Chapter 14 Vae
Vae
PAST
Maria stands at the stove, but I can see her hands shaking. She coughs weakly, but before she can even turn, I’m up helping her into a seat.
“Let me cook.”
“Don’t fuss.” Her words come out sharp, but I don’t take offense.
“This isn’t fussing. I don’t want a side of the plague with my risotto.”
Maria snorts a laugh and slumps into the chair.
The fact that she’s not really fighting me worries me.
“You’re in love with those boys.”
I freeze, my shoulders tensing.
“Don’t deny it; I can see it. Everyone can see it, Vae.”
“They aren’t in love with me,” I say after a long pause.
“No, they aren’t. You remember what I always said?
You’re family? You’re not meant to be together?
I said it because I didn’t want anyone to have teenage children spitting out more teenage children.
I wanted to give you guys a chance to grow, to get an education.
Be someone other than what they expect of you.
I knew if you were meant to be, you’d be together in the end. ”
I can’t look away from her. She’s so pale. When did she get so old? The thought of her being gone sends panic through me. She’s the only parent I’ve ever had, the only stable home.
“Maria, are you well?”
“I’m fine. Tell those boys how you feel. Make them look at you and see that there’s more to the girl who played pirates and thought she could fly. They will love you when they know how. Don’t make me a plate; I think I’m just going to sleep.”
I stare at her as she hobbles out of the room, but my thoughts don’t stop whirling.
PRESENT
Deacon is leaning against the bar when I walk into Slapshots. Most of the team is gone, but I waited on purpose. I know how rowdy these team gatherings can get. Hell, I don’t think any of them get along.
I look around and spot Raynor talking with the musician in the corner, and Mal sitting at a table talking with some people I don’t recognise. They keep glancing up at the screen, and I can see hockey highlights from the last round are playing.
Slapshots is a massive room full of warm, ambient light and a crowd that is almost always here.
There’s a connecting corridor that goes to the toilets and another room that I’ve seen once that they use for special occasions.
The bar is a rectangle in the middle of the room, which struck me as incredibly different.
On one side is an eating area with memorabilia all along the walls.
On the other side are the sports TVs and tables that are standing room only.
Off of that are three pool tables and an area for people who want to play darts.
If you love sport, this is where you’ll find your happy.
The musician is set up on the restaurant side, though they hardly ever have anyone on. I glance at the TV. He’ll be packing up; the game’s set to start soon, and no one in here will want to listen to music when they can scream at the Hellbenders.
I turn to the bar and sidle in close to Deacon. He turns with a grin, but it falls away when he sees it’s me.
“Vae.”
“Expecting someone else?” I ask coolly. Don’t show him the hurt. He doesn’t get to see it.
“Not at all, just wondering if we’re still fighting or not.”
I tilt my head, trying for nonchalance. “I’m not fighting with you, Deacon. You hurt my feelings, something you are incredibly good at.”
Deacon regards me for a long moment. “You really wanted to fuck him?”
I seethe. “So what if I did?” I snap and then get furious with myself for sinking to his level. “Why do I bother with you?”
“Well, you’re not anymore, are you?”
He grabs his beer and turns away. “By all means, Vae. Go fuck anyone you want; no one will stop you.”
I have to resist throwing the glass that Kevin the bartender places in front of me at his stupid, fat head.
“Thank you,” I say politely. I pick up my glass and go the opposite way, ending up sitting at a table on my own, staring into space.
Mal stumbles over to me and hoists me up into his arms. From the way he staggers, I’m guessing he’s had more than a few drinks. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this drunk.
“My Veevee.”
I wince when he slaps a kiss to my cheek. “Hello, Mal.” He reeks of whiskey and beer.
“I didn’t think you were coming,” he weaves and slurs his words.
“I said I’d be here.”
Raynor catches my eye and up-nods. I lift a hand and wave back.
“Come dance with me?” Mal whines and half spins away from me.
“Oh, no. I can’t.”
“I’ll dance with you.”
My whole body freezes when I hear her voice. Why can’t I escape her?
Indy grabs Mal’s hand and pulls him off me whilst she shoots daggers from her eyes. She’s wearing painted-on short shorts and a halter that clearly shows she’s not wearing a bra, but then she probably doesn’t need to. She looks amazing, and I look exhausted and twenty years older than her.
I stand there feeling beyond empty as she walks away with him. They dance to no music, just a filthy, barely PG version of dance that makes me feel ill.
A protest tries to rise out of my throat when she kisses him, but Mal falls into her kiss like he’s starving. It only lasts a few seconds because Deacon’s there pulling them apart. But it is still happening, again, I am an idiot.
I can’t breathe, I can’t do this, I can’t keep doing this.
I am done. I am so done.
They’re never going to change.
What am I doing here?
Still, I can’t look away from them. Deacon wraps her hair around his hand and tugs her head back, exposing the long line of her throat as he whispers in her ear. They look so good together.
I turn away, sure I’m going to be sick.
Raynor sits down beside me and grins. “I haven’t seen you in days. Deacon and Mal said you were at the game.”
“I was.”
He winces. “Awful, wasn’t it?”
“It…wasn’t hockey.”
He chuckles. “So, I’ve got another gig in a few weeks, another wedding. I wanted to ask your opinion of the set.”
I frown. “You’ve never asked me before.”
