Chapter 11
The week crawls by like an injured animal dragging itself to safety.
I go to classes. I feed the animals. I sit in my room and replay every single word Devlin said that night, turning them over in my mind like puzzle pieces that refuse to fit together.
You’re mine. From start to finish.
I haven’t slept for weeks.
Sasha knows how I feel.
Part of me is furious that I’m unwittingly carrying out Devlin’s will—staying put, being “good,” following his invisible rules. But I lack the strength to do anything else. The emotional whiplash has left me wrung out, exhausted.
Devlin shows up occasionally. I’ll catch glimpses of him across campus, or he’ll appear outside the rescue center when I’m leaving. He never approaches, just watches. Making sure I’m safe, I suppose. Keeping tabs on me.
I don’t know how to feel about it.
My head is a complete mess, but my heart… God, my heart is doing backflips every time I think about the things he said. All those hints he’s dropped over the past week. Dozens of them, really, if I’m being honest with myself.
But they’re just hints.
I need to stop having my head in the clouds and focus on his actions, not vague implications. And Devlin’s actions paint a very specific picture: he wants me in private but ignores me in public.
Outside the locker room after the match, he looked right through me. At the bar with everyone else, he barely acknowledged my existence. It’s gnawing at me, eating away at my insides.
Maybe he doesn’t want to be seen with me as his… whatever I am. Maybe he’s ashamed.
Then again, I haven’t exactly come to terms with my status as a gay guy becoming public knowledge either. The thought makes my stomach churn with anxiety. The only freedom I feel is that I finally came out to Sasha, and he was amazing about it.
But that doesn’t solve the Devlin problem.
Early the next week, I at least get good news: the rescue room isn’t being moved. The structural concerns turned out to be minor, easily fixable. One less thing to worry about.
I’m racing across the campus courtyard at full speed, my backpack bouncing against my spine, when I turn into the archway leading to the library and nearly trip over my own feet.
At least I didn’t break my nose, I think, shaking my hair out of my eyes.
A few steps later, someone grabs my arm, and suddenly I’m being dragged sideways.
Devlin.
He pulls me into an empty classroom before I can even process what’s happening, shutting the door behind us with a decisive click.
“Have you gone mad, Bower?”
“Watch your step,” he grumbles, his voice tight with irritation. “Try looking where you’re going for once. At least you didn’t break your nose.”
I blink. Did he seriously just say that?
“And how’s the investigation into the ‘scary’ Cupids going, anyway?” I bite out. “I remember you threatening to burn the world down over a few smutty cards. Where’s all that Big Bad energy now?”
I’m angry about the whole situation, but mostly I’m angry that my heart is trying to escape my chest just from being near him.
“Actually, it’s going great. I’ll find out who it was soon.”
“You will?” I ask, surprised.
We stare at each other in silence for a moment, and I swear he’s moving closer.
“Yes.”
“Is it Monica, by any chance?” Worry suddenly floods through me. “Because if you’re planning to hurt her—”
Devlin stays silent, studying my face in that intense way that makes me squirm.
“Monica’s the singer from that band that disrupted the mayor’s visit to campus. She also hosts a radio show…”
“I know who Monica is, Val.”
I decide to ignore the fact that he hasn’t answered my question about whether it’s her.
“What are you looking at on my face?”
“I’m not looking at anything. Just admiring.”
The calm tone makes me even more flustered. I can feel heat creeping up my neck. Please don’t let me be blushing.
“Shut up,” I say weakly.
“As you wish.” He leans in closer, effectively pinning me against the wall.
And that’s when my nerves snap.
I quickly rise onto my tiptoes, grab him by the back of the head, and kiss him myself.
Devlin immediately throws himself fully into it, pressing against me, running his hands all over me, groping me through my clothes.
“Fuck,” he gasps against my mouth. “I can’t take it anymore.”
His hand finds my cock through my jeans, stroking firmly, and I nearly collapse from the sensation. At the same time, his other hand works at my waistband, pulling the fabric down to expose my ass.
I’m writhing in his arms, losing my mind.
“Need to see you come for me again,” he whispers, his breath hot against my ear as he nibbles the lobe.
His hand is on my bare skin now, caressing my buttocks, and then his fingers find my hole, circling it teasingly.
Heat floods through me, and I realize I want more. I want everything.
“Devlin,” I whisper. “Go all the way.”
He freezes. “What?”
“Please. I want… I need you to—”
“No.” His voice is firm, almost stern. “It’s too soon. And I’ll never do it in a place like this.”
Frustration crashes over me. I understand why he’s refusing, but emotionally I’m devastated.
So I dodge his next kiss, but I don’t pull away—instead, I grind my ass back against him.
