Chapter 11
Vae
PAST
Mal waves at us from the stage at the front of the gardened area.
In an area of shitty graduates, no one thought the four of us would get through those torturous years of school.
We were the underdogs, the forgotten students, no one ever dreamed the three boys would graduate and do so freaking well.
Maria isn’t here.
But she left a cling-wrapped container on the bench. When I’d peeked at the note, it said to enjoy. I’d peeled open the lid to find their favourite cake.
She cares. In small ways, she cares.
She’s the only mother I’ve ever had.
Mal gets his certificate and races down the stage, throwing himself into our arms.
“We did it!” He ruffles my hair. “Three down, one to go!”
“Now you need to get through college,” I beam at them, “make it onto the dream team, and become the most famous hockey gods to ever skate and become the hottest musician to ever make a tune.”
“And you will be the star of the culinary world, creating cakes people will line up for hours to buy.”
I laugh as Mal swings me around.
Nothing is going to go wrong.
PRESENT
Raynor sits down on Mal’s bed with his guitar and strums the chords from a familiar song.
It’s an intricate and soft melody, created from his plucking and strumming a really intense run of notes.
I glare at him; he doesn’t even have the audacity to look at what his hands are doing; he just stares right on back at me.
I open my mouth and sing. Now, I don’t have the best singing voice, but it’s not the worst. Still, even if I sounded like a cat in heat, I’d sing this song. I am not losing this game.
But halfway through, my throat closes up. After a couple more moments, I start to choke.
Deacon sits on the bed and leans back, tilting his head as he looks up at me, while Mal snickers behind him.
I keep going, but with just a line or two left, I lose my cool and stop, doubling over, laughing hysterically.
Raynor grins at me. “You couldn’t do it.”
I point a finger at him. “You knew I couldn’t.
You damn cheat. That song has too many memories attached to it of Maria getting ready for Karaoke Saturday.
I still remember you guys dressing up in her clothes and the look on her face when she came home early and caught you.
‘What in the name of Ms Bell’s foul strudel do you three morons think you are doing?
’ Mal, I believe you were caught with the garter up around your groin at the time?
Didn’t she burn it? She made you wash dishes for half a year. ”
“Moi? Cheat?” Raynor sets his guitar aside and leans forward. “I’m offended. But it was Deacon with the garter, Mal had her granny panties on.”
We laugh for a couple of minutes until I remember the consequences and look apprehensively at Deacon. “So?”
“Take off your shoes, Vae.”
I frown, confused. “My shoes?”
“Yes. This is going to be a long game.” Deacon leans back on Mal’s chest, looking far too confident.
I groan. “We have work and jobs tomorrow, we can’t stay up all night playing games.”
“Who says we can’t?” he tosses back. “Your shoes, Hook.”
“Fine, Pan!”
I toe off my shoes and stare at him. “Whose turn is it?”
“Oh, no. It’s us versus you.”
“What? You can’t just change the terms of the game!”
“Yes, we’re one team, and you are the other. So, it’s your turn.”
I glower at him. What am I going to get him to do? And…Mal is wearing shorts. Just shorts. Oh, crap. My brain goes white before I’m able to pull myself together again.
This could be a teaching moment. Should I?
“Truth or dare.”
Deacon cocks his head to the side, his eyes glinting. He looks like he’s already won, but I’m not down and out yet.
“Dare, Hook, always and forever dare.”
“I dare you to learn to cook a meal with me.”
The silence is deafening. They were not expecting that.
“Now?” Deacon scowls.
“Yes, now. It will take half an hour, we can eat and continue. What do you say, Pan?”
His brows lower and then, with a graceful unfurling of his limbs, he stands up and keeps eye contact as he drifts out of the room. A predator who is determined not to lose.
Shit.
He’s so damn potent, but the way they are behaving feels like I’m under siege. This is strange. It’s almost hostile, but still with the familiar edge of play and something that I can’t quite understand.
I follow him out but pause in the doorway, looking back. Mal is standing in the middle of the room, and, as I watch, he inhales deeply. His eyes flicker towards me and hold me in an iron clad grip.
“New perfume,” I murmur and rush to the kitchen, hoping that I can convince him it’s not what he thinks it is.
Shit, shit, shit.
