and sending it crashing to the ground. With trembling fingers, I shifted through the drawer’s contents until three fingers wrapped around the prescription bottle that held my Xanax.
I cursed as I failed time after time to open the lid. My short breaths transitioned into hiccups, jolting me with each inhale. Frustrated, scared, desperate, I ripped at the lid with all the strength I could gather. The lid went one way and the bottle the other, scattering thirty tiny white pills across the floor.
I grabbed one, instant relief settling me as the pill dissolved beneath my tongue. Back against the cabinet, I focused on deep breathing and the reassurance that no one could get through the multiple locks and Benny.
I was safe.
A knock at the door drove Benny into a frenzy, lunging against it with his massive body until the whole cabin shook. Palms suctioned over my ears, I tucked both knees against my chest and burrowed my forehead between them.
Another knock rattled through the cabin, but that time a female voice followed.
“Alta? You okay in there?”
I released my tight, trembling muscles. Sarah.
Tears of relief pooled in my eyes. Of course it was a friend, not someone here to attack me.
Restraining Benny by his collar, I disengaged the various locks and pulled the door open.
My fingers tightened around his collar when I saw her. Sarah’s normal bouncy blonde hair was nonexistent, tucked under a black beanie, which matched the rest of her all black outfit.
“What are you doing here?” She never stopped by. Scratch that, she’d never been here, ever. “How’d you?—”
Sarah smirked and waved off my obvious apprehension. “Good morning to you too, friend . John called me, said you had a bad night and asked me to stop by to check on you.”
“Oh.” Leaning a shoulder against the doorframe, I looked past her toward Cas and Chandler’s cabin. Soft rays of morning light filtered through the trees as dawn broke across the sky. “Why so early?” Maybe questioning her intentions was rude, but what did she expect from a paranoid freak like me?
“You okay?” she asked, her earlier humor now gone. “You’re white as a ghost.” She shouldered her way into the cabin and I stepped back, allowing it, because that’s what you did with Sarah. She always got her way.
Benny gave a suspicious sniff at her extended hand before looking to me. At my nod, he shifted to monitor the now-closed door.
“Wasn’t expecting the company is all.” Ever.
“I listen when you talk, you know. You’ve mentioned how Benny gets you up super early.” She shrugged and spun in the middle of the living room, taking in the cabin. “I figured you would be up.”
Had I? I guess maybe I did at some point. Maybe one day when I was irritable from lack of sleep. That made sense. “Why are you up so early?”
Sarah shot me a look of annoyance before falling on the couch. “Seriously, what’s with the fifty questions? Unless.…” Her face lit up in excitement. “Is he here? Did you do it? Did you fuck him?”
I shook my head and propped myself up by an elbow on the counter. “No, he isn’t here, and no, I’m not… you know… with him.”
“Mind if I take a shot?”
Standing tall, I crossed my arms. “Yeah, I do. He’s mine.”
“Easy girl,” she said with a chuckle. “So territorial for someone with your past. Fine, I’ll go for the other one. Is that a gun tucked into your pants?”
Crap, forgot about that. Reaching back, I tugged the 9mm from the waistband and replaced it in the holster by the door.
“Do you always walk around the house armed?”
“No, just when unexpected visitors pop in.” I stretched a wide fake smile to take the bite out of my words. “Benny freaked out, which made me freak out. It’s okay though,” I said through a sigh. “The Xanax is kicking in, so I’m not on the threshold of a full-on panic attack anymore.”
“Good, let’s go, then.”
“Go?”
“Yeah,” she said, moving to stand by the door. “I’m not wearing this getup to look good. Thought you could use a run after your long night. I know it relaxes you.”
My shoulders slumped. What was I doing, doubting my only girlfriend about… what was I even accusing her of? I needed to calm the heck down, or I’d lose her trust, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“Right, sorry. Where do you want to go?” I asked over my shoulder as I locked up the cabin.
“How about Lilly Lake? It’s my favorite.”
Do not read into it.
It’s a lot of people’s favorite.
She’s a friend. A good friend. Stop acting like a fucking lunatic.
“Sounds great. I’ll drive,” I bit out before yanking the truck door open. I started the truck, but Sarah stood in the opened passenger door, not moving to climb in. “You getting in?”
“I don’t know. You’re acting weird. I mean weirder than normal, weird. What’s with you? Do you want me to go?” She hooked her thumb toward the old Civic. “Because honestly, I’m getting an angry vibe.”
