Chapter 21 Deacon
Deacon
PAST
Vae puts a cupcake on the table in front of me.
I scowl at it and sweep it away from me. “I can’t eat that, Vae.”
“But it’s your birthday.”
“I ate too much junk last night. I can’t afford the extra calories.” I dismiss it and her and turn back to setting up the new phone I bought for myself.
She shrugs and walks out of the room.
“Do you think Vae is going to be okay if we do it? If we actually bond an omega?”
I close my eyes, wishing I’d eaten the cupcake. I’d almost forgot that whole conversation with our latest flavour of the month. We’d never bond her, but the conversation had come up.
“She’ll be fine. Vae is always fine. It’s not like she’s the one who will be bonded.”
A plate crashes to the floor behind me.
Vae stares at me with a white face.
“Sorry, I uh. I have to go. Work.”
She turns and walks out, leaving the broken plate on the floor and the distinct feeling that I’ve done something wrong. I just have no idea what.
PRESENT
I slam into the coaches’ office and glare at Marilyn. She looks completely unaffected by me, which just pisses me off.
“You don’t get to fuck with Vae.”
“Do you want to lose your spot on the team?” She asks with a cool authority that does nothing to quench my rage.
“I don’t give a damn if you boot me or bench me. You do not get to fuck with my Vae.”
“Your Vae?” Marilyn raises one cool eyebrow. “But she’s not yours, though, is she?”
I glance at our coach, who is watching me with his fingers locked together over his stomach.
“She is mine and always will be,” I snap back.
“Uh-huh. Listen carefully, Katz, Vae is a grown adult and can do whatever the hell she wants. If she wants to date Jansen, she can. If she wants to date the whole damn Iceberg wrestling team, she can do that, too.”
I open my mouth, but Marilyn stalks towards me, and I find myself backing up a step.
“Now, I would have thought someone who cared so much about their family would be happy to see them finding someone, not being so completely alone, being taken care of, especially after how much she’s done for you-”
“I am!”
“-unless.”
I glare at her, willing her to burst into flames and reveal the damn horns I know she has.
“Unless what?” I grind out.
“Unless you have feelings for her?”
“What? No! I love her, she’s family.”
Her expression hardens. “Then what does it matter if she goes on a date? Jansen is a respectable alpha, a man who works with charities and plans events. He can support her with her dream of opening a café, he will protect her from vicious rumours, he will help her be more. What more could you possibly ask for?”
I struggle to find something, anything. “He’s not right for her.”
“Oh, Katz, you’re grasping at straws. He’s perfect for her, and you know it. Now get out. I’ve got a phone call to make.”
“I’m not going to tolerate any more interference from you. If something else happens, I’m going to see to it that I make your life a personal hell.”
Marilyn whips around, her eyes blazing. “My life already is hell, but there’s plenty of room for two.
Remember that, Deacon Katz. And maybe, while we’re here, let me give you a bit of advice, one alpha to another.
Sometimes, being an adult is worth it. Sometimes, losing something we think is important is worth the gain.
So, take a really long and hard look at yourself, your life, and your motivations, Katz, and consider what you could possibly gain and what you’re about to lose with this ridiculous childish behaviour. Grow up!”
Somehow, she’s walked me out of the office, and her last word on this scathing speech is to slam the door in my stunned face.
What…what just happened?
I don’t go home, and I don’t answer my phone. I end up at the park where I was found. Whoever didn’t love me enough to keep me left me in a car seat on the park bench in the middle of winter.
They never did find whoever it was. When I was growing up, I used to hope they would come find me, but then I reached a certain age, and I hated them.
Did I ever get past the hating them phase?
People forever say that if you love something, let it go, and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be yours.
That’s bullshit. Anything could happen. I love my pack, and I’m not letting them go.
It’s why I made us all bond. The only stipulation Raynor gave that I agreed with at the time was not to bond Vae.
He said she needed to be able to choose.
I’m done with waiting for her to choose.
This is the way the fairy tale was supposed to go. Hook and Pan together forever. There was no separating them. They are two sides of the same person. She is me.
I can’t lose her.
I will not lose her.
Not to some moronic alpha named Jansen. Not to anything. Everything is perfect the way it is, why does it need to change?
My phone vibrates in my hand, and I look down at it and see a text from her.
Want some company?
I look up and find her standing by my car, holding two cups of coffee, and looking like a damn star because she glows so brightly.
I stand up, unable to stay away from her, drawn irresistibly towards her. She’s an omega, and her heat is coming.
I try to imagine this Jansen taking care of her, and the thought makes me see red.
In all the omega’s we’ve dated, they have been safe. I’ve never felt anything other than lingering affection for them. They have all been replaceable. I’ve never come close to falling in love.
What could someone who didn’t even have their mother’s love possibly know about it?
My feelings are a maelstrom of lust, possessiveness, and protectiveness. I want to look after her. Laugh with her, learn, and grow old with her. I want to kiss her again and see her fall apart. She’ll sleep in our arms, safe where she belongs. Part of our family like she’s always been.
Not with this Jansen.
She holds out a coffee, but I bypass it, cupping her cheeks and tilting her head back so I can lay claim to her lips. She makes a surprised sound that morphs into a groan into my mouth, but I’m too busy falling into the taste of her.
And maybe that’s the problem. She isn’t ours.
We are hers.
I reluctantly pull back. “How’d you know I would be here?”
She shrugs, her cheeks pink, and her lips moist. “I know you, Pan.”
I take my coffee and follow her to the pirate ship. She climbs up and sits with her back to the wooden slats, while I take the other side.
“I’m sorry. For what I said. I didn’t mean it.”
“What did you mean?”
“I didn’t like seeing you with another alpha.”
“Why?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” I say evasively. “I just, well, I guess I got jealous.”
Her eyes get adorably wide. She fiddles with the lid on her coffee cup. “You did?”
“Yeah. I did. I lost my head a little bit.”
I’m about to open my mouth and tell her everything when she reaches out and puts a hand on my ankle.
“I really like him, Deacon. He will be good for me.”
What? No!
Is she really saying this to me right now? The urge to start howling and screaming rises, but I swallow it down.
“You’d really want to be with him?”
She doesn’t meet my eyes. She’s lying. But why? It’s this damn secret she’s keeping. It’s changing everything.
“I would want to try with him.”
My heart cracks my chest open, and, I swear, it falls to bleed and break at her feet. I could never love someone romantically the way I love Vae.
“Okay.”
Her mouth drops open. “Are you serious? You’d be okay with it?”
I shrug, trying not to show how completely devastated I am. “Sure. If it’s going to make you happy, I will step aside and let the alpha court you.” I will do absolutely nothing of the sort.
She winces.
I frown. “This is dating, right?”
“Yeah, I mean, yes.”
I like that she doesn’t look sure.