Chapter 6
Chapter
Six
SAVANNAH
C utter hadn’t spoken to me since we left the consulate, and it was crushing me. Less than a day and all of my fears about Nathan showing up were coming true. Cutter was sitting on Nathan’s lap as he helped him play mahjong, the two of them laughing and talking like they were old pals. I wasn’t jealous of them getting to know one another, but I was terrified that Nathan would use it as a weapon against me even though he said he wouldn’t.
Nathan had a way of yanking you into his orbit and making you feel in awe of him. I could see it in Cutter’s eyes. He was meeting his father and riding on a fancy private jet, flying across the world. On top of that, he was sitting at the table like one of the big guys. It’s not like Nathan and I had ever had a conversation about how we’d want to raise children. Did he plan on telling Cutter what he did? Would drugs, gangs, and guns be a regular thing? My head ached. How the hell did I stay relevant in my son’s life?
I looked away as Goran leaned over the table and gave Cutter a high-five, his laughter filling the plane. I couldn’t help but smile at his happiness. This was all I ever wanted for him, but to possibly lose him by force or because he chose to have nothing to do with me felt like a knife to the heart.
It was dark outside. The only thing I could see was the blinking light on the wing of the plane. Maybe this was all a nightmare, and I’d wake up tomorrow busy making plans to move back to Washington and talking to Cutter about what sports he wanted to play and enrolling him in the academy I’d found. Closing my eyes, I wiped away the stupid tears that were driven by pointless emotions and not logic.
Instead, I focused on what was important. Cutter was safe, or as safe as he would ever be again. Nothing meant more to me than that.
I decided to do what I did best and made a list. I needed to quit my job—that was going to be a really fun conversation. Then there was selling my house—I’d rented it out, but that was proving to be a pain. I needed to figure out what was next for me because sitting around the house or cleaning every day was not my thing. I’d go stir-crazy. Maybe Nathan would take pity on me and make me his secretary like he’d teased me about when we first met. What a fun cliché that would be. Then he could fuck his secretary at work and go home to his princess, a win-win for him.
The plane suddenly jerked and shook, and my eyes snapped open. There was a crackle over the speaker, and the captain spoke.
“My apologies, but we have hit some turbulence. I will try to pull above it, but please fasten your seatbelts and hang on to any drinks.”
The plane began to shake harder, tossing us from side to side in our seats before dropping suddenly. It might have only been dropping a few inches or a foot, but it felt like we were plummeting to the ground.
Cutter came running down the aisle, tears streaming down his face. “Mom, I’m scared,” he said, his adorable lip pushed out as he hopped up on the seat beside me and wrapped his arms around my neck.
“We’re going to be fine, Bud. This is called turbulence.” I glanced up at Nathan, who sat down across from me, his dark eyes giving nothing away about what he was thinking. “I need you to sit in the seat beside me like a big boy, and I’ll get you buckled in.”
“But I’m scared.”
“I know, and I’ll let you in on a secret. I am, too. But you sitting beside me, holding my hand, will make me feel so much better.” The turbulence didn’t scare me. What Nathan planned…that was a whole other story.
“Okay,” Cutter said softly and let go of my neck to sit down. I grabbed the buckle and locked him in place before taking his hand in mine.
“Do you know what causes the shaking?” He shook his head no.
“It’s called at·mo·spher·ic pressure,” I said, sounding it out for him. I could see his natural curiosity taking over as his nose crinkled up.
“What’s that?”
“It can be caused by jet streams, air from around mountains, thunderstorms nearby, or even hot and cold air fronts.”
He tapped his chin as he thought. “So, like the air is fighting around us?”
I smiled wide. “Yes, but it doesn’t want anything to do with us. Want to know why the plane suddenly drops,” I asked, and as if on command, the plane did just that, and we all gripped our seats.
Cutter’s eyes filled with tears. I leaned over and held him as I kissed the top of his head. He loved learning more than anything else, so I needed to keep his mind busy.
“You’re going to love this,” I said, but I didn’t sit back or let him go. “It’s like we’re flying along minding our own business, and then we fly right into a giant bubble that has no air. Because there is no air, the plane drops, and then as soon as we are clear of our airless bubble, we soar again.”
“How can a bubble not have air,” he asked as the shaking got more violent, and I held him tighter.
“That is an excellent question, one that you’re going to have to look up when we get to our new home, and you can tell me the answer,” I said.
“Mommy?”
“Yeah, Bud?”
“I love you.” And just like that, my heart melted and was put back together again.
“I love you, too. More than anything.”
As soon as the plane stopped shaking, I pulled Cutter onto my lap and took the blanket that Nathan held out for me to wrap him up. Cutter snuggled into the blanket, and within seconds, he was fast asleep.
“You’re amazing with him,” Nathan whispered.
“Thanks, but honestly, he makes me look good. He’s been easygoing since the day he was born. He has a rabid thirst for knowledge, so he loves school and is kind and considerate. It’s why his outburst at the consulate hit me so hard. I don’t think he’s ever yelled at me before.” As Nathan watched him, I decided that while our truce seemed to be holding, I’d tell him a little bit about Cutter. “He has a lot of you in him.” Nathan looked away from Cutter to stare into my eyes. “I couldn’t go a single day without being reminded of our time together.”