He shrugs. “I’m taking this a bit more seriously. Perhaps you’d like to come over tomorrow; we can look it over.”
“Don’t you have the charity event at the Andrews Memorial Theatre tomorrow night?”
Raynor scowls. “I’m not going.”
“You’re a pack, you have to go.”
“Why?”
“Because what you do and say affects people’s opinions of them, just as their behaviour reflects on you. You want to go because you care about their careers. Because you love them.”
Raynor scowls. “I will just unlove them for the day.”
I laugh and reach out to lay my hand on his wrist. “Just trust me on this; break out your penguin suit and be a good boy.”
Raynor’s eyes darken. He leans in close, catching my wrist before I can escape. “I’m not a good boy, Vae.”
My stomach jumps, but I cannot look away from the intensity of his eyes.
“Well, what are you, then?”
“I am an alpha, a very wicked one.”
The way his lips curl up has me hyper aware of how his thumb is stroking the inside of my wrist, how close we are leaning to each other. His scent, that vanilla, is strong, almost irresistible.
“Raynor,” I whimper.
His eyes sharpen. “Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I just dip my toe over that line of wicked. Like how I’ve been thinking about how much I want my mouth on you again.”
“You do?” I gulp.
He smiles, showing off straight white teeth. “All sorts of wicked thoughts in my head, all starring you.”
His thumb slides across my palm. I drop my eyes as I break into shivers, struggling in vain to recall the reasons why I don’t fling myself at him.
“Do you want to go for a drive with me, Vae? We could go up to the lake.”
“Yes,” I say without thinking it through. My heart’s pounding in my chest. He’s going to kiss me, maybe more. I can feel it in the air between us.
Suddenly, I want to leave right now. I stand up, and he does, too, keeping my wrist in his hold as he tugs me towards the exit. I glance back and see Deacon glowering at us and Indy looking furious.
She whispers something to Mal, and his head shoots up. He finds us instantly, his face clouding. There is something akin to pure panic on his face as he shoves Indy away from him.
“VEEVEE!”
I stop, shoulders tense. Raynor looks back at me, confused. He sees Mal and Indy and swears fluently.
“I’ll get rid of them, just wait for me.”
He steps past me, releasing my wrist.
I need a moment alone, anyway. I turn and go to the corridor and escape into the toilets. Mal is drunker than I’ve seen him in ages. I’m actually surprised he’s still standing. I stand over the basin, breathing hard, wishing Mal had just shut up.
I splash my face when the door opens, and Indy swaggers in.
Her movements are slow and predatory. I fix a bored expression on my face and wash my hands, just for something to do.
“You’re making things so much harder than they need to be,” Indy says, cocking her hip and leaning against the counter. Her long nails are shiny and dipped in gold; they look obscene.
“Hi, Indy. I’m good, how are you? Good to hear it, let me pass.”
She refuses to move, blocking the way out.
“They deserve an omega. They have never noticed you before, and it’s sad that you are getting desperate enough to try to break up the pack.”
I recoil. “I’m not breaking them up.”
“Malcolm and Deacon are mine,” Indy growls, standing up and shoving me back into the bathroom wall.
I stand up, my elbow screaming, furious and suddenly sick of taking her crap.
“Raynor is part of that pack,” I hiss back.
“Raynor is the plus one. He’s irrelevant.”
I bristle. “He’s just as special; he’s not a plus one.”
She smiles as if I’ve just given her the answer she’s been waiting for. “I knew you were in love with them.”
I step back into the cold wall. She follows me.
“You’ve been in love with them forever, haven’t you, Vae? And they have never even looked your way. You’re just a poor girl with no career, no family, no history, no heritage, and you’re clinging to the family that isn’t yours.”
“They are mine-”
“No, Vae. No. You can pretend that, but when you stop sabotaging their happiness, you’ll realise they will never be happy until they have an omega, one who is their perfect match.”
“And you think that’s you?”
“I know it is. I can give them everything they need. Vae, I’m not afraid of cameras like you are, like the absurdity of dating a celebrity when you can’t even deal with the press is just trash. I fit into their world. I make them better.”
“You are vile.”
“I’m hurt, Vae, I’m trying to help you because I love them so much, and you’re throwing it back in my face. Well, here’s a piece of advice from one omega to a beta. Give up. They are not yours; you don’t have what it takes to hold alphas like them.”
I tremble.
“They will never want you. Never desire you. Vae, face it, you’re nothing but their little sister. Walk away, you look pathetic.”
She smiles, but it’s a pity smile and tainted with victory.
I stand there, staring at nothing, reeling from the verbal blows she’s hit me with.
Is she right? All my doubts resurface. The pain and fear sinks deep. Just a friend? Will I love them forever? Will they ever see me?
I creep out of the toilet and look around for Raynor. The crowd is growing, but they are all gone. Indy, Raynor, Deacon, and Mal. All of them. I go up to the bar and wait for Kevin, blinking hard so I don’t cry.
“Hey, did you see where the guy I was with went?” I try for cheerful, but it falls flat.
He follows my finger to the table I’m pointing at.
“Oh, yeah, he said to tell you he needed to take the pack home. He would ring you.”
“Oh.”
I turn away. What do I do? What can I do? I just get to go home I guess.
I work my way through Slapshots and out to my car, then I drive back to my hotel. Alone.
He doesn’t call.
But then, I didn’t think he would.