Chapter 5
Chapter
Five
NATHANIEL
M arching out of the office, I walked down the long hall, passing the room where Cutter was playing. Goran was teaching him War. How oddly fitting. Slipping into the bathroom, I locked the door before gripping the sink and closing my eyes.
I needed a moment to settle myself now that my rage had been spent. The chemistry was still there. The way she affected me was like nothing I could explain. Savannah pushed me and my buttons in a way that no one else could. She effortlessly seeped into my system as if no time had passed, but time had gone by, and she’d hurt me in a way that cut deeper than any knife.
Savannah’s perfume was on my body, and it filled my nose with her scent. Her moans were still loud in my ears, and the feeling of being inside of her…a shiver raced down my spine as the need to have her again built. She was an addiction and just as deadly as any drug.
I opened my eyes and stared at my reflection. There was no denying that the anger was still alive inside of me, but there was something else. I’d longed for Savannah like she was part of my soul, and I’d kill anyone who looked at her in a way I didn’t like. My father might be the very first on the list to die because he was going to lose his mind when he found out that I married an FBI agent instead of one of the women he’d been trying to get me to marry.
Finishing up in the bathroom, I headed to the sitting area where Cutter was. I was surprised Savannah wasn’t already there and took advantage of these first few moments with my son. Goran stood and handed me his cards.
“He’s a little shark. Watch yourself,” Goran said, smiling.
Cutter’s blue eyes, which were so much like his mother’s, stared into mine as I sat down in the seat Goran vacated. He eyed me suspiciously before slowly laying down a card as if this was a duel to the death.
I placed mine down beside his, and he smiled at my six of hearts. He took the two cards to add to his pile.
“So….” He started like we were about to enter negotiations as he placed down a card. “You talked to my mom?” My lip twitched at his ‘ I’m not sure I approve of you’ tone.
“I did.” I flipped a card down, and he won again.
“She must have agreed with you,” Cutter said, laying down his next card.
I cocked my brow at him. “Why do you say that?”
He glanced up at me as I put my card down, and this time, I won. Cutter’s small shoulder shrugged up. “Mom yelled yes , a lot. She never yells, so she must really agree with you.”
My guards standing around snickered and pressed their lips together, trying to hold it in, but we all failed as I burst out laughing. That was the most innocent and adorable thing I’d ever heard, and yet he delivered it like it was a presidential speech.
“Yes, you could say that. The two of you are not safe here. I’m taking you to my place in California.”
His lips pursed together as he squinted at me. “Where is Calif…if…if?”
“California,” I repeated for him. “It’s in America.”
He tilted his head and crossed his arms. I was prepared for a screaming fit, saying that he didn’t want to go, but what I was not prepared for was what he said next. “Do you mean North America, South America, or the United States of America?”
You could’ve knocked me off the chair with a feather. I blinked at Cutter as I tried to register the fact that he was four and had asked a very adult question.
“He means California, the state, which is in the U.S.A. or the United States of America,” Savannah said as she walked into the room. She turned everyone’s head, including mine. I hated that she’d been cold and unyielding until the pleasure had been too much for her, and she gave in. Why I wanted her to look at me like she used to was beyond me, but I craved it as much as her body.
“Really? We’re going on a trip?” Savannah smiled when Cutter ran over, slamming into her legs and hugging her.
“It’s going to be longer than a trip, Bud. Come sit down for a minute. I have something important to tell you,” Savannah said and glanced at me.
I knew what she was going to say, and my heart shouldn’t have been racing so hard, but now that the moment was here, I was nervous about Cutter’s reaction to the news that I was his father.
Savannah sat down on a small loveseat, and Cutter hopped up beside her, his feet swinging over the edge.
“Bud, I have never lied to you, and before we leave here, I need to tell you something.”
Cutter placed his hand on Savannah’s arm and smiled. “It’s okay, Mommy, you can tell me.”
This kid was too much. I’d barely spent ten minutes with him, and I was blown away. My son was fucking amazing, and I hated to admit this even to myself, but Savannah had done an incredible job with him. I wasn’t surprised. She was a hyper-focused and hard-working person with a heart as big as the entire world under her hard shell.
Savannah smiled and held his hand. “You’re so grown up already.”
“Is it about Marko? Is he coming on the trip,” Cutter asked, and my brow furrowed in confusion.
Who the fuck is Marko? I was getting ready to melt down, but the look in Savannah’s eyes was the only thing keeping my mouth shut.
“Cutter, what did I tell you about Marko?”
He sighed loudly. “That he went home to his family.”
“That’s right. What else did I tell you?”
Cutter looked down at his feet as he swung them a little faster. “That he is just a friend and not my dad, but Mom, I want him to come with us.”
I didn’t know who this Marko guy was, but I was going to kill him. I swore under my breath and stood to get control of my anger. It wasn’t Cutter’s fault that he didn’t know me. Before Savannah could say anything, I asked a question that I was dying to know the answer to.
“Cutter, what do you know about your father?”
Savannah shot daggers at me with her eyes, and if she’d had a knife, I would’ve been dead.
“I…don’t know.” He looked at Savannah, and I glared at her as she shook her head.
“That’s all you know,” I asked, the toxic wasteland of rage returning.