My heart is pounding, and I’m so distracted I almost bump into Deacon’s back, just managing to avoid it at the last second.
Mal sweeps in, casting me a quick look and goes to the cupboard. “What are we cooking?”
The relief I feel when he doesn’t say or ask any questions is tremendous.
“Ooh, I have a new recipe we can try.” I pull it up and pass my phone to Mal.
He frowns when he reads like all of his attention is diverted to the activity. It takes me a minute before I realise I’m staring and look away quickly.
“It’s an approved pasta dish that your nutritionist suggested.”
Deacon’s fingers ghost up my spine, causing my whole body to break out in goosebumps. I spin warily, watching as he circles the table, leaving me with the memory of his touch.
He’s playing a game that I don’t think I can win.
Raynor wraps his arms around me, his chest to my back, and what yesterday would have been an innocent hug is now charged with a sexual tension that has me clenching my thighs.
I’m aware of every part of his body that is in contact with mine.
That vanilla scent has my mouth watering as it always does, but why does it seem so strong?
Why are the notes so mouthwateringly clear?
“I can teach you this, and if you lose, you each lose a piece of clothing,” I reiterate and hope my voice doesn’t sound as breathless as I think it does.
Mal is only wearing shorts.
“Your heart is racing,” Raynor murmurs.
Damn his observant nature.
“I’m playing a game where I could end up naked, I’m nervous.”
It doesn’t help that I’m wearing a bra and a thong under my jeans and t-shirt. Only four pieces of clothing protect me.
“Right, first we need to get everything out.”
I stand back and wait while Mal reads out the list. Deacon and Raynor get everything out. Mal reads, instructs them while I help. But Raynor’s dirty innuendo has us all in stitches.
It’s the most fun I’ve had with the three of them in ages, and, all too soon, we’re sitting at the table, eating. There’s a candle lighting our plates. Dancing off their faces. Deacon and Mal talk about practice, while Raynor tells me about the gig he had last week.
It’s the kind of night that makes my soul ache. Because this is how it should have stayed.
When I get up to do the dishes, Raynor and Deacon take over, cleaning everything up without me asking. I clench my fist against my stomach, almost wishing they’d stop.
“All right, did we win?” Mal asks.
I nod. “You did.” I don’t know if I’m relieved they don’t have to remove clothes or not.
“Truth or dare, Vae,” Malcolm says in a husky voice.
I can feel all their eyes on me. “Truth.”
“What’s the real reason you’re leaving?”
I clamp my mouth shut and stare at him. “I can’t.”
“Do you forfeit?” Mal asks, shocked.
“I,” I look around the kitchen, but there’s no help coming. “Yes. I forfeit.”
Mal’s jaw juts. “Remove your top.” He snaps the words, furious, and I don’t blame him.
My fingers tremble. I’ve been careful not to let them see me naked. Our foster mother was militant about making sure we never thought of each other that way. Never be naked in front of those boys! Remember, you’re family. She said that…right up until she didn’t.
I pull my top up and off, and though I want to lift my arms to cover the teal and black lace bra that shows my nipples through it, I don’t. I, instead, stiffly fold it up and turn back to them.
There’s something hungry on their faces but shocked, too, like they weren’t expecting me. I’m not sure what they thought, maybe that I was an alien? I’d be annoyed if I weren’t frozen under their stares.
“Truth or dare,” I manage to stutter out.
“Dare,” Raynor says confidently.
I wish I had that confidence. I struggle to pull my brain away from the crushing despair that’s picking me apart. It’s like the more clothes I remove, the more of my illusions fall. How much more honesty can I give them? I only have a few secrets of my own.
“Dance with me, just this once.” The words slip out without any real thought. I love our dances, it’s always been a thing, but the couple of times have been few and far between. Soon it will be too late. I won’t get this chance again.
Mal pulls out his phone and puts on a slow song. I recognise one of Raynor’s ballads. It’s about a girl he’s always loved. In the darkest parts of the night, I’d listen to that song alone in my bed and wish he were talking about me.
He takes my hand and pulls me outside. The stars twinkle in their faded way. Everything is a last. I don’t want to see the sky like this for the last time. Deacon sits on the porch railing and swings one leg, while Mal sits on our swing chair. Raynor pulls me into his arms and starts to move.