Devlin goes completely still for five long seconds.
Then he leans in, his voice menacing in my ear. “Don’t ever do that again. Never, Val.”
Before I can respond, he drops to his knees behind me. His mouth presses against my hole, and he licks aggressively, making me wet and pliant.
Then he straightens up, and I feel one finger pressing inside me, stretching me carefully.
“You finally got what you wanted,” he whispers roughly. “You’ve driven me completely mad. Only it’s not going to go the way you expected.”
He adds a second finger, first stretching gently, then driving them in as far as they’ll go. All the while, he presses my back against his chest so he can see part of my face, watch my reactions.
“Devlin,” I gasp. “Devlin, what I’m feeling right now, oh God… Please don’t stop. This is so… fuck.”
“Tell me everything you’re feeling.”
“I can’t—” I whimper and moan again.
He bites my shoulder in impatience, letting out a short growl. “I want to eat you. Every fucking time I see you.”
His free hand comes up to grip my throat gently, carefully, and the sensation makes me nearly whimper with pleasure.
Then he adds a third finger and fucks me with all three, hitting some spot inside me that makes sparks fly from my eyes.
Waves of ecstasy coursing through my body.
The sheer thickness of him is staggering—three fingers carving a deep, relentless rhythm into my core. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’m actually taking this, stretching to accommodate him, but every heavy stroke feels like a brand. It’s a total takeover.
He fucks me like he owns me.
“Come on, my sweet Val. Come for me just like this.” His voice is feverish, desperate.
“And for the whole of next year, you’ll only be allowed to come like this.
Nothing else. You won’t get what you’re begging for right now.
You’ll beg and beg for my cock, but every time I’ll fuck you with just my hand until you start behaving yourself. ”
Those words are the breaking point. I come apart completely— needy, pathetic whimpers break from my throat as an orgasm slams into me with enough force to turn my bones to liquid.
If it weren’t for Devlin’s body pinning me in place and his hand anchoring me, I’d collapse right there on the floor.
“Babe,” he whispers into my damp hair. “Babe.”
While I’m coming down, he covers the back of my neck with short, light kisses, still repeating “babe” like he’s stuck on the word.
I’m too embarrassed to look at him. My heart is torn between longing and tenderness as his hand strokes me gently.
“I hope that was just dirty talk for the sake of… the moment,” I finally manage. “And not a real warning, Bower.”
I try not to remember exactly what I begged for, what I said.
I hope he’ll smirk and say something sarcastic, but he remains eloquently silent.
I slowly turn toward him. “You can’t be serious.”
“Hush.” He touches his lips to my forehead, weightless for just a couple of seconds. “I don’t give a shit about dirty talk. I mean everything I say. We’ll discuss it later. You’re soaking wet—I don’t want you to catch a cold.”
He starts to adjust my t-shirt, but I kick out, managing to brush his hands away.
He just pulls a disgruntled face and has the nerve to stroke my hair.
“What the hell are you talking about a year from now?” I blurt out. “You’re graduating from college, and you’ll probably be off to the pro team even sooner. And I’ll be staying here.”
“What’s that got to do with us?”
Us. He said us. But we’re not even dating! My nerves can’t take it anymore.
I quickly pull up my jeans and try to run, but this time Devlin really holds me back by force.
“If I went too far this time, or if there was anything you didn’t like, you have to tell me. Val? Val?! You fucking know that I won’t let you go.”
“Everything was okay.”
He flinches like I’ve struck him. But he doesn’t let go.
“I won’t let you go. No.”
“You will!” I start pushing him, and part of my bracelet catches on his hoodie. I end up scratching myself during the struggle. He suddenly releases me.
This allows me to break free, and I dash off toward my building.
I’ve never felt anything like this before. It’s as if my whole system is cracking at the seams. Every time I’m with Devlin, I learn something new about myself.
And this power he has over me… it grows with every encounter, even though there’s nowhere left for it to grow.
Back in my room, I wash my face with cold water, then check the cameras monitoring my animals. Hoping that someone needs help so I can rush to save them and feel useful and detached from everything.
But all the animals are fine, as usual.
After sitting for five minutes staring blankly at a single point, I suddenly calm down.
What an idiotic thing it was to run away.
I’m really behaving like a moody teenager.
It’s just… I’ve never felt such vulnerability with anyone as I do with Devlin.
And now, sitting here thinking of him, I remember his eyes when he spoke of the foster care, of how he must be a bad person, of survival. The vulnerability in his eyes. The sound of his voice when he calls my name.
After some thought, I pull out my phone and start typing.
Hi again.
I didn’t mean to run away like that.
I was overwhelmed after what we did
I hit send before I can second-guess myself.