Leaning forward, I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel. “Sorry, it’s just you showing up and liking my favorite running spot and?—”
“Alta, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re overreacting. This is what friends do. They show up when they’ve heard you had a bad day. They listen to what you say when you’re talking to pick up on little tidbits about you. And yeah, Lilly Lake is my favorite. It’s everyone's favorite. It has the best trail now that the renovations are done.”
She was right.
I was acting like the paranoid freak I was.
With a grimace, I leaned back and looked at her. “You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m super bad at this friend stuff. Little out of practice, you know.”
Finally she slid into the passenger seat and shut the door. “I know. Now on the way to the trail, you have to tell me how your pretty little face got jacked up.”
While backing up, something shifted in the rearview mirror. Not wanting to overreact again, I glanced to Sarah to see if she noticed anything strange.
“Hey, did you…?”
“Hmm?” she mumbled while she fiddled with her phone.
“Nothing, never mind.”
It was nothing.
All in my head.
No one was watching me.
Repeating the mantra, I shifted the truck into Drive and coasted down the gravel path.
“You’re kidding. John, please tell me you’re joking.” My voice cracked. Beneath my thighs, I worried over both thumbs, shredding the raw cuticles with an index finger. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but?—”
John’s raised hand cut me off. “One-week suspension. Be glad I’m not firing your ass, Birdie. Honestly, if it were anyone else, I would. I know why you did it, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that you disobeyed a direct order.”
The heels of my palms ground against my eyes as I attempted to rub away a looming headache.
“During the suspension, you’re not to conduct any park business, including aiding in the investigation of the missing women.”
My hands fell back to my lap and clenched into tight fists. “Is this about disobeying your order or about me working with Cas and Chandler so closely?”
He pressed his lips into a thin line. “Go home to Texas, Alta. Visit your family, take a vacation. Get out of Estes Park for a week. Hell, take all your stacked-up vacation days and take two weeks off.”
Anger and a sliver of embarrassment shoved me out of the chair, eager to retreat from the suffocating office. Hand on the knob, I clenched my teeth as I gritted out, “You know what working on this case means to me, helping these women and their families. Don’t take that away because you’re jealous. Please, John. I’m begging you.”
Only the shuffling of paper responded to my plea. Crestfallen, I stared him down, willing him to not do this.
“You’re too close to the case, to them. It’s too dangerous for someone like you. Take the time, Birdie. Take care of yourself for once. Maybe talk to someone, get some help.”
He glanced up from the desk with sympathy in his soft gaze.
Anger built within me. The bastard earned my trust, got me to tell him my story, my past, and now was using it against me to get what he wanted. How did I not see this whole time that he felt sorry for me, maybe even liked the idea of rescuing and repairing the broken girl?
“Fuck you,” I ground out before stepping into the hall. The walls shook at the force of me slamming the door closed.
My fingertips tingled, itching to hit something, hit someone. My anger needed an outlet before I exploded. Focused on the floor, I stormed down the hall only to collide with a willowy figure as I turned the corner.
“Alta,” Sadie said, her soft gaze and smile vastly different from my scowl. Her dark brown eyes zeroed in. “I was looking for you.”
Still boiling, I shoved past her, not wanting her to be the one I vented my anger out on. Making nice with the new girl was not in the cards at the moment. “Not now.”
A surprisingly strong hand wrapped around my wrist, yanking me to a halt. My gaze focused on her hot palm touching my skin. “Don’t be mad at him. He’s just looking out for you.” It could’ve been my imagination, but her grip tightened. “Having someone like John wanting to look after you, that must be nice.”
“It’s not.”
Sadie’s dark eyes widened a fraction. “Right, I guess now that you have someone else, you don’t need him around.”
“I’ve never… wait, someone else?”
“You’re beautiful, you know. In a common type way, I guess.”
“Um—”
Her free hand jutted out, holding a small square of paper. I examined the side decorated with hearts and bubble letters. “I found this on your truck and pulled it off. Didn’t want you to miss it.”
All the blood drained from my slack face. “What did you just say?” Hesitantly, I reached between us and pulled the stiff card from her fingers.
“I can see why he likes you.” With an awkward smirk, Sadie shouldered past me toward John’s office. “Enjoy your time off. Birdie.”