At first, I’m conscious of where I’m putting my feet and how my hands are on his shoulders, but then I catch the slow rhythm and start moving with him.
His fingers glide up and down my spine. I lean into him, closing my eyes as his other hand rubs small circles on the spot just above my ass.
I’m so relaxed in his arms that I don’t recognise my scent growing, not until we’ve stopped moving. The song has ended, and when I open my eyes and lift my head, I remember where I am. His confusion is written on his face.
Our eyes lock, tension rising. He opens his mouth when the doorbell rings.
“Hey, Deaky!”
The call comes from the front of the house.
I cringe and then rip out of Raynor’s arms, covering myself. “My clothes!”
“What’s she doing here?” Raynor hisses. “You said it was over.”
Deacon lifts his hand and shakes his head. “We did. It is!”
Raynor gets a gleam in his eyes that promises pain. He takes a step, but I sidestep into his path and reach up, touching his neck.
“I need my clothes,” I stress the words, imagining what would happen if the influencer caught me out here with Deacon Katz, her hockey flame. I’d be crucified.
Mal comes rushing out of the house, throwing my top at me. It lands on the wet grass. I pick it up and pull it on two seconds before she steps out onto the porch.
She has a key? When did they give her a key?
Indy looks perfect. Her dress is stunning, exposing long, bronzed limbs; there isn’t a hair out of place. Her lips are shiny, and her eyelashes are long and dark. I feel like a grubby child in my wet t-shirt and the burn of shame weighing me down.
I step back from Raynor and plead with him not to make a scene.
“Oh, you’re here.”
I force a smile and shrug. “I’m on the way out.”
Deacon growls, but we all ignore him. The tension between Raynor and Deacon is getting savage, and I’m torn between just leaving and sorting it out for them.
“You have to finish the game!” Mal says, surprising me.
He grips the rail, leaning down, his gaze intent on me.
I can’t finish the game. How can he even say that in front of her!
“We can play again another day. Indy’s here.”
Mal juts his jaw and glares at me. Right, so everyone’s mad at everything, and Indy is just staring at us with a look that is making me very nervous.
“Well, on that note. I’ve got to go. You guys did really well with the cooking.”
“They cooked?” Indy says sharply.
“I’m sure they’ll cook for you as well,” I say. “It was just a lesson.”
I slip up the porch steps, making myself smaller, almost hiding. I get into the kitchen, grab my bag and pause.
My shoes are in Mal’s room. Why is this happening to me?
I hear the door open behind me, dart down the hallway and into his room, snatching up my shoes. I get to the doorway when I’m suddenly confronted by Raynor, who pushes me back into the room and closes it with a sharp click.
“Stay here tonight.”
“No!”
Is he insane? No freaking way. I’m barely hanging on here.
“Deacon’s taking her out. Stay here with me.”
Deacon’s…taking her out? If he’d taken a knife to my chest and carved me open, it would hurt less.
I shake my head, but he’s not looking at my face; instead, he’s focused on a spot on my neck. I tense, my stomach leaping and diving. He leans in closer.
“What are you doing?”
“I only wish I knew,” he whispers, and then his lips are on that spot, the burning heat of his tongue pressing and stroking. He drags his teeth over it and sucks, and my knees get weak. I stumble back, but he follows, opening his mouth more.
I grab fistfuls of his shirt. “Raynor!”
He pulls away, only to pull my top up and close that hot, cavernous mouth of his on my breast, ignoring the lace and lathing over my nipples until I think I’ve died.
Pure need burns through me, setting my body on fire.
I catch my scent, and I don’t give a damn.
I’ve got my fingers in his hair, holding him to me, and all my fantasies are coming true.
Except, my fantasies didn’t include sneaking around while his girlfriend was in the other room. I take a breath, the scorching chill of reality stealing my arousal, leaving just the heated honeycomb candy in the air.
“Stop, please.”
He lifts his head, his eyes dark.
“Are you going to be able to give me everything I want? A pack, a family, a future?”
Raynor opens his mouth, but I shake my head before he can answer me because his expression of confusion is all the explanation I need.
“I’m going back to my hotel room now. You should get some air. I will see you tomorrow.”
I leave before he can say anything else, before I can see that confusion change to regret, before I can hear him tell me it was a mistake.
Yeah, it’s running.
But it’s the only way I can survive.