Chapter 10
Deacon
PAST
I throw off my quilt and jump out of bed, pacing. The rage will not leave me. For the first time in my life, I’m scared I might hurt Mal, Raynor, or Vae.
I feel so out of control; my temper is sizzling; my sight is brighter; my teeth and bones ache. My muscles keep cramping.
The scent of the girls at school fills my nose again. They were right and so very wrong. I can feel the knot again, my cock so hard it aches. I reach into my pants and squeeze it hard, stroking violently.
“Deacon?”
“Shit.”
I pull my hand out and turn away.
“Go away, Hook.”
She hesitates and then tries the locked door again.
“Vae!” I shout. “Go away.”
I can smell the hurt bleeding off her, seeping under my door with the breeze from the open back door.
The door slams open, and Raynor stands there, chest heaving, the stench of alpha in the air.
Oh, god.
I bare my teeth and strut towards him, but Vae darts in, placing one icy hand on my stomach.
I don’t look away from him.
“Boys, calm down. I’m hungry.”
My attention snaps to her. “What are we having?”
She grumbles and shoves at me; it does nothing.
“How about garlic chicken? I’ll make sure we have extra helpings.”
Good, I can make sure she eats.
Raynor relaxes, and, suddenly, my alpha lets go, too. Happy and content to be fed.
PRESENT
This game has suddenly gotten more interesting. I drum my fingers on the kitchen table and watch as she fusses with the line of cans. She’s always got to have things organised and neat. It drives me nuts; I just want to mess her up.
But that kiss. It was something else.
I could taste honeycomb candy, which was strange; I hadn’t seen her eating any.
“All right, so I’ve got your protein shakes over here-”
“Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you were less you?”
She turns around, and I see the pain in her eyes before she hides it. “Sure, Deacon, I imagine I had a family, a home, people who loved me. I’ve thought about it a lot over the years. If I were less me, I wouldn’t be living like this.”
I ignore the barbs because I’m watching, waiting to see something.
“And us?”
She pauses. “Strangely enough, I never imagined what your lives are like. Who you might be other than who you are. I like who you are.”
Ah-ha. I pounce on her, aggressively lobbing the question at her. “So, why are you trying to change us?”
She turns away, hiding in the cupboard. “Because things can’t stay the same.”
“Sure, they can.”
She shakes her head. “No, they can’t.”
“All right, fine. They can’t. I’m calling everyone over.”’
She gasps in outrage. “You have practice tomorrow.”
“So?”
“So, you can’t have a party. If you don’t care about yourself, at least think of Mal. This is his career, his chance. Marilyn said no more parties.”
Her argument has me whirling towards her, raking my eyes over her, furious that she’s going to baby him again.
“He loves parties.” I pull out my phone and scroll through my apps while I pretend to search my contacts. “Unless, of course, you want to make another deal?”
She steps back, right into the bench, and jumps in surprise. I don’t even try to cover my smile.
“What is a night without a party worth to you?” I croon.
Her eyes are delightfully wide, she looks like a little frightened kitten. I stand up, moving slowly so I don’t spook her.
“You want another kiss?” Her voice is hoarse.
“I’ve had one of those.”
“Well, what do you want? Deacon, this isn’t right.”
“Ah, but I think it’s perfectly right.” I inch closer, taking in the red in her cheeks, the way her lips part just a little bit.
“Pan,” she murmurs my nickname in an almost desperate attempt to recall me.
But I am recalled. I know exactly what I’m doing.
“I want something more than a kiss.” My whisper fans over her lips because we are so close.
“No.”
“All right then.”
I step back and pull my phone up, quickly sending off a group text party invite.
She snarls and turns away from me, fury in every line of her body. I stand there leaning against the cupboard, watching her until she stalks off.
“I can cancel it.”
She stops in the doorway. “What do you want?”
“Play a game with me.”
She shudders. “What kind of game?”