I turned my head to look out the window at the slowly lightening sky. “Cutter loves cars. The faster, the better, but don’t get any ideas you’re not taking him out in a sports car until he’s out of his car seat.” Nathan smiled. “He loves soccer, but you better call it football, or you’re going to have an argument on your hands,” I said, and Nathan chuckled. “But whenever I’d ask him what he wanted to watch on television, he’d have me put on hockey. His favorite team is the Knights. He hates it if you try to dress him unless he asks for help. He can’t sleep unless he says goodnight. He loves his chocolate milk, but too much makes him hyper. He struggles to make friends, prefers dark socks over white, and likes video games but prefers to practice reading. Cutter has a fascination with animals that I can’t explain because we never had a pet, and man, can he sass you. He does this thing with his eyebrow exactly like you do, and that makes me laugh every time.”
I glanced at Nathan, and I expected to see him smiling, but the dark look in his eyes made the next thing I was going to say freeze in my throat.
“Lay him down and come with me,” he growled low before standing and heading to the back of the plane. How the hell did I piss him off with what I said? With the armrest lifted between the seats, the wide white leather made the perfect miniature bed, and I carefully placed Cutter down before following Nathan. I didn’t think his plane was even that big, but I didn’t see him until he grabbed my arm and jerked me into what looked like sleeping quarters.
There was hardly enough room for one person to move around, let alone two, and our bodies were pressed tightly together.
“Do you have any idea how fucking furious I am,” he asked, and my throat ran dry.
“What happened to our truce?”
“This is still me in truce mode, or I would’ve had the pilot drop you off somewhere else, maybe while still in the air.”
“Fine, I won’t tell you any more about Cutter. You can find out for yourself. Happy now?” I tried to jerk out of his hold, but he wouldn’t let go. “I can fight you if you want me to, Nathan. But I’d prefer not to embarrass you in front of your soldiers.” He sucked in a deep breath and pushed the door closed. Fuck.
With a hard tug, I was pressed up against the door, my arms locked over my head, and my heart jumping around in my chest.
“You’ve always had a mouth on you, Savannah, one that gets you in trouble.”
“Why? All I wanted to do was share some information with you to help you get to know your son.”
Nathan’s nose touched mine. “Because I shouldn’t hear these things like you’re listing items off a menu. I should’ve watched him grow up and learned all this the same way you did, by being in his life.”
“Well, I can’t turn back time. Now, can I? And I wouldn’t change anything even if I could,” I snapped back.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said. Cutter was far safer not in your world.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Oh really? I’m not the one who pissed off an Italian mafia family and got a target put on my back. You did that all on your own. I saved your ass.”
We glared at one another, the tension building so thick that it was suffocating. Nathan had a point, but I refused to back down. He might be right about this one instance, but the larger picture looked vastly different.
Nathan crushed his lips to mine, the kiss a command just like everything else about him. I tried to refuse. I really did, but my resolve was weak when it came to him. I opened for him. His tongue darted into my mouth and teased me until we were furiously battling for dominance and gasping for air.
Freeing my hands, he tugged the men’s shirt he’d found at the consulate for me to wear out of my pants and then pulled it off over my head.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” He yanked down the lacey cups of my bra and squeezed my breast as he sucked first my left and then my right nipple into his mouth. “I plan to fuck my wife on a plane.” I bit my lip, trying not to cry out, when he flicked his tongue over the hardened peak as his hands undid my pants.
“Nathan, I don’t understand you. It’s obvious you hate me.”
“I don’t know what I am other than so enraged that I want to fuck you and kill you at the same time.”
Words that should’ve terrified me if I’d been sane only made me hot all over. As soon as the zipper was down on my pants, Nathan pushed my thong out of the way and slid a finger into my pussy. The logical part of my mind said we shouldn’t do this again. At least not until we had shit sorted out between us. It would only make a complicated situation more complicated.
Even as I thought the words, my body refused to agree. My hips wiggled as he teased me until I was panting. Nathan nipped along my collarbone, and I knew what he was going to do before he started to suck and mark me.
“Nathan, stop. We can’t do this. Cutter is like ten feet away. What if he wakes up looking for me?” Nathan froze, the toxicity rising to new levels in his eyes.
“Looking for us,” he growled low. “What if he comes looking for us.” He jerked me away from the wall and tossed me on the small bed. I couldn’t tell what he was going to do, and that unnerved me more than anything else.
“You’ve changed, and I’m not sure it’s for the better.” I knew that I was taking my life in my hands, but I’d never been one to hold my tongue.
“And whose fault is that?” Sliding open the door, he stormed out, and I slumped back on the bed, taking a deep breath. Holy Jesus. If I thought Nathan was dangerous and all-consuming before…I hadn’t seen anything. What scared me more was that it felt like he was holding himself back from doing what he really wanted.
Nathan might have saved my life and put a metaphorical ring on my finger, but there was no doubt in my mind that if I gave him any reason at all, he would put lead between my eyes. With a snap of his fingers, I became the mouse coiled up by a snake, and I could already feel him constricting around my throat.