“Enough,” Savannah said. “I am dealing with this, not you.” I rolled my eyes at her but kept my mouth shut. This was infuriating. She’d obviously never mentioned me. I was nothing in his life. Was she planning on saying something at some point? Or was lying and pretending she didn’t know easier?
“Cutter, this is really complicated to explain to you, so I’m going to start with a question.” Savannah cleared her throat. “What would you say if I told you that you were going to meet your father?”
His eyes grew wide. “My dad?” Savannah nodded, and he slowly smiled. “Yes. I say yes.”
“Okay, I know you’re going to have a lot of questions for me, and I will answer what I can, but Nathaniel here….” Savannah gestured toward me. “Is your father.”
Cutter’s head whipped in my direction, but I didn’t say anything. “But….”
“I know this is a lot to take in, and I’m sorry to spring it on you like this, but….”
“No.” Cutter jumped off the loveseat. Savannah looked as shocked as I was at the angry outburst. Savannah reached for him, and he backed away from her. “No. If…if you knew my dad, why didn’t you tell me? Why did we live with Marko? Why did you let me call him Dad?”
“Cutter, I told you over and over that Marko was only a friend and not your dad,” Savannah tried, but I recognized the fury on Cutter’s face. I’d stared at that same anger in the mirror.
“Why…if you knew my dad…why didn’t you tell me?” His hands clenched into little fists.
“Cutter asks a valid question, Savannah. Why didn’t you tell him about me?” I knew that I shouldn’t have said it, but I couldn’t help myself and immediately regretted pitting Cutter against her.
Savannah bolted off the loveseat. “Don’t you dare do that,” she said, pointing at me.
“Do what?”
“Try to put a wedge between my son and me,” she said.
“Our son,” I corrected. “And you put the wedge there yourself,” I yelled, taking a step toward her, but suddenly Cutter ran into my leg, giving it a shove. I looked down in confusion.
“Don’t yell at my mommy.” He backed up, looked at us, and ran from the room.
A flash of memory filled my mind. My father had always screamed at my mom for no reason, and I would yell at him to leave her alone. Warranted or not, I hated that in less than an hour, I made my son do the same thing to me.
“Cutter, come back,” Savannah called after him, but I grabbed her arm before she could chase him down. I nodded to Goran, and he followed Cutter out. “Let go of me,” she growled and tried to yank her arm away, but instead, I pointed to the loveseat. Savannah looked like she wanted to nail me in the nuts but obliged and sat down.
“Why the fuck does he not know anything about me,” I asked, but kept my voice low.
Savannah glared at me like I’d lost my mind. “Oh yes, let me tell our four-year-old that I had a torrid affair with his father and accidentally got pregnant. And we can’t be together as a family because his father is one of the bad guys that Mommy chases and puts in jail.” She pointed at the doorway. “You’ve seen how smart he is. Any little thing that I told him, he wouldn’t have been satisfied with the information. He’s like a bloodhound that way. So yes, it was easier to say nothing until he got old enough that I could tell him the truth. Then, if he wanted to find you and meet you, he was old enough to make his own decisions.”
“You really would’ve let him grow up without me if I hadn’t found you?”
“What else did you expect me to do, Nathan?” She jumped up and started pacing the fancy room. “We swore that no matter what, we wouldn’t be in touch. You made me promise I’d never contact you because it could literally get us killed. But there is so much more than that, and I don’t want to get into this now. I can’t.” She glanced at the guards, and even though I knew they’d never say anything, I couldn’t say the same for those who worked here at the consulate.
“Fine, we’ll discuss this later. What do we do about Cutter?”
“Now you care how we handle the situation?” I glared at her, and Savannah sighed and looked down. “Sorry, this is all very fast and sudden. It’s not even lunch, and I’ve been shot at, in a high-speed chase, and forced into a marriage with someone I didn’t think I’d see again. I also had to tell my son who his father is, and he may never forgive me. Cut me a little slack.”
I took a deep breath and realized that she was shaking. Swallowing my ego, I walked over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders.
“Breathe, Savannah. It’s going to be okay. This is not the end of the world, and we will figure it out together.”
“So, we’re calling a truce for now?” I nodded. “Look, he needs us to show him a united front, but he is going to be mad at me for a long time, so you can’t use that to turn him against me as much as I’m sure you’d like to.”
“No, Savannah, I don’t want that.” Disbelief was written all over her face, but she didn’t argue.
“The thing is, I’ve never lied to him. In fact, I make a huge deal of us having honest communication even when it’s hard to talk about. He’s not going to understand why I didn’t tell him about you. I wish you’d given me time to prepare him properly.” She covered her face and shook her head.
“He loves you, Savannah. That’s easy to see. He’ll get over this. Why don’t we tell him that we couldn’t say who I was because of our jobs? That way, it’s not all on you. It’s not perfect, but it’s not a lie.”
Her bottom lip trembled, but she straightened her back and rolled out her shoulders. “Yeah, it will do for now. Thanks for taking some of the hit.”
I tipped her chin up and was so tempted to kiss her, but instead, I ran my thumb over her bottom lip. “Look, we have a lot to talk about, and I’m sure to argue about, but we both want what’s best for Cutter. I don’t doubt your intentions. Don’t doubt mine, and we will get this sorted.”
Stepping back, I held out my hand for her. It took a minute, but she finally slipped hers into mine.
God help me. I was a fool because I still loved her.