“The kind where whoever loses…has to face the consequences.”
“What are the consequences?” She sounds like she might scream, but I know her too well. Deep down inside, she wants to play just as much as I do.
I slide my hands around her waist and rest them there. “Just a small thing. An item of clothing.”
“I am not playing strip anything with you.”
“Why not? What have you got to hide?”
She exhales roughly. “What about your girlfriend?”
“Indy and the pack were never exclusive, and I told you yesterday at the shops that we ended it.”
“Oh, that makes it so much better.” Her sarcasm only amuses me.
She grabs my hands in a fierce little hold and shoves them off her. I allow her to, instead leaning in so my chest grazes her upper shoulders.
“In or out, Hook?”
She snarls, a fierce, sexy little growl that has me wondering why I never saw this side of her before.
It was Malcolm’s fault. I’d felt a little pulse of jealousy seeing her in Raynor’s room and been annoyed with him for changing things.
But it wasn’t until that conversation at the kitchen table that I started really looking at why Hook all of a sudden wanted to leave. Love, a pack, a baby. Then there was the kiss, then her kiss with Mal. She’s started something she can’t undo now.
Hmm. All of those things are things I had no desire to have. What I really want is for things to stay exactly the same, and that means she’s not allowed to leave.
“Fine. Cancel the party, and I’ll play your game.”
Raynor appears from the laundry, glaring at me, but I ignore him. He’s still not really talking to anyone, and I’m done with his tantrums.
The truth is, I’m furious. I’m angry at Marilyn and her busybody butting into our business. I’m even angrier that Vae is trying to leave because none of it makes any sense.
We belong together.
We always have, and we always will.
I want to back Vae so far into a corner that she realises how stupid she’s being and backs down. I want to see her squirm, but I also really, really want to see what she looks like without clothes on.
And I don’t understand why, and that has annoyed me, too.
Nothing should change. It should stay the same. Why has she upended our lives?
I pretend to send a text to all the people I didn’t send one to and smirk at her. She’s in the hallway, trying to put space between us. Her expression is guarded. Strands of her long dark hair have come loose and hang around her face. Her hazel eyes track my movements as I lean in close to her.
“Shall we have dinner first and invite Mal and Raynor to referee?”
“So you can cheat?”
I bite my lower lip. When her eyes track down and linger, I get, to my surprise, a powerful punch to the dick feels. I let it go slowly, and she takes another step back into the wall.
“Why are you running, Vae?” I purr.
Her eyes dart back up, and she almost curls in on herself. “I’m not.”
“What are you hiding?”
Her mouth drops open, and she shakes her head vigorously. “I have to go home, to the hotel-”
“You stay here tonight and play the game or I go and turn this house into party central and destroy poor baby Mal’s career.”
“You’re being an ass, Deacon.”
“I know. But-” I reach out and touch her cheek. She flinches, and it gives me an unpleasant hollow in my chest. “-You love me.”
I wait, almost expecting her to deny it.
“I do,” she whispers, and, for some reason, that fact leaves her absolutely crushed.
Mal bursts into the house, sees her, and rushes her, scooping her into his arms and dragging her off.
I watch them go, not at all concerned. If Mal has her, she won’t escape. He’s her weakness.
“What are you doing now?” Raynor hisses at me.
“I’m going to find out what she’s hiding, and then everything is going to go back the way it was.”
Raynor snorts. I’m over him constantly challenging me. We’re the same alpha with subtle differences. But, at the core of us, we are both equally strong, our tempers are knife-edge sharp, and we feel things deeply. We just don’t always take the same road.
“Don’t hurt her, Deacon.”
I scowl. “I’m not going to hurt her,” I mutter, frustrated. “I just want to know why she’s leaving us. Doesn’t that bother you?”’
“She told us. She wants a family, a kid, love.”
“And you believe that?” I snort. “All of a sudden, with no word about it beforehand, she’s suddenly claiming that she needs those three things so desperately that she’d rather go and sleep in a hotel than stay in this house? You believe that?”
“You followed her? Never mind, of course, you did.” Raynor presses his lips into a thin line before he sighs and turns away, going to the counter and holding onto the old sink. “I don't know what to think.”
I approach from behind, sliding my hand up under his shirt, sliding around his stomach, and lean my chin on his shoulder.
“Trust me on this, my beloved. There is something else.”
Raynor covers my forearm with his hand and leans his head back. “I don’t want her to go.”
I press closer to him. “We’ll figure out what she wants and fix it.”
“What if it is a baby? What if it is love?”
I kiss his neck. “We love her. We can give her a child.”
“Yes, but we aren’t in love with her. I’ve wondered sometimes how it would have felt living here with us all these years.
She does a lot for us. Cooks, cleans, takes care of us, and we live our best lives and dreams, while she just exists on the fringes of our lives.
I’ve wondered if she would leave us one day. ”
“She is our family. Our best friend. She’s part of our pack. Why would she need anything else?”
“Why?”
I whip my head around and find her standing in the doorway, her eyes hard like I've never seen them.
“Why would I need anything else? Because maybe I would like to have sex. Maybe I would like to be intimate with a person. Fall in love. Come home to a clean house!” she screams.
“You never said anything before!” I shoot back at her. The thought of her having sex with anyone makes me want to tear the house apart.
“I’m saying it now. I’m saying this…is not enough for me. Deacon, I want more. I want to follow my dreams.“
“What are your dreams?”
She gapes at me. “How can you not know that? I’ve been telling you since I was fourteen?”
I try to think, but I’m coming up blank. But I just honestly can’t remember. I could have told her a minute ago, but, right now, my mind is blank.
“You want to,” I lick my lips, feeling distinctly uneasy, “have a baby?”
“NO!” she shrieks and stalks into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. “I want opportunities and chances. My dream has always been to run my own café. A little, tiny piece of heaven that sells cakes like Maria taught me and gives people a nice place to sit.”
I stare at her like she’s grown a second head. “You’ve never told me that.” It’s a lie. She has told me that, but she’s talking to me, she’s cracking. I am almost gleeful.
She scowls and swipes at her cheek.
She’s crying? Oh, no, this is serious.
“I told you. I told you so many times. You drew me a sketch that I still have. We named it together. It’s called Neverland. You chose the name, Deacon.”
I blink at her, trying to settle the hollow in my chest from seeing her tears. “I don’t remember that.” Of course, I remember that. I still have the sketches I did.
“I helped you get here. Your dreams are right here for you to take. You don’t need me.”
“Yes, we do!” Mal protests.
“No, you don’t-”
“We need you!” Raynor almost shouts.
“You have a girlfriend. Hell, you’ve had a whole lost parade of girlfriends who can help you. Plus the Scented Scorpions will help out if you need.”
“Why now?”
She tenses. It’s just a small movement, but I lock onto it like a shark scenting blood in the water.
“What aren’t you telling us?”
She shakes her head, and I hate that she’s upset. I want to fix this, but she’s keeping secrets.
Fine.
Fine, I’ll sort this out the only way we all know how. “Truth or Dare.”
She inhales with a sharp hiss. “No.”
“Yes. You agreed to play. I’m choosing Truth or Dare.”
She licks her lips, red slowly flooding her cheeks. “Fine, dare.”
“I dare you to-”
Raynor catches my wrist, and I glance at him. In his eyes, I see a clear message. Give me this. I trust him, but still, it takes me thirty seconds to nod reluctantly.
“I dare you to sing a song with me.”
Her eyes get large and almost frightened, but she’s not one to back out once we start playing.
Oh, yes, this is perfect. This will work much better than my plan. She licks her lips and glances quickly around, perhaps looking for an escape?
She’s not going to find one.
“Okay, let’s go sing